“Then you should be talking to Julian. Not me.”
Blane snorted as he wiped his eyes dry. “Having a real conversation with Julian is impossible. It would require him to have a heart, something he obviously doesn’t possess.”
Okay, he got it. Blane was clearly pissed, but that didn’t mean Cody was going to allow him to bad-mouth his husband. “Maybe you don’t know him as well I do.”
“I seriously doubt that. I knew him for five years. You’ve known him for five months.”
“Maybe that’s all the time we needed.” He held up his ring finger. “We did get married, after all.” As soon as the words leaped from his lips, he regretted them. Blane most likely wasn’t a bad guy. He was simply playing the role he’d been cast in—the jilted lover. If anyone knew what that felt like, it was Cody.
“Or maybe you were fine with his whole ‘marriage without love’ arrangement because all you saw when you looked at him were dollar signs?”
This shit just got real. Cody leaned across the bar and got into Blane’s face. “I wouldn’t make me angry. I can guarantee you won’t like it.”
Blane set the glass down on the bar and sneered. “Did I hit a nerve?”
No, but Cody was about three seconds away from hitting Blane in his pointy, aristocratic nose. It took all his willpower to push away from the bar and ball up his fists at his sides. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
“Well, I think it’s time you learned the truth.”
“About what?”
“About why Julian didn’t marry me.”
“Blane, that’s enough!”
The voice behind them drew their attention. It was Julian. He stood there, glancing back and forth between his husband and his ex-fiancé. A look of cool detachment Cody hadn’t seen in months settled like permafrost across his expression.
AFTER taking an earlier flight, Julian had prepared himself for a tenuous situation at home, but there was no way he could have been ready for this. When he walked in and saw Cody and Blane in the same room, arguing about him, he’d been unable to make his presence known. It wasn’t until Blane threatened to reveal a truth Julian had yet to admit that he finally found his words.
If he could get Cody out of there, he would. He had to take him somewhere and finally tell him everything Cody had wanted to know about his relationship with Blane. But the determined scowl that curled across Blane’s lips told him that was never going to happen.
He dropped his bags beside the entrance and closed the front door. “What are you doing here?”
“Are you serious?” Blane rounded the bar and headed straight for him. Cody attempted to intercept him, but Julian held his hand up for Cody to stop. Blane clearly had to get some things off his chest, and it was better if Cody didn’t get caught in the crossfire. “How about the fact you and I were together for four years and you never once contacted me to let me know about your marriage? I had to learn about it along with everyone else on the news.”
He should have gotten in touch with Blane, but so much time had passed, Julian had ultimately decided not to.
“And so I waited, to see if you would call, if you would try to reach out to me and explain how you could marry him.” He motioned to Cody. “And not have married me.”
“You broke up with me.” Julian’s tone remained even and calm. He couldn’t lose his cool. He had to end this, get Blane out of here, and then explain everything to Cody. “You’re the one who said you didn’t want what I could offer. You’re the one who went back home to Boston.”
“Because I thought you might come after me.” Misery tracked across Blane’s face, and it made Julian’s gut wrench. “I thought you would fight for me. I waited for you to realize we were perfect for each other, that you wouldn’t find another man in the world who knew you better, who you would rather spend the rest of your life with. How could I have been so stupid?”
Julian couldn’t feel any worse than he did right now. He’d just never realized how deep the cut had been. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You know that, right? That’s why we had such a long engagement. That’s why I made it clear what type of relationship I wanted.”
“So this is my fault?” The anger that rolled off Blane rivaled a towering inferno. “All I ever did was try to make you happy, try to get you to see we could be good together.” Julian darted his gaze to Cody, whose stunned expression revealed more than Julian wished to see. “Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with you. I’m sorry I broke our agreement by actually feeling something for you instead of feeling nothing.”
Cody’s gasp caught Blane’s attention. Everything was unraveling too fast. Julian had to pull it all back together. “Blane, I—”
Blane snapped his focus back to Julian. “Did you fall in love with Cody?” The words came out as an indictment rather than a question. They made Julian falter, unsure how to answer when he wasn’t certain what he felt himself. “No. You didn’t, did you? Well, here’s a newsflash, Julian. Your husband,” he said, pointing an accusing finger at Cody, “has fallen in love with you.”
Cody opened his mouth to protest, to deny the words Blane was putting in his mouth, but no sound came out of his lips. Instead he stood there with a lost expression that caused his beautiful blue eyes to droop.
“Can you see it, Julian?” Blane asked. “Because I can. I saw it in the newspapers. I saw it for myself the moment he opened the front door. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt when he jumped to your defense. You may not have wanted a marriage that involved love, but guess what? You’ve got one now.”
“Will you please just go?” Julian pointed to the front door.
Blane took a deep breath and glanced over his shoulder at Cody while walking toward the door. “I’m sorry, I truly am, but you deserved the truth. I don’t think I was ever more than a political move to get Julian elected. He’ll never give you his heart. All he’ll do is break yours.”
Chapter Fifteen
CODY reeled, trying to take in all the information Blane had just dumped at his feet, but it was too much to process. Instead of sorting through the many revelations, his mind felt shattered, broken, and no matter how he tried to put the pieces together, all he could focus on was the brick Blane had tossed through his relationship.
“You may not have wanted a marriage that involved love, but guess what? You’ve got one now.”
“Cody, I know you just got hit with a lot and you probably need time to digest it all, but please, let me explain.”
“What’s there to explain? I know the truth now.” His heartbeat turned sluggish, and a layer of frost coated his flesh. “You broke up with Blane because he fell in love with you.”
Julian darted to his side, gripping Cody’s forearms, his eyes wide and pleading. “No. He left me. I wanted to work things out. I thought we had a future together. He’s the one who ended things. He’s the one who left.”
“And why did he leave, Julian?” Cody stood up straight, staring down into the brown eyes that had made his heart flutter. Gazing into them now only made his soul weary.
“I should have explained all of this to you before now.”
“Yes, you should have. I thought Blane had broken your heart the way Phillip broke mine. I thought that was the main reason behind your view on relationships. I thought we were responding to the pain in our lives, but that’s not true, is it? You never loved Blane. You never gave him your heart. You proposed to him because he was a good fit, because he could help your political career. There was never anything real between the two of you.”
“Cody, let me—”
“God, I’m such a fucking idiot!” Cody spun on his heel and paced the room. “The only reason you stayed married to me was because we were already married. Hell, when you woke up the next morning, you wanted a lawyer more than you did a husband. It wasn’t until after you recalled my stance on love that you reconsidered. This was never about what we could do for each other. This was all about you, about damage co
ntrol, about how you could come through the shitstorm of our sudden marriage smelling like a goddamn rose!”
“Dammit!” Julian stormed over to his side, his expression hard. “That’s not true at all. Don’t make me out to be the villain here. This isn’t a soap opera.”
Cody chuckled, but there was no happiness in the sound. “Of course not. There isn’t a writer in the world who could come up with shit like this!”
“My relationship with Blane has no bearing on our relationship. Don’t try to connect dots that aren’t there.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” If Cody were any more frustrated, he’d be tearing his hair out by the roots. “It has everything to do with our relationship, because the agreement you had with Blane is the exact same one you had with me.”
“So?”
“So? You never loved Blane. When he left, did it even register on your radar?”
Julian winced. “Of course it did. I’m not a heartless bastard. I missed him, but he didn’t want what I could offer.”
“That’s the fucking point! He wanted everything you could offer because he fell in love with you. He wanted it all, not whatever facsimile you had created.”
“I tried to fix things, Cody. I didn’t just kick him out. He didn’t want it to be fixed. I didn’t know what else to do but let him go.” Julian’s slumped shoulders made him seem like a lost little boy. He really didn’t have a clue.
“He fell in love with you. You were supposed to fight for him.”
Julian had no response.
“But since you didn’t love him, you let him go and went about your life as if nothing had changed, when for Blane his entire world had fallen apart. Just like your mother’s did every time your father cheated on her, just like my mother’s did every time she got divorced, just like mine did when Phillip got married, and just like mine is doing right now.”
“No.” Julian closed his eyes and shook his head, as if that was going to help. “Don’t do this. Don’t say it.”
“I fell in love with you, Julian.” Finally saying the words released the majority of Cody’s anger. It wasn’t Julian’s fault it had happened. He’d made his intentions crystal clear. Cody was the one who had fallen in love. If there was anyone he should be angry with, it was himself. “And I’m sorry for breaking our agreement just like Blane.”
When Cody turned to walk away, to go to their bedroom and pack his things, Julian suddenly darted in front of him. He placed his hands on Cody’s chest and desperately rubbed them up and down. “No. Don’t go. This doesn’t have to change anything. We can fix this. I know we can.”
Cody pressed his lips into a thin smile. “You can’t fix love, Julian. It’s not this awful force to be avoided at all cost. We’ve been going about our lives all wrong. I realize that now. Does it hurt like a motherfucking bitch? Oh, God, it does.” Right now a dozen knives bit into his chest and his stomach. Cody found it extremely difficult to breathe and stand up straight. “I had almost forgotten how much. I allowed that pain to make me forget love is also a wonderful thing. I’d never been happier than I was these past few months, and I realize now that when you fall in love with the right person, it brings more joy than it does pain.”
“See? You said it yourself. We’ve been happy these past few months.” Julian grabbed his hands and held them tight. “We can still have that. We’re perfect for each other. I know it. You’ve got to know that too, right?”
“That depends.”
Julian’s face brightened. “On what? Tell me. I’ll do anything.”
“Okay, then. Truth or dare? And I want you to pick truth.”
“This isn’t a game.” He let go of Cody’s hands and took a step back. “Be serious.”
“I am serious. You said you’d do anything. Answering one question truthfully will tell us both all we need to know.”
Julian turned around and faced the wall. “I can’t. I just… can’t.”
Even though his heart broke a little more, Cody appreciated Julian’s continued honesty. That was just one of the many things about his husband he would always remember. “And that’s why it’s time for me to go.”
JULIAN stood there for a few minutes, his feet glued to the floor as Cody packed up his belongings in the other room. He didn’t say a word when he heard Cody on the phone checking for last-minute out-of-town flights or when he called a cab to take him to the airport.
He wasn’t even sure how long he’d been standing there until Cody reemerged from the bedroom with his suitcase in hand. Although a thin smile turned up the corners of his lips, Julian saw the truth. He was in pain, and Julian had been the cause of it.
God, when had he turned into his father?
“Here.” Cody ambled over to him, dragging his suitcase behind him and holding out his hand.
“What is it?” He took what Cody had placed in his palm. When Julian saw the key to their house and Cody’s wedding band, whatever paralysis had come over him immediately ended. “No.” He grabbed Cody’s closed hand and tried to return the items. “This isn’t over. It can’t be.”
Cody shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed. “It is, Julian, and I’m not mad anymore. I promise. This wasn’t going to work out. I think we both knew that on some level from the beginning.”
Bullshit. He’d known they were perfect for each other the moment the veil of alcohol had lifted the morning after they’d gotten married. “That’s not true. Why do you think I’ve been trying so hard to convince you that we’re good together?”
Cody reached out to cup his cheek, the way he often had over the past few months, to comfort him. The gesture told Julian everything he needed to hear. This wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.
But then Cody stopped. He withdrew his hand and tucked it back into the pocket of his jeans. “Have you ever considered that you might have been trying too hard? Trying to not only convince me but yourself? Think about it, Julian. You were trying to make the best of a difficult situation. I realize finding out that you suddenly had a husband must have put a serious kink in your campaign, and when you realized I shared your views on love, well, you had a solution.”
“That’s not what—”
“But it’s not a solution. At least not anymore. The kind of marriage you want is no longer the kind of marriage I want. I want to be in love, and I want my husband to love me. I realize that now more than ever.”
Julian bit his lip. What more could he say? Cody had made up his mind.
“But don’t worry. I’m not going to jeopardize your campaign. We won’t file for divorce until after you’ve been reelected. It’s the least I could do for the man—” Cody swallowed hard. “For you.”
Julian couldn’t believe his ears. Even in the midst of their dissolving union, Cody still thought about Julian more than he did himself. What was wrong with Julian? Why couldn’t he just say the words Cody needed to hear? He had the power to stop this, to make it all go away with three little words.
But how could he say them if he didn’t even know what he felt? If he said those words without the full emotion behind them, it would devastate Cody more than remaining silent. Julian had been too selfish already. It was time for him to look beyond his needs to Cody’s.
The best thing for Cody right now was to let him go.
“I’m really going to miss you.”
Tears welled up in Cody’s eyes. “I’ll miss you too.”
A horn blared outside. The cab was here. Julian fought back his desire to wrap his arms around Cody and keep him from leaving. Hell, he had half a mind to find some rope and tie Cody up, but Julian had to be stronger than the python that wrapped around his chest.
“We’ll make arrangements later to ship the rest of my stuff back to Texas.” With a final wave and half smile, Cody collected his luggage and walked out the front door.
When the door clicked shut, a sob rose in Julian’s throat. He strangled it, keeping it from making an escape. Cody deserved better than him. He de
served a marriage filled with love. He deserved someone better than Julian.
He glanced down at the wedding ring in his palm and on his finger before shoving his hands in his pockets. He could do this. He could move on like he’d done before.
All he had to do was go around the house and remove all signs Cody had ever been there, but how the hell would he ever accomplish that?
Chapter Sixteen
RETURNING to his usual routine hadn’t been easy for Cody. Ever since he’d moved back into his apartment, all he could focus on was how much he missed Julian, how badly his chest hurt every time he pictured staring into Julian’s brown eyes or running his hands along Julian’s tanned flesh.
It still amazed him how hard he had fallen and how fast it had happened.
Even though it didn’t really matter now, he spent too many hours trying to pinpoint the exact moment he’d fallen in love with his husband. It had definitely occurred before they had sex the second time. He’d already fallen victim to Julian’s charm by then. Had it been the last time they were in Cody’s apartment? He definitely noticed things changing for him then.
But really, what did it matter if he fell in love with Julian on that day or any other? The point seemed horribly moot now. He’d broken their deal, and as a result, he was back in Austin.
That was what he had to focus on now. Rebuilding the life he’d been living before Vegas.
Fortunately he managed to find some part-time work as a waiter for a local French bistro, and starting next week, he’d be bringing in a paycheck again. After that, life was sure to return to normal. He’d settle back into his previous schedule—working and writing played on a continual loop, the way it had before.
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