by Jill Lynn
“So I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Cate peeked at him through a layer of her warm brown hair. It was down tonight with a slight curl.
Yes, you and Ruby can stay at the ranch. You fit so well. I was thinking the same thing.
He barely tamped down a snort at his foolish thoughts. “What’s on your mind?”
“I love your ranch slogan. ‘Get out in the wild.’ It’s perfect.”
“Thanks. That’s not a question.”
“Who designed your shirts and made your logo?”
Luc racked his brain. “I think some kid that worked for us a long time ago. Not sure I remember. Why?” Her teeth pressed into her upper lip. Buying time? Why did she hesitate to answer? “Whatever it is, just say it.”
“Okay.” Cate paused, facing him. “You could use a new logo.” Curving lips softened the statement. “It’s too bad you don’t know anyone who could help you out with that. Pro bono.”
“That is too bad.”
She whacked him on the arm, and he began walking again, keeping her with him. Not planning to let go of her anytime soon. And if he only had tonight, he’d like to add that kiss he’d been preoccupied with to their list of things to do.
“So will you let me do it? I have an idea already.”
“Let you? Of course. If you really want to. Are you sure you have time?”
“I’ll make time. Being at the ranch has been good for me. For Ruby. I know I wasn’t keen on the idea, but it’s been nice. It would be fun to do something for the ranch in return.”
If only his body didn’t flood with hope. She’d said the ranch, not him. He could read between the lines all he wanted, but that didn’t change the truth.
They’d reached the end of most of the stores on their side of Main Street, so they crossed over at the stop sign. No traffic light yet, though there’d been talk about it in the local paper.
“Now that you’ve had more time here, what do you think of Westbend?”
“I like it. It’s quaint. Welcoming. Even church has been good. I expected some judgment in a small town like this.” She tipped her head in his direction. “For our situation. But so far I’ve only found kindness.”
“If anyone treated you badly, I’d want to know.”
Her lips pressed together as if resisting a smile. “What would you do? Beat them up?”
“No.” A chuckle shook his chest. “But I’d say something. We both made decisions back then. And we’ve both changed.”
It was true. They had. Luc believed differently now, just like Cate did. Neither of them would have the kind of physical relationship in the present that they’d had in the past. Not until his finger had a wedding band on it. Because now he understood intimacy meant so much more than what he’d believed at nineteen.
Just like his parents had tried to teach him when he hadn’t been listening.
“By the way, my parents are planning a trip. They want to meet Ruby and you. Think you’d be willing to come out to the ranch for dinner when they’re here?” Luc had been talking to them quite a bit. Filling them in. His mom had even commented that his tone regarding Cate had changed recently. Funny that she could tell from so many miles away.
A shaky breath came from Cate. “Wow. I guess. I’d be so nervous. Don’t they hate me?”
He squeezed her hand, the answering pressure from her doing things to his insides he didn’t want to acknowledge. “You don’t need to be. It took them a bit to wrap their minds around having a granddaughter. But I’ve been sending them pictures of Ruby and they’re already her biggest fans. They’ve come around quickly even though it was unexpected.”
“Well, you forgave me.” Cate squared her shoulders. “Guess I’ll just have to pray they can, too.”
Luc liked seeing Cate reach for faith. It was an attractive quality. Not that he needed to add any more to the many she already had.
“How are things with Mackenzie? Any better?”
Cate had confided in him that she wasn’t sure Mackenzie could forgive her for what she’d done. But he’d told her that was just Kenzie’s way—protective like a bear with her cubs. And that she’d come around with time. She’d better, or he’d get after her about it. Luc was trying to be patient. To give the two of them the space to work things out without his interference.
“A little bit, actually. The interesting thing about her is that I think I could trust her with Ruby’s life, even if she’s not sure about me.”
And...that was his sister to a T. “Sounds right.”
“I want her to like me, but at the same time...I don’t deserve it.”
“None of us deserves anything, really. We’re all messes redeemed by God’s grace. But I get what you’re saying. You want her to believe your heart is good. You want her to see you for who you are, not what you’ve done.”
“Yes!” She brightened. “That’s exactly what I want. How I feel.”
“Back when...” He paused. Swallowed. Was he really broaching this subject? Cate always skirted around their history, but Luc needed to talk about it. Might as well be now. “That’s what I wanted from you, too, back when you asked if I was seeing someone else. I needed you to believe me. To know that I would never do something like that. And I couldn’t imagine how you thought otherwise. That’s why I lost it and left. You not trusting me just about killed me.”
Her pretty face contorted with pain, which hadn’t been his intent. He just wanted her to understand why it mattered so much.
Luc continued. “When I was a sophomore in high school, I was accused of vandalism with some friends. I didn’t do it, but even my parents didn’t believe me. I was so frustrated by their lack of trust. Hated that feeling. And when it repeated with you...” Agitation rose up, choking him. “So much worse.” Understatement of his life. Because he’d loved her with every single cell in his body.
Just like he did now.
The thought might have surprised him, but Luc instantly felt its truth. Cate had swept back into his life, conjuring a snowstorm of emotions. Anger at first. Then frustration, confusion, hurt. And now...love. Though if he had to guess, that one had been hiding in plain sight all along.
She didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him, and yet he loved her. He couldn’t help it. It was like he’d been born a match for her, and he refused any other options.
But what could he do about it?
There was still too much unresolved between them. Loving her wouldn’t fix everything. Plus, Cate wasn’t ready to hear the words tumbling around in his head. If he said them right now, she might run. And Luc was nowhere near ready to lose her all over again.
* * *
“I hate that I did that to you.” Cate should have known better, but at the time, she’d been young and immature. She’d let herself be swayed against believing Luc when that was exactly what she’d wanted to do. She’d been afraid to be wrong. To be one of those girls who accepted a smooth answer only to find out later that she’d been a fool.
“When Roark first told me that he’d spotted you with some other woman, I didn’t believe him. My first thought was to trust you. But he had so many details, I couldn’t imagine that he’d made it all up. And then I panicked, thinking I’d missed something. That you weren’t who I thought you were.”
Luc stopped so fast that his hand, still entwined with hers, brought her to a screeching halt. “Roark? What does he have to do with anything?”
“He’s the one who told me.”
His eyelids momentarily slammed shut. “Well, no wonder. Now it all makes sense.”
“What do you mean?”
“Roark had a thing for you. I knew it the first time you introduced us.”
“There’s no way.” Her head shook vehemently.
A twitch started in Luc’s jaw. “Where did he say he saw me?”
�
�Park Meadows Mall. Holding hands with another woman. Kissing her.” The confession hissed from her lips, causing a stabbing pain all over again.
A groan/laugh combination escaped from Luc and she barely resisted a slap to his face. How could he find humor in something like that? When Roark had told her, she’d crumbled into a thousand pieces.
Luc bent so that his eyes were inches from hers. Direct. Mesmerizing. “When in your life have you ever known me to go shopping? I’ve never even been to that mall. He made it up, Cate. Spun a story to get to you.”
“But I don’t think he would—” No. Couldn’t be. But at the same time, Luc was right. That wasn’t something he would do—someplace he would be. Even then, the story hadn’t quite fit. Hadn’t made sense.
“Did he ask you out after we broke up?”
Her head bobbed. “Yes. Wouldn’t take no for an answer until I found out I was pregnant with Ruby. After I told him that, he left me alone.” Her hands were both entangled with his now, fingers squeezing life and apology. What had she done? What had they done? “Luc, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I’d grown up with Roark. Our families were friends. I didn’t have any reason not to believe him.”
“But you had a reason not to believe me?”
Ouch. “I wanted to, but I was scared. And the more questions I asked, the more you shut down.”
This was what she’d wanted to know back when they were twenty. And finding out now, after all of this time...after she’d kept Ruby from him... Cate didn’t know whether to cry or scream.
“I was too immature to answer you then.” Luc cradled her face, and she pressed her cheek into his warm palm, needing the comfort he offered. “All I could think about was you not trusting me.” His sigh wrenched between them. “I didn’t handle any of it well. I should have listened and explained. I should have fought for you, not with you. I’m sorry, Cate.”
“Me, too.” So much. Why hadn’t she gone with her instinct back then? Said more—something, anything but heightened accusations. Why hadn’t he? They’d been young, but that wasn’t a worthy excuse for how they’d treated each other.
They couldn’t change the decisions they’d made, but they could redirect the future. She wanted them to disassemble the jail cell they’d unknowingly built together. That had trapped them under assumptions.
“Lucas, do you think it’s possible for us to let go of what happened?”
Why couldn’t she breathe? Had her respiratory system gone on vacation? Her vision blurred, Luc’s smooth jaw waning in and out of focus. Everything in her waited for his response, time standing still. She could survive without him. She’d done it before. But she didn’t want to do it again. Even if it was just friendship—and Ruby—keeping them connected, she needed him.
His hands moved farther into her hair, kneading her neck while her muscles waved a white flag of surrender.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gave a definite nod, then gathered her against his chest as if she was made of sugar and spice and everything nice. If holding was a school subject, Luc would earn an A+ every semester. Wrapping her up tight had always been his go-to—though she wasn’t sure he even realized it. He’d done the same last week just before she’d confessed her fears to him.
He had the best grip—tight enough to feel wanted. Safe. Not so constraining that she couldn’t budge.
Unwinding started at the top of her head, swirling down her body until even her toes felt the change.
When he loosened, she moved back, but barely. Somewhere in the exit from his delicious embrace, her hands had slid up his arms. Currently they were wrapped around his biceps like it was her job to check their circumference.
Luc? Professional holder. For her only, of course.
Cate? Measuring each of Luc’s chiseled muscles one at a time.
His gaze dropped to her lips and held, enough tension and anticipation to supply the city of Westbend with all the electrical current needed for a month.
Would he kiss her? Did she want him to? The answers to those questions came quickly: he’d better, and yes.
A rush of impatience gripped her like Ruby in a candy store, wanting it all and despising the line. Cate had told herself numerous times Luc wasn’t hers to have. To take home for keeps. She’d believed she was doomed to repeat her parents’ mistakes. That she and Luc revisiting their relationship would only end in brokenness.
What if she’d been wrong all along?
* * *
Five seconds earlier Luc would have been able to repeat his and Cate’s conversation, but the last few moments had completely erased that possibility.
When had they gone from talking to tangled up in the middle of a sidewalk? Like they could erase the hurt between them with each other’s touch?
Luc was definitely willing to give that theory the old college try. He wanted nothing more than to kiss Cate, but all kinds of warning sirens blared. Would he ruin everything they’d just bandaged if he did?
Did she want the same?
She’d had ample opportunity to scoot back after he’d hugged her in answer to her question. Could they move on? Start over? Leave it all behind?
Check the yes box for him.
Luc memorized her mouth like a starved man, though the reminder wasn’t necessary. The details had been singed into his brain years ago. When their eyes met, hers were brimming with... That couldn’t be love, could it? No. But maybe something close. Like. Interest.
Invitation.
Hopefully, he hadn’t read that last one wrong, because Luc was done waiting for a hand-addressed envelope to show up in his mailbox. He brushed her lips with his, planning to wait for her response—to see if she’d pull away. But his patience flew out the window the moment their mouths met.
Her hands slid behind his neck, and the street noises muffled as the sound of his pulse roared in his ears. It had been so long since he’d kissed Cate. He held on, praying for healing for all of the sorrow they’d caused each other. Wanting their connection to make it all disappear.
Maybe she needed the same comfort he did. But this was far more than a Band-Aid for their mistakes. This was what he wanted for the future.
Luc eased slightly from her magnetic pull.
In a matter of minutes they’d gone from digging up the past, to burying it, to creating something fresh. Luc liked that last one the best. Because this Cate was a mix of old and new woven together. The mother of his child. His first love and his second, and he never wanted to stop kissing her.
So he didn’t.
He swooped in for one more taste. What if he’d been wrong earlier? What if there was a chance she could love him again? He wasn’t lazy. He would work himself to the bone to make that happen. If only she could trust him.
He was definitely in love with Cate all over again. Not in a childish way this time, but in a way he’d never experienced before. He wanted a life with Ruby and Cate. Wanted to fight for that. There was no going back. With Ruby to consider, they’d have to be fully committed. And he was. But was she? Knowing her, she’d need time to process. If he pushed right now, she’d scatter like raindrops on a windshield. One swipe and gone forever.
Voices sounded, exiting from the coffee shop two doors down, cutting off their just one more kiss that had heated faster than metal reflecting the Colorado sun.
Cate stepped back, amusement evident. Her jaw tipped up, a sassy little move that only tempted him to head in that direction next. She was a mix of shy and sweet, embarrassed and yet refusing to give in to that last emotion. “Maybe in the middle of town isn’t the best place for our second first kiss.”
Second first. He liked the sound of that. A grin spread so wide it stretched the skin tight over his cheekbones. “You’re probably right. Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”
She answered with a slowly shaking head, doubt shadowing the playf
ulness sparkling in her eyes. “I think I’m too dressed up for such a casual night.”
“I think you’re perfect.” He’d wanted to tell her in the truck earlier that she looked gorgeous, but he’d been hesitant to say something like that in front of Ruby. “There aren’t enough words in the dictionary to do you justice, Catherine Malory.” Luc didn’t allow her the time to protest. Instead, he tucked her close and held on as they began walking.
If only he could be confident the future held more of the same.
Chapter Fourteen
What had she done? What had they done? This was why Cate didn’t take time off from focusing on Ruby. Because the lapse left her awake in the middle of the night, sheets twisted from her tossing and turning, heart beating out a rhythm of mingled fear and hope while she wrestled with the knowledge that if Luc walked through the door right now, she’d kiss him all over again.
Last night after their walk through town, she and Luc had gone back to the church to spend the rest of the evening with Ruby. Cate had relished their time together—all three of them. The night had been something close to perfect, at least in her mind. On their way home Ruby had conked out in the truck. Luc had carried her inside and tucked her in. Then he’d pulled Cate out to the front step to say good-night. He’d been so...careful with her. Like she was a precious gift he wanted to wait to unwrap. He’d held her for a long minute, kissed her cheek, and then he’d been gone before she could decipher the many emotions flitting across his features.
The man was more tempting than tiramisu crafted from the aged hands of an Italian grandmother.
Cate attempted to retuck the fitted sheet that had recently slipped free from the corner of the mattress. When her efforts didn’t pan out, she tore out of the bed and gave it a strong tug, taking a moment to realign everything her worries had tangled during the night.
What kind of monster could sleep in disheveled sheets?