by K. A Knight
“A little birdie told me a Summit had been called, but that can’t be correct or I would have been invited.” He points out, grabbing some food from a plate, which is put in front of him, and eating casually. With his mouth full he carries on, spitting half chewed food with each word. “So, why don’t you tell me why you are all here... it wouldn’t have anything to do with me, would it?” He finishes the food and stares around.
Major clears his throat and Ivar’s eyes snap to him. I want to take the heat away, draw his gaze to protect Major from the murder and hate darting around in the madness that is Ivar, but I can’t. Major would never let me. “A Summit was called, to discuss the borders of the clans.”
Ivar snorts, obviously smelling the bullshit, and his eyes flicker to me for a second, but it’s enough of a warning for me to shift in my seat, sliding sideways to protect Major as much as I can without looking obvious.
“Don’t lie to me ring maker,” he warns, his voice low and deadly. I know he takes in my stance because a smile curves his lips, pulling up at the scarred side of his face. “I know why you are gathered, you think you can overthrow me. You think you can start a war!” he screams the last, the spittle flying from his mouth and hitting me, but I don’t bother wiping it away, not daring to move in case he snaps.
“Can ya blame us, eh? You have lost it!” Nan shouts, leaning forward with a defiant look in her eyes. I freeze when Ivar lets out a chuckle. I know he will remember that and what Major said. He will make them pay and the thought chills me to my bones.
“I called it,” I say, sitting back in my chair, and when his eyes land on me I don’t even flinch.
“Oh, little pet, you don’t think I know that? I have eyes and ears everywhere. It was so funny watching you run around and play hero, trying to save everyone, trying to convince these fucking cowards to join you. What would you have done, eh? Marched up to my castle, demanded my head on a pike? I don’t think so, you are still that broken little slave girl.” Laughter starts from the Berserkers in the room.
“That’s where you are wrong,” I say, silencing the room. “I wouldn’t have asked for your head, I would have gotten it myself.” I smile, my mask clearly in place and his face wipes clean, nothing but anger there. Good, get mad, forget the insult Major and Nan threw your way. I can take it.
“Is that right, pet? Think you can take me? I think you would freeze, you would hesitate. You are still soft. Still weak.” He leans forward, spitting the words in my face. I don’t lean away even as his hand darts out and grabs my chin, twisting and putting pressure painfully on it. “You are nothing but what I want you to be, you’ve had your fun and now it’s time to come home. Don’t make me kill them all to do it.” He warns, the truth in his eyes. He would, he would kill every single person in the Waste to get to me.
“Why?” I ask, the question haunting me since I was little, I search his eyes for the answer, holding in my wince as he puts more pressure on my chin.
“You are mine and I wasn’t finished with you yet,” he says, like I am stupid for asking.
Looking into his face I debate his words. He really would start a war because of one slave, because he didn’t get to break me and kill me? He would really jeopardise everything for me? Yes, yes he would. He really is crazy, Major was right. He has lost it.
“No, I will never come with you. I will slit my own throat first,” I admit and he grins before leaning in, his lips touching mine.
“I was hoping you would say that, pet.” He kisses me hard, biting my lip as he goes, and blood explodes in my mouth. I yank my head away, ripping from his grip, and pant as blood drops down my bruised chin onto my chest.
With his eyes on me, he talks to his men. “Bring me the dishonoured.”
I freeze when I hear the Berserkers jumping to do his bidding. He smiles at the anger running through me, and carries on, “Kill those insects at the Seeker compound.”
My heart stops as I stare at him in shock, he can’t mean my men…
How? We checked the whole compound for Berserkers, but I see the glee in his eyes. He can get to them, I know it from that look alone. I have to do something, I have to stop them, I have to protect them. What will make him hesitate, what can I use against him? I rack my brain, and when I finally form a plan, a peace settles in my chest like this was what was supposed to happen all along.
Grabbing my knife, I ignore the Berserkers as they all move to intercept me, obviously thinking I am going for Ivar. “Do that and I will kill myself right now.” Holding the knife to my own throat I stare at him, showing him how serious I am. I would slit my throat, I would do anything to protect them. “Hmm, then what would you do. Your little pet would be bleeding out and it wouldn’t be by your hand. You want me, you need me, so kill them and I will take that all away from you.”
I can feel everyone holding their breath as I challenge Ivar, playing his own game. I let him decide what he wants to do, it’s in his hands now. Finally, his face turns red and he looks away. “Ignore that order,” he spits out at his men and turns to me again. “You are going to pay for that,” he says, and I nod, dropping the knife. As soon as I do, he snaps his arm out and grabbing my head, smashes my face into the desk. I hear my nose crunch and I can taste the copper tang of my own blood. My ears ring and my head spins. I don’t even notice he has let go of my head until I push back and I raise my head. Major is out of his seat and Nan is squaring up to a Berserker. Doc and Vasilisy have weapons to two Berserkers and everyone is waiting to see what I will do. It would be suicide to attack them now, and no matter what I said, I don’t want to die.
“I’m fine, sit down.” Major searches my face before sliding back into his seat. Nan grumbles but does the same, only Doc and Vasilisy ignore me. “Now!” I shout, noticing the other Berserkers inching their way over. Vasilisy sighs but does as he is told, but Doc tightens his grip on the Berserker.
“Doc,” I warn, and he flinches but doesn’t drop it. “Evan!” I shout and I think it’s the shock of hearing his name that makes him step back and look at me. “I’m okay, let him go.” I gesture at the Berserker and he releases him. Turning back to Ivar, I ignore the agony ripping through my head and face him.
“Finished?” I ask, licking the blood trickling from my lips. He follows the movement, lust blooming in his eyes.
“For now.” He nods before looking back at the others. “Now, where were we?”
“Being mental, as usual,” Nan mutters, making me chuckle before I choke on my own blood.
I cough and sputter and only when Major leans across and smashes my back, do I spit out the blood on the once pristine table. “Thanks,” I mutter hoarsely.
“You okay, kid?” he asks quietly.
I nod and look at him from under my lashes. “Stay quiet, don’t antagonise him. We both know how this ends. You can always come after me, but we need you alive,” I mutter and stop when a large fist smashes into the table under my face.
“What are we whispering about, pet?” Ivar asks.
“Nothin’,” I reply, reaching up and grimacing when I feel my bent nose. Fucking great. It took weeks to heal last time, and it never set straight after it. Taking a deep breath I grab both side and twist, I have to hold in a scream as it clicks back into place, but when it does it feels ten times better.
“Good, so I will get straight to the point. You know what I want, but I obviously need to remind the others who I am.” He taps his chin and I go cold, I know that look. “So, I think I can do both at the same time.”
He gets to his feet, his leather creaking as he moves and holds his hand out to the side. He doesn’t even look, just expects it to happen, and it does. A gun lands in the palm of his hand and he quickly checks it before flicking off the safety. I rise slowly, and the others do the same. Stepping back from the table we move in closer until we create a circle. Rolling his eyes, Ivar rounds the table so there is nothing but air between us.
“Like I said, they must be reminded. I think
killing one of them is fair enough, the others will soon scatter like the bugs they are and run back to their own little shit holes they call camps. I know who I want to kill, but the decision is yours pet.” He raises the gun and points it to Major, then swings it to Nan. “Which one do I kill? They both offered me insult.”
I freeze and turn my eyes from him to them. Nan stands up straight, ready for whatever happens, and Major takes a deep breath, resignation settling in his gaze. No, no this can’t be happening. I can stop this. Grabbing the knife, I fumble with it to raise it to my throat.
“I don’t think so pet, that might have worked once, but not again. You try to kill yourself and I will shoot them both then I will have my fun with your men.” The threat is real and I quickly drop the blade to the floor. “Good girl,” he purrs and I swallow hard, trying to think my way out of this.
“Decide, or I will. Who do I shoot?” he asks, his gun wavering between them both.
I shake my head, staring from it to them.
He gets tired “Fine. I will.” When the shot goes off, I jerk like it hit me, and I turn as if in slow motion. I watch in dawning horror as a red patch blooms on Major’s chest. He blinks before looking down. Chaos erupts, but all I do is stare as Ivar laughs. Major’s mouth opens and closes before he stumbles forward. Automatically, I dart towards him, just in time to catch him as he crumples to his knees. Still numb, I lay him on his back and just stare.
“I’m sorry,” he gasps, blood bubbling on his lips as his breathing turns erratic and his face pales. I panic, fluttering my hands over him, not knowing what to do, my emotions coming back with a bang.
“I’m sorry,” I wheeze, turning to the room. “HELP HIM! I WILL DO ANYTHING!” I scream desperately until a cold hand lands on my arm, then I turn back to Major.
“It’s okay, you will be okay.” His voice is getting weaker, so I have to lean closer so no one else can hear us. “I love you, Tazanna Worth, make them pay. Be the woman I know––know you can.” I sob as his breathing stops for a second. His eyes unfocused and he looks over my shoulder like he doesn't even see me. “I’m coming baby, I’m coming, Cara.”
His body jerks a few times before he stops breathing, that horrible death rattle in his chest, until he is still, his eyes locked over my shoulder even as a smile twists his blood covered lips.
“No,” I whisper, before I let out a heartbroken scream, ragged and wordless. It pours out of me and I can't seem to stop even as my arms are pulled back and I am dragged away. I fight them to get back to him. “I need to save him, I can save him. I have to!” I punch, kick and claw until they release me and then I scramble back to him, no not him, his body, one that is already cooling. His lips are blue and his face blank.
“No!” I cry. “I need to…I have to…”
I am pulled away again and I sag in their arms as they drag me from Major’s body, roughly handling me, one thought ringing in my head. I have to bury him, I have to offer him rights or he won't cross and see his daughter again. It's what gets me fighting until I am nothing but an animal, biting, clawing, and attacking everything. My eyes widen too late as I see the pommel of the sword descending to my face. Something crunches, and I fall backwards as the room begins to darken. I fight with everything in me to keep myself here, there are things I need to do. Things I have to do. Major… It’s my last thought as I succumb to the blackness edging my vision and I welcome it, anything to get away from the crippling agony of losing the man I loved as a father.
“Little queen!” comes a scream, but it's so far away and I am so cold, I am so tired.
Don’t Say Goodbye
“No, again,” Major shouts from the side of the sand, watching me with a hard expression. He looks out of place here, with his perfect suit and well-mannered looks, but he obviously knows what he is doing. So, I pick myself up and go again, and again, until my body is one big aching muscle and I can hold the sword properly. When I get a hit on the guard and defeat him, I can’t help but grin, looking towards Major. The look of pride he beams at me makes all the pain and effort worth it.
“Good, tomorrow we will teach you two swords,” he calls, walking towards me, ignoring the dirt gathering on his pristine black shoes.
Swinging the practice sword casually in an arc, I grin. “Two swords, huh? I like the idea of that.” We share a smile before we are interrupted by a ring guard running onto the sand.
When he reaches us, he hesitates before whispering in Major’s ear, I see his face shut down. All trace of emotions wiped away. He nods and looks at me, instantly my back straightens and I know it is bad news.
“He is back. Best go and get ready.” His face is calm, but his voice wavers with anger and before I can question him on it, he spins on his heel and leaves the fighting pit. All my excitement drops away and my shoulders hunch. I had three days, three whole fucking days of not seeing him. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be free?
“Little queen,” comes a desperate whisper. I know that voice. I start to swim up from the memory but as soon as I do, I can feel it. The pain, the pure unfiltered agony rolling through my body. My heart feels like it’s being pulled from my chest and my lungs are tight. My face feels like someone took a hammer to it, but it’s the bone deep sadness that has me flinching away, back into the safe and almost happy place of my memories. I hesitate, not wanting to abandon whoever is whispering to me, but as I float there in blissful torment I slip away again, with nothing or no one to hold on to. It’s just me.
Looking into the tiny dirty mirror, I stare at the creature I have become. I was in his care for two hours, although they felt like a century, and this is what happened. For the last three days I had become more, the bruises had faded and I had forgotten to flinch when people came near me. Yet two hours with him and I am nothing more than a shell again. My face is bruised, broken. My left eye will be black and my cheekbone hurts so much he might have broken it. My bottom lip is double its normal size and a gash runs across my entire forehead from his cane. I know I won’t be able to sit down and my back will have more scars. I think the only thing he didn’t touch were my legs. Lucky me.
Then I start to get angry, this defeated looking creature can’t be me. I hate it. I hate the weakness and fear in her eyes. I hate the sunken, dead acceptance. My fist cocks back before I can stop it and smashes into the mirror, shattering it. My reflection still stares back at me, but from a million tiny pieces. Shattered, like me. It helped, so I do it again and again, screaming as my knuckles are cut open, yet I can’t stop. The anger has to go somewhere and what is one more pain?
I don’t even hear him until he catches my fist mid swing, gently turning it over to show me the destroyed knuckles. Blood is running freely and dropping to the floor, I can see the inside of my muscle and, I am pretty sure, some bone. I look up from his perfectly manicured hand holding my destroyed one, until I meet his eyes. There I see the anger I feel, the heartbreak and utter desperation, but why does he care? I am no one, I am just a slave.
“No, never,” he mutters hoarsely, making me realise I spoke out loud. “You are so much more than that, you are a fighter. You are a survivor.” Looking down, he rubs some of the blood away from the edge of my fingers “You will heal, and you will thrive, I can see it in your eyes... you are like me.”
“Why do you care?” I ask, not giving a shit if it gets me punished. He’s too kind to me, it’s too much. He must want something, he wouldn’t teach me to fight, teach me to protect myself, feed me, clothe me, and spend his nights telling me stories if he did not. It’s just how the world works.
He blows out a breath, his eyes searching mine. “Because, kid, what kind of world do we live in where I can watch a young girl be destroyed right in front of me and not care? You take each shot and keep moving, that’s why I care. I care because I can save you… no that’s not right. You can save yourself, but I want to help.” The honesty in his expression and words stagger me, and he watches me as hope blooms to life in his eye
s, mirroring what I am feeling in my chest. I stare at him with stars in my eyes; can he really mean what he says? It’s stupid, but I trust him. He spent three weeks earning that trust, so why don’t I give him the benefit of the doubt.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly, still holding my hand.
Three simple words, but something no one has asked me for a long time, because no one cares. Three simple words and Major has my heart. I throw myself into his arms, sobbing all my pain and fear away. He holds me here in the locker room of the pit, his arms wrapped around me like he will let no one ever hurt me again as I bloody his perfect white shirt.
“I’ve got you, kid, I’ve got you,” he whispers, squeezing me tighter as I curl my fists into his shirt and hold on tight, like I might be snatched away from him at any minute. “We will get through this, I have a plan. I’ll get you out, you can come and live here, and we can work through all the books you eyed up in my library when you didn’t think I noticed.” I snort out a desperate laugh and tilt my head back to look into his sincere eyes. His hand comes up and cups my face. “You’re going to be okay kid, you can get through anything, just remember to fight with everything you have in you…”
The memory starts to fade, and I can feel my body again, with an anguished cry I try to hold on, try to bury myself back in his arms, but it's no good. I can feel it fading around me, and the last thing I see is that fucking soft smile and eyes so full of love and pride for me.
“I love you,” I whisper as he fades away and I am left looking at the ceiling of a moving car. Blinking, I groan before I remember to be quiet, my whole body hurts. I forgot what it felt like to be in constant pain. I don’t want to, but looking won’t make it less real, so I slowly turn my head, having to close my eyes for a second when my vision spins. Fuck, I couldn’t even fight my way out of a scav den at the moment. I spot Vasilisy first, I must be laid on his legs, my head propped up because he is staring, no glaring, at the other people in the car, his back is ramrod straight and his hands are clenched in anger. He glances down when he feels my gaze and shakes his head slightly. I get the idea and flutter my lashes shut so I can only see through the slits, if anyone glances my way they will think I am still passed out. Slowly, to not draw attention to myself, I turn again, until I can see the rest of the car. I have to stop halfway again, when my head feels like it will explode, but keeping my breathing even and shallow, I finally have my head turned to face the rest of the car. I count three Berserkers in the back and there must be two in the front. It looks like we are in one of the war cars, as Ivar calls them, basically an old modded army truck.