“I just finished speaking with the scientists at the Yitrow hive. They confirm that there are indeed multiple signatures on Earth that match those found from the portal site Velia came from.”
Jape’s already low spirits sank into the pit.
“Where are they?” Velia’s demand rang out behind Jape.
The group turned to her and Retav as they approached. Jape’s hearts lurched at the red puffiness of Velia’s eyes, evidence she’d been rubbing them. He knew of only one cause for it.
How can I call myself a warrior if I’ve caused a woman to cry? I am a monster. All-Spirit, give me the strength to set it right.
As he prayed for a way to fix the damage he’d dealt, Salno answered Velia’s question. “The accesses are all over your planet. Let me show you.”
She took her CPP out of its pouch on her belt along with a monitor, which she attached. Jape winced at the display of the rotating alien planet, with its vast blue oceans. The landmasses were dotted with red spots, indications of portal rings. He estimated there were at least three hundred.
Velia pointed a shaking finger. “Five in my own country. I wonder, does the general know about the others? And all these! Some of those countries are hostile to mine. If they’re building the same ships the Monsuda gave us blueprints for, then we’re talking massive casualties in battle.”
“Blueprints for ships?” Salno’s eyes widened and her ears bolted upright. “Are they chevron-shaped craft, extremely large?”
“You’ve seen them?”
“Only the plans. We’ve never known the Monsuda to fly any craft besides the pods, and those just on your world.” Salno’s usually placid demeanor held a note of deep concern. “Those ships—we don’t have any means to stop such vessels.”
At long last, Velia looked at Jape. “Those portal sites are substantiation I needed to show General Thomas. More than even the people kept in those stasis coffins, this is the very thing that will prove to him the Monsuda are not our allies.”
With the reservation in her expression, he could tell she had little hope he’d agree. However, it was more than mere proof for General Thomas. It was evidence that Jape couldn’t ignore either. Evidence that Earthlings were more victims than aggressors.
He’d wronged Velia. In the end, he could offer little in reparation.
“I’m sorry, Velia.” The words were pathetic.
Chapter Eighteen
“I can’t possibly make up to you the harm I’ve done.”
After the others left, Velia had followed Jape into his dome. The door had barely closed behind her when he swung around and faced her, his guilt exploding from him in a rush.
“All my insistence that your people cannot be trusted—you were right. It was no more than a convenient excuse to exact some measure of vengeance against your kind. Against you. All to expunge my guilt. Velia, I am so sorry. I have no excuse. I beg your forgiveness, but I do not expect it. I am—”
His tumult of apologies stopped as she pressed her fingers against his lips. Her mesmerizing eyes swam with tears, a sight that made him want to fall to his knees and abase himself.
The only reason he did not was because of the shocking absence of anger. There was no hint of accusation. All the fury that she should have unleashed on him—nowhere to be found.
Instead, she whispered, “Hush. Hush.” She took his hand. “Come with me.”
She led him to the visiting room and pushed him toward the couch. “Sit down. Go ahead, Jape. Sit.”
Jape. He wasn’t sure she’d called his name before. It echoed in his ears, and he believed it meant something profound that she’d used it instead of the nickname of Stripes. Wondering if it portended good or ill, he sat.
Velia sat next to him. “I owe you an apology too.”
She owed him an apology? He stared at her in shock. “Why?”
“A couple of reasons. We’ve both made mistakes. I knew you’d take it badly if I ran off to Earth the way I did. I shouldn’t have allowed Ehar to talk me out of seeing you myself. I should have refused to leave without seeing you first.” She took his hand, twining her fingers with his.
Jape grew a couple more, matching her so he could clasp her more fully. “Ehar is the head elder. She commands obedience.”
“Not from me. Not when I understood right from wrong. Our trust was shaky, but I chose badly anyhow. I’m sorry.”
Jape couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Stop, Velia. I gave you no cause to trust me, not for a single second. You owe no apology.”
She sighed. “Are you going to beat yourself up now?”
“My offense is greater by far. I’m guilty of blaming you for things you had nothing to do with. I’ve been condemning you for being human. For not being a warrior. Possibly just because you are a female.”
Her brows rose at his admission he had been prejudiced against her gender. “I’d like the story behind that.”
“I have no story,” Jape confessed. “It’s a feeling I’ve always had, that I don’t measure up to the women of my planet. They are so far above me, I feel inferior. I search for ways to feel better about myself.”
“As in belittling women’s abilities to perform jobs you’re an expert at. Such as military strategy and fighting battles.” Velia’s grip tightened on him.
Jape nodded miserably. “No one, not even Ehar, can tell me how to do that. It’s not much, but it’s what I know better than anyone else.”
“It’s enough. You are enough, Jape.”
He adored his name on her lips. “I wish I was. I wish I was worthy of you.”
Her eyes widened. Her voice turned throatier than usual. “Even with the mistakes I’ve made?”
“You did what you thought you had to. As I would. There is nothing for you to apologize for.” And if there was, he’d forgive her anything at that moment. He couldn’t believe she was willing to do the same.
“But you were right about me. I’ve been blindly loyal to my people. Not because they earned it, but because it was what my father would have expected. I haven’t been thinking for myself. I’ve been the obedient girl, my father’s dedicated soldier, toeing the party line no matter the evidence to the contrary.”
“At least you didn’t get your friends killed.”
She moved closer, her gaze steady. Her body warm against him. “All leaders lose men in times of war, Jape, and it’s not their fault. It’s the circumstances. Only a real leader would care as much as you do.”
She was too generous. Too forgiving. How could he have seen her any other way? His unworthiness was a choking ache. “A real leader would fix it. He’d find a way to—but how do you ask the dead to forgive?” His words cracked with emotion.
“Would they have blamed you for what happened? Would they approve of you suffering over them as you have?”
“I led them to their deaths!”
“Tell me about Lan. How did he die? How did you lead him to his death?”
Jape stared at her. He replayed the fight that had ended with Lan’s death. “We were ambushed.”
“You didn’t lead him into battle, then. Was there any reason to suspect you would come under attack?”
“No. We thought the area was secure. We were sure the Monsudan drones couldn’t breach our defenses. There was nothing to suggest otherwise.”
Realization was clicking in. No one had suspected the Monsuda could get past the safeguards they’d put up. There had been no precedent for them doing so.
“Jape, if Lan had been in command that day instead of you, if it went down the same except your roles were reversed, would you blame him for your death?”
“Never.” He spoke in barely a whisper. “He wouldn’t have seen it coming. No one would have, not with what we understood at that time.”
“Then why are you destroying yourself over guilt y
ou don’t deserve? Other than the fact you were lucky enough to survive through mere chance?”
Jape felt a warmth seeping into him that was separate from having Velia next to him, looking at him with all the compassion in the universe. Was he not to blame after all? Was it sufficient to have tried his best, even though it meant loss of life?
Redemption hovered near as he replayed his actions during those horrible fights where men had died, his actions and those of the warriors around him. As Velia had suggested, he reversed roles with the men he’d lost, weighed whether or not he’d have condemned them for his end, and found he couldn’t.
He couldn’t.
Velia’s low voice called him back to her wise, remarkable presence. “Your friends served with honor. They died with it. Stop diminishing that by making them your burden, Jape. Only by not blaming yourself can you make amends for continuing to live when they didn’t.”
Her beautiful face filled his vision, replacing the horror of weeks before. The dawning radiance of deliverance dimmed. He was still guilty of harming her. It was no matter of taking unwarranted blame either. He was at fault, plain and simple.
Jape wouldn’t have dared to hope but for the kindness in her expression. Once again, he was struck by how he’d underestimated her as a person.
If there’s the slightest chance to apologize, to gain forgiveness, I must attempt it. If she turns me away, it’s what I deserve. But if she gives me another chance...
He couldn’t begin to imagine all that could be. If she’d give him one more opportunity, then nothing would ever be impossible again.
“Velia.” He spoke her name like a prayer. “Velia. How can I atone for what I’ve done to you? Is it too late?”
For a long second, she continued to look at him, her intent unreadable. Then, like the sun breaking through after days of clouds, her smile spread wide, illuminating his world. “No, Jape. It’s not too late.”
She kissed him, kissed him the way that made his spirit light up, that made his hearts thunder with passion—and more. Her sun was in him, making all the dark shadows flee, and Jape could only think he must keep her there, within him, forever.
* * *
Jape didn’t simply let her kiss him. He didn’t respond with anything so mundane as a return kiss. Instead, he wrapped her up in his arms, dragging her into his lap, pulling her in so close she could barely breathe. It was as if he was determined to meld them into a single being. And though Velia grew dizzy from the lack of oxygen, she made no attempt to push free. Instead, she circled Jape’s neck in a strong grip and crushed harder against him.
This. Whatever it was, she was starved for it. She couldn’t get enough of this kissing, this closeness, this man. She wanted Jape to consume her. To devour her until there was nothing of Velia Farrah left. She ached for more, but it was impossible to name. All she knew was that it was big, even infinite, and Jape held the key to whatever this was that danced within her reach.
He relented with a gasp, and she keened with loss, though darkness eclipsed the edges of her vision. They stared at each other for several seconds, heaving for air.
Jape said, “My bed.”
“Yes.”
He stood, holding her draped in his arms. His gaze never left hers, but Jape navigated through his dome without error, taking her to his bedroom and placing her on his bed.
Velia didn’t relinquish her grip. She didn’t allow him to rise, but held on tighter, kissing him again. She hooked her ankles around his waist and tried to pull him down on top of her, eager for more.
He laughed against her lips breathlessly, working to untangle her from his body. “No, not that way. Not this time.”
“Why?” Was he having second thoughts?
Jape grabbed her wrists and pinned them on either side of her head. He gazed down at her, his smile somehow sweet. It made her feel funny in her stomach.
With that appealing expression, he said, “Let me win forgiveness. Let me treat you as I should have from the start.”
She didn’t know what he meant. She thought he’d treated her pretty damned fine when it came to sex before. Fearing he wouldn’t go through with intimate contact, she said, “I want you.”
“Then give me this. Please. I swear you’ll be satisfied.”
Considering how amazing the first encounter had been, Velia was inclined to believe his guarantee. Looking into his shining silver eyes, she intuited that there was a lot more to his insistence than making love or apologies. What that was, she couldn’t imagine—but for some reason, the ticklish sensation in her stomach grew.
“All right. What should I do?”
“In my culture, the men are trained to please the women. I’d like to show you how good it can be with me.”
“You’ve covered that already.” Had he ever.
Jape chuckled, leaning down to brush her lips with his before continuing his explanation. “I’m glad I have not disappointed you. I’ve disappointed myself, though. You deserve better.”
He could do better? Velia looked at him in disbelief, especially when shame darted across his face.
“Jape, why would you feel guilty about how we had sex before? It was spectacular.”
“I agree. You made it spectacular. My issues turned it into mere physical contact. I want that something more you described. I can do trust, I think. I’d like to earn the same from you.”
Velia had an instant of insight. “Why is it so different here?”
“We don’t live with our women. We have to be deemed worthy by the women to sire children. We are trained by women to satisfy them through highly ritualized procedures.”
It sounded as horrible as when Retav had described it. “No wonder you acted so shocked when I jumped you. Is it so mechanical for you?”
Jape considered. “Maybe not for everyone. The problem might be all mine. Maybe the women have wished for more too, but I never gave any of them a chance. I don’t know. We arrange for it, we do it, and we don’t talk about it.”
“I’m amazed you haven’t given up on sex.”
“I have this year, for the most part.”
Velia thought maybe the Risnarish had lost a great deal in separating their genders. Were such misunderstandings common? Had the females’ pursuit of serenity crippled them in a sense?
She didn’t voice any of that. Philosophical conversations were the last thing on her mind. “How do I compare to what you’ve had with your women?”
“You have been perfect. The problem has been with me. What I need to share with you is what Risnarish women expect—respect. And more than that. To show I can be caring.”
Caring. Did he care? Was that what tied her stomach in delicious knots, that warmth more than mere arousal? “You make it sound more significant than physical pleasure.”
“Isn’t that what you were telling me you preferred? To express the act of oneness as the sacred thing it should be?” His low chuckle sounded self-deprecating. “I never saw it as such before. I still don’t, not when it comes to others.”
“Why not?”
“They’re not you. I only want it with you.”
He can’t be for real. It’s a line. He’s Jape, hater of humans.
The thoughts didn’t wash, not when he gazed at her with that expression. Not when the desire in his eyes were for more than sex. Her twisty-ticklish stomach insisted he wasn’t playing her for a fool.
He does care.
“Velia, please.”
“Show me. Share yourself with me—the real you. Let me see you, Jape.” Her heart pounded.
“Thank you.”
Jape undressed her. It wasn’t anything so prosaic as being disrobed. Not when he peeled her clothing off with concentration, kissing and caressing each inch of skin he revealed. His lips gave the sensation of a butterfly’s wing lighting on her. His tongue dance
d in galvanizing flicks over her flesh, making the most innocent places—her throat, her shoulders, the bends of her elbows—areas of erotic astonishment. He brought every inch of her to hungry life, rejoicing in his attention and desperate for more.
Velia was wet before Jape reached her breasts. Her pulse beat hard within her pussy, driven to desire without the first clandestine touch. And when he cupped her breast, when his fingers elongated to squeeze the plump mound, when his mouth closed over the nipple and he drew on it, a shock of the purest rapture rocketed through her. Her fingers dove into his mane, grasping with all her strength.
Holy shit, was that a little orgasm? Did I come from him sucking on my tit?
He released her with a devious grin, pleased with himself. “Velia, please let go. It’s not time for you to return the attention.”
“Oh. This is really just about me? Are you sure?”
For an answer, he gave her pointed nipple a long, slow lick, watching her with a heavy-lidded gaze. Velia moaned as new heat surged. Fuck, he was incredible. Far be it for her to call a halt to his demonstration of sexual acumen. She untangled from the rough brush of his mane and flung her arms out to the sides. “I’m warning you, if this gets any better, I’ll pray for you to do something awful so I can score another apology.”
He muffled his laughter with her other breast. Velia’s eyes rolled at the incredible sensations.
Meanwhile, he tugged her shorts down, along with her panties. When his arms would only reach so far, leaving the fabric hung up beneath her knees, Velia automatically started to bend her legs to help. Jape needed no assistance. As her clothing slipped down her calves, Velia glanced down.
Tails. I forgot he can grow tails.
One of the two slender appendages curled around the waistbands of her shorts and underwear and flicked them lazily across the room. Then it mirrored its twin by twining around her ankles.
The coils rubbed up and down her calves, squeezing the muscles as if giving her a massage. It might have been relaxing if not for Jape’s continued attentions to her breasts. He kissed and rubbed and sucked and licked, making her writhe as tingling heat flared. More than once, she stopped herself from gripping his shoulders or mane. Her body sang under his touch. Waves of excitement washed through her, throbbing in a sweet ache that made her both eager for more and desperate to escape before it drove her insane with longing.
Worlds Collide Page 18