Murder in the Hearse Degree

by Tim Cockey

  The young woman peered at Nick like a raccoon from a hole. When she spoke her voice was nearly a whisper.

  “I am . . . fine. Thank you.” The voice was faint, but the accent was huge. It twanged like a banjo. Her gaze drifted to Julia and me. If she noticed that the woman in front of her was wearing harem pants and a teeny tiny silk vest, she didn’t let on. If she noticed that I was trying out my best smile, she didn’t let on about that either. Her gaze seemed to settle on my left earlobe.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hello,” she whispered.

  “We’re looking for your father,” Nick said. The young woman’s compass globes traveled back to Nick’s vicinity.

  “Daddy is in there.”

  She winced a smile, though it looked more as if someone had just landed a whip on her back, then she moved on into the room we’d just left.

  “That was an odd one,” I said. “Has she been on our planet long?”

  Fallon tugged on his ear. “That’s Crawford’s daughter. The former Sugar Larue.”

  Sugar Larue. I couldn’t be certain, but I believe I once met a stripper with a name like that. Or maybe I just dreamed about her.

  “Is she sleepwalking or is that her usual party demeanor?”

  Fallon shrugged. “She’s a wacko kid, isn’t she? I couldn’t tell you. Did you see those eyes? Long ago and far away.”

  We moved into the living room. It was packed tighter than the room we’d just left except for a spot near the fireplace that had been cleared out. A lone figure was sitting there, in a wheelchair. His face was gaunt and pasty, splotched with an ash-gray beard. His shoulders were hunched and his large head hung forward like a vulture’s. He was dressed in a seersucker suit and had a transparent tube running from his nose to a small red tank next to the wheelchair, strapped to a luggage caddy.

  “Is that Crawford Larue?”

  I had spoken too soon. The crowd was just quieting down and a little man shaped like an egg stepped over next to the wheelchair and turned to address the gathering. I recognized the rich mellifluous syrup immediately. This was Crawford Larue.

  “Mah friends, mah honored guests. Ah’m indebted to the Lord for the gift He has made to us all of the great man you see seated before you. . . .”

  Fallon let out a low groan. “Ah need mah mahtini.”

  Crawford Larue was all of five feet two if he were standing on a bucket. He was decked out in a three-piece cream-colored suit, shiny brown-and-white saddle shoes and a dark blue bowtie. A transparent frosting of sugar-white hair thinly covered a terrifically pink scalp. The face was also pink and somewhat elfin. On the phone with Larue I had pictured a larger, Noah-like figure. In the flesh he was a Weebles toy.

  The egg rested a small pink hand on the old man’s shoulder.

  “Jack Barton was the agent of mah salvation in mah hour of need. We would not be here today . . . Ah would not be here . . . and possibly the ARK itself would not be here today, if not for the blessing of this magnificent man. . . .”

  Larue blew on in this fashion a while longer. The man in the wheelchair glared out into the room as if he were trying to ignite the guests through the power of his watery eyeballs. It wasn’t working. The girl collecting empties had tracked us down and she delivered Fallon his drink.

  “Is that old guy going to live to the end of the speech?” I muttered. “He looks awful. Who is he?”

  Fallon purred as he took a sip of his drink. “Big Jack? He’s an old horse trader, like Crawford. The Virginia version. I’ll tell you, it’s a crime seeing him like this. That was one powerful man in his day, believe me. Jack Barton had more politicians in his pocket than most people have change. The poor old pisser stroked out a couple of years ago. It’s been downhill ever since.”

  As Larue was wrapping up his tribute, the crowd parted and a tray came wheeling forward. There was a large rectangular cake on the tray with somewhere in the neighborhood of a thousand candles planted in it. Pushing the tray was an attractive redhead. She was packed into a conservative blue dress, and packed rather nicely, as I see these things. Larue concluded his speech, and the redhead turned to the room and pumped her arms in the air, getting the Happy Birthday song going. As it often does, it came out sounding more like a dirge. The woman bent down and planted a kiss on Jack Barton’s forehead. The old man’s hand raised, as if on pulleys, and swung out in the direction of the woman’s sumptuous fanny. She slapped the hand away with a high laugh.

  “That’s Jack.” Fallon chuckled. “Ain’t dead yet.”

  The cake was rolled in front of Barton, and there was a bit of awkwardness at the realization that the old guy didn’t have the wheeze to even begin working on the candles. Crawford Larue and the redhead bent over the cake and blew out the candles for him.

  As the cake was being cut and pieces placed onto plates, Fallon led Julia and me over to Larue, who had moved off to the side of the fireplace and was engaged in conversation with an angular man wearing horn-rimmed glasses. He was around my age, with a narrow isthmus of curly black hair, the last holdout on a prematurely receding hairline. He jabbed his glasses up onto his nose as we approached and showed the world what a good solid sneer really looks like. Larue’s eyes snagged on Julia and he stopped talking mid-sentence. A large smile crossed the oink face. Nick began the introductions.

  “Mr. Larue, this is Julia Finney. Miss Finney, Crawford Larue.”

  Julia pinched her harem pants and curtsied. Larue nodded solemnly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, dear.”

  I stepped forward. “We spoke on the phone this morning, Mr. Larue. I’m Hitchcock Sewell.”

  The smile froze on his face. “You’re Mr. Sewell?”

  “That’s right.”

  He studied my face a few seconds. “Well, aren’t we full of surprises?”

  “I wanted to apologize for hanging up on you this morning.”

  “And you came all the way down here to do it in person. How thoughtful of you.” He took hold of the points of his vest and gave them a sharp tug. “I believe then that we have some business to discuss, Mr. Sewell. If the rest of you all will excuse us. Russell, why don’t you circulate this exotic creature?”

  Larue’s companion aimed an uncertain look at Julia.

  “Watch out, Russell,” Fallon said. “I think she bites.”

  Julia slid her arm through the man’s elbow. “Not true. Maybe a nibble now and then.”

  “Be sure to introduce her to Virginia,” Larue instructed.

  They moved on and Larue led me into his office, which was down a small hallway. The room was wood paneled, book lined, and stank of money. It also stank of leather. There was a large leather-appointed mahogany desk at one end—clutter free—a brown leather couch and matching armchair, puckered with leather buttons. On the far wall a wooden gun rack was mounted behind glass doors. I don’t know my guns terribly well—I’d flunk the NRA quiz in a heartbeat—but the half dozen guns in the rack appeared to be shotguns. I wondered if the kick from one of those fellows wouldn’t knock little Crawford Larue right onto his roly-poly. The wall by the door was dominated by a series of five leather-framed black-and-white photographs that showed from left to right a racehorse pulling away from the pack. In the first photograph the horses were clustered, but with each succeeding photograph, fewer and fewer horses appeared, until finally in the fifth shot the lead horse was all alone, straining for the finish line, its closest competition being the jockey on its back, who was himself straining forward, his chin down near the animal’s ears.

  “Damascus.” Larue pronounced the name with a mixture of reverence and deep melancholy.

  “The Derby?”

  “Belmont. His Triple Crown.”

  “He’s a beautiful horse,” I said. The truth is, I don’t really know one glue factory from another. But you say it about babies who in reality pretty much look like Eisenhower, and you say it to a man who h
as just said his Triple Crown winner’s name the way Crawford Larue had just said it.

  Larue directed me to take a seat on the leather couch. I did. The leather squeaked. Larue took the armchair. Even though the furniture was cleverly scaled down—my knees felt suspiciously close to my ears—Larue’s shoes still didn’t quite reach the floor without his having to tip the toes downward, which he did.

  “Mr. Sewell, I would appreciate our getting directly to business. I do not want to be absent long from my party.”

  “That’s fine with me.”

  A silence fell. Apparently we each felt that it was the other’s to fill. Larue stepped in first.

  “You said on the phone that you had business to discuss with me concerning Miss Potts?”

  I corrected him. “In fact, you’re the one who said there was business to discuss. I simply want to ask a few questions.”

  Larue balled his hands into a single fist and leaned forward in his chair. “How is the young lady? Is she well?”

  “I’d say not. She’s dead.”

  “She’s dead?” Gravity took hold of the man’s face. “Bless her soul. Young thing. What horrible news. Grievous. If I may ask, what happened?”

  “She drowned. She went off a bridge.”

  “That’s horrible.” Larue sat back in his chair. As he did his feet rose from the floor. “Ah pray for her soul.”

  And by God he meant it. He folded his hands and bowed his head, nearly touching his forehead to his fingers. My hands felt suddenly like two large dripping fish. I pressed them together. Larue remained still for nearly a minute.

  “Amen,” he said presently. “Praise the Lord.” He lowered his hands and raised his head. I detected the hint of something smug on his mug. The small eyes twinkled.

  “You have me at something of a disadvantage, sir,” he said.

  “I’m sorry. How so?”

  “I was expecting someone else.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Your friend Miss Potts was accompanied by a young man when she visited. I expected you were he.”

  “I gave you my name on the phone. Two ls? Two es?”

  “The young man also gave me a name when he was here. He was very studied about it and I have to say, not terribly convincing. To be blunt, I believed very little of what came out of the young man’s mouth. I was not born yesterday. There was an obvious deception going on. The young man was a bad actor.”

  I laughed. “That’s a very good observation, Mr. Larue,” I said. “The fact is, he’s a terrible actor. I mean onstage.”

  “I am afraid I do not follow you.”

  “His name is Tom Cushman. He’s in a community theater production of The Seagull right now, down in Annapolis. I caught it the other night.”

  “Tom Cushman?”

  “What name did he give you?”

  “He called himself Stan.”

  “Stan?” I rolled the name around in my head until it bumped into a wall. “Constantin.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Constantin. That’s the name of the character he’s playing in The Seagull. Con-stan-tin.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

  “Forget it. Yes, he was posing. I met Tom just the other night, Mr. Larue. He told me that you met with him and Sophie concerning her baby. That’s why I called you.”

  Larue made a temple of his fingers and brought it to his chin. “We did. My wife and I are in the market, so to speak, for a child. We’re offering to pay all medical and related expenses.”

  “Tom was posing as the father.”

  “I’m not certain what your friend was posing as. Yes, he said he was the father of the child. He also said that he was married to someone else and that he was not in a position to help the young woman in any substantial way, which was why they had come to me. It all sounded off to me. Miss Potts said she was a good Christian. She would not be murdering the child.”

  “You mean having an abortion?”

  “That is what I said, sir. The poor girl was quite upset. It is a horrible predicament when young women allow themselves to get into this position. My heart goes out to them. They who cast aside the armor of the Lord shall invite incursion from the devil.”

  I shifted in my chair. “I guess they shall. Um . . . look, Mr. Larue, I’m just trying to piece together Sophie’s story here. Was this the first time you’d met her?”

  Larue was studying me closely. He seemed almost to have missed my question. Certainly he ignored it.

  “What is your agenda here?” he asked bluntly.

  “My agenda?”

  “Yes, yes. Let’s move this along. Your agenda. Why are you here?”

  “I’m . . . I just told you. I’m trying to piece together—”

  “Why?” The pink in his face was deepening. “Were you terribly close to Miss Potts, Mr. Sewell?” He leaned forward in his chair and locked a hard look onto me. He lowered his voice into the accusatory range. “Was this your child, son? Is that what this is all about? Are you among the sinners here?”

  I didn’t respond immediately. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever again field such a juicy question as his last one and I wanted to savor it.

  “I never even met the woman,” I said.

  Larue blinked. Not simply a run-of-the-mill keep-the-eyes-moist sort of a blink. This one was Olympian. His eyes practically gulped. The muscles in his jaw seemed to relax.

  “You never met her?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Never spoke with her?”

  “No, sir. Never.”

  “You had no contact with her either directly or indirectly?”

  “That’s right.”

  His lips pursed and suddenly he looked extremely pleased with himself. “I am going to ask you one more time, sir. What is your agenda? What are you seeking from me?”

  I gave my noodle a scratch. “Well, for one thing, I’d be interested to know how it was Sophie got in touch with you in the first place.”

  “With all due respect, I believe that is a private matter, sir.” He slid down off the chair. Our interview was apparently over. He ran a pink hand down the lapel of his jacket. “Mr. Sewell, I apologize, sir. There has apparently been a misunderstanding. I interviewed Miss Potts and . . . this other fellow.”

  “Cushman.”

  “Mr. Cushman. And nothing came of it. It appears that our paths, Mr. Sewell, have crossed by mere accident. I need to be getting back to my guests. By all means, I hope that you and Miss Finney will remain and enjoy my and my wife’s hospitality.”

  I unpeeled myself from the leather couch and followed Larue back out of the room, where he quickly insinuated himself back among his guests. I scanned the room for Julia and found her holding court over by a punch bowl. The redhead who had brought out the cake was listening to Julia with a frozen smile on her face. The fellow with the horn-rimmed glasses was also with them. Julia was telling her Greek belly-dancer story. I waited until the punch line, which drew more laughter from Julia than from her audience, then came forward.

  “It’s time we hit the road, dear. They’ll be sending out the dogs soon.”

  “We haven’t met,” the redhead said. “I’m Virginia Larue. Crawford’s wife.”

  I’ll be damned if the dapper little egg hadn’t gone into the trophy room and pulled one down off the shelf. My guess was that she was in her late thirties and determined to remain there. The eyes were crocodile green. The smile was warm but the fingers were cold. I tested their temperature when she handed them to me.

  “Mr. Sewell, I have been having the most intriguing talk with your friend here,” Virginia Larue said. “She certainly seems to lead an . . . interesting life. Should I be believing everything she has been telling us?”

  “Oh, why not? I do,” I said. “It’s so entertaining.”

  She introduced me to the fellow wit
h the horn-rimmed glasses. His name was Russell Jenks.

  “Russell is executive director of the ARK. He is Crawford’s right-hand man,” Virginia Larue said proudly, placing a hand lightly on the man’s arm. “The ARK would be sunk without Russell.” I wondered if she had intended to make a joke. Her expression indicated not.

  Jenks gave me a vigorous handshake and a disarming smile. He blushed slightly. “Ginny is extravagant with her praise. I am a soldier. Plain and simple.”

  “The Lord has reserved a special place for his soldiers,” Virginia Larue said. Julia moved her foot and gently pressed it onto my shoe.

  “Jenks,” I said. “I believe I met your wife.”

  “Sugar.”

  “That’s the one.”

  Julia chimed in. “She has lovely eyes.” She smiled sweetly at the man then averted her gaze as her own eyes crossed.

  “We’re off,” I announced. I bid the soldier and the redhead a good afternoon and took hold of Julia’s elbow.

  “Lord save me,” Julia muttered as I steered her toward the door.

  As we reached the front door Nick Fallon appeared. He produced a business card and handed it to Julia.

  “When you ditch this bloke why don’t you give me a call?”

  Julia didn’t even glance at the card. She reached into Fallon’s inside pocket and pulled out a pen. Smooth move. She scribbled something on the back of Fallon’s card then tucked it into his breast pocket, giving it an extra little pat.

  “I don’t call, Mr. Fallon,” she said. “I answer.”

  Mae West herself could not have said it so well.

  CHAPTER

  13

  I took Libby and the kids for a picnic lunch in Patterson Park. We opted for the all-grease menu, a bucket of Popeye’s fried chicken and a couple of bags of gloriously oily Utz potato chips. We set up near the Chinese pagoda. If you want to know why they stuck a Chinese pagoda in the middle of Patterson Park you’re going to have to consult a guidebook; I’ve never sussed it out. Every Fourth of July the oriental structure is draped in patriotic bunting and a municipal band sets up for a program of John Philip Sousa. As far as anomalies go, the Patterson Park pagoda is an attractive one.