by Anna Zaires
“Then believe me, please. I screwed up and they took you. Don’t let me get you killed again.”
I sighed, tears blurring my vision. “I want to come home, but I don’t. You don’t know how this feels inside.” I clawed at my chest with a shaking hand. “It’s enough to drive someone insane. You know?”
There was no need for me to elaborate. She knew why I didn’t want to go home.
“I will help you,” she said softly. “I’ll stay with you at your house, and we can get through this together. There are friendly vampires I know of. They can fill in the blanks for us with blood banks and all that.”
I just nodded. It wasn’t just the practicalities stopping me from jumping on a plane and flying home – it was this strange feeling, deep in my belly, that said I couldn’t leave Ryan. That we belonged to each other.
Evie’s face softened. “I know,” she said, squeezing my hand. “I know you think you can’t leave him. That leaving him would kill you.”
“It’s stupid,” I said.
If you go home you will die.
“It’s not stupid,” Evie replied gently, using her free hand to wipe tears from my cheek. “It’s the way vampires are designed. For survival. The good news is, once you’re far away enough that feeling will start to fade.”
I nodded because I wanted to believe her.
“Every time you have that feeling,” Evie said, “I want you to remember the moment you fell in love with Jared. How it felt. Where you were. Every little detail you can think of.”
I started to cry. “Why?” I asked.
“Because,” Evie squeezed my hand tightly, “he’s the one you should share a bond with. The guy you love, not a vampire who took you against your will and Turned you because he screwed up and you died.”
If you stay here you will die.
“Okay” I nodded vacantly.
“Okay what?”
“Okay, I’ll think about that every time. And … and I’ll come home. Not tomorrow, though. I need a few more weeks to … get this shit under control.”
We sat in silence for a while.
If you stay here, you will die. I’ve seen it, and I’ve never been wrong before.
“You were wrong once,” I said softly.
Evie just nodded, the haunted look in her eyes almost too much for me to bear. She released my hand and the spell was broken. She opened her arms, pulled me into her, and held me while we both cried.
Jared and Evie left early the next morning. Poor Jared was extremely apologetic that he had fallen asleep and thought he must have the flu or something. I felt so sorry for him. The guy had driven cross–country to see me for a few measly hours and I hadn’t even put out for him. That last lingering kiss on the front porch before he jumped into the waiting cab was enough to cement my decision to leave immediately.
THIRTY-SEVEN
I let four weeks pass before I felt strong enough to return home without the crushing bloodlust invading my every thought. I spent those four weeks intensively quizzing Ryan, Sam and Ivy on everything I could think of. I think Ryan took my inquisitiveness as a sign that I was sticking around, and so he relaxed a little on the strict rules and chaperoned outings.
Ryan was gone a lot during that time. He was always visiting Clair. He had really taken to her, and dare I say it, was starting to have feelings for the girl. He started to act differently, too. I took to teasing him about it every time he returned after seeing her. But secretly I was worried. She was human and he was a vampire – what was he planning to do with her?
When he was around, Ryan still acted as if there was no hurry, as if I would be staying in Pasadena indefinitely. He kept telling me my bloodlust hadn’t peaked yet, that it was only going to get worse.
And he was right, in a way. My bloodlust did get much worse. But not for many months.
If you stay here you will die. That was all I heard in my mind for the entire four weeks.
I thought that I was fine. Fixed. Non–lusty. Safe to be alone with.
It was time to go home.
THIRTY-EIGHT
Once the decision to leave was firm in my mind, there were many things to do. Firstly, I needed a set of wheels. Evie had suggested flying home, but I couldn’t risk having my name show up on any commercial airline passenger manifests or travel databases that Caleb might be watching. I couldn’t take my own car, the one that Jared had so generously driven across the country for me. It was like driving a red flaming beacon that screamed, ‘Here I am, come and get me!’
I also had to time my exit appropriately so that nobody would try to stop me. I doubted Ryan would lock me up again, but I didn’t exactly trust him. I knew he had something big planned – he was going somewhere ‘important’ and could be away for a few days. Ivy was going somewhere mysteriously vague, as usual. And Sam had his teaching commitments at the university. All of this gave me a good six-hour window of time to pack my stuff up and get as far away as I could before anyone realized that I was gone.
Still, the logistics bothered me. I was going to have to stop for the night at some point, and if Ryan was really keen (which he would be) then he’d only have to track me to where I stopped and come get me. I could drive through the night, but that sounded exhausting. The other thing that worried me was having enough blood to drink in case I got my freak on again and felt like biting somebody. I was afraid to be alone on the drive in case I flipped out, but I was more afraid of If you stay here you will die.
It was early. I sat at the table waiting for my black coffee and blood to infuse. I hated to admit it, but the coffee component was merely a distraction to mask the plain horror of what I was drinking for breakfast – human blood. Stuff that people donated, from the goodness of their hearts, to help save lives. The stuff that pumped through my boyfriend’s veins. And I was putting it in my Nescafé.
Ryan sat down across from me, his own coffee/blood concoction letting off steam in front of him.
“Do you ever wonder whose it is?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Ryan asked, digging his spoon into a bowl of cereal.
“The blood,” I replied. “The person who donated this. They must have thought they were giving it for good, not evil.”
Ryan smirked through a mouthful of Cheerios. “Evil?” he spluttered. “Jesus. You’re like a nun. Only you put out.”
I glared at him in disgust. “You’re so fucking hilarious.”
I can’t wait to get the hell away from you.
“The blood doesn’t come from a hospital blood bank,” Ryan explained without missing a beat. “Vampires have particular requirements of donors that humans do not. It’s about more than blood type. It depends on their diet, their lifestyle, their psychic energy. This stuff is expensive.” He tapped on his coffee mug. “Why do you think we limit our intake? Not because we want to. There’s only a small amount available.”
I thought about that for a moment and my blood ran cold. “A small amount?” I echoed. “So vampires who can’t get their hands on this stuff …”
“Get it directly from people, yes,” Ryan finished casually.
“Do the people die?”
Ryan shrugged. “Sometimes. It depends.”
“So you only drink this blood?” I asked, pointing at his cup. He could tell I was testing him – of course he could, he could read my mind.
“No,” he said evenly. Because I already knew. He had drained Kate. He hadn’t killed her, though. Caleb had saved her last terrified breaths for himself.
“And?” I pressed. “Do they die sometimes?”
“If I take blood from a human, I’m careful. I don’t bleed them to death. It gets messy. People would come looking for me.”
“What people?” I asked. “I thought you said most people don’t even know about vampires?”
“There’s a bunch of people who keep tabs on supernaturals like us. Vampires, witches, shape shifters, werewolves, hunters.”
“Like a council?” I asked.
“Yes,” Ryan replied, draining his coffee mug. “A council of supernatural beings.”
“What’s it called?” I asked.
He looked at me like I was stupid. “The ... council of supernatural beings.”
“Original,” I remarked.
I thought about that for awhile.
“So are we going to keep pretending your little visit with the witch didn’t happen?” Ryan asked casually, fixing his gaze onto me.
I just shrugged.
“That must have been hard. Seeing your little boyfriend? Your pal?”
“Who are you calling little?,” I shot back, raising my eyebrows and looking pointedly at the area below Ryan’s waistline.
Ryan laughed. “She has a sense of humor!” he cheered, raising his cup and clinking it with thin air. He stood and drained the last of his bloody espresso. “Well, she obviously didn’t convince you to leave.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Obviously. Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.”
Ryan shrugged. “Well, I’m off. Clair and I are going on a little sojourn.”
“Don’t eat her,” I said, trying to think and look as bored as possible. Hurry up and leave!
“Jealous?” Ryan asked. “Don’t worry, I’ll take you somewhere special soon.”
“Oh goody,” I rolled my eyes. “I can’t wait.”
I spent the next half hour reading every article in the latest issue of Vogue without taking in a single word, while Ryan took his sweet time loading suitcases into his car and grabbing supplies from the fridge.
“You’re not taking all that, are you?” I gestured to the baggies of blood he was packing into a small blue cooler bag. If he took it all, I wouldn’t have any for the long drive back to New Jersey. And I really didn’t fancy trying to pick up a human meal and drinking their blood without killing them.
“I left three for you,” he said. “Ivy's picking up more tomorrow, so you’ll be fine until then.”
I watched as he opened the freezer door and started packing more frozen bags of blood in his cooler. There had to be at least fifty bags of the stuff, each containing a litre of blood. Fifty litres of blood. Where the hell was he going?
My heart sank as I put the pieces together. I stood and walked over so that I was in front of him.
“What are you doing?” I asked quietly.
Ryan looked away, unable to meet my eyes. “It’s not what you think,” he said.
“It is,” I insisted, grabbing at the handle of the cooler bag. “Tell me what’s going on!”
Ryan pulled the bag out of my reach and fixed his steely eyes onto mine. “Mind your own business,” he said. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“You’re going to Turn her,” I accused. His eyes gave away what he wouldn’t say.
“Why?” I demanded. “She’s got her whole life ahead of her!” I sucked in a deep breath. “Why would you do that to her?”
“Get out of my way, Blake,” Ryan demanded when I blocked his exit from the kitchen. “I mean it. I don’t have time to screw around.”
“Ryan,” I said softly, pleadingly. I put both of my hands on his shoulders, as I asked for the third time. “You’ve only met the girl a few times. Why?”
Sorrow and pain competed against each other in those dark blue eyes of his.
“Because,” he answered finally, “she asked me to.”
I was about to argue that that wasn’t a good enough reason, when he pushed me to the side and stormed out to the garage. Seconds later, I heard his car peeling off down the driveway and the automatic door closing again with a dull thud.
THIRTY-NINE
I almost changed my mind. Frozen to the spot, I turned that information over and over in my mind. He is going to make Clair a vampire. To do that, he has to kill her.
But he hadn’t lied to me. If he said she had asked, then it was what she wanted. It didn’t make any sense, but I supposed it really was none of my business, after all.
I headed back to my room for what I hoped would be the last time, opened the closet and grabbed the bag I’d packed during the early hours of the morning when sleep had deserted me. I went back to the kitchen, dropped the bag in front of the fridge, and loaded my three measly bags of blood into it. An overnight stop was probably out of the question then, if I only had this much blood.
My breath caught in my throat as I sensed someone else in the room. I turned around and let out a relieved breath. It wasn’t Ryan.
“You’re leaving?” Sam asked, gesturing to my bag.
I debated whether or not to lie. “You can’t stop me,” I said finally.
“Who said anything about stopping you?” Sam replied. “I’m surprised you stayed this long.”
“Don’t tell the others,” I said. “Please?”
“Okay,” he said. “I’m sure they’ll figure it out, though. Ryan is a very good tracker. He can find anyone.”
I sighed. “I know,” I said. “I’m just hoping that once I’m home, he won’t try to make me come back.”
“So when are we leaving?” Sam asked.
I raised my eyebrows. “We? There is no we.”
Sam crossed his arms and leaned against the bench. “I notice you have my keys,” he said casually.
I looked down at the keys in my hand. “It’s the only other car here,” I said, a note of desperation entering my voice. “I can’t take my car. It’s too obvious.”
“I’m coming with you,” Sam announced. Before I could argue, he uncrossed his arms, plucked the set of keys out of my hand and casually made his way down the hall. “Five minutes,” he called. “I’ll just pack a few things.”
I stood on nervous feet, hopping from side to side, trying to decide what to do. To trust that Sam, a vampire I’d only known for a short time, would deliver me home safely and without an agenda of his own? Strangely, I found myself looking forward to the idea of being alone with him on a cross–country road trip.
Don’t get carried away, I thought to myself. You’re never going to see him again.
And for some silly reason, the thought of never seeing him again hurt. More than I could have imagined. I could kind of see why. Whereas Ryan was the source of all my troubles, and Ivy was cold and aloof, if it hadn’t been for Sam’s gentle guidance and ability to listen to me freak the fuck out on a regular basis, I would have gone insane the first night I landed in that house. I suddenly understood why the thought of losing him hurt so much. It was because, in my new life, he was the only real friend that I had.
You’re going home. You need to forget about him.
Somehow that didn’t seem so easy.
I stormed out to the car, irritated that my plan had been sprung before I’d even left the house. I was so terribly bad at anything that required stealth or cunning. I threw my bag in the backseat of Sam’s SUV, a sleek black BMW with leather seats and chrome wheels. It looked like a car that Ivy would choose, not Sam. I imagined if he had the choice, he would pick something as ordinary as a second–hand pickup.
“Nice car,” I murmured as he entered the garage carrying a duffel bag and a small ice cooler. He must have seen my eyes light up, because he nodded and handed the box to me. “You didn’t think three little bags would get you there, did you?”
I shrugged. “I would have had more if Ryan hadn’t sniped it all.”
Sam’s face fell. “That’s where it all went?” he asked.
“Well, yeah,” I said. “He took a big cooler full of blood bags with him. He’s going to Turn Clair in Barbados.”
I placed the cooler on the floor behind the passenger seat and closed the door. “I don’t know why he has to go all the way to Barbados to do that. It’s hardly a time to be getting a tan when she’ll be all albino girl.”
“Barbados is a hospital,” Sam said as he shut the tailgate. “It’s in Malibu. It looks like a regular hospital, but it treats anything that falls out of the human category.”
“Clair is still human, t
hough,” I said. “And how come you’re not surprised? Did you know he was going to Turn her?”
I really hoped he didn’t know.
“Nothing he does surprises me, Mia. He’s done far, far worse than that.”
“Oh.” I swallowed uncomfortably and hopped into the car, throwing my handbag at my feet. A wave of nausea hit me and I clamped my mouth shut and counted to ten in my head.
You don’t need blood yet. You just had some.
“Are you alright?” I opened my eyes to find Sam in the driver’s seat, peering at me with concerned eyes. “You’re as white as a ghost.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said quietly. I reached down and grabbed a bottle of water from my bag, cracked it open and drank the whole thing in one go.
Stop thinking about feeling sick and you’ll stop feeling sick. It’s all in your head.
I felt bile rush up my throat and I bolted from the car, barely making it to the garden bed on the side of the driveway before the entire contents of my stomach projectiled out of my mouth and onto a pretty rose bush. Thank goodness the garage door had been open or I would have chundered all over the car bonnet. I felt a warm hand on my back and my cheeks started to burn. Great, he just saw me throw up. Classy.
“Here.” A fresh water bottle was placed in my grasp. I opened it and took a small sip, swirled the water around my mouth and spat it out.
“Sorry,” I said, shaking my head and taking a deep breath. “Let’s get out of here.”
FORTY
It was small talk for the first few hours. Small talk and me napping. I was so tired, I felt like I could sleep for days. I was tired right down to my weary bones. I awoke just as we were crossing the border from LA into Arizona, in a town called Needles. If I had stayed asleep five minutes longer, I would have missed Needles completely.
“Can we stop?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.
Sam frowned. “It’s only been three hours.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I need to pee.”
Sam shrugged in agreement and turned into a gas station. As soon as I got out of the car I regretted it. The temperature had to be at least a hundred and five, and the sun burned my skin the moment I was outside.