by Ella Parks
“Yes, she did. That is why I am here. I hated to ask you, but we need some money to pay the taxes this year. I really hate to ask you, but we are struggling so much. Times are so hard now.”
“I know. How much do you need?”
“I only need eighty-five dollars, but it might as well be a thousand, because I don’t have in and the taxes are due, and I just can’t raise the money.”
“I’ll help you John are you sure you are not hungry or thirsty?”
“No, I am alright but thank you Lucy.”
“How are the others doing?”
“I think they are doing alright. Raymond and Paul moved north. We get cards from them from time to time but we haven’t got one lately. I think Boyd is doing alright, his wife’s family left her all their land.”
“Wait here a minute.” I told him before going into my bedroom and opening the safe. I counted out a hundred dollars. I started to give him more, but once again I realized the money would have to take care of many. I took it to him.
“Here you are John, this will take care of your taxes.”
“Thank you so much.” He said as he looked at the bill.
“It is only eight-five, but I don’t have any change. Fact is, I haven’t seen this much money since the bank closed.”
“Did the closing hurt you badly?”
“Bad enough. I only had about four hundred dollars in my account and that money was hard to make, but it didn’t hit me as hard as some. Some of the stories are so bad they are hard to even listen to. There are some desperate people out there, and I can’t blame them. I know I will never trust another bank, never. If I ever have any again, I’ll hide it somewhere. I’ll never do trust another bank. What about you, did it hit you hard?”
“I am like you, it could have been worse.” I loved and trusted my brother, but I was not willing to tell anyone else about the money in the safe.
“I can’t stay Lucy. I need to get into town to get the taxes paid. I won’t forget you doing this for me.”
“John, you are my brother, and I love you. Of course, I am willing to help you if I can and besides you have helped me plenty.”
“Not plenty Lucy, not plenty. We were all too afraid of Barry, oh Lord, he put fear in our hearts. I heard whispers the other day that you even crossed the Klan. I don’t know where you got the steel in your blood, but you put the rest of us to shame.”
“No John, there is nothing special about me. I wouldn’t have had the nerve to do it if it had been about me, but it was a sad case John, one that needed defending.”
“I also heard Megan Johnson was working here. You should be careful with that one.” “What do you know about Megan?” I asked.
“Only the talk is she was born wild. Do you remember old Jonas Wright?
“Not really. Why?’
“Why she couldn’t have been more than thirteen when they hired her to help when his wife while she was suffering a sickly spell. She was feeling a little better until she walked in on them. She heard Jonas promising Megan anything if she would finish what she had started, and the talk was, she started a lot. Her Daddy sent her away to visit family for a while. That is where she studied to be a nurse. I was surprised to hear you hired her.”.
“I didn’t hire her. The boys did, but that hiring has caused us all reasons for regret. I didn’t know any of that though. You know I didn’t get out much until Barry died so there is lots of things that went on that I didn’t know about.”
I saw him stiffen again at the mention of Barry’s name.
“I better get going.” He said as he stood up pulling his coat on.
“It was so good to see you John. Tell everyone I said, Hello, and please come back when you can.”
“I will, and once again, thank you Lucy.”
“You are welcome John.”
He opened the door stepping outside but he stopped turning back to me.
“We didn’t do you right Lucy, we just didn’t do you right. We never stopped loving you and never stopped feeling guilty, but it wasn’t right. You paid the price for all of it and sometimes just looking at you, seeing your pain was more than we could stand, so we stayed away. Maybe we still stay away because of it. I am glad you are with Billy now. He was and is our friend. He is a good man, one of the best, better than me. Tell him I said hello too and Lucy I love you.”
“I love you too.” Was all I said as he closed the door behind him.
I kept thinking about him as I went about my chores, and I was thankful to be able to help him. I thought about him coming to me, bringing the doctor after the boys were born. I thought about that horrible day when he told me Doc said he had done all he could for Belinda. I thought about my grief, believing he had lost her to death. Sounds from the yard brought me back to the present. Someone was yelling, calling out my name over and over. I ran to the door to see what was happening, scared. It was Howard yelling and my heart turned over in fear.
“Miss Lucy, Miss Lucy, there is a terrible screaming coming from the house down from the hospital, terrible screaming, sounds like somebody is getting killed. It’s an awful sound, just awful!”
I knew he was talking about the house where Meagan was staying. Doc was working in examination room next to me, and I walked in without knocking interrupting him as he was checking a patient.
“Doc, Howard just told me he heard a terrible screaming from Megan’s house, he said it sounded like someone was getting killed!”
He didn’t hesitate, leaving his patient there, following me, both of us running as fast as we could toward Megan’s house. As we got closer, we heard the screams too, high pitched and piercing, we knew something was bad wrong but neither of us was prepared for what we saw as we opened the door. Megan was on her bed, her gown pulled up to her waist, nothing coving her below, and there was blood all around her! We rushed to the bed, Doc leaning over her, feeling for her pulse, it was only then I noticed the clothes hanger, straightened out, bloodied beside her. Doc eyes met mine, silent with the knowledge of what she had done. Her body was expelling the baby, but she was losing blood faster.
“What have you done?” He asked her. “You are a nurse. You know the risk involved. Why did you do this?”
I couldn’t say anything, standing frozen, still not believing what I was seeing.
“Go get my bag! Lucy, hurry go get my bag!”
“Lucy! Hurry!”
His words finally penetrated my shocked stillness as I turned running toward the clinic to get his bag. Mark had heard the noise and rolled his wheel chair to the door watching me as I came running in.
“Mama, what’s wrong? What is going on?”
“No time son. I’ll tell you later. I have to get Doc’s bag.”
I didn’t wait to explain anything, I just grabbed the bag and ran again, as fast as I could back to the house.
“Should we move her to the hospital?” I asked breathless as I handed him his bag.
“I don’t think we should try to move her right now.” He said as he started trying to help her. It was only a few minutes later the baby was delivered. I didn’t know how far along in her pregnancy she was, but bitter tears ran down my face when I saw the baby. It was such a little thing, so tiny and helpless, not much smaller than my boys had been when they were born. It was complete, whole, but not living anymore. It was a little girl! I picked her up, gently as if she could still feel my touch. I wrapped her, looking at her face, the face that would never smile. I held her, wondering what I could have done different to save her somehow. I looked at the little girl that was not allowed to grow up and wondered what her life could have been, wondered what she could have done, the good she could have done. I pulled her toward me and lost myself to my sobs. Megan’s voice hushed me. It was low and weak, but I listened as she whispered.
“Good, it hurts you to lose her. I am glad,
glad it hurts. I didn’t want her anyway, didn’t want that thing growing in me making me fat.”
“No,” I whispered pulling the precious baby closer to me as if I could protect her from the words Megan was saying.
“I hate you! Did you know that? You walk around all high and mighty, like you know everything. It is like your eyes can bore into someone’s soul, knowing more than you need to know. I hate your steady stare you do while you watch someone.
I hate you; and didn’t care much for your boys either. They were just a means to an end. I made up my mind I would be rich one day so when I heard about you and your boys,I decided I would have one of them and for a while everything was going as I planned. Markus was the first to want me because Mark had a thing for the cook of all things. I finally brought him around too, but he never wanted me like Markus did. They both liked the time they spent with me; but cringed at the thought of going against each other. Each of them whining about how being with me would hurt the other one. I finally decided I wanted Mark, partly because of that mousy cook. I couldn’t stand to lose out to the likes of her. That plain little thing couldn’t hold a candle to me, but he kept after her, spending more and more time with her, treating her like a queen knowing she was married, and he couldn’t have her, but he wanted her, more than he wanted me. I watched them that last night. I saw them kissing. I saw the way he looked at her, holding her close. Oh, he took the things I offered him, but he always left my bed as soon as he was finished with me. He never held me the way he held her. I decided I would get rid of her. I already had the gun and I knew how to use it, then you called me in for that little talk and I realized you meant what you said. I decided then it would hurt you more if I got rid of Mark instead.
It was so easy, no one ever suspected me. It was disappointing that I didn’t kill him but maybe it was better that it didn’t. Now he will live each day cripple, never walking again, trapped in a broken body. Yes, I felt it might even be better that he be forced to live that way. How I laughed when they arrested that idiot. You should have seen how they beat him. He didn’t have a chance with that sheriff and deputy. I didn’t understand why they set him free, but I would stand outside your house at night, waiting in the shadows, listening to all of you talking. I would stand outside Mark’s window, listening as the mousey cook tended him, washing, and cooing to him. Telling him how much she loved him. It was sickening! He can never be a man again, but she kept staying with him, planning things they would do, as if he was going to get up and walk again. I heard her encourage him while he tried to do the slightest things. I wanted her to leave him, I wanted him to be alone, but that plain Jane kept tending him, still talking about love. I heard him tell her how he was broke, and had nothing to offer her, but she told him she wanted to be with him no matter what. I almost went to get my gun again. I wanted to hear the screams when I shot in the room, but I decided not to. I had meant for the baby to be my ticket into your money, now the money was gone, but the land was still there. I decided to wait a while to see what would happen before I got rid of them and the baby. I kept waiting. A couple of men had been giving me the eye, and I thought maybe I could get money from them by convincing them the baby belonged to them, but neither of them had enough money to suit me, Sam had more than the others, but he didn’t want the baby even if it had been his. He didn’t bother telling me that though, not until a few days ago. I should have gotten rid of it sooner like I did the last time, but I thought I could use it somehow. I want to be slim again. I want to go somewhere and have fun. I want to live again.”
Her words stunned me. All this time I had watched the shadows, while she walked freely coming to our house, watching and listening to us. I knew then it had been her in our house that night, and I trembled at what she might have intended to do if we had not heard her.
“Why did you do this Megan? Why did you use that wire hanger on yourself?”
“Because I got tired of being fat! I got tired of this stinking house! I got tired of all of you and your high and mighty ways, but most of all I was going to leave this town. Sam said he would take me away from all this. He was going to leave his wife for me. He promised me he would. He told me all the places we would go, all the wonderful things we would do together. He hates this little town as much as I do, he hates all the small-town ways, but he stopped coming to see me as often. Once he was here every night. He couldn’t stand being away from me, but the baby bothered him. He told me he hated having me against him when the baby moved. He said it made him sick to feel it moving around inside me that way. He didn’t want us leaving until the baby was born, that he would not be responsible for it, he didn’t want any more children. He came by last night to tell me he couldn’t see me anymore, he was tired of waiting for the baby to be born. I told him I would fix it. I would fix it, so we could leave soon. He said it was too late, that I had let myself go, and didn’t look anything like I used to. He left looking at me like I was disgusting to him. I drank an entire bottle of castor oil, hoping that would cause enough cramps to put me in labor. It didn’t, it just made me vomit. I tried jumping off the back porch, nothing happened. I couldn’t stand the thought of him maybe leaving without me. So, I got the clothes hanger, but it hurt worse than I thought it would.”
“Her blood pressure is falling fast! I have packed her the best I can, but she is still losing a lot of blood. She can’t afford to lose much more!” Doc said in a low voice. She heard him, but kept on talking to me, venom in each word.
“I hate you. I hate all of you!”
“I would have taken care of you Megan. You know I sent food. I gave you a place to live. You could have waited until the baby was born. I would have taken care of the baby.”
“Oh yeah, I am sure you would have. You would have wanted to, that’s why I got rid of it, but there were other men, consider that as you hold that baby so close to your chest.”
“It wouldn’t matter to me. I would still have taken care of it. It wouldn’t have mattered to me.”
“I know, you would have wanted it no matter what. I know you wanted it. That is why I got rid of it.”
“You hate me so much you would kill your own baby! Why do you hate me so much?” I asked her. “What did I ever do to make you hate me this much?”
“You got in my way! You were strong, and I knew you would do everything you could to keep your family together, but I meant to have it all, every bit of it. I meant to have it all.”
Her voice was growing weaker, and the puddle of blood under her was getting bigger.
“Megan, you are losing a lot of blood. I can’t get it stopped! You don’t want to keep going on with this line of talk. I am doing all I can do, but you know what all this means. It’s time to make things right with yourself. I have done all I can do.” Doc said as he pushed her hair away from her face trying to comfort her.
Her lips twisted as she turned to look at me again. I was still holding her child against my chest.
“You would have done anything for your family. You would have stopped me, that is why I hate you!”
That was the last thing she said before she slipped into unconscious. It was only a few minutes later that Doc pulled the bloody quilt over her face while I stood in shocked silence.
“Do you want me to take the baby?” He asked me.
“We can’t put the baby beside her. We have to put the baby somewhere else.” I said, not being able to lay the innocent baby down beside such hatred.
I took the baby back to the clinic where I lay her down still wrapped in the cloth, I had pulled around the precious body. Doc called the sheriff, telling him what her death bed confession had been finally clearing BJ of shooting Mark. Doc left her body covered until the sheriff came out, and while they were talking the foreman saw Sam lurking around. He did not know what she had done, and he had come to visit here. I guess her body was not as disgusting to him as he had told her it was.
&nb
sp; His face turned pale as the foreman pushed him inside the door. He looked at all of us before his eyes fell to the bed. She was covered, but the blood was puddled around her. He looked paler still. “What’s going on?” He asked, his voice catching.
“Were the two of you planning on leaving town?”
“Good Lord, no! We weren’t leaving town. I have a wife at home, she is a good woman. I have children. I would never leave town with her!”
“She told Doc you two were going to leave, but you didn’t want the baby she was carrying. She said you told her feeling it was disgusting. She said that is why she had to get rid of it.”
Sam seemed to be coming to an understanding of the blood under the form on the bed now, and he paled even more.
“Did you tell her that?”
“Yes, I might have, but only because she kept pushing me to leave my wife. I used that as an excuse to shut her up, but I didn’t care about that baby, why I don’t even think she knew who it belonged to. The belly got in my way sometimes, but other than that I just didn’t care one way or another.”
“So, what exactly was your relationship to her?” The sheriff asked him, knowing but forcing him to tell him.
“She was just the woman I came to at night. She was easy, she would do anything. I mean anything. She did things my wife would have never done, she did things I would not have asked my wife to do, and she used to be pretty, not lately but she used to be.”
“Did you know she shot Mark? Did you know anything about that?’
“No!” I didn’t know anything about that. That is hard to believe! I didn’t even know she had a gun but then we didn’t talk much, except about the things she wanted to do one day. I do know she hated Lucy, she hated her with a fever. I never understood why, but she did.”
“She did have a gun. The same kind he was shot with.”
“Sheriff, can we keep this thing about me quiet? I don’t want my wife to find out about this?” Sam asked while I noticed he was more concerned about his wife finding out than he was about Mark being shot or Megan laying in the blood. I shook to the soul of me to think Megan would kill her baby to be with a man such as he was. Now her baby was dead, and she was laying covered, her body chilling in death herself and he had not shown any remorse other than fear his actions would be found out by his wife. I wondered how he could hold his wife, how he could kiss her with all the lies surrounding him. How could he go home and hug his children without thinking about the one, laying still here, even if it was not his.