When tall, dark, and sexy opportunity came a’ knocking on Iya’s door, she gladly opened it. But not Dae, the girl would ignore it until it pissed her off majorly –which wouldn’t take long– and then toss a week’s worth of garbage at it. Dae’s way of killing two birds with one stone.
Iya smiled, “It’s ok, we’re not offended.”
Dae growled. She was such an animal sometimes!
“We are not offended, just tired. I really appreciate you trying to make Dae safe. She appreciates it too.”
Another low growl sounded from behind Iya. Iya rolled her eyes as Koda the Sasquatch stood slowly.
“It was no problem. Somehow I seriously doubt Dae agrees with you though.” He motioned his head behind Iya to Dae. Iya turned her head to see Dae in a weird stance. Dae’s legs and arms were spread wide, her torso slightly bent as she glared at Koda…
“Dae!” Iya exclaimed in exasperation and embarrassment when she realized Dae was prepared for a fight. Dae relaxed her stance by a fraction, but didn’t take her eyes off Koda. He walked forward and Dae tensed. Iya seriously thought this was a bad idea and she would have told Koda that but he was already standing in front of Dae. Darn he was fast.
“I’m sorry. I mean it. I usually have better manners than this, but there’s something about you… it makes me crazy.”
What a strange thing to say.
Iya watched as Dae’s eyes softened and her body visibly relaxed as she stared up at Koda. He was about a foot taller than Dae, so she looked dwarfed by him in comparison.
Iya was surprised when Dae didn’t flip out and show him how crazy she could be. Dae nodded once in acknowledgement, the color returning to her eyes again.
Koda then faced them both. “Good night ladies.” He wore a grin from ear to ear as he bowed in front of them. It was a weird action that seemed more gentlemanly than it would have with anybody else. He turned to Dae and smiled seductively, “I’ll be seeing you around, neighbor lady –Oh that’s right, Holly Dae.” He said it like ‘Holiday’.
Dae’s eyes widened and it looked as if she visibly choked as she tried to speak, “Don’t you–” the door closed before she had a chance to finish. A low growl rumbled from Dae as she tried to shake off her anger.
Iya thought Dae would be having a harder time shaking him off, but she wouldn’t tell her friend that. Iya knew better.
Iya sighed. “So, you want to hear why I’m not going to doubt your crazy ‘feelings’ anymore?”
Dae raised her brow skeptically. “Let me here all about it over some chocolate chip ice cream.”
Six
“And that’s when I realized I had to call someone to come get me.” Iya said, as she tried to repress the guilt in her voice. It didn’t work, but at least she tried. Dae looked at Iya with an expressionless face. Iya left out a lot of the real story and she had a feeling Dae didn’t quite believe her. Dae’s silence spoke louder than words. Iya didn’t technically lie to Dae, but she wasn’t quite truthful either.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” Iya asked, her impatience getting the best of her. Or was that her guilt?
“I’m thinking.” Dae still had that immobile face on as she silently stared at Iya. The longer the silence held, the more Iya wanted to come clean. Iya was about to burst. She swore she was 10 seconds away from admitting everything when Dae said, “Hmm.”
Iya blinked. “Hmm?”
“Hmm.” Dae nodded like something made sense to her. Iya tried to wait patiently while Dae’s eyebrows furrowed. But by the next second, Iya had to know what was going on in her friends head.
“Would you care to elaborate on that ‘Hmm’?”
“Well, I’ve come to a few conclusions and you’re not going to like them.”
Suger, suger, suger! She knows, how did she know!?
Iya’s brain franticly screamed at her. That’s it! This dishonestly thing was not her bag, she needed to stick to what she was good at. Iya took a deep breath.
“Come on, out with it.” Iya said. Better to rip the band-aid off fast than to peel it slowly off.
“Conclusion number 1: These guys –your guys– are new. Maybe one of them is my single stalker. He could have called in reinforcements. But that doesn’t make sense for many reasons…” Dae started pacing the apartment. After about eight paces, Dae had to turn around. Iya remained silent as Dae worked through her hypothesis.
“The first reason that’s unlikely is it wouldn’t make sense to have two guys following me, and then knock it back down to one –which wasn’t one of the originals– to put it back to two again. The single guy was really good; I wouldn’t have been perceptive enough to notice someone following me if the first two weren’t so sloppy.”
Iya couldn’t help herself, Dae was talking in circles and she lost Iya somewhere behind in Poughkeepsie. “What?”
“Wait a minute; you said you saw the two who followed you. Where did you see them?”
“Well, I saw them at Fahrenheit first–”
“You went to Fahrenheit?” Dae interrupted shock evident in her facial features.
“Well, I did but I didn’t get in.” Fahrenheit was the hottest club on the Southside. It was also 25 and over and since neither of them was over 25, it was stupid to try to get in. It wasn’t a college scene club; the crowds there were much older and they always carded. That was the initial reason why Iya picked it; it had the kind of crowd she needed to find a man for her friend.
“Why?” Dae questioned, now more suspicious than shocked.
“Don’t get sidetracked. I want to know what that nonsense you said before was about. They were on line with me at Fahrenheit. They were at Dublin’s, One Eye’d Lucy’s, and Reno’s too, but I didn’t realize it until I hit the Roadhouse.”
Dae narrowed her eyes. “Why did you hit all those bars?”
Iya huffed out an exasperated breath. “If you weren’t so crazy about where we go, we’d bar hop together too. I know you hate Dublin’s because it’s so small, One Eye’d Lucy’s because it’s always crammed with people and Reno’s because of the partitions everywhere. I hit the Roadhouse because we always go. Last night was strange for many reasons. I didn’t have anybody with me starting fights, insulting groups of drunken people or scaring off all the testosterone in a 10 foot radius. As crazy as it may sound, I think… I missed you.”
Dae smiled a real smile, opened her mouth to speak and then closed it. She looked around in a panic, clearly feeling awkward, before she resumed pacing. Iya breathed out a breath of relief at how well she knew Dae.
“These new guys, they basically said ‘Hey, I’m here watching you and I want you to know it’. Then Lou –who was hanging out with the Dirt-bag Parasites by the way–”
“What? Who’s Lou?”
“Lou, you know, Lou Ferrigno.” Dae paused to stare at Iya who, at that moment, was looking at her as if she grew an arm out of her head.
Iya felt like she was on a road trip with a swiss cheese map, she couldn’t piece together the route Dae was trying to lead her on.
“Ohhhh, right. Lou Fergno.” Iya nodded, and then she put up her hands, silently praying for divine help. “I got nothing. Who in the world is Lou Feragamo?”
“Ferrigno , Lou Ferrigno . Didn’t you ever see the Incredible Hulk?” Dae looked like she was going to have a stroke.
“Edward Norton?”
“The original Hulk!”
“Eric Bana?”
“Argghh! The TV show from the late 70’s? Torn shirts and cut off shorts that were always a little too tight?”
Iya pursed her lips.
Dae exhaled. “Doesn’t matter, think Hulk Hogan sized but bigger, ok?”
“Is that another Hulk?”
Dae growled. It was a very frustrated sound. “Woman, you have no sense of pop culture history. Think about that monster from the Bowflex commercial. The guy who attacked me was big like that. He came off the porch like he had purpose…”
“Well, attackin
g a well endowed woman could have been his purpose. Your attack could be completely unrelated to everything else.”
“I know. It could be, but it’s a slippery slope between–”
“’Coincidence and being an oblivious butt’, but it’s also insane to assume everything’s related because it could possibly link the rest of the chain together.”
Dae was surprised at Iya’s statement. “Are you saying that because it looks highly unlikely or are you teasing me for my conspiracy theories again?”
Iya shrugged. “I don’t know Dae, but everything doesn’t have to be related. Singular events have been known to happen. I wouldn’t put all those eggs in one basket.”
“I guess you’re right. But if all those eggs don’t fit in one basket, that means I don’t have enough eggs for my gigantic omelet. How will I ever figure out why? We don’t know why they were following or what they want. Not being able to piece it together makes it more dangerous.”
Iya sighed. Her friend looked frustrated, angry and stricken. “Hey, don’t worry. It’s all going to be ok, you’ll see. Maybe there’s a perfectly logical non-homicidal reason for this. They could be Jehovah’s Witnesses.”
Dae slowly smiled. “That was funny. You must be avoiding telling me something really big if you’re going to poke fun at a religious group.”
Iya cringed, knowing she was caught with apple pie crumbs all over her face and a huge stain of sugared apple on her shirt. “I’m really, really, really sorry Dae, I swear–”
“Relax, it’s ok, Iya. It’s not such a big deal. A little weird for me, yes, but it’s nothing for you to throw all those ‘reallys’ at me for.”
“It’s not?” Iya was more than confused by her friend’s behavior. Dae got mad at the silliest things and she never forgave anybody.
Dae rolled her eyes. “No. Grammatically, one ‘really’ is always enough.” Dae smirked as Iya pursed her lips. Dae continued, “You should stop making yourself feel so guilty, I’m not even mad. Besides, when you feel guilty, you make the apartment smell funny.”
Iya snorted. “Thanks Dae, I’ll get on that right away.” Like someone could smell guilty. The crapola her friend said sometimes.
“Thanks.” Dae smiled appreciatively at Iya. “So, did you find it?” Dae asked.
“Did I find it?” Iya questioned.
“Yes, did you find it?” Dae looked at Iya expectantly.
Iya took a deep breath. She didn’t want to go into details about her night. She kind of hoped Dae would let it go and not torture her with what she tried to do. She should have realized Dae would never let an opportunity like that go. “Oh, about last night.”
“Um, no? We talked about last night. I’m not going to kill myself with worry until I get some more information. I want to know if you found what you needed in my room.”
“Your room?” Was it Iya or was Dae still making no sense whatsoever?
“Yeah, you were in my room when the Sasquatch and I came in.”
“Oh. Your room… Oh. I wasn’t really looking for anything. I mean, if I found some dirty pictures–” Iya paused to shamelessly grin at Dae, “It would have made it interesting. I kind of felt like I needed to go in your room. Like it was the safest place or something.” That was the truth.
Had Iya just dodged a bullet or what? Dae didn’t know anything.
“My room felt safe?” Dae was fighting her smirk but her dimples gave it away.
“Don’t you start with me, I’m still mad at you for having me worry like that.”
Dae scoffed. “Yes, yes, I can see why you would be still mad at me. Almost kidnapped, knocked unconscious, then actually kidnapped–”
“You weren’t kidnapped, you were rescued.”
“Potato, tomato.”
“That’s not the correct expression, Dae.”
“Who cares? The vegetable police? You know what I meant.”
“You realize I am the only one who knows what you mean, don’t you?”
“Yessiree bob. My mystique is one of my most alluring attributes. People just can’t get enough.”
Iya choked as she turned to gape at Dae.
“What does that look mean? People love me!”
“Ha!” Iya could not believe Dae was serious.
“They do! They can’t get enough of me. All the new kids are always coming around me asking me questions. Granted, it’s damn creepy most of the time but I am hard to resist, so it’s no surprise–”
Iya cut Dae off, “No, Dae. The people who do know you have a long standing bet on how fast you can make the new kids cry.”
Dae sucked her teeth, an annoying habit that set Iya’s teeth on edge. “That’s crap. You’re just jealous of my popularity with the masses.”
“And she just keeps on lying to herself!” Iya said to the ceiling, as she raised her hands as if she was trying to catch something from the sky. She turned to face Dae, “How nice it must be for you to live in that parallel universe. The rent must be cheap.”
“Hey! I’ll have you know that bring joy to all that know me.”
Iya laughed while shaking her head. She gave Dae that knowing your-full-of-crap look that always brought her friend back to reality.
“I bring joy to most of the people who know me.” Dae had the nerve to look offended when Iya snorted.
“Try again there Modest Molly.”
“I must bring joy to some of the people who know me?”
Iya rolled her eyes incredulously, “Who are you trying to fool?”
Dae pondered that. “I will–” Dae paused, tapped her forefinger to her chin a few times before she continued, “bring you an almond joy, if we can pretend this conversation never happened?”
“That’s my girl.” Iya patted Dae’s shoulder.
“Well, you know you can come in my room whenever. It’s not going to freak me out anymore. I think your growing on me.” Dae smiled.
“So do you mean that or are you just saying that because I cleaned up while I was in there?”
Dae took a deep breath and glanced at Iya’s knowing expression. “Added Bonus?”
Iya laughed.
Dae continued, “So, Marcus, huh?” Iya froze in shock. She didn’t say who picked her up from the bar purposely. She knew Dae hated him, so it was one of the major things she left out.
“Um…” Iya’s felt like her mind was making the beeping sound of a heart monitor when someone died. How did Dae figure all this out from looking at Iya? Maybe Dae was psychic…
“It’s ok. I really don’t like him, but since you do, I guess I’ll just have to deal with it. For now.”
“Really?” Iya looked at Dae in disbelief, “So does that mean you’re going to be nice to him when he comes around?”
Dae snorted. “Hell no, it just means I won’t be surprised when he does. Really Iya, it’s like you don’t know me at all.” Dae didn’t even bother hiding her grin.
Iya couldn’t help grinning back at Dae, but she was grinning at Dae for an entirely different reason. “So…” Iya kicked Dae’s chair leg when Dae gave her that confused face. Like Dae wasn’t trying to avoid the most important subject of the night.
“So, what about the Sasquatch?” Iya asked with faux innocence.
“So, what about Big Foot and the Yeti?” Dae asked, really hoping Iya would let it go.
“You know who I mean, Dae, ridiculously tall, sexy, dreamier than a boy band, so clearly interested in you?”
Dae felt herself bristle. She wasn’t sure why, but when Iya said Koda was sexy, it made her want to growl.
Iya clearly noticed. “Ok, there’s the answer to that question.” Iya was smirking.
Dae scoffed and rolled her eyes. “What about him? I’m not interested.” Dae tried to mean it, but she defiantly felt the lie roll off her tongue.
“Didn’t look that way to me.” Iya raised her brows. Damn Iya and her intuitive eyebrows!
“Well, maybe you needed your eyes checked because there’s nothing ther
e.”
“Mmhhmm.”
“Seriously.”
“Ok, Dae stay in denial as long as you want.”
“D’nile is a river in Egypt. And we’re both in America.”
Iya smiled. “I just thought I saw some chemistry.”
“Well maybe the eye doctor isn’t the only kind of doctor you need to see.”
“So, you don’t like him? Not even a little bit?”
Damn Iya and her direct questions! How could Dae explain without lying? A part of me can’t like him, but there’s another crazy new kind of old part of me that wants to play naked twister with him and then hold him hostage so he doesn’t leave?
Yeah, because that doesn’t sound the least bit crazy. Dae went with sarcasm instead.
“Yes, I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with my kidnapper. It’s all the rage now.” The her that wasn’t her grumbled. Dae beat that her down. The new crazy part of her fractured mind didn’t need to voice her opinion on Koda. That new part of her didn’t need to have a freaking opinion, period.
Iya rolled her eyes, “He didn’t kidnap you.”
“Really, sure felt like it to me.”
“He was helping you.”
“Yeah, su-u-u-re. Like Hitler helped Jewish people during the holocaust. I just bet he ties up all the women he helps.” Something about that remark made Dae feel… annoyed even though she was the one who said it.
“You’re being very evasive.”
“How am I being evasive?”
“Well, you haven’t stated if you like him or not. That was the question, and you refused to answer it without sarcasm.”
Perceptive Iya, very perceptive. “How could I like him? I don’t know him. From what I do know he’s a freaking lunatic.”
“And you’re not? That doesn’t mean you can’t like him.”
“Yes, that’s exactly what it means. By definition a lunatic is someone no one could possibly like.” The her that wasn’t her snarled a bit. Dae was thankful Iya didn’t notice her own surprise. The last thing folks needed was a reason to call the white-coats after her.
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