by Lexi Blake
“He’s used you all these years. Can’t you see that? He kept you around because if he hadn’t, he would have lost everything.”
She turned, looking at her friend. What was she talking about? “Kept me around? What do you think he would do with me? Kill me?”
Brie’s face flushed, but her jaw formed a stubborn line. “Nothing. But without you everything would have gone to charity. That’s all I’m saying. You brought him an enormous amount of wealth and power that he didn’t have, and he should understand that it’s your right and not his.”
Somehow she thought the board of directors might disagree. One day she would have to make a decision about taking over the company, but it certainly wasn’t going to be any time in the next decade. Her parents had left it to her, and part of taking care of it and all their employees was being realistic about her abilities. She wasn’t ready, and the good news was, she didn’t have to be, no matter what Brie said. “I thought you wanted me to come back on the show.”
“I do, but I also think he’s taking advantage of you. Everyone thinks he was such a good guy for taking you in, but he shoved you away as fast as he could. He only kept you around so he could have the money.”
“He’s not . . . Like I said, he’ll be gone soon.” She didn’t ask what she wanted to. How soon will you be gone, Brie? Because I’m not enjoying this visit. Because I would really like to get back to my suddenly interesting sex life.
“Good, because the film crew will be back tomorrow.” She shook her dark hair. “Don’t look at me like that. They’ve rented another house for us on the other side of the island. Your precious privacy will remain intact. It’s a solid week of shooting and then we’ll be gone.”
She hated how hollow her friend sounded. “I know you don’t understand, but I can’t do it anymore.”
Brie shrugged. “Hey, being a star ain’t for everyone.”
She would have taken issue with the word star, but it would have only started a fight. “I know how much the show means to you.”
“Our ratings are sinking,” Brie said quietly. “They almost canceled us last season. We’ll never get back to that first year.”
She had to point out a few facts to Brie. “That first season was a hit because crazy Marcy was in love with you and tried to kill Hoover. I believe I might have mentioned that she was insane.”
Marcy had been a wannabe fashion designer, and Brie had been her muse in the first season of the show. Shortly after Marcy had been sent to jail, the show blew up and they needed someone to fill Marcy’s spot. Brie had begged and begged, and finally Win had given in. But it had been the backstory of a crazed love triangle that had raised Kendalmire’s Way up from the multitude of reality shows about the rich and entitled.
Nothing truly scandalous had happened since then. Oh, Brie had gone from perky blond model to goth princess trying to form a girl punk band, and she and Hoover got into trouble every now and then, but there hadn’t been anything as juicy as the murder attempts. Not until Win had nearly died.
How long had Brie thought she could get by as a young, hip urbanite trying to make it in various careers? “We’re almost thirty. You started the show when you were twenty-two. The party scene was cool in the beginning, but now . . .”
Brie stood, turning on her. “But now what? But now I’m too old to get drunk and sleep with douchebags? I think a bunch of housewives might disagree with you. Just because you want to play this charade out doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t live authentic lives.”
“Authentic?” She was getting sick of being the bad guy. “You think filming your life makes it authentic? How many times have you and Hoover broken up? Like five or so? I was there for the last one. It took you ten takes to get the tears right. Some authentic life. You haven’t cared about him in forever.”
“Well, it’s better than giving in to the man and doing something as boring as grad school. You gave in.”
“I didn’t give in, Brie. I nearly died.”
She rolled her eyes. “Such drama. You got a little too thin. You looked good. So what if you didn’t want to eat. Do you have any idea how many women would kill to look like you did?”
Oh, she was done with Brie. Decades of friendship had just gone down the toilet because she wasn’t risking her health for anyone ever again. She stood up, going toe-to-toe with her former best friend. “I weighed eighty pounds when I went in. Do you have any idea what kind of damage I did to my heart? I’m healthy now, but that won’t go away. I might have taken years off my life because I was trying to look perfect on camera and you want me to feel good about it? You want me to feel good that there were little girls who wanted to look like me? I was a skeleton. I was nothing, and it’s women like you who encouraged me every step of the way. Get out of my house, Brie. Take the boys, and I don’t want to see you again.”
She started to turn, but Brie reached out. “I’m sorry, Win. God, I’m sorry I said that.” Tears shone in her eyes, and not the fake kind. Brie’s face had flushed and there was a quaver to her voice. “I can’t believe I said that to you. There are things going on in my life I can’t talk to you about, and they are seriously turning me into a complete bitch. I love you. God, you’re the only real friend I have.”
Win stopped because there had definitely been times when Brie had been all she had, too. They’d started to drift apart. The show had brought them back together, but not in a good way. “I love you, too. But I don’t know that we fit together anymore.”
“Because you know what you want to do with your life and I have no idea? I’m not the only one, you know. When we were growing up, they promised us the world, but the world turns out to be a pretty shitty place.”
“You have unrealistic expectations of it.” That had always been Brie’s trouble. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s time you stopped thinking that you’re going to have this fabulous career because your dad was a rock star. Not many people get to be rock stars, but have you thought about producing? Or working for a label? You have a brilliant ear. You could find bands and help them.”
“Find bands? Like I’m going to be some twit who works A and R?”
“You would be good at it.”
Brie rolled her eyes. “Of course I would.” She sighed. “I’ve been thinking about asking Sully if I could direct some of the scenes I’m not in.”
That was such a step forward. “That’s amazing.”
“Yeah, well, I’m worried. Hoover tried it and he ended up breaking a superexpensive camera because he wanted to prove he was steadier than a Steadicam. He was filming from the back of his motorcycle and crashed. Idiot.”
That sounded like Hoover.
“Hey, Brie! Taylor!” Speaking of the devil. Hoover had just walked out of the house wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts and his sunglasses. “We’re going shark hunting.”
Brie shook her head. “He’s going to die one day.”
“And then the ratings will probably go back up,” Win pointed out.
Brie smiled for the first time that morning. “And then we retitle the show. Brie’s Way. I like it.” She started down the dune. “What are you doing, you moron? Put that spear away. You’re going to kill someone.”
Win breathed a big sigh of relief. At least they would be occupied.
And she could work on seducing one stubborn lawyer.
FIVE
Win stared at the selection of cheeses. Though the grocery store was small, the luxuries it offered were plentiful. Because of the clientele, it was well stocked when it came to wine and cheese. She was skipping the wine, but cheese and crackers seemed like a good idea.
She should have talked more about food with Henry. She wasn’t sure if he was a play-it-safe sharp-cheddar kind of guy or the go-for-broke organic-sheep’s-milk-with-dried-blueberries type.
It was the little things that tripped a girl
up.
She had a couple of steaks and some veggies. He seemed like a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy. Did he like fish? Seafood? She had a couple of nice dishes she made with shrimp.
What was she doing? She’d known this guy for two days and he’d told her to stay away. Why was she here trying to figure out what to cook for a man who claimed he didn’t want her around at all?
It had been that look in his eyes. It hadn’t been there long, but when she’d turned from the TV and caught him watching his ex-wife degrading him in front of the world, there had been a hollowness she couldn’t stand. It was like he was staring at something he couldn’t believe. She’d seen that look before. She’d seen it when she’d stared in a mirror and hadn’t recognized the woman looking back at her.
How could she leave him in a place she knew was so lonely? How could she not even try?
“Fancy meeting you here.”
She closed her eyes and tried to smile when she turned around. “Hey, Hoover.”
Hoover Kendalmire was technically a good-looking guy, but there was something almost too perfect about his features. Of course, they had been cosmetically perfected. He was under thirty but he’d already had two nose jobs and a chin implant. In addition to daily workouts, he did regular lipo and routine Botox.
He looked like someone had carved him from plastic and he might melt if the heat got to be too much.
And yet she remembered when he’d been just a dumbass kid in love with Brie and willing to do anything to be a star. Except now that Win was older and saw the world through a different lens, she knew he hadn’t been trying to be a star. He’d merely wanted attention of any kind. His father, like her uncle and Brie’s parents, had shipped him off to boarding school. Unlike Win, Hoover had often been left there even for holidays. He’d acted out for attention and he was still doing it years later. Good, bad—it didn’t matter as long as someone was looking at him, talking about him.
It was what motivated Brie. It had motivated Win for a long time.
“Hey, Taylor.” Kipton Keever stepped up next to his best friend, giving Win a long once-over. “You’re looking . . . healthy. Good. Healthy.”
She forced a bright smile on her face. “Gee, thanks.”
He looked like he did way too much coke, and not the sugary-drink kind. Kipton was superskinny, and he liked his girlfriends that way, too. He was one of the people who’d cheered her on the thinner she’d gotten. He’d hit on her when she’d gotten under a hundred pounds. She could still remember how he’d told her she was beautiful then and tried to kiss her.
Then he’d called her a bitch and a tease when she’d pushed him away.
Yeah, she was happy to not have to deal with him anymore. This was what she’d learned. She had to value herself, and that meant cutting out people who filled her life with negativity.
His opinion didn’t matter. His opinion was meaningless in her life.
It was a mantra she said over and over until her negative thoughts passed.
Hoover slapped Kip’s chest. “Dude, you know you’re not supposed to talk about that. Go get the protein bars I need. I’ll meet you at the cashier.”
Kip flushed slightly. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to be a dick. Just thought that at one point you were like . . . goals. Good to see you, Tay.”
He trotted off. Well, as fast as he could while wearing supertight skinny jeans.
“I’m sorry,” Hoover said. “He can’t help it. He is a dick. It’s part of his personality, but I think that’s why people love to watch him. They’re always waiting to see what dick thing he’s going to say or do next. And you know, he makes me actually look pretty good.”
“I suppose that’s a reason to keep him around,” she admitted. Goals. She’d been “goals” when she’d weighed next to nothing and her heart literally couldn’t keep up with her body. Yeah. Goals. His opinion didn’t matter. It didn’t fucking matter more than her life. More than her soul.
It doesn’t matter. Those words settled deep inside her, warming her.
“He’s also got a contract. You know we’re down a cast member. There’s definitely no getting rid of him now,” Hoover said, looking down at the cheese. “But the new house is seriously pimped-out. Pool and hot tub. We’ve got three bars. Brie’s closet is getting some designer-wear upgrades as we speak. You should come and see it.”
“And do a guest appearance? I can’t.” Had Brie sent him in? She could sometimes be persistent.
He glanced up. “Nah, you don’t have to do that, Tay. Win. I meant Win.” He chuckled a little. “I got used to calling you Taylor, but you look like Win again. Have I ever mentioned I’m glad you got healthy? And don’t listen to Kip. He’s crazy. You look good, girl. I was worried about you for a while.”
Again she smiled, but she hated this. She hated anyone talking about her looks. It was too hard to deal with, too difficult to know when praise was being used to manipulate her.
Except for Henry’s. When Henry had told her she was beautiful, she’d believed him. There had been honest need in his eyes. Need for her. Maybe she was fooling herself, but she’d felt the way his hands had shaken slightly as he’d reached for her the first time, the way he’d nearly inhaled her. He couldn’t lie about that. He’d wanted her in a way no man had wanted her before. He hadn’t wanted her money or the connections her uncle could give him. He hadn’t wanted to come on the show or get an introduction to her more famous castmates. He’d met a woman on the beach and he’d wanted her because she could make him feel good.
“Thanks, but I’m better now.” She was. She could handle all of this. A quiet confidence took hold inside her. It would be all right because she was strong and she wouldn’t let go.
“I can tell. I think it’s pretty cool. I know I’m a trendy asshole. I’ve had pretty much every plastic surgery known to man so I can be as perfect as I can, but I think what you did was right, Win. You’re stronger than the rest of us. It can be hard not to give in to expectations. Have I mentioned that to you? How much I genuinely admire what you managed to do?”
She was startled because that was the smartest thing that had come out of his mouth in years. “It is. And, no, you hadn’t mentioned it. I came back from Sweden and everyone kind of pretended nothing happened.”
It hurt at first, but she’d realized she needed to stand on her own.
His cheeks flushed slightly. “Yeah, I felt bad about that, too, but I wasn’t sure how to handle things, you know? Do I pretend nothing changed because for me it didn’t? I still feel the same way I did before. Well, maybe not. Like I said, I think a little more of you than I did before, but either way you’re my friend. It took guts to walk away. I know I can’t.”
She shook her head. “I was faced with a choice, H. I could walk away or I could die. It wasn’t guts that moved me forward. It was fear.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Facing your fears is hard. God knows, I try not to.” He gestured to her small cart. “Is all this for the new guy?”
“It’s only dinner.” She wasn’t sure how she felt about the less douchey Hoover. When he wasn’t around Kip or Brie, he was somewhat relatable. “Nothing serious.”
“And he’s the lawyer guy? Henry something?” Hoover asked.
“Henry Garrison. He’s a criminal defense attorney in Manhattan, but he was raised here on the island. His grandfather died a few years back and he’s finally getting around to selling the house.” He had to. They’d talked a bit about it the other night. He had to sell the bungalow that had been his childhood home because he’d pretty much lost everything in the last couple of years. He was starting over and that meant getting rid of a cherished part of his past.
“Yeah, I’ve definitely heard the name,” Hoover said. “I’m surprised he’s hanging with you. Isn’t he like old and shit?”
Hoover needed to face some truths. “He’s not that m
uch older than we are, dumbass. How are you going to handle not being in your twenties anymore? Because that is going to happen no matter how hard you try to keep it at bay.”
He frowned and then ran a hand over his forehead as though testing it for wrinkles or lines. She could have told him it was perfectly smooth. “When I turn thirty, I’ll declare that thirty is the new twenty and move on, but beyond the dude being old and his career being superboring, I’m wondering why he’s hanging with you. Not because you’re not a cool chick. You are, but he recently got out of a relationship with an actress. The rumor is he hates her and the whole Hollywood scene.”
She felt her skin flush. “I’m not in that scene anymore.”
“Yeah, but you were.” His eyes flashed as he seemed to get it. “You haven’t told him. Is that a good idea?”
She’d thought about this all damn day. “I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve presented him with exactly who I am now. I’m a grad student who intends to work for a nonprofit.”
“A nonprofit funded by a billion-dollar corporation you own.”
She didn’t think of it like that. “My family owns it.”
“Oh, I’m certain that’s how your uncle talks it up, but I think both he and Trevor know exactly who owns that company. You know he’s going to figure out who you are eventually. Henry, that is.”
She wanted badly for him to not find out, wanted to be Win and not some reality star who couldn’t handle the pressure, and definitely not the Billion-Dollar Baby. The press had followed her all of her life, had defined who she was, comparing her to her parents and other heiresses. Always judging her. “I’m a grad student who’s going to work for a nonprofit. That’s all he needs to know. It’s the truth. The other stuff makes everything complicated when it doesn’t need to be.”
“Hey, it’s your love life,” he said. “Though you should probably be warned that I heard your uncle talking about him. You know you hear a lot when people think you’ve got no brain. Well, and when you pretend to be passed out somewhere.”