by Lynda Aicher
“I thought you were into the scene.”
“I was.” He shrugged. “But mostly I was into the freedom. Hanging with you guys. Being able to explore my attraction for men without fear.”
Finn nodded, slow and deliberate. “Which was what drew all of us, to some extent.” He turned to his side to face Tanner, head propped on his hand.
A long breath, a silent prayer, and Tanner mirrored him, heart beating harder than normal. He grabbed the remote and muted the volume. The coming conversation was too important to be lost in a screech of tires and staged car jumps.
The room was dark except for the light from the television. It flickered over Finn’s features, casting shadows on the face he’d memorized years ago. It’d thinned out, but he didn’t notice the differences anymore. This version of him had overwritten the one in his memory.
“What are you trying to tell me?” Finn asked.
I love you. I want to be with you. I want…
“I don’t know,” he said on a long exhale. “I just…I’m okay with what happened this morning. You need to know that.”
Finn chuckled, his lip cocking in a sarcastic smirk. “I fucked that up. Big time.”
“No. We’re both responsible.”
“For me crossing the line?”
“For doing what we both wanted.” He held Finn’s stare, unwilling to let him brush it off or accept blame that wasn’t his to own.
Finn’s smirk fell away in a gentle glide of confused doubt. Tanner ached to reach out. To reassure him, offer comfort or something that’d remove the barriers between them. All of them, without destroying them both.
He’d been unable to resist the kiss he’d brushed on Finn’s shoulder, or to regret the one he’d pressed to his lips. Those lips that could spread wide in a grin or flatten in anger or thought. They’d yelled commands and offered words of comfort without asking for anything.
Loyal. Unselfish. Committed.
His best friend who was still determined to stand alone despite the number of guys who had his six.
“Did your family come?” he asked, following his rambling thoughts. “When you were hurt?” When you almost died?
“No.” There was no emotion in the word. Finn had let go of his family after they’d crucified and exiled him when he’d told them he was gay, and he seldom talked about them. But then, he’d built another family in the Marines. One stacked with men who hadn’t given a shit about who he fucked, despite what the rules had stated. “Grady was it. He took care of everything when I couldn’t. The medical decisions. Bills. Insurance issues.”
His irrational annoyance returned for a guy he needed to thank, not scorn. “I should’ve been here.”
“You were doing your job.”
The one he was supposed to have left five years ago instead of re-upping. The one that gave him structure and purpose while driving him nuts. “Fucking job.”
Finn chuckled, his grin spreading as he nudged Tanner’s shoulder. “Damn you for risking your life for our country.”
“Right?” He scrubbed his face, their old joke erasing the surface-level ache of inadequacy. “What was I thinking?”
“Running into gunfire. Blowing up terrorist compounds while they strap bombs to kids to get at us. Crazy shit.”
Tanner laughed, letting go of the tension that’d wound up his spine. “Nobody understands unless they’ve been there.”
“But we’ve been there.” Finn sobered, fingers tightening in the sheets. “And survived.” He reached out to slowly run his fingertips over the Korean symbols running down Tanner’s ribs. I Lived. But for how long? How well?
Warmth seeped in beneath Finn’s touch, a languid flow of comfort and longing that filled Tanner with a hope he couldn’t trust.
Yet what if he could?
Finn flicked his gaze up, questions and statements reaching out to him. They spoke again without words, the short distance between them filling with old doubts and new possibilities. What is this? Should we? What happens if…? He didn’t dare move for fear of shattering the tentative bridge they were erecting.
“You got new ones,” Finn said, his eyes lowering to follow the trail of his finger down Tanner’s abs to the dark thread of lines at his hip. He tracked one until it reached the waistband on his cotton sleep pants. “When?”
Tanner sucked in a breath, stomach contracting at the play so close to his hardening dick. Every thought and nerve ending was centered on Finn’s teasing touch, the slow slide up and down next to his hip bone. Intimate. Light. Way too soft for friends, no matter how close they were.
“Before my last deployment,” he managed to answer, toes curling to keep his moan in. His gaze darted to Finn’s groin. His dick angled upward in a firm declaration of his interest, and Tanner couldn’t drag his eyes away from the sight.
“What does it mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar.”
“Why?”
“Because they all mean something.”
A truth he couldn’t deny. Within the design were woven secrets he’d thought he’d never be able to reveal. But now…“I just liked this one,” he hedged.
Finn flicked his hip, his fingers snapping on Tanner’s skin. “Bullshit.”
Tanner flinched, the sting surprising more than painful. His hand shot out, grabbing Finn’s wrist, his reflexes kicking in before he’d thought about it.
They both froze.
Beneath his fingertips, Finn’s pulse beat a quickened pace that matched his own. His breath was stuck in his lungs, time spinning out once again.
This was crazy. The signs were there. The attraction apparently mutual. He’d have been all over him by now if Finn were any other guy.
He leaned in, a small shift that cut the space between them in half. Drawn forward by a current he didn’t want to reject, he loosened his hold, slid his hand up Finn’s forearm. The hair tickled his palm, the ropy muscles flexing.
Finn’s sharp inhalation hissed through the air, but he didn’t draw away. His eyes devoured Tanner, yet his expression remained stoic. Apparently it was Tanner’s move this time. His impetuousness that would cause them to cross another line if he didn’t stop.
Furry masculinity gave way to smooth skin when he reached Finn’s bicep. The muscle tensed, the bulge compact but strong. His collarbone protruded in a graceful line down to his throat, and Tanner followed it, pausing at the vulnerable soft spot at the base of his neck.
He wet his dry lips, heat rushing in to bask in a want so strong he doubted he could turn back—unless Finn ordered him to.
His dick was fully hard and jutting against the thin material of his pants. A persistent declaration of how much he wanted this. Finn. Them. The intimacy had always been there, drawing them closer, bonding them deeper. Finn had become a part of him, then grown into his heart and soul until they’d breathed as one.
This was more. Another leap. A…risk he could no longer not take.
Finn’s eyes were more blue than gray now, hunger gleaming from beneath heavy lids. His lips parted, hard breaths lifting his chest in silent notes of need. Energy hummed between them, Tanner’s skin set on hypersensitive.
A pause. A moment to question.
Finn’s hand snapped up, hauling him in by the neck in the half-a-heartbeat it took him to register the action and cup his hand around Finn’s throat. He closed his eyes, lips a breath away from Finn’s in a replica of his own move that morning.
Hot breath panted over his lips, meeting and blending with his own. Blood roared in his head, pushed frantically by the pace of his heart.
“Tell me to stop,” he whispered, shoving Finn’s words back at him from this morning.
A breath. Two. “I don’t want to.”
“Fuck.” He breathed the curse over Finn’s mouth, thoughts spinning into relief and hunger.
The first touch of Finn’s lips to his almost shattered his control. Soft. Tender. Questioning. Another brush that trembled down his throat to gr
ip his heart. Each light connection pulled him in deeper, broke him more, but freed him too.
He loosened his hold on Finn’s neck, stroked his thumb up Finn’s jaw, the faint stubble scratching. He shifted his head, lips parting farther apart. Afraid to push, even when he’d wanted this for so damn long.
“I don’t want to stop,” Finn said, lips brushing Tanner’s with each mumbled word.
“I don’t want you to.” Not ever.
Tanner kissed him again, holding this one longer before he inched back, tongue sliding over Finn’s lower lip. Finn’s low moan drove a knife of desire straight to Tanner’s erection. He breathed another curse, eyes squeezing tight.
“What are we doing?” Finn mumbled, then nipped Tanner’s lip before he could respond, the sting zinging to his nipples in a prickling rush. Finn tongued the sore spot, his hunger for more crashing forward.
“Kissing.” He followed the word with a demonstration of exactly how he’d longed to do it. Tongue sinking deep to swirl with Finn’s. Heat, slickness, and the slight tang of spice flooded his taste buds to drive him on. But he pulled back, controlled the desire threatening to overwhelm him.
“Should we?” Finn returned the kiss, slashing his tongue into Tanner’s mouth, exploring it in the same way Tanner had his a moment ago. Tanner met him, moaning his want as he slid his hand down Finn’s hip, needing to get closer.
“Yes,” he answered when he came up for air. He landed another kiss, dragging Finn down with him as he rolled back. “God, yes.”
“Wait.” Finn stopped him before his shoulders hit the mattress. “Your tat.”
He squeezed his eyes closed, frustration rising before he shoved it aside. He longed to feel Finn over him, pressing him to the bed, his weight trapping him. “Damn.” He could adapt, though.
He reclaimed Finn’s mouth, kissing away his annoyance in long swipes of his tongue that allowed him to savor every nuance of this huge step forward. Of something new yet old.
Their arms tangled, hips bumped, legs entwined as space was erased. His head spun, desire sliding into a slow burn of coming home. Each gentle brush of skin a tentative testing of new ground and awakening dreams.
He ran his hand up Finn’s chest, over his ribs, lips never leaving his. Lost—drowning in the awareness. In the sense of, finally, having this. Confirming a truth he’d resisted for so long, when it had seemed so unattainable.
He dove in deeper, reveled in the sweet glory of being with Finn. There was no going back now. No denying this was real.
At least for him.
Fuck how he hoped it was the same for Finn.
Chapter 15
This…Finn scrambled for thoughts, but nothing registered outside of the heat of Tanner’s skin searing into his. The warm press of Tanner’s lips. The slow dip and swirl of his tongue. Going on and on until he was lost in feeling. Lost to the welcoming sense of belonging when he’d feared rejection.
He couldn’t get close enough, yet couldn’t rush the slow exploration that allowed him to hold Tanner. Their noses brushed, whiskers scraped, tongues met and danced in a mating call so intimate his heart ached. For more. To never let this go.
Tanner slid his hand around Finn’s hip to cup his ass. His groan tumbled from his chest to be captured by Tanner’s mouth. He wrapped his leg over Tanner’s, their groins molding together, dicks nudging and grazing in a tease through the material of their pants.
Their mutual gasps drew their lips apart, breaths mixing as he struggled for air. Desire blazed through his groin, raged in his dick. The torment sweet and so damn overwhelming.
He’d had countless encounters of hard and fast. Of controlled and taking. Of blistering releases followed by friendly exchanges. But nothing had ever torn him open like Tanner’s slow assault. Exposed him the way each kiss and tender touch was gutting him.
He forgot why this was bad or wrong. Forgot why he’d resisted it for years. Not when everything screamed how right it was.
Tanner rocked his hips, his erection gliding over Finn’s to rip another moan from him. “Fuck.” The curse escaped on a whisper of breath.
He clutched Tanner closer, lips grazing as he rode the lust tightening in his core. They thrust in time, the action natural, without thought. But the grinding motion was yet another tease of soft cloth, when he ached for skin.
He shoved at Tanner’s pants, need growing stronger. He wanted to touch him everywhere. Climb on top of him and claim every inch of him that he’d been denied. Drive him crazy with want before throwing him over the edge.
But they were limited by their new tattoos.
For a brief moment, Chris was there, between them like he’d always been. Then he was gone.
This was about him and Tanner. Just the two of them.
They got their pants down to their thighs, used their feet to get them all the way off. He kicked his to the side and immediately wrapped his leg back around Tanner’s thighs. The first touch of their dicks sent a bolt of pleasure down his shaft to race through his groin. His balls drew up, eyes squeezing shut.
“How?” he mumbled, mostly to himself. Stunned at how amazing Tanner’s touch was. How soft and hot and hard Tanner’s dick was against his.
He thrust up, goose bumps racing along his spine at the heady sensation. Tanner dug his fingers into Finn’s hip, yanked him closer to grind harder. Yes. He returned the favor, wrapping his leg tighter, gripping Tanner’s neck to join their mouths.
Pre-come slicked their dicks, easing the friction and peppering the air with the potent scent of sex. He plundered Tanner’s mouth, unable to restrain his need. Passion overtook him, jumped over every hitch in his brain, wiped out his remaining self-consciousness.
Nothing mattered but getting closer to Tanner. Making him come. Watching him lose control. He’d missed seeing it last time, and he wanted to catch everything now.
He wedged his hand between them, grabbed their dicks in his fist.
“Yes,” Tanner murmured, twisting his head away as he sucked in a breath. “So good.”
Finn kissed down his jaw, jerked his hand over their crowns. He sucked in a sharp gasp, stunned by the flash of ecstasy. Tanner bit down on his neck, the sting blasting to his chest and crashing into his nuts.
“Fucker.” The goddamn amazing fucker.
“Tease,” Tanner countered, snapping his hips to shove his erection through Finn’s hold.
He chuckled into Tanner’s shoulder, the joy an added shock to the already mind-blowing moment. He tightened his grip, jerked them harder, lost once again in the incredible feel of Tanner’s dick next to his own.
Of the thickness testing the span of his hand. Of the hitch and catch of their crowns over each other’s rims.
Tanner tried to drag him closer with every thrust of his hips, his fingers digging into Finn’s ass cheek, so close to his hole, but not touching it.
He ran kisses up Tanner’s neck, dug his teeth into his earlobe until he cried out. The pace intensified, his orgasm building too fast, yet not wanting to slow down.
He shifted his leg, wedged it between Tanner’s, and raised it up until Tanner’s legs were spread wide. The Dom in him raced forward, wanting to verify his place. Remind himself and Tanner of how this had started when an hour ago he’d wanted to forget it.
He slowed his stroke, Tanner’s soft whimper speaking to his dominant streak. To his desire to have Tanner begging, needing him so completely, like that morning. Still strong, still powerful, but giving himself to Finn.
Tanner’s breaths gusted over his shoulder, quick and sharp like his own. He released his hold, slid his fingers over Tanner’s heavy balls. He paused to squeeze them, tugged until Tanner growled, his forehead grinding into Finn’s shoulder. Not a protest, though.
So damn good.
He reached back farther, breath holding along with Tanner’s when he grazed his fingers over Tanner’s hole. A rumbled grunt poured out of Tanner, the strained note telling him everything he couldn’t see or feel.
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He circled it gently. “Does it hurt?” The point wasn’t to cause him pain.
“Yes,” Tanner rasped, fingers digging in tighter on his hip. But he remained still. Didn’t curse him or resist.
He leaned back, and Tanner let his head fall to the mattress. His eyes were closed, lips parted around deep breaths in an expression of pure want. But he wasn’t trying to hide.
“Look at me,” Finn said, the demand delivered without conscious thought. This wasn’t a plan or scene he was managing. Yet there were dynamics he couldn’t ignore.
Tanner slowly raised his eyelids, the gorgeous dark depths hitting Finn in the shifting light from the TV. Need and passion. Want and acceptance. And love. All for him. That trust he’d relied on for so long and that he couldn’t imagine not having.
His pulse raced, even as a calm swept over him. He pressed harder. Tanner’s mouth opened in a silent gasp, pain wrinkling over his forehead. But his eyes never wavered, never broke contact as Finn slid his finger into Tanner’s puffy, sore hole.
His pelvis jumped and his erection twitched, eyelids dropping to half-mast. Tanner gave another pained grunt, but nothing else. His dick was still rock-hard next to Finn’s, passion burning in those almond-shaped eyes, and Finn couldn’t look away.
He held the tip of his finger barely inside Tanner, the clench not even tight. He could go farther, push when Tanner was freely giving. But he didn’t need more.
God, he was going crazy with the rush of awe and wonder. The act so simple, yet more powerful than any elaborate scene he’d ever mastered.
He yanked his finger out, grabbed their dicks, and crushed his mouth to Tanner’s in one combined move. Tanner reared up, meeting him, thrusting his tongue into Finn’s mouth in time with the jerk of his hips.
Finn grunted, worked his hand faster, orgasm blazing through his balls to sizzle up his spine. Fuck. He wanted to see Tanner come.