by Mia Ford
Lillian and Tina had their lives turned upside down by this man. Lillian had a husband and Tina had a committed boyfriend. They were using that lifeline to pull them back from the abyss before they found themselves crawling on hands and knees for another go around with Marshall. That was the one thing that Julia didn’t have. Her lifeline came from her two new friends and me. I was taking care of business and I didn’t need the hassle of some lovelorn bitch standing in my way.
I left them as they converged in the living room to watch old movies on the television. I was going to have to push my timetable up. Tonight, was the night that I was going to break him down. I would rebuild his self-esteem only to tear it down again in front of the world.
The wind was amazingly strong and the plane had only the pilot and both Marshall and I strapped into parachutes. I’d never done anything quite like this and my adrenaline was pumping like never before.
“I have to say that your expression was priceless when you arrived at the airfield and realized that we were going nighttime skydiving. You will not believe the feeling that you will have or the sights that you will see. The first time that I did this over the city was something that I can never forget.” I was sitting there on the bench trying to bolster the courage to step into the unknown.
He was wearing a black diving suit and I was wearing a blue diving suit. I had my hand on the cord of the parachute. I wanted to reestablish my control with gravity. Once I stepped out into the night, there was really no telling if I was going to freeze up and become like a deer in the headlights.
I finally took a deep breath, stood up and went to where he was standing at the open door. “I know that I said that I was up for anything, but this was not what I was expecting. I’ve never been very good with heights. There’s no time like the present to face my fear.” If I wasn’t careful, I was going to need a paper bag to breathe into.
He got behind me and I could feel his lips touching my ear upon contact. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. I won’t let anything happen to you. You have become more important to me than you can ever know. Put yourself in my hands and I promise that you won’t regret it.” He gave me a nudge. I needed him to push me through this and that was exactly what he was doing.
The rush of air and the feeling of weightlessness terrified me, but then something amazing happened. There was this sense of freedom and the lights that he spoke of really had to be experienced to know what he was talking about. I was floored and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was not the first and last time that I was going to do this.
I saw him coming up from beside me and then we were holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes. The goggles did nothing to prevent me from seeing that he really did care for me. He could’ve easily left me and made me face this on my own, but he didn’t do that.
Over the sound of the air displacement around me and the blood pumping between my ears, he managed to keep me calm and not feel overwhelmed to the point of panicking or being paralyzed.
“I’m so damn proud of you. I’ve never seen anybody be so open with their body that they were willing to throw it outside of an airplane. Add to that fact that you are terrified of heights and I think that I am beginning to understand who you are. We’re practically at the altitude that we are going to have to deploy our chutes.” He pulled the cord and was pulled back into the sky with me following not more than a few seconds later.
The jarring impact of being pulled from my comfort zone wrenched my neck. I floated aimlessly over the city. I followed my 2-minute training lesson from Marshall to the letter. When my feet landed on the hard-packed earth, I just wanted to run back to the plane and do it all over again. My excitement for what was obviously a death-defying act surprised me.
I couldn’t help myself and I ran into his arms. I knocked him down with me on top of him. “I can’t believe that I haven’t done this before. I’ve let my fears hold me hostage and I’m not going to do that anymore. You’re going to see a new woman. I always thought that I was fearless, but this was something that I didn’t want to share with anybody.” My body was pressed up against him with his hands around my waist and my eyes alight with a fire that could only be extinguished one way.
The big hose between his legs was the only thing that I had on my mind. I could feel him quite engorged and ready to take this to whatever venue we might have found to express ourselves physically.
He moved my hair behind my ears. He grazed my cheek with his fingertips which was only compounding the issue. He touched me so delicately that it was like he was dealing with a fragile doll that would break with too much force.
“I know exactly what you’re feeling. Normally, I would take advantage of that. For some reason, I can’t do that with you. I won’t be able to look at myself in the mirror and respect myself in the morning. It’s not you. I’m fighting my natural instinct to kiss you with a passion that will cause you nothing but heartache. I want something different from this. I can’t play by the same rules when you have thrown the rule book out the window.” I could see that it was taking a lot for him to push me away.
I lie there looking up at him with his back towards me. He was obviously struggling and fighting the urge to be the man that I thought that he was. I would’ve taken one for the team just so that I could hold this over him and give him a reason to think that I was better than all the rest. I could seal the deal like I did with any transaction by using my sexuality. Getting him emotionally attached could only be accomplished by throwing caution to the wind. I tried to convince myself that I was only doing this as part of the job, but I knew deep down that there was more to it than that.
“You are a damn fool, but I think that it would be best not to take things too far. Just so you know; I would have done just about anything to please you. I don’t care what kind of act or depraved thought that you might have in your head. I would gladly strap on a pair of cuffs, put on a blindfold and let you ride me around the room like the pony express. You could put me into any position, treat me like I’m just a piece of ass and I would come back for more. Are you sure that you want to take this stand?” He looked over his shoulder and he shook his head like he couldn’t quite believe that he didn’t just grab the bull by the horns.
“It’s not fair and I’ve never felt this way before. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep the entire time that I was waiting for you to call. I know that I’m in deep. I’ve put on a brave face, but I’m powerless against you. I could just have my way with you and be done with it. It’s a pattern that I have to break. I don’t know why this is so hard. It’s always been easy and those girls that have come before you were merely misadventures.”
My heart was pumping with my palms sweaty and my eyes as big as saucers. I had to find a way to get rid of this pent-up energy and he was doing everything he could to push me away. I had only one other card to play.
“Make sure that you are doing the right thing. This could be all yours.” I proved to him that I was naughty by unzipping that dive suit and showing that I was wearing very little underneath. This was not my average underwear. This was something that I had pulled out as my big guns. I saw the way that he seductively lusted after me. The bra that I was wearing was the peek-a-boo variety with a gloss of strawberry to make me more of a sumptuous feast. The panties were made of some sort of gelatin.
“You can’t do this to me and you don’t know what you’re asking.” His words only fueled me into taking a hold of those rip away panties and tearing very slowly with his eyes never leaving my body the entire time. He paid particular attention to the landing strip that I had left. I began to think about how I had prepared for this evening. I loved his reaction and wanted him to show me the good soldier at full attention.
I don’t know how he did it, but he turned away and walked back to the hangar. I got into a sitting position. I looked after him and I couldn’t believe that he had the fortitude to step away from a sure thing. It was then that I knew t
hat I was in trouble. This was not the same man that those girls had sent me after. I had gotten caught in a trap of my own making. I had no idea what love felt like, but I didn’t want to be away from him. I could only think about the next time that I would see him. I was hurting bad and I couldn’t do what I normally did. I wanted to, but I felt that sleeping with another would be cheating.
I got up and this time I tried to kiss him and he was the one to put his hands out to prevent me from doing so. “I need some time to think. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are the devil’s spawn.” He got into his car and he drove away with me standing there while he looked at me in the side view mirror. This wasn’t a position that I was accustomed to. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to commit the cardinal sin of falling for one of my subjects.
PART 2: BETRAYAL OF THE HEART
Gillian West was a woman that knew how to play with a man’s feelings like a cat does with a mouse. She was confident in her abilities and had translated that talent into a lucrative career in sales. Being approached by three women to take down a suave and sophisticated man with no scruples was going to be her crowning achievement. She thought that she had all the answers, but Marshall had a way to change the questions. This was supposed to be an easy job, but being close to Marshall made her realize that she had been missing out on what love really was. She didn’t want to admit it and now she was in the inevitable task of trying to keep your feelings in check and doing what she was required to do by her clients. Can she really hurt him this way, or will she fall on her sword looking for redemption?
I’d given my word to give Marshall a dose of his own medicine, but now I was rethinking my situation. I thought of the way that we had left things a few days ago and I still couldn’t believe that he walked away without doing anything. I underplayed that significance with the girls. I told them that it was the other way around and that I wanted him to want me so badly that he wouldn’t be able to stand it any longer.
“I don’t know where you’re at, but you’re certainly not here with me. I’m sure that you have a lot on your plate, but don’t you think that for just this once that you can give me your undivided attention?” My best friend Jeremy was the one that gave me the insight into the male mind. I was sure that he was regretting it right about now. He was the one that helped me to learn how to navigate those choppy waters.
“I don’t know what has gotten into me. You came here looking for some advice and I haven’t even listened to what you have to say.” I wasn’t sure if I should tell him the truth, but he was the only one that I had never lied to in my life. I knew that he had a crush on me, but he really wasn’t my type. He had that intellectual look and I was looking for something more masculine with the very idea of getting them out of their clothes to be a presentation in itself.
“I thought that we were friends. I tell you that my girlfriend is seeing an ex-boyfriend that she hasn’t even thought about since high school and you don’t even say anything.” He was wearing his heart on his sleeve and I’d done nothing to encourage him or give him any kind of direction
He showed up quite unexpectedly. Seeing him with that downtrodden expression was a dead giveaway that things weren’t going exactly as planned with Stephanie. I thought that they were a mismatch. She was this gorgeous fashion runway model that flew around the globe jet setting with the rich and famous on the red carpet. He was a fairly good-looking guy, maybe 140 pounds, 5’7 and I had to admit that his eyes were the dictionary meaning of the windows to the soul.
“You know as well as I do that Stephanie can do better than you. I don’t mean that to be a slight against your manhood. I’m just saying that your jealousy has manifested into a paranoia that is going to get old quick for Stephanie. Don’t you think that she has had men fawning over her most of her life? She thought that you were different, less intimidated by her good looks and fame and here you are acting like a little bitch.” The one thing that we could count on from each other was that we would always shoot from the hip.
We were sitting in my kitchen and I was touching my lips wondering how I was going to think about the job. I had told the girls that I was going to let him stew for a few days, but that was not entirely true. I needed that time to give myself breathing room. I could barely sleep and I woke in a cold sweat with my hands running down over my body. I had visions of him dancing in front of me and fantasies so vivid that they almost felt like they were alive.
“The one thing that I don’t need you to tell me is that she can do better. I know that I’m just being stupid, but I can’t help to feel that I’m losing her. I’m just lucky that I don’t speak about this in front of her. She has already told me that it was refreshing that I was secure about myself.” He did put on a good façade, but underneath, he was still that insecure little boy that I had taken a liking to in high school.
“I implore you not to do anything that is going to ruin this. I just got you to stop sniffing around my door and I really don’t want to continue to metaphorically slap you with a newspaper like a scalded dog. It’s so much better that you are in a committed relationship.” I had my cup of coffee in both hands and I could see Marshall’s reflection in the swirl of the creamer that I had used to make it more palatable.
“I hated those days. We would go shopping and you would put on this display in frilly little things. I would pine like a lovesick teenager.” He had on his glasses making him look like Clark Kent, but there was really no superman underneath the exterior. I did notice since he had gotten with Stephanie that he was filling out.
“Stephanie won’t leave you and you have nothing to worry about. The only reason why you came over here is for me to pat you on the back and tell you that everything’s going to be OK.” I reached over and did that very thing. I could see the distaste in his eyes and it almost made me burst out laughing.
My fluffy white robe was wide open and the only thing that I was wearing was a sheer negligee that really didn’t leave much to the imagination. I was quite impressed that he wasn’t ogling me like a piece of meat. He had more on his mind than seeing me in my unmentionables. It was a bit of a slap in the face. I could always count on him to show me that my beauty had not waned and that my sexuality was still as hot as ever. It was kinda nice to have him stroking my ego, even though he was never going to get any further than watching me.
“I’m really glad that you’re here for me. I had no place to go. I couldn’t stay in that mansion all alone knowing that she was spending time with her ex-boyfriend. I made it sound like I was perfectly fine and that she didn’t have to worry about me going off half-cocked.” I needed somebody to ground me and make me realize how lucky I am.” I was slightly stunned by what I didn’t recognize upon him entering into my home. He was making an effort to be that pretty package for Stephanie. His body was becoming something that I might take an interest in.
She was that statuesque blonde with the kind of curves that had guys wanting to walk over hot coals to be with her. I knew the day that she took a shine to Jeremy that there had to be something wrong with her. It finally dawned on me that she saw him as the genuine article without being fake or trying desperately to get into her pants.
“I’m glad that you’re feeling better. You’re not the only one that has to deal with their love life. I haven’t been in this position in a long time. I don’t even want to mention his name and I promised myself that his memory would be expunged. All photographs have been destroyed and yet I find myself repeating old habits. I thought that part of me was dead, completely numb and that no man could ever break through the wall that I built.” One good turn deserved another. If he was going to cry in his beer for Stephanie, then I had every right to see how he felt about what was going on with me.
“I know that you’re only dangling the bait because you want me to take it. I’ll play along; even though I think that you’re being a bit more dramatic than necessary. Tell me what’s going on that has you in your own little world.” Since he had
broached the topic, I figured that it was best to let the chips fall where they may.
“I’m not over exaggerating anything. I was hired to do a job. There is a secret that I have been hiding from you.” I turned to my laptop on the counter. I brought up the anonymous blog with the indiscriminate photos that I had taken of men in various states of undress. They did not show them in a good light unless you were looking for a cheap thrill at their expense. The captions were quite scalding. “I write this blog and my reputation for shaming men have got me in over my head.”
Jeremy was staring at the screen, pushing his glasses down, so that he could make out every single disgusting act that was being perpetrated. His eyes darted from me and then back to the screen again like he couldn’t quite believe that I was the woman responsible for destroying marriages.
“I don’t even want to begin to tell you how wrong this is. Butting into other people’s business will never end well. With that being said, I can see that something is bothering you and I would really like you to tell me what it is.” He was the most compassionate and caring man that I had ever met. I thought that he was above reproach and yet I knew that he was still a man and capable of being seduced by the opposite sex.
“I usually go after those that are married or involved, but this one is different. He’s none of those things, but he sleeps with just about anybody. He doesn’t care if they are married, but now I have been tasked to make him fall in love with me. Unfortunately, it backfired and I have feelings for him. I thought that I could overcome that obstacle by sleeping with him, but he…he…denied me.” Jeremy’s mouth was wide open in shock.
“You have to stop seeing this man. I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know yourself. He has turned you into the very woman that you swore that you would never be again. I can only give you sound advice and it’s up to you to take it. I know that this is short and sweet, but I really do need to get to work. My boss is on a tirade and even though I do most of the work, he expects me to bend over backward to please him and the board of directors. Do yourself a favor, get some distance, find some perspective and give this man his walking papers. You’ve already said that you don’t do this for the money, so what exactly is stopping you from kicking him to the curb?” He didn’t give me a chance to answer and grabbed his brown suede coat. He put it on and went to the door.