by Ella Parks
“I know hon. Doc and I are going to try and make her feel better soon. Will you keep an eye on Belinda for me?”
“Yes ma’am, I sure will.”
“Belinda, you stay here with Kate while I see if I can help Doc.”
She was used to being left with whatever older child was baby- setting as we went from house to house and she never complained. She settled down, seemly content as I followed Doc into the small bedroom where Dora was on the bed. She had a light sheet pulled over her and her stomach was round and hard under it. She must have been in pain for a long time because her long brown hair was loose and laying in moist clumps around her face. She was trying to raise her head up off the bed as Doc was talking to her, but he gently pushed her back with one hand while he pulled her pillow under her head. She had a cloth in her hand that she was using to bite down on as her stomach contracted.
“How long have you been like this Dora?”
Her answer was lost as she put the cloth back in her mouth biting down while moaning a gut retching sound of a pain. The moaned faded into a keening that came from the core of her. Her teeth were clenched, and her face was sticky with sweat, blue veins seeming to protrude stark in the contrast of her pale skin. She had no air left for speech, but her wild eyes begged us for relief as she opened her mouth sucking in air, she slightly lifted her hands toward us. I stepped close taking one of her hands between mine. I watched her chest raise then fall with the effort of keeping air in her ravaged body.
Doc and I looked at each other, knowing this would not be a normal delivery. He pulled his stethoscope out of his bag and began to examine her, first listening to her heart beat and checking the heartbeat of the baby.
“Dora, try to not push for a few minutes,” he said as he felt around her extended belly.
I wet a cloth and held it to her face as I brushed her hair back.
Doc was still trying to coax her to lay back and not push for a few seconds. She was trying but her body was fighting her.
“Dora, lay back, easy now, just try to go limp and take a deep breath. The baby is turned a little and we need to see if we can get it to move around some. I know it will be hard for you, but I need you to try and roll over on your side. “
“I can’t.” She moaned, “I can’t… I can’t!”
“I know it hurts but give it a try.”
Her eyes were wild with the pain, but she slowly tried to move her swollen body and between the three of us we got her on her side. Doc and I started gently massaging her belly trying to get the baby to move. Tears dripped from her eyes but were lost in the dampness of her sweat.
“Alright Dora we need you to move again. This time I want you to roll over a little more.”
“I can’t, I can’t. I can’t stand the pain.”
“It’s for the baby Dora, it’s turned a little. It will be easier on the baby if we can get it moved around natural. It’s for the baby Dora.”
His words encouraged her, as she fought the pain trying to do as he asked but I could see the torture she suffered each time she moved.
She had lost the rag she had been chewing on and I saw her lips were bleeding from biting down so hard.
“That’s good, you are doing great. Just a little longer. Let’s get you settled on your back again.” He said.
“I can’t! I can’t.” She whimpered, “Oh…it hurts so bad! It hurts so bad!”
“It’s for the baby. We will help you.”
Each time he mentioned the baby she seemed to push herself beyond the pain to keep trying but I feared for her as he began to gently roll her again
I had worked with him so much I could read his expressions and I felt his fear for her, but his voice stayed calm as he talked to her, encouraging her. I knew she was wearing down. Her breathing was getting shallow and ragged, and it hurt me to hear the sounds coming from her.
The room was hot, and the smell of the antiseptic mixed with the scent of her labor and our combined sweat was heavy in the air. I looked longingly at the closed window, but I realized it needed to stay closed to keep the flies out and to try and keep the sounds of her pain from the family. We kept moving her around and massaging her hard belly for what seemed like hours, but I knew it was not as long as it seemed. The tension was growing on Doc’s face and I knew without words what he feared was going to happen. Dora’s baby was turned, and he was trying to get the baby to move into position on its own, but I knew he feared the cord wrapping around the baby.
“It’s working Dora! The little one is moving around. Don’t push, not yet! Don’t push!” Doc said as he moved his hands around lower on her stomach.
Dora wailed a low and painful sound that seemed to tear the flesh from her throat as it came from her. I knew she could not go on much longer when Doc said.
“Okay Dora, you have been very brave. Your little one has moved around now. Now you can push.”
I could see the movements of her belly as she gave in to what nature wanted her to do and pushed hard as she screamed.
“Give her some Ether now.” He said glancing up at me to make sure I understood why he wanted her to have the Ether now. She would soon be past the pain of needing it, but he wanted time in case the cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck, if that should be the case, he knew Dora would be better off asleep than fighting fear on top of all the pain she had endured.
I had it ready and held it to her face. She opened her mouth to the Ether soaked cloth as she gulped a full breath, then another and another until it took her toward sweet relief. She went limp and her pale face relaxed into a welcome sleep as Doc pulled her knees up and I held the Ether soaked cloth close to her face for a few minutes then pulled it away like Doc had taught me, so she would not breathe in too much of it. I didn’t ask him about the cord as the baby came into the world, but I watched his face moving my eyes between him and Dora, reading both of them for any sign of trouble.
“Thank God, his head is crowning. Thank God. Easy now baby, easy.” He said as if he was expecting the baby to comply. I could see the cord was not tight around the neck and I drew in a large breath in relief as I watched Doc hold his hands out to gently catch the precious new life. It was a boy and he came into the world with an angry cry as if the struggle had made him mad, but his crying was a pleasure for us to hear after we had been so concerned about his birth. I moved the Ether away from Dora’s face and took the infant to clean him up while Doc took care of Dora. He didn’t like his first cleaning,
but settled down as I wrapped him in a small faded blanket and rocked him close to me.
“Welcome to the world sweet boy.” I said to him in the sing song voice we use with babies.
Dora was slowly waking now, and I moved him close to her breast, standing close because she was groggy from the Ether.
“You have a strong boy here.”
“A boy,” She whispered as she pulled the blanket back looking at the baby she had suffered so to bring to life. She smiled, and with a rapt look of wonder pulled him closer to her. This one was her sixth child, but her joy was clear as she kissed his tiny cheeks.
She pulled the blanket back from his body checking for herself that he was whole. I smiled watching that universal move of a Mother’s love.
Doc was finished with her after care and he was ready to open the door and let the family meet the newest addition.
All the family filed in the door, even Belinda proudly came in looking at the baby as each of them had something to say about how fine he was. Doc and I started gathering the things we had used to put back in the car separating the soiled item from his instruments even though everything would have to be sterilized.
I picked Belinda up noticing she had little black beads of dirt on the folds of her little neck and streaks of brown dirt on her arms and hands, but I was used to her getting dirty as she played with the children in their yards
.
“Are you ready to go now sweetie? The baby is here all safe and it is time for us to check on someone else. Are you hungry?”
Kate heard me and said,” I fed her ma’am. I cooked some cabbage and potatoes and fed her while everyone else was eating. She ate really good and told me she liked it.”
“I am sure she liked it very much and I am sure you are a very good cook.”
“I don’t know about that, but I help Mama out in the kitchen a lot.”
“You are a good girl Kate and I know all your family is very proud of you. I want to thank you for watching Belinda, I hope she was not much trouble for you.”
“On no ma’am she was no trouble at all. She is a sweet girl. I thank you and the Doc for taking care of Mama.”
“You see if you can help her in the next few days until she gets some strength back.”
“Yes, ma’am I will.” She said, her voice soft but determine. I also knew that being the oldest girl she would most likely have most of the care of the new baby. With so many children the parents had to depend on the older ones to help care for the youngest.
Doc had already loaded the car and he was standing in the yard talking to Jed. I could hear their voices as I walked by with Belinda.
“What do I owe you for today Doc?” It was good of him to ask but I knew he had not paid Doc for the last visits he had made to the farm and I didn’t think his circumstances had changed any.
“You don’t owe me anything today Jed.” Doc said, but I knew what his words would be before he said them.
“Doc I sure do kindly thank you and I want you to know that I will pay you when I can.”
“I know that Jed, but I’ll tell you what I will do. If you will see to it that Dora has a few extra days in bed, then we will consider it paid in full. This one was hard on her Jed, real hard. This is the sixth one now, if you know what I mean. Now I know that it is none of my business, but as I told you this one was hard.”
“You are not known around town for minding your business Doc.”
“What am I known around town for Jed?” Doc asked as his eyes met Jed’s and I had detected a small change in Doc’s voice, just a slight but solid tone that almost sounded like a challenge. I turned to look at both of them standing there and felt as if there was something beneath the surface that I had not seen. Jed seemed to hesitate as Doc’s eyes stared straight into his, while Doc’s face appeared to harden somehow.
“Saving us Doc, just saving us and I’ll keep in mind what you said and thank you kindly again.” He said as I felt the tension relax again. Doc didn’t answer, and Jed walked back into the house.
“We both know she will be up by tomorrow morning making breakfast, even if she has to set down while it is cooking.” I said.
He nodded and said, “Yeah, I wish I could do more.”
“Nobody can Doc, it is just the way it is. We all have to do the best we can.”
“I know,” he said. “How well we both know.”
“That was a rough delivery. Do you think you and Belinda are up to seeing anyone else today?”
I looked in the back seat where Belinda had already put her head down as her eyes were slowly closing.
“Yes Belinda, is almost asleep and I am fine.” I didn’t want to tell him how bad my shoulders and back were hurting from leaning over Dora for so long, I could tell by the way he was walking that he had to be hurting even more than I was, but Doc never complained. I sometimes wondered if he was even aware of his own pain. He took on so much pain of those he tried to help, it lived in him pushing him to always do more. Maybe he had no more room inside him to feel his own sufferings and pain.
“We only have two more. I want to check on those cuts Leon got when he got caught in the bob wire fence and I just wanted to look in on Ms. Becky, her friend Lela said she wasn’t at church Sunday and that does not sound like her.”
I leaned into the back seat reaching for some of the food I had brought and a glass jar of sweet tea that we passed between us as he drove.
Leon was in the garden hoeing his vegetables and he slowly walked toward the car as we pulled into his dusty yard.
“Howdy Doc, howdy Miss Lucy.” He said as he tipped his sweat soaked hat.
“Howdy Leon, how is that leg doing? “
“Oh, it is better now, I can handle the pain a little better now that it has healed some.”
“Let me take a look at it.” Doc said as he got out of the car.
Leon just pulled up the leg of his overalls as Doc leaned down checking his cut.
“It does look better. All that redness is gone now. Do you still have any more of the salve I left for you to use?”
“No, I run out of the salve a couple of days ago, but I have been putting some coal oil on it at night and I think it is going to be alright now.”
“Coal oil, you say?”
“Yeah, it burns right bad, but I put it on anyway.”
Doc and I had heard of that cure many times, and while he said it might be questionable it did seem to kill the germs. Coal oil was something most of the farmers had handy and they used it for everything from worming to cuts. Doc didn’t argue with him, he just said.
“Alright Leon, just keep an eye on it and if it starts getting red again you either come into town or get word to me to come out here. Now I told you what the redness could mean, so you don’t need to delay if that happens. You don’t want to try and work this farm with one leg. Remember though, don’t put that coal oil on a deep cut. It might work alright on some things, but you don’t want it to get in your blood stream, it could cause blood poisoning. Remember that Leon.”
“I’ll watch it Doc and thanks for coming out. Miss Lucy.” He said as he tipped his hat again.
“Tell the missus I said “Hello.” Doc said as he got back into the car.
“I’ll do that, thanks Doc.” Leon said, standing quietly as he watched us drive away.
Ms. Becky had turned her ankle, but she was up and getting around better now, she was still grateful for the visit and Doc and I both left with a pint jar of blackberry jelly and a sweet cake for Belinda.
3
I watched Doc’s face as he drove us home and I thought about how the lines had deepened since I had first met him. His hair had lost most of the color now, but it was more silver than grey. His hands were strong holding the steering wheel and I wondered just how many lives those hands had changed in one way or another. When someone is beloved like a Father, we don’t seem to notice their appearance but as I looked at him, I realized that he was still a very attractive man. I had never heard him even mention a woman that he might have in his life and I suddenly wondered why.
“Doc, do you have a special lady in your life that you are hiding from me?”
He turned and looked at me, seemingly startled by my question.
“Well no Lucy, I don’t. Why would you ask that?”
“Because you are a very attractive man, but you never mention a woman and I just realized that you never have, in all these years I have known you. I know there has to be women that are after you all the time.”
“No, there are no women after me, but even if they were, I wouldn’t have the time or the desire to be with any of them.”
“The women wouldn’t mind the lack of time. I suspect they would think being with you would be worth losing some time while you were working.”
“Maybe, I just never wanted to find out.”
I knew my next question was personal, but I knew he would not be offended, and I knew he would answer me, so I just asked, “Why?”
I heard his sharp intake of breath before he said.
“Awe Lucy, it is a long story.”
“We have time for long stories Doc, it will just be another long story we share.” He was silent for a few seconds, seemly lost in thought.
&nbs
p; “Okay I’ll share my long story with you, but I guess it really is not that long.” He said as he slowed the car pulling over to the side of the road and turned to face me. I could see pain in his eyes as he rubbed his dear face as if to erase something and his voice cracked as he spoke.
“You know what you and Billy have, the way you two love each other.”
“Yes.” I whispered.
“I had that once. I have seen that there are different kinds of love between a man and a woman. Some kinds of love are good, but both the man and the woman can move on when they have to. They may hurt for a while, but they realize that life moves forward, and they move with it; but some of us are blessed or cursed, I am not sure which one it is, anyway some of us love so much that we can’t forget, and we can’t move forward. You and Billy have that. You could not get passed loving Billy even when you would have been better off to try to love Barry. Your love was too strong, and you just couldn’t do it. I thank God you and Billy are together now. I had heard the talk about how you were supposed to marry Billy and how Barry Simmons forced your family to let you marry him, but I was not prepared to see all your pain. There you were still so young, and pregnant. I could tell you were so very scared of Barry, it ripped my heart out that I could not help you more, but what really bothered me was seeing how much you still loved Billy and how he loved you. It brought my pain back to me, making it was even worse because there was nothing, I could do except be a friend to you.”
He had tears in his eyes as he went on, but he didn’t even try to wipe them away, so I reached my hands and gently touched his tears, wiping them for him as he went on in a voice so soft, I had to lean forward to hear what he was saying. His dear face seemed to be breaking with the pain of remembering, making me wish I had not asked him any questions, but he went on, his voice fragile as if the telling was pulling something from his soul.
“I grew up with her too. Her name was Ana, we were children together, we knew each other inside out, just as you and Billy. She knew I didn’t want to farm, that I wanted to go to school to become a doctor and she supported my dreams. We talked about how we would buy a little house in town where I would open my office in a part of the house where she would be there close to me and how we would raise our family. We had such big dreams, she dreamed right along with me. Our love and our dreams were a beautiful thing. She was always there for me with her arms and heart wide open for me. We followed our dreams, we were married. The first couple of years was tough money wise, but we had each other. Many nights we would eat beans and bread because that was all we could afford, but we rejoiced in being together. We saved and finally had enough to buy a small house right off main street. We thought it would be perfect for us. It was set back just a bit away from the street, surround by large oak trees offering shade in the summer. Someone had added an addition off to the side that we planned on using for my office. It had a large back yard for all the children we meant to have, a white picket fence around it. I remember our first day, going into the house of our dreams. I picked her up, carrying her across the yard, though the front door. I can still hear her laughter. I can still see the way she looked at me. We were so happy, following our dreams, loving each other so much. She was pregnant in a few months in what we thought would be the first of many children. She used to say she wanted a house full. We had a little girl and after trying to narrow down names she decided on naming her Joy, and the name fit because she was our Joy. I have never known such happiness as I had with her. I believed we would fill our house with children while growing old together. The doctor that had been in town retired, so I was busy, more so than I ever thought I would be, but she took good care of me. If I was busy at meal time, she would bring me something, reminding me to take time to eat. Then the fever started going around town, each day more and more seemed to have it. I asked her stay in the house all she could, while I tried to be so careful to clean myself before I went in to them. I started sending the clothes I wore to someone else to clean, doing the best I could to keep them away from the fever. As the fever got worse in town I was working from early morning until late night. I started sleeping on the small couch in the office, fearing exposing them, so I didn’t go close to them for almost a week but my need to see them forced me to clean myself the best I could and go to them.