by Ella Parks
“I am praying for you.”
He didn’t answer, he just closed those unreadable eyes drifting back to sleep.
Lilly came often, sometimes helping him walk the halls. Doc firmly believed in his patients moving around, and he had BJ up as soon as he could, even though his gait was wobbly and unsteady. He was getting stronger each day, but his balance was bad, and his speech was affected, causing him to slur his words. Doc felt those symptoms might stay with him the rest of his life. If Lilly and met each other in the hall we would both move forward neither of us speaking as if each of us were invisible.
The day he was discharged I stopped in his room for a few minutes. He had lost a lot of weight despite our careful feedings and the pants Lilly had brought him to wear home hung on him, but his color was good. The horse had left his mark on the side of BJ’s head and face and the wound had healed but still had shades of purple and black.
“I am glad you are able to go home.” I told him. “Remember to take care of yourself, you had a hard blow there and it will take you a long time to fully recover.”
He didn’t answer, but as I started out the door he said.
“Thank you.” Not many words, but I stopped and turned back to look at him again. Our eyes locked and I saw something there. We weren’t going to speak of it though, the words would have been too hard.
“You are welcome.” I said as I left his room.
17
I had spent so much time with BJ, I had not thought about my dreams for a while, now I realized I had not had a bad dream in weeks. There was no more night terror; looking back I tried to remember the first night the dreams had slid away from me. All that time setting by his bedside watching for him seemed to push the dreams away. Whatever the reason I was very grateful to leave the dreams behind me. With BJ at home I had more time to go back to the clinic where I immediately noticed the change and the tension between Mark and Markus. It was as if they had forgotten they were brothers, much less twins. Megan could walk into a room and they seemed to compete for her time and her smile. Their words were tense and sharp as they spoke to each other, while their eyes shot darts of anger toward the other one.
I pulled Doc aside asking him, “How long has this been going on?”
“Almost from the first day she started working and it seems to be getting worse. I have spoken to the both of them twice now, it will help for a while, then it seems to start all over again. I don’t know what else to say to them. She is going out with both of them and it is tearing the two of them apart. I don’t know what else to say.”
“I think I may know what to say. Tell her I want to see her in house, now!” I told him as I left the office going toward the house. My blood was boiling at the thoughts of her coming between my boys that way. I didn’t cool down as I paced the floor waiting for her to come to me. She knocked slightly at the screen door before she walked in. I was so angry my eyes burned as I looked hard at her beautiful face. The face that was destroying my boys, the snake in my garden of Eden. I didn’t waste time with small talk.
“What is this I hear about you going out with both Mark and Markus?” I said not giving her time to reply, before saying, “I consider that inappropriate behavior for work and I am firing you. I want you to get your things and leave today, now in fact.”
She seemed shocked by my words and the fire coming from my eyes.
“You can’t do that! I work for them, not you. You can’t just fire me without their approval, and they will never agree to it, neither of them will.”
“I am afraid you are very confused about that. You may work for them, but I am the one who pays you and everyone else that works here, and I am telling you that your services are no longer needed, you need to leave today.”
“They won’t like it, they won’t let me go! They are grown men and it is none of your business who the date!”
“You are right, they won’t like it, yes they are grown men, grown away from my control over who they choose to see. Yes, you are right about that, but this is a clinic and hospital I have created with money left to me and no one else. I have used that money to help in whatever way it can. I will not have you coming in here and creating a hostile environment at their work place. Yes, they can date whomever they want to, and I have nothing to say about it, but I do have a say over what goes on here and I am saying you are fired!”
“They have their own money! They don’t need you to tell them what to do. They can work anywhere!”
“Yes, they can, but I am sure most places will have the same kind of rules about work ethics, and they do have a small amount of money, but they used most of it on their education, which I thought was a practical way of them spending their inheritance.”
Her eyes still burned indignantly, but I saw a small glimmer of doubt beginning to show as she said. “I don’t believe you!”
“You don’t have to believe me, you can ask them on your way out.”
“They will hate you!”
“Maybe, maybe not, after they have a chance to think about it for a while. That is not your problem though. Get your things and go, there is no reason for us to say anything more.”
She seemed to slump, losing some of her haughty attitude as her face crumbled.
“I don’t want to go. I am in love. I don’t want to leave him!”
Her words surprised me, since she had been dating both of them, I felt as if it was a game to her.
“Which one of them are you in love with?”
I heard her sharp intake of breath as she said, “both of them, I love them both!”
Now it was my turn to be startled, “Both, you can’t love both of them!”
“But I do, I can’t tell them apart. They are mirror images in the way they look and talk. I can’t tell them apart and I love them both. I am not trying to pull them apart. I am pregnant, and I don’t even know which one of them is the Father!”
I had to reach for the closest chair, gripping the side for support. “Good Lord in heaven! Are you telling me you are sleeping with both of them and you really don’t know which one of them is the Father? Do you really understand what you are saying to me? How can you stand there and tell me a thing like that? What kind of person are you? You have to know what you have already done to them, and now this! How will they ever be able to get past this? What have you done?” I screamed at her, eyes shooting fire.
“But I love them!” She wailed as if that would make everything alright.
“What about them?” I asked her, my voice faltering now. “What about their feelings when they find out you don’t know which one is the Father? You can’t marry both of them, but you stand here telling me you love them both. Does that make it alright in your eyes? Does it mean that just because you feel a certain way you have no regards for the consequences? How long did you plan to go on with the both of them, tearing them apart? So, was it alright with you to sleep with two brothers, using the excuse they look alike? How long did you think it would take for them to destroy each other? You say you can’t tell them apart, well Mark has a small mole on his right ear, maybe you should use that as a guide since you are struggling so or maybe even asked their name before you let them in your bed.” I said sarcasm and anger dripping from my voice.
“We will talk later but right now get out of my sight! I can’t stand looking at you! I once thought you were so beautiful but now your insides are showing, and I can’t stand looking at you!”
She turned and walked out slamming the screen behind her. My mind was whirling, and it was hard to breathe. I needed Billy was all the thoughts I could manage to get my mind wrapped around as I prayed to God to not let it be true.
18
I was still setting in the same chair, head down in my hands, face wet with tears when Doc came in and gently lifted my head upward.
“It’s a hornet nest, isn’t it, sweet girl?”
<
br /> “Oh Lord Doc, she is pregnant and doesn’t know which one, is the Father!”
“Oh Lord no, please not that!”
“Yes, she said she loved them both and couldn’t tell them apart. She has been sleeping with both of them and doesn’t know which one made her pregnant.”
He reached down to pull me closer to him as we heard the shot! There was no mistaking what it was, and a darkness pulled at me hard, as flashes of the dreams I could never remember came to me. As I struggled to get out of the chair, I knew now what my dreams had been. The same dream over and over that I could not bring my mind to remember as I woke up was clear to me now. I ran for the door, knowing I would find my boy laying on the ground! I missed the steps on the porch, falling headlong, but I didn’t feel the ground as it knocked the failing breath from me. I pulled myself up quickly running to him, noticing the blood seeping from a hole on his back. The fall had slowed me, and Doc got to him first. From somewhere I heard his words as I fell to my knees on the ground beside my boy, horror deep in the soul of me.
“Easy now, easy, don’t move him, easy now!” He said as his hands moved over the still body on the ground. I just put my hands on the back of his dear head, knowing Doc was right, that sudden movement could cause more harm if not done correctly, but I had to touch him! I had to feel the warmth of the child I had carried and loved more than I loved myself. I heard another wail, one other than mine.
“Mark, Mark, my God not Mark!” I heard Markus screaming. I had already known it was Mark lying there bleeding. I heard sounds coming from me, but I couldn’t stop them even as Molly wrapped herself around me trying to shield me from seeing them move my boy to the hospital. I finally realized I was asking over and over.
“Is he still alive? Is he alive? Tell me, is he alive?”
Molly took my face in her hands, holding my chin firmly, turning my face towards hers.
“He is breathing! I saw it! I saw it! He is still alive!”
I think I took a breath as I tried to move toward them while they carried his still body. Molly was talking to me, but I couldn’t focus on her words as she held me up while I tried to walk toward the hospital where they had taken my bleeding boy. There was a darkness inside my head making it hard for me to see and I kept stumbling against Molly. I felt Billy’s arms tighten against me, pulling me close to him.
“Billy, someone has shot my boy. They shot him Billy, they shot him, oh Billy they shot my boy!”
He picked me up holding my head against his neck. I couldn’t hear understand his words, only the tone as he whispered something to me over and over while he carried me in the hospital. He laid me down on a hospital bed, but I raised my head as soon as it hit the pillow, setting up fast, knowing my eyes were the eyes of a wild woman. I heard Molly and I faintly understood she was talking about my leg. I forced my eyes to look down while I tried to focus on what she was talking about. I saw a long cut and noticed the blood running in my shoe.
“Lucy, I need to clean that cut. It is deep and full of dirt. I have to clean it.”
I struggled to grasp what she was saying as she bent downward because I couldn’t seem to lay down. Billy had both my hands, holding them tight against his chest while Molly worked on my leg. I set still now, remembering hearing Lilly’s cries of pain while Doc and my boys worked on her son, now it was my boy in there. The memories flooded my heart as I remembered the night they were born, how hard I fought and prayed for them. I thought of sweet chubby hands reaching for me as they got older. I remembered the look of confusion when they realized they had to leave their Mother to go to school. I could see their hair blowing in the wind as I watched them playing and how they smelled when I kissed them good night. I remembered the quiet look of sorrowful acceptance when Barry sent them away to school so young, their fear of leaving everything they had known, but their resolve to be strong for me. I thought of how they had always been two halves of one unit. All their lives until Megan, all their lives. I kept pulling memories toward me, not making a sound, not even bothering to wipe the tears that were streaming down my face.
“Where is Belinda?” I asked worrying about her fear.
“Jenny is taking care of her,” Molly said.
“Thank God for that! What all did she see? I don’t want her to be afraid.”
“I don’t think she saw any of it. She was playing in the back and Jenny got to her before she saw anything but…” Someone beating on the door interrupted us, it was a harsh sound in the quiet room.
“But even if she did see something Jenny will keep her calm.” She said as she walked quickly to the door opening it. The sheriff was standing there with two more men. One of them was BJ. They had him between them as they walked into the
room. BJ was walking slow, and the other man pushed him hard, almost making him fall forward.
“We caught him prowling around back. We think he shot your boy”
I tried to understand how the sheriff had gotten there so fast, as a part of my mind struggled with the concept of how long we had been in this room.
“I think we can close this one fast, looks like he is the one that did it. Boy you are in big trouble now! If that boy doesn’t live, you go down for murder!” I heard him say as my heart cried out at his words.
BJ seemed to struggle with his words and tried to pull away from them. The other man was even bigger than the sheriff, BJ had lost a lot of weight while he was sick. The purple lines of the scar stood out vivid against his pale face. He pulled again, and the other man doubled his fist, hitting BJ in the face with a brutal blow. I don’t know how I moved so fast, but I was beside BJ almost as fast as he hit the floor, putting myself between BJ and the man with the closed fist.
“Don’t hit him in the face! He had an accident, he was very sick. Do not hit him in the face. You might cause more damage!”
“I doubt it will matter very much where he is going.” The sheriff said.
BJ opened his eyes, looking into mine, saying something with those eyes. His nose was bleeding, and his eyes held me as I leaned into him whispering low my mouth dry as cotton.
“Did you do it BJ? Did you shoot Mark?”
“No, I didn’t! I swear I didn’t! I came by to thank your boys and Doc for saving me. I wanted to thank you too but didn’t know how. That is why I was out there. I heard the shot and waited to see what was happening and the sheriff found me out there.”
Maybe the grief had made me crazy, but I stood up and faced the sheriff.
“Turn him loose, he didn’t shoot Mark.”
“What do you mean? I found him sneaking around the back.”
“I said turn him loose, he didn’t do it. He couldn’t have done it, he was with me.”
“Then why was he sneaking around the back like he was?”
“Sheriff he had a head injury a few weeks ago. The stress upset him, but he was with me. He couldn’t have shot Mark, he was with me.”
His eyes challenged me, but no one spoke for a moment until the sheriff said.
“I guess if you are sure about that, then we can’t hold him.” His eyes hot and unbelieving as he loosened his grip on BJ, pushing him slightly forward.
“Well that’s your boy lying in there with a bullet hole in him. I came here as quick as I got the word. I am doing what I can to settle the matter, but if you are sure he was with you then I will have to let him go, but you best be sure, you best be sure.”
“I am sure. BJ was with me.”
“You best be sure.” He said while hard eyes searched my face.
“Are you implying you don’t believe me sheriff?”
“I am not implying anything, just saying this is a serious matter and you best be sure.”
“I am sure. I am not likely to be wrong about a thing like that.”
“Whatever…” He said as he walked out the door slamming it behind him and
leaving BJ standing there looking stunned.
No one spoke for a few moments. I knew Billy could tell I had lied, and BJ certainly knew I had. Billy reached for me again, his hands steady on my arms, supporting me but offering me more than just support. His touch told me he was with me in whatever I had to do.
BJ started to speak, but didn’t, his eyes drilled deep into mine, questioning why I had lied for him but, too fearful to ask the question out loud.
I answered the question he had not asked.
“You said you didn’t do it and I believe you. They were getting rough with you and I did not want you hurt anymore. Go home BJ and stay away from the sheriff for a while. I don’t think he believes me, so he may try to give you some more trouble. Just be careful and get word to us if you need anything.”
“Thank you, Miss Lucy. Thank you.” He said before backing quietly out the door.
I looked at Billy ready to explain my lie to me, but he just whispered.
“It’s alright my love, we are in this together and if you believe you did the right thing then that is good enough for me.”
Even in my grief I had to wonder at this man’s love and belief in me and I put my head back on his chest as I silently prayed for my son waiting for some word, lost in horror and grief.
“I think that section of the yard is cursed. I think it is cursed!” Billy knew what I meant but didn’t say anything as I buried my head in my hands, praying for my son.
19
Molly
I watched the agony in the eyes of the woman that had not only saved my life but changed it in ways I could never imagine. She had taken me in when I was sick and hungry. She had listened to me crying in fright and horror. She had been so good to me and I loved her. I also loved her son, the one laying shot, the one causing her agony and mine, but she didn’t know I loved him, no one did. I couldn’t tell anyone how I felt because he was in love with someone else, so I kept silent about my love for him.