“I’m not stupid, Boggs.” I was growing angry.
“Of course you aren’t. But that was a stupid thing to do, and I think you know that.”
“I had to know. And your apology isn’t exactly sounding very heartfelt.”
“Sorry.”
“Sorry because you’re sorry or sorry for not being heartfelt?”
“Both.”
“I need some time, Boggs, to figure it all out.”
“Fair enough. Just…please don’t shut me out, Zo.”
“Fair enough,” I echoed him.
“You never told me what Gus found down by the river, when he examined you.”
“He said my uterus feels farther along than I am.”
“What does that mean?”
I shrugged. I had been trying to not think about that. “I guess it could just be my anatomy. Gus said we’ve all lost weight, and maybe it’s just that. Could be twins. It’s just impossible to say.”
“Fuck,” was all he said.
“Ya, right?”
“Did he say everything else is going ok?”
I recalled our passionate encounter by the river, and the intensity with which we had both climaxed. I felt my face flushing and steered my thoughts in another direction. “As far as he can tell.”
Boggs stood slowly and walked toward me. “Can I sit by you?”
I looked at him and sighed. “Yes, but I’m not ready for more than that.”
He knelt down in front of me and moved his head to my lap, resting an ear on my belly. He sat there, as if listening, for a long moment before lifting his head to look at me. His bright blue eyes were red-rimmed and filled with tears. “I’m so sorry, Zoe.” He hung his head again and this time just rested it on my lap. I put my right hand on his head gently, and swept his curls back. I was so torn. I loved this man in so many ways. I was carrying his child. I wanted to put this behind us and love him as a lover should. Gus crept into my mind.
CHAPTER 21
Morning had come far too early. I had moved from the deck to the cabin below while Gus and Boggs finished their shift. Cold, I had climbed into the sleeping bag with Emilie. The bunk was far from comfortable, but I was glad to have a place to lie down. Nathan and Susan were not among us, and I figured they were taking a turn on deck. Emilie woke beside me as I stirred.
“Morning, Zoe,” she said as she stretched.
“Hey Em. Sorry I woke you.”
“Nah,” she said as she yawned. “It’s a big day, might as well start early. I slept all night anyway. Hey, are the girls awake?”
I looked over to where Abbey and Jane had slept, and saw that the bunk was empty. “I should go find them,” I said, feeling a sense of urgency.
“They’re out on deck with Susan and Nate,” mumbled Gus.
“When did you guys come back down?” I asked.
“A couple hours ago. Susan and Nate relieved us.”
Boggs was still snoring. I heard Emilie’s stomach growl loudly.
“Hungry?” I asked.
She nodded in reply, looking groggy from a night’s sleep.
“Let’s go eat. Boggs carried the food into the galley,” I said
“Is there a bathroom? I need to pee like a mofo.”
“Just go off the side, Red,” said Gus. I heard him chuckle.
“Funny, Gussie.”
“Just past the closets there’s another door. Nate said the water tanks are low, so you know how it goes…if it’s yellow let it mellow…”
Em finished the saying. “If it’s brown flush it down.” She rolled her eyes.
I used the small bathroom after Emilie was done and then we both walked to the galley. We settled on canned carrots and oatmeal for breakfast. Selections were limited. No food had been left on board, so all we had was what we had carried with us. We shared a bottle of water.
“Make me any?” asked Gus as he walked in, wearing just his boxers and a t-shirt. He stretched, then wrapped his arms around Emilie and kissed her on the forehead.
“No, but I will,” she said as she smiled.
Gus leaned down and gave her a peck on the lips. “Thanks, darlin’.”
“I should go check on the girls,” I said, feeling awkward.
“Zoe,” said Gus to stop me. “Did you and Boggs have a chance to talk?”
I nodded. “Ya.”
“Everything go ok?”
“I guess,” I mumbled.
“Ok.”
I headed up the steps to the deck, welcoming the morning air. Clouds were dotting the sky in all directions. The sun rising was streaking the sky in shades of orange and red that reminded me of that first fateful day when the dead had risen to rule the world. A slight breeze blew, but for being out on the water it was eerily calm. The air was brisk, but felt warmer than it had at dusk.
Susan, Nathan, and both the younger girls were assembled at the rear of the boat fiddling with fishing poles.
“Hey guys,” I said. “Whatcha doing?”
“Morning, Zoe,” said Susan. She was smiling, and looked genuinely happy. The four of them almost looked like a family. Granted Susan had olive skin and almost black hair, Jane was pale as can be with red hair and freckles, and Nathan and Abbey looked like they could be siblings with their skin tone, eye and hair color. Abbey obviously trusted Nathan, which made sense since they had been part of the same group for so many weeks. I wondered if the four of them might find happiness as a family. I was particularly fond of Jane, but would be happy to see her take to any of us and be happy.
Jane looked up at me and smiled. It was an uplifting sight. “Nate found fishin’ poes!”
I chuckled under my breath at her pronunciation of ‘poles.’ “Super cool,” I said, slightly dramatically.
“Looks like this boat must have been used mostly for fishing,” Nate added. “It’s pretty loaded with tackle and poes,” he winked at me. “The cooler there between the seats is meant to keep the day’s catch cool. My old man used to have an onboard cooler like it, but smaller.”
“Think we can catch anything?” I asked.
“Heck ya,” said Nate. “Should be lots of good things down there.” He motioned to the water with a tilt of his head. “Salmon, cod, halibut. Even dog fish.”
“Dog fish?” squealed Jane. “Ewww!” Her freckled nose wrinkled.
Susan chuckled. “Nate, what are dog fish?”
“Pretty much small sharks. You’ll catch a lot of them while bottom fishing, when your line is about half way down or so. They go after bait really easily. Not the tastiest things, a bit rubbery, but I’ve fried em before in little strips and they’re ok.”
“Sounds gross,” said Abbey. She sounded so sad.
“Abbey, you hanging in there?” I asked.
She shook her head back and forth. “I can’t get her out of my head. How much pain she was in. How pale she got, all the blood…”
“Abbey, honey,” said Susan. “It’s gonna take time. We’ve all been through so much.”
Abbey wiped a tear from her eye and nodded her head. “Ya, I guess. It’s just so hard.”
Miss Abbey seemed to be growing up too fast. I blamed the world around us for that. My heart was aching for her.
“Nate?” I asked to grab his attention.
“Huh?” He was busy tying a lure to a line.
“We’re headed to the island today, right?”
“That’s the plan, yup.”
“Maybe you and Susan should stay on board with the girls.”
“I was thinking maybe you, Susan, and Emilie might want to stay on board with the little ones while we guys clear the island.” He had stopped tying the line to look at me.
“Susan? Mind if I borrow Nathan for a minute?”
“Sure, Zoe, just bring him back in one piece.”
I walked to the bow of the boat, knowing Nathan would follow me.
“What’s up, Zoe?”
“I know Gus and Boggs will say the same thing you just did. I just wa
nted to talk alone before we all talk it over.”
“Ah, you want to get me on your side huh?” he smirked.
“Abbey and Jane seem to really be taking to you and Susan. I think you should stay behind, keep the girls busy. Maybe teach them how to fish. Em is good with a gun, and I’m not bad myself. Plus, if there happen to be any Runners on land I can help warn the others.”
Nathan crossed his arms over his chest, looked at his feet, and was obviously busy thinking. “You make a good case, but Gus and I have the most shooting experience. How about if we leave Boggs behind and I go?”
“He won’t let me go unless he’s there, Nathan. And seeing you and Susan with the girls. Like it or not, I think you have yourself a family, Nate.”
He sighed deeply. “Kinda looks that way, huh?”
“Stay here with them, Nate. If anything happens to us, they’ll need you.”
“You’re a good woman, Zoe. You have a kind heart.”
“Thanks.”
“Since we’re alone, Zoe,” he said, “try not to hurt Boggs too bad, or Emilie, ok?”
I glared at him, my cheeks suddenly hot. “Nate, don’t say anything. None of us want to hurt anyone. It was just a stupid mistake.”
“Zoe, you can tell yourself that all you want. I’ve seen how he looks at you. The others will notice soon enough. You and Gus are walking a fine line together.”
“I know.”
“Ok.”
“’Kay. Go teach the girls how to fish…”
He walked back to the fishing party and left me at the bow of the boat. I leaned against the rail that skirted the entire deck. It was fiberglass, off-white in color, with a metal rail topping it off. It was maybe four feet tall and had small openings at the bottom to allow for water drainage. I looked out at the island in the distance. I could see evergreen trees dotting the shore. Orcas, I think someone had said. I knew Orcas Island was home to a small population of humans. As I focused at the tree line and inhaled the sea air a couple of seagulls flew overhead, calling to each other in high pitched screams. I watched one dive-bomb the water below me, and end in a nice float. Something on the island caught my attention, and I focused back on the shoreline. There, stumbling amongst the stones of the rocky shore was a Roamer. I could hear its signature deep within my mind, but weakly. We were too far away for a strong signal.
“Hey Zoe,” Gus’ voice interrupted my focus.
I turned to him and blinked a few times. “Hey.”
“You ok out here?” he asked.
“Of course. That’s Orcas Island over there, right?”
“Yup.”
“There’s a zombie on the shore.”
I heard him sigh. “Orcas has a pretty good population. I’m sure there’s more than one. Zoe, we need to talk.”
“Where’s Emilie?” I asked.
“She’s still below, cooking for everyone. I guess she found some dehydrated eggs.”
I turned my back to him to look out at the water. “Nathan knows.”
“I’ve talked to him already.”
“Gus. I can’t do this to them. To Boggs and especially to Emilie.”
“I know, Zoe. I can’t help how I feel, but for now I know we need to cool it.”
“Ya. Gus, Boggs was crying last night. He’s heartbroken over what he did.”
“I’m hoping we’re ok, Zoe. I don’t regret things. I can’t, and I won’t, regret what we did. Right now, though, we have to focus on staying alive. On making a home.”
“I agree.”
“Nathan told me about your proposed plan for today.”
“It only makes sense. Gus, please don’t argue with me on this.”
“You’re right.”
I looked at him sideways, not expecting him to have agreed with me.
“I’ll make sure Boggs is cool with it,” he added. “Let’s go grab something to eat, and then get to work for the day, ok?”
“I already ate.”
“Oatmeal and canned carrots aren’t enough for you and the baby, Zoe. You need the protein from the eggs.”
I nodded. “Ok. I’ll be down in a minute.”
He stepped forward, took hold of me by the arms. It was the same place Boggs had grabbed and shaken me, but Gus’ hold on me felt so tender, so light. He leaned forward and kissed me gently, on the cheek where Boggs had slapped me, right beside my lips. He lingered there, breathing onto me. “It’ll all be ok, Zoe, somehow…”
As quickly as he had stepped forward, he let go of my arms, turned, and walked away. I still felt the warmth from his lips on my face. I felt a deep sadness inside. An emptiness.
Everyone had crowded into the galley, and Emilie was divvying out small servings of rehydrated eggs and oatmeal. The galley was too small to hold all eight of us, so I took my portion of eggs and walked to the bunk room with it, where Boggs was already busy eating.
“Morning Zo,” he said with his mouth full.
“Did Gus talk to you about our trip ashore?”
“Ya, it makes sense. I’d rather you stay behind, but it makes sense.”
“Oatmeal’s pretty plain, huh?”
“Ya, but it’s warm so I won’t complain.”
“I just heard Nathan promise to make dinner while we’re all gone. He thinks he can land a big fish.”
“That’d be awesome,” said Boggs.
“I think it’ll be good for the girls. Fishing, I mean. Well, plus a good meal.”
“Hopefully it’ll help take Abbey’s mind off of Kelsey for a bit.”
“I hope so,” I said, then shoved a bite of eggs into my mouth. They, too, were plain, but I knew the nutrition was needed. I was thankful to have them.
We finished our food in silence.
CHAPTER 22
Once we had all eaten, Nathan had pulled anchor and steered our boat toward Sucia Island. We had discussed going ashore on the land mass proper, or one of its smaller outlying islands. It had been decided that we’d see what my mind picked up once we were closer. Gus and Boggs had searched high and low for supplies, looking under seat benches and in all nooks and crannies. They found ten life jackets, flares, a compass, several nautical maps, and best of all an inflatable raft with collapsible oars. The four of us would use that to get from the boat to land. There was a ladder and small swim platform off the back of the craft, making access to the raft easier.
Jane and Abbey were below deck to stay out of the cold. I saw an island coming closer, and was told it was our new home - Sucia Island. It was smaller than I had expected. I found myself wondering if we’d be able to survive on it. The closer we got the more primitive it looked. Trees, cliffs, boulders. Raw land. It was long and from this side looked a little bit like a horseshoe.
“That’s it,” said Nathan above the purr of the engine. “Sucia Island. I’m gonna cut the engine so Zoe can focus,” he hollered. He slowed the boat and the motor died.
“It looks so small,” said Emilie, echoing my own thoughts.
“About five hundred and fifty acres,” said Nathan. “Not quite a square mile. It has eleven satellite islands, which are much smaller. Zoe, we’re pretty close. Do you sense anything?”
I shook my head no. “No, but I’m not sure I can pick up the whole island. And remember there’s been a few now that I haven’t sensed at all.”
“We’ll be careful,” said Gus. “Take it in a grid pattern.”
“Be back by sundown?” Nate asked.
“That’ll be the goal. If you hear gunfire, don’t assume the worst, ok?” said Gus.
Boggs was being particularly quiet.
“Ok,” answered Nate.
“And if we happen to not be back by sundown, assume we’re hunkered down,” added Gus.
“There’s a storm coming,” I said. Everyone looked at me questioningly. “See the sky? If the sunrise is red, it usually means a storm is brewing.”
“Who told you that?” asked Emilie.
“My dad. He was always right, too.”
<
br /> “The pressure in the air does feel different,” said Nathan.
“Ok, let’s get this show on the road,” said Boggs.
“The raft is self-inflating. Once it’s ready, we need to keep a rope tied to it for securing to the back of this beauty we’re on,” instructed Gus, who was already laying the rubber raft out and over the edge of the boat. Nathan handed him a length of nautical rope, which Gus tied expertly to a rubber cleat. I watched as he pulled a cord, and the raft puffed up and took its intended form. Gus let it drop down to the water, and then guided it to the rear platform by pulling on the rope.
“Ok, you all ready?” asked Gus.
We all nodded.
“You guys sure you want me to stay here?” asked Nathan.
“I think so, buddy,” said Gus. “Take care of the girls. Have dinner ready.” He smirked.
“Ok, Zoe, Emilie, you have your guns cleaned and loaded? Two each.”
“Aye aye captain,” joked Em.
Boggs, you good with wearing the backpack with extra ammo?” asked Gus.
“You bet.”
“Ok. Boggs, you want to climb in first? I’ll hand you the weapons, ammo, and help the girls into the raft. Girls, once you’re in stay low so we don’t tip. You can sit on the inflated tubes that run side to side,” instructed Gus. “Boggs, you and I should sit on the back bar and do the rowing.”
“Alrighty,” said Boggs as he climbed down to the swim platform and into the raft.
Nathan handed down supplies, which Gus handed to Boggs. “Ok girls, let’s go,” he said.
Em stepped forward first, climbing down the awkward ladder and joining Gus on the swim platform. He held her hand in his as she swung a leg into the raft, and Boggs had his hand outstretched to help her the rest of the way in. Gus held a hand out to me next. I set my hand in his and our eyes caught for a brief moment. He squeezed my hand with his, gently, as I stepped into the raft. Emilie was situating herself on the inflatable bench up front, and Boggs held a hand to me. I took it, reluctant to let go of Gus’. I let go of both as I got down onto my knees and scooted forward, situating myself beside Emilie.
“Hey, Sea Sister,” she whispered as she smiled at me. “You scared?”
The Grace Series (Book 2): Tainted Grace Page 22