by K. A Knight
“Fuck,” I groan.
Shaking my head, I brave the sand and shimmy along the wall. I see him twisting and turning, obviously, lost not far from where we are. I grab his arm, as he lets out a shout before I yank him inside. Slamming the door to stop the raging winds and sand, I breathe a sigh of relief before turning around.
“Looks like we are camping here tonight.”
The building inside isn’t as destroyed as most places in the Wastes. It seems we have lucked out. It looks like an old warehouse, with massive high up old yellowed windows that only have cracks and not holes. The floor is unforgiving concrete and unused dead machinery covers half of the floor. But there is a break room, hidden away in the back. Not big enough for everyone, but I don’t give a shit about everyone. It adds a layer of protection between me and them. The door is crooked and looks like it’s about to fall down, but the two dusty sofas inside are calling my name. Striding through, and uncaring about the debate of sleeping arrangements, I drop my bag on the floor in the break room and strip off my jacket and scarf dropping them on top. Drax follows me in and collapses on the red dirty sofa next to me, obviously still a little weak from his wounds. Even laid sprawled, he looks hot as hell, with one leg propped up and one arm behind his head as he watches me. I manage to drag my eyes away long enough to take in where we are. The room is probably just big enough to fit me and my men, with windows covering one wall.
Dr. Perfect Face stops outside one of the windows to the break room and cocks his eyebrow, with a grin I pull down the blinds and block out his face. Drax laughs as he stomps around to the door and glares at me.
“Debriefing in five.” He scowls before turning and stomping away. I groan and look at Drax. He pats his chest with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
“I know what we can do in five minutes.”
Laughing, I walk over to him, my boots leaving footprints in the dirt and dust on the floor. I stop just before him and bend over, putting a hand on either side of his head.
“Only five minutes? I’m disappointed.” I tug on his lip with my teeth before straightening and turning around. Vasilisy stands at the door looking very concerned.
“What is debrief? Does it mean he wishes to undress me? I will beat him with his own arm,” he growls, banging on his chest with a triumphant look in his eyes. Closing my eyes, I groan in frustration, sands below, it's going to be a long trip.
“No, it doesn’t mean that.” I walk towards him and crane my neck back to see him. “Now come on, let’s get this the fuck over with so I can get some sleep.”
“Yes, little queen.” He steps to the side and follows me to the middle of the room where the others are gathered. It makes me nervous to have him at my back, but I don’t show it. Instead, I manoeuvre around until I can lean on one of the machines so that no one can sneak up on me. Maxen comes to stand on one side of me and Jax on the other. I watch everything as the others mill around, my stillness and gaze seems to unnerve them if the looks they are throwing my way are anything to go by.
Vasilisy sits on the ground near my feet and pulls out his honour dagger. Ignoring everyone, he starts to pick his teeth with it, disgust fills the faces of the paradise men and I can’t help but laugh. They aren’t cut out for the world out here, it’s going to get them killed, and I don’t plan on being there when it does. After all, they don’t have my loyalty, and I don’t give a shit about anyone in here but my men.
Maxen drops his arm around my shoulder and kisses my head. I smile up at him and lean into his side, my other hand grabbing Jax’s and twining my fingers with his.
“Okay, so we should plan for tomorrow and set up roles for tonight…” I tune out the guard who has made himself in charge. Instead, I close my eyes and let stillness overcome me, helping me push back the memories that came to me today.
“Are you listening to me? I’m sorry, are we boring you or do you simply not understand what we are talking about?” The sneer makes the room go silent and I slowly open my eyes to see the guard glaring at me. Maxen tenses and Jax squeezes my hand as I watch the guard. I know my eyes are cold, still locked in my stillness, but he doesn’t seem to care or understand the warning in them.
“Well, which is it?” He scowls, the condensation dripping from his words.
“Shall I kill him for, you little queen, and offer his head as tribute?” Vasilisy asks casually.
“If I want him dead, I will kill him myself,” I reply, watching as the guard’s scowl deepens, but I see the flicker off fear in his eyes before he masks it.
“Now listen up bitch, just because your daddy thinks he rules, doesn’t mean you get to do whatever the fuck you want. You will shut up, listen, and be a good little girl, so I can do my job and get you and these other savages to your shithole.”
I cock my eyebrow and straighten my pose, it makes him flinch, and I hide my smile. For all his bravado, he is scared of me. I walk towards him and stop when our feet touch.
“Now it’s your turn to listen and listen closely because that is the only slur you will get out of your fucking mouth before I cut out your tongue and wear it as a necklace. I don’t give a fuck what power you think you had down below. Out here, you are nothing but feral fodder. This world is mine. I know how to survive, how to fight, and how to run. You are nothing but a child throwing a tantrum. So you better learn some respect and fast, or I will leave you to the cannibals.” Each word darkens his face with anger, but ignoring him and showing the ultimate disrespect, I turn my back on him and face the others.
“The fact is, none of you know how to survive out here and unless you start to learn, and fast, you are going to die out here. Now, we will have watch at every door and window, switching every three and we leave at daybreak. You will not give away our position with loud noises or lots of light, and you will man the fuck up, or I will leave you all behind tomorrow, I do not have time for dead weight.”
With that I walk away, leaving the stunned silence and Vasilisy’s laughter following after me. I make my way around the building, searching for possible entrances, and testing the strength of the windows. Rubbing the dirt and age away from one of the windows, I look outside. The sand is still blocking everything, with twisters occurring now and then. I look around for anything else I might have missed.
A metal staircase is hidden at the back of the room leading to a walkway above, I follow it around and find a door I didn’t spot before marked as a fire escape. I nudge it open, covering my eyes in case the storm is right there. When the door isn’t flung away from me, I peek outside. My eyes widen as I step through the door. A metal railing runs around the square space, with windows just before it, blocking out the wind and sand. The brick of the walls seals it in on the other two sides. A metal garden chair is on the floor, rusted and mangled. I step further out and peer out of the window, it is a perfect vantage point if it wasn’t for the storm.
Dragging my eyes away, I turn around to leave, only to come face to face with the guard. He steps through the door and lets it shut behind him with a bang.
“You ever question me in front of my men again and I will put you in your place.” His face is red and his chest heaving.
“And what place would that be?” I ask curiously, stepping back and letting my hands dangle by my side.
“You are nothing but a savage whore!” he roars, spittle flying from his mouth. I’ve met his kind before, the ones who think they’re gods, that no one is above them––especially woman. He sees us as nothing more than a place to stick his dick. Even now, I can see his eyes drop to my chest before meeting mine. I’m going to enjoy putting him in his place, maybe I will make him my bitch.
Sighing, I start to unstrap my weapons as I speak. “Because I enjoy sex and pleasure that makes me a whore? When a man fucks who he wants and takes what he needs he is called a hero, and warrior.” Finished, I bend over keeping my eyes on his and place them on the floor.
He grins. “You should have kept them,” he taunts.
He moves without speaking, swinging his fist at me. I dodge and bounce on the tips of my toes grinning at him as the adrenaline rushes through me, my blood lust rising with it. “See, I don’t think you realise how I came to be a free woman in the Wastes.” He swings again and I dodge. I start to circle him as he tries to hit me. “I won my way here, fought like a mad woman, like a Berserker.” He growls and rushes me, but I move out of the way, slipping around him like a dancer in The Rim. “I didn’t care about dying, I only focused on the next moment, on staying alive. I learnt how to handle myself around men, especially men like you.” He yells wordlessly and tries to uppercut me, I laugh as I twist away dancing around the small area.
“You are nothing compared to the warriors I faced. You are pampered.” I slip in and kick his legs out from under him. “Slow.” I wait for him to get to his knees before bringing my knee up and smashing it into his nose. “Weak.” Using the toe of my boot, I nudge him over as he screams and holds his face.
The door slams open and Dr. Perfect Face, my men, and Vasilisy are crowding into the doorway. I throw them a wink and walk around the guard on the floor, I grab my weapons and walk to the door. “Anyone else hungry?” I ask to the sounds of blood being spit out behind me. Dr. Perfect Face who is the first one at the door gives me a smile, which throws me of for a second, before his usual bored and irritated face returns and he looks at the man behind me. “Someone get me my bag.”
Barely Human
After my lesson, I go back to our break room, and me and my men eat our rations. We laugh and joke, with Maxen telling them all about me and the guard. I decide to take first watch and kiss them all goodnight before heading back to the vantage point. I make sure to keep my weapons strapped on, in case any of the guards, who throw me dirty looks as I walk past them, try anything.
I slump against the wall, my eyes drawn to the windows and the dying swirls of sand. It looks like by morning the dust will have settled again. The door opens next to me, and I have my dagger in my hand before they can step through. Thorn looks around before spotting me, he sees the blade and smiles. I smile back and slip it away as he joins me on the floor. His whole body touching mine, we sit that close. Out of all my men, Thorn is the one I have spent the least amount of time with. Only here and there have we had private conversations, but after Paradise, I feel like we are a lot closer. But in some ways, he is still a mystery to me. A man so big, he towers over everyone, yet with the gentlest heart I have ever met. His past is as messed up as mine, and I wish I could help him forget, and forgive himself.
“Tell me about your brother?” Thorn asks, his arm wrapping around my shoulder and pulling me close.
“Why?” I mumble.
“Because even though it hurts, he deserves to be remembered,” he says softly.
My heart clenches and pain spreads through my chest. Tears build up at the back of my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
“He was my best friend. He was older than me, so I used to follow him around everywhere. Yet, even when his friends made fun of him for letting me play with them, he didn’t care.” I cut off and breathe, concentrating on the dust swirling in the distance. “He protected me always. There was this boy in his year, who used to pick on me. He pushed me, so I punched him. The kid went running back to his mum crying, who turned up at our house. I knew I would be in trouble, so I hid behind my brother.” A sad smile twists my lips as I remember him reaching back and grabbing my hand. His eyes so fierce, so determined to protect me even at his age. “He took the blame, said he had done it.” I shake my head with a pained laugh. “He was grounded for two weeks. He snuck into my room that night to read to me, I always did have trouble sleeping. I asked him why.” I breathe in and it hiccups as my eyes burn and my throat closes. “He told me it was his duty as big brother to always protect me, and that he always would.” I finish brokenly, my heart falling apart at the old memory, one I didn’t even know I could recall.
“He sounds like an amazing person,” Thorn says, pulling me closer. I drop my head onto his shoulder and let the pain run through me even as I smile at the memory.
“He was.”
It goes quiet for a bit as we watch the twisting of the air and sand in front of us. “What about your sister?” I ask after a while.
“She was so little. So full of life, god she drove my mum crazy with her attitude. But no matter how much she was winding me up, I loved her. She was my weakness, my sister with the smile that could make even the biggest man cave.” He breathes in against me, as his body shakes. “I should have protected her,” he whispers brokenly, and I turn to see tears tracking down his face.
“You did everything you could. You told me even though it hurts she deserves to be remembered, well you deserve to forgive yourself even though it hurts.” He tightens his arm on me. “What was her name?” I ask, pushing him to see past his grief.
“Petal.” He lets out a laugh. “See the pattern? My mum was obsessed with flowers, so Thorn and Petal. She was so beautiful, she had this big curly hair that would not be tamed. These two dimples and deep brown eyes that you got lost in.”
My heart stutters and the more he talks the more I freeze up as a memory flings me into the past, even as he carries on talking.
“Chocolate,” she says with a smile, her head tipped to the side to face me. Her swirly brown hair poking through the bars. The stone cell she is in is opposite mine. Another punishment for me, and her as well. Her dirty, once white, now brown cotton dress barely covers her legs as she holds them to her chest for warmth. There's a blood stain on her side, but I don't ask. We both know talking about it doesn’t help.
Two torches bracket her cell, reflecting off the damp cold stone. At least we have light this time; last time he left me down here in the dark with nothing but my pain and hunger for days. You spend so long in the dark, being out of it feels wrong. Even now, I sit to the shadowed side of the cell bars, my face slightly hidden as we watch each other. My stomach throbs in hunger and I pull my legs to my chest, mirroring her. I can’t remember the last time I ate anything, and my bones are beginning to stick out now. Yanking on my own dirty tunic, I try to cover as much of my bare legs as possible. The rip from Ivar earlier tears a little more making me close my eyes in pain at the reminder of what happened to me.
“Ice cream,” I whisper, trying to breathe through my shame.
“Apples,” she says through a soft laugh, her voice melodic and helping me concentrate on our conversation. It’s our way of staying sane. She’s younger than me and has been here only a couple of months, but in that time, she has been through the same hell I have. I don’t reply, and I hear her sigh. It took her a whole month to get me to talk at all.
“Thank you for protecting me again today,” she says, gripping the bars. I shrug and focus on the flames, a coping mechanism of mine. It’s not like I saved her life, just took the beating meant for her, much to Ivar’s delight. He asked me why as I lay curled in a broken ball on his floor. I didn’t bother telling him it’s because I know it will break her. Even now, I can see the strain in her eyes. They have dimmed as well, the hope leaving them tired. It’s the same look I see in my eyes every day, but there is a difference between us. She can’t endure, I have seen that for myself. It sends a sharp stabbing pain through my chest because I know before long, she will die. If not by her own hand, by theirs once she is nothing more than a shell––after all, she is useless to them. I have seen it happen time and time again, slaves come and go. Their minds breaking from the torture, just another body for his men to dispose of after. Yet, I am still here. I wish I knew why, but I refuse to let that bastard have the last laugh. He would love it if he finally broke me.
I never let myself get too close to the other slaves, it only brings more pain, but something about this little girl made me reach out. Made me change my rules, and I know Ivar has spotted it. I just don�
�t know how he plans to use it against me.
“What’s your real name?” she asks, breaking into my thoughts. I turn to face her once again, my bruised and raw cheek pushing against the stone behind me. I grit my teeth against the pain of moving, my body is locking up. My muscles sore and abused, but at least the pain blocks the hunger for a while.
“Tazanna.” The word sounds foreign, and my voice croaks from not being used but her brilliant smile makes it all worth it. It’s breathtaking, like the sun rising in the morning.
“Nice to meet you, Tazanna, I’m Petal.” She keeps her smile until I find myself offering her one back. The feeling of it stretching my lips foreign to me. Footsteps sound as someone descends the stairs. Her smile falls away and her eyes turn panicked as she grips the bars harder, her face going white.
“Don’t fight them, they like it,” I whisper hurriedly. It’s my turn to grip the bars as she seems to be miles away, stuck in her panic. “Petal. Promise me,” I demand. She blinks before nodding at me, a tear dripping down her little face.
The man stops between our cells and I drag my eyes away from her, letting them go cold and vacant. Ivar’s right-hand man, Dreven, appears between our cells.
“Well, ladies. Ivar has a deal. One of you is mine tonight, while the other is safe. Pick. You have thirty seconds.” He grins, and almost giggles as he watches Petal hungrily. I know he hasn’t had her yet, he loves breaking in a new slave. I watch as she trembles, her mind obviously screaming at her.
“Me. I will go with you,” I say, I don’t know why. I have never volunteered to save another before. It’s not what the slaves do. You look out for yourself, all the others would have thrown me at him, some did, but I can’t let him touch her.
He frowns before shrugging, that same crazy smile returning.
“I have some new toys, pet.” He walks to my cell and starts to unlock it. I catch Petal’s eyes as tears stream down her face. She mouths ‘thank you’ and I nod.