Some mornings when he's up reading, I hear his laughter from the kitchen over something I write, and some mornings I feel him crawl back into bed beside me to reaffirm how much he loves me in his life if I was insecure the day before.
And for those few days when the feelings of being shit overwhelmed me and I wrote about it, Z snuggled right in, morning breath and all, and he loved the shit feeling right out of me like he promised he would do. Quite well, actually.
"You're not mad at me, are you?" Kayla asks from the kitchen doorway.
"Not at all. I know the tree is huge, but I picture it so beautiful when it's finished, I couldn't stop myself from buying it. I love Christmas trees, and my parents always had one proper tree that their staff decorated, and Marcus didn't think it was practical to have one because it was just the 2 of us. And though last year’s tree was nice it just didn't feel as special as I wanted. Anyway, I bought the biggest tree I could find, to decorate it the way I want. So laugh about the height all you want, it's going to be fabulous when I’m done," I grin as she does.
"But how are you going to get to the top? You're like a little person," she grins as I burst out laughing.
"5'3 isn’t a little person, ya asshole. And Z says maintenance has a huge ladder for me to borrow. So I'm telling you by next week I'll have the most beautiful Christmas tree in New York."
"I can't wait to see it," she smiles as she lifts the lid off the gravy and dunks a little bun into it before I can stop her. "I'm starving," she wiggles her eyebrows when I stop to lean against the counter.
Crossing my arms, I'm dying to know. "Who?"
Wiping her mouth after moaning over my delicious gravy, she grins blushing. BLUSHING! "Ah, Marty. But don't tell anyone!" She yells as I screech and cover my mouth. "We're just casual so we're not telling anyone, and he's going to totally ignore me today and act like we weren’t just screwing 4 hours ago. And I swear to god if you tell Z I'll kill you."
"I won't! But oh my god, how was it? Is it? Like how often is casual?"
"I don't know, a dozen or so times," she mumbles as I jump in.
"A dozen? That's not casual for you, Kayla. That's almost a relationship."
"No, it's not!" She yells back until we both quiet down looking nervously at the kitchen door for Z.
"Have you gone out for dinner? To the movies? Anywhere besides your bedrooms?"
"Yeah..." She says looking mortified.
"Well, Kayla, here's a news flash for you, you're dating," I laugh as she flinches and looks so uncomfortable I reach to hug her.
"Shit," she mumbles again as I laugh at her look of almost fear.
Pulling away, I'm dying to know. "So? Is he more than a test drive? Do you, ah, like his stick shift?" I giggle when she looks at me like I'm pathetic.
"Ugh, that soooo doesn't work for you. But yes, his stick shift is just fine. Awesome, actually. And I can work it and ride it all night. Which I did actually," she bursts out laughing when I feel my own face heat up redder and redder the longer she speaks. "Fuck, you're funny. As if you don't ride your own sexy as hell stick shift every chance you get," she laughs again as I cover my smile and blush with my hand.
"What are you girls talking about?" Z asks as we both spin and yell nothing at the same time. Okay, we're totally busted, and I'm cringing because Z always gets the truth out of me with just a look.
"Z. This isn't Suzanne's, so you can't force it out of her. It's my secret. So just leave her alone," Kayla says stepping a foot toward Z like she's actually protecting me from him which is too funny.
"Understood," Z nods gravely, but when she quickly turns back to look at me like we're safe, he winks letting me know he's gonna get it out of me later. Shit.
"Hello?" Mack's calls from the living room as Z spins out of the kitchen with a grin for me.
Walking out behind him, Kayla grabs my wrist and begs one last time, "Please don't tell anyone, Suzanne. I'm not ready, and I don't think Marty is, and we're not a couple or anything, and I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, okay?" Begging me all panicky, it’s kind of refreshing to see on her usually composed, cool, almost arctic face for a change.
"I would never tell, Kayla. I promise." After she exhales a nod back with a thanks thrown in we leave the kitchen.
"Hi." Grabbing Mack for a hug Z takes Kayla's coat from her.
"Hi back, Suzanne. It smells delicious in here." Looking quickly at my unadorned gigantic tree I can see Mack wants to engage me, so I jump in first.
"I'm not crazy. I just wanted the biggest, most beautiful Christmas tree in New York outside of Rockefeller Square anyway, so I bought it. I'm going to take off the last few branches so it doesn't actually bend against the ceiling, and it's going to be beautiful," I add before he can.
"I have no doubt it'll be beautiful Suzanne," Mack smiles. Ha! I love him more than anyone but Z as I turn and smirk at Kayla who rolls her eyes and mumbles 'he's just hungry' making us all laugh but his Kayla.
"Take these," Kayla groans handing me bowls of turnip and squash, I think. "Quickly," she adds before dashing to my kitchen with me and Kayla following.
"Ahhh, what's-"
"Wait." Fanning her face leaning against the counter Kayla ignores us. Watching her breathe deeply I can't help but grin at (formally) Chicago Kayla who rolls her eyes again. "I'm-"
"Pregnant," both Kayla and I join her as she groans the word.
"What? How did you know? Did Mack tell you?" She asks furiously.
Placing the bowls on the counter, I smile and shake my head no. But before I can speak, Kayla jumps in.
"You're like the worst! At Macy's a few weeks ago you had the stomach flu. Then last week at Marty's restaurant you had food poisoning when you 2 left before the main course. And the week before that, you declined Chinese when we all came back here after Z's speech, and-"
"Okay, I get it," Kayla whines. "I was trying to get through the first trimester without making it obvious."
"By barfing everywhere, or looking like you were going to barf, or by moaning about barfing every time we saw you for the last 2 months?" Kayla adds helpfully as I grin silently.
"Ah, yeah. This pregnancy sucks," Kayla huffs a laugh finally.
"I'm so, so happy for you both," I choke up as I hug her. "You're going to be an amazing mom, Kayla. I know it," I whisper as she hugs me tighter.
"Thanks, Suzanne," she whispers on a long exhale.
Pulling out our hug, Kayla steps in for one of her own, and I'm happy. We're all doing well, and nothing seems bad, well, except for all the nausea. But hey, it's not me barfing this time, so I'm cool with it.
"It's been bad, huh?" Kayla asks as Kayla nods.
"Fuck- frigging brutal," Kayla corrects as I laugh. "I'm trying to watch my language now so I don't traumatized this kid with an f-bomb every few minutes of his or her little life," she grins as I laugh again.
"No worries... With a Shrink for a dad, I'm sure the kid will be screwed up anyway," Kayla adds as Kayla howls with laughter. "Oh! Can I have Mack's Porsche now?"
"What? Why?"
"Don't you have to buy a minivan or something equally as responsible? Won't it look weird driving a Porsche with a baby in the back?"
Grinning as Kayla thinks, I realize from her wrinkled forehead she hasn't thought about Mack's car yet. "Um, there isn't even a backseat, so..." she shrugs. "Shit. My beetle is too small, too. Oh, crap. Mack and I have to go buy a car now. I never thought about it," she says sounding panicky.
"You have lots of time. Relax, Kayla," I try to soothe as she exhales again. Jeez, talk about mood swings.
"What are you girls taking about?" Z asks from the doorway, as both Kayla and I yell nothing again like losers.
Laughing at the two of us, Kayla says softly, "I'm pregnant, Z," almost like she's afraid that might hurt him but it doesn't. The smile she receives is so beautiful my heart nearly bursts as I watch his face light up.
Walking to her, Z takes Kayla into his arms so sweetl
y, she snuggles in deep and exhales again. When he whispers something in her ear which I'm dying to know, Kayla immediately tears up and pulls away to look at his face again with a smile. Kissing his cheek briefly, Kayla whispers 'thank you', and I find my own eyes filling up.
She looks so happy, and Z looks so beautiful at her I realize if it was me who was having his baby he would always look at me like that. Z would look at me with such sweetness, my heart would actually swell in my chest.
"Are you okay?" Mack leans into my side to ask quietly.
Turning to him, "I'm so okay. And I'm really happy for you both. Oh! And I'm going to knit a blanket for your baby!" I yell as everyone looks at me like I'm a little bit mental, which I'm not. I'm just happy.
"I'd love a baby blanket," Kayla adds stepping away from Z to take Mack's hand.
"Wow. I'm going to be kind of an aunt," I add with awe in my voice. "I never thought I would be. Well, actually it was impossible as an only child, but now I am kind of, which is very cool. Aunt Suzanne," I say but I don't really like it. It seems too formal or something. "Aunt Suzie?" I question no one in particular. "Auntie Sue?" Huh. I've got nothing.
"I like Aunt Suzie," Mack says before Kayla adds a 'Q'.
"Yeah. Aunt Suzie-Q is cute for sure," Kayla laughs at my wrinkled nose. "And I'll just be it's fabulous Aunt Kayla," she adds nodding like it’s a done deal.
"I don't want to be Suzie-Q," I whine as Z laughs at me taking my hand.
"What about Aunt Tommy," he says as I gasp. "It is your actual name, love," he adds with a little smile.
"Oh my god! Like Grama Tommy, but Aunt instead. Oh, I love it. Can I be Aunt Tommy?" I turn to a teary-eyed Kayla.
"I think Aunt Tommy is perfect," Mack says softly as I feel my own tears well up again.
"Wow. Talk about growth, huh?" I question as both Z and Mack laugh at my expression.
"Yup. You're doing well, Suzanne."
"Thanks, Mack." Turning from him back to the stove, I don't want to get heavy, and I don't want to make this about me at all. This isn't my news, and it's not my day, so I'm going to leave all the Suzanne shit out of it for everyone. "Why don't you all go back to the living room while I finish up? Dinner should be ready in about 20 minutes, so grab drinks while you wait." With my back turned to everyone I hear the mumbled okays as they leave me in the kitchen.
"Suzanne?"
Jumping right in, I have to be sure. "Are you okay with hearing the name Tommy all the time?" I turn to Z leaning against the counter watching me for any upset.
"Yes. He's Thomas to me. I never think of him as Tommy, and it wouldn’t matter anyway. He was named after you. A charming name I love for the beautiful little blue-eyed, strawberry blonde love of my life. So Aunt Tommy is cool with me," Z says so sweetly again, I laugh cry before leaning into his chest.
Wiping my few tears, I whisper, "You're good, Mr. Zinfandel," as he laughs. "And now I wish we were alone for an hour or two," I pull away with my own attempt at a naughty eyebrow wiggle, which I doubt I pulled off but has Z smiling anyway when he leans down to my ear.
"You. Me. Sex-couch. Tonight, love. So be prepared," he growls sexily in my ear as I shiver. Oh, I'll be prepared alright. Though I better watch all the turkey I eat so I don't fall into a tryptophan coma like everyone tends to do after Thanksgiving.
"Don't eat too much Turkey, Z. I want you wide awake with me alllll night," I rub up against him suggestively. Groaning, Z mumbles, 'fuck me, Suzanne,' and I can't stop myself. "I plan on it," slips out and as I blush he growls again before shaking his head and stepping away from me.
"Watch yourself, Suzanne, because I don't care half as much about dinner as I do about getting inside you," he threatens as I gasp again. What a dirty bugger! "Come out here and have a drink with me while we wait for Marty," he takes my hand with a dirty boy smirk, like he knows his words just totally turned me on, which they totally did.
Sitting on the love-seat beside Z, he and Mack talk about a Giants game vs. some other team I could care less about when the door knocks signaling Marty. Practically bouncing in my chair my head whips over to Kayla who actually ducks her head quickly with another goddamn blush as she smiles at her glass of wine. Holy shit! This is gonna to be awesome.
"Good afternoon, everyone," Marty smiles handing Z a huge platter of his famous honeyed ham.
"Hey handsome,' Mack's Kayla smiles as he leans in to kiss her cheek quickly. But when Z starts walking to our kitchen with the ham I reach for his pant leg to stop him.
Pausing for a second to look down at me I tilt my head quickly to Kayla and just as he looks, Marty walks right up to her, lifts her off the couch by her hands and plants the biggest, oh wow, sexiest kiss on her lips as she moans and leans into his body.
Watching them kiss, I look quickly at Kayla and Mack and almost burst out laughing. Mack is wide-eyed, and Kayla is grinning from ear to ear while bouncing a little on the couch across from them. Kayla even leans to the side to get a better view of their kiss which finally does me in.
Giggling, Marty finally breaks off their kiss, wipes his mouth casually and smiles at me with a quick wink.
"Um..." Kayla stammers blushing again, and I swear to god we're all mesmerized by her blushing discomfort.
"I've missed you, Kayla. What's it been, 5 hours since I was last in your bed?" Marty asks with such a sexy voice I almost feel it, so I can only imagine what Kayla's feeling.
"Holy shit! Shoot! Whatever. That was hot!" Kayla yells as Mack laughs beside her. "5 hours?" She grins as Kayla still stands speechless.
"Yup. And much too long for me. Let's not go that long without seeing each other, alright?" Marty asks a nodding Kayla who doesn't seem able to speak. "Good," he says kissing her lips quickly before she plops back down on the couch.
Still holding Z's pant leg, I finally let go and look at him laughing at me as I grin. Now he can't torture me later.
"Nice potential tree, Suzanne. Once you remove those few extra branches up top, I bet you have the most beautiful tree outside of Rockefeller," Marty says my exact argument to the others, making me smile immediately in triumph.
"That's the plan. Would you like a drink," I ask rising as Z finally takes the ham to the kitchen.
"I'd love one. Kayla?" He turns back to ask a still silent Kayla who only lifts her half glass of wine in the air. As an aside to me, Marty whispers, "I think I'm in trouble," as he grins a very Z-like grin.
"Yup. You're dead meat when she gets you alone," I whisper back as he gives a charming little shrug.
Walking to the far end of our living room, Marty lifts the scotch decanter and as he adds ice cubes to his glass I'm just dying to ask him anything, and everything, and just, yeah… I'm dying to know what's going on between them from his perceptive.
"I'm crazy about her, Suzanne," Marty says staring at his glass. When I hear myself gasp he turns to me with a beautiful smile.
Leaning into Marty, I just hug him. I don't feel weird, and everything feels so right suddenly I hug him as he squeezes me back. Resting against his chest, I whisper, "Good. She needs someone who is crazy about her."
"I know."
"Um, but she's going to fight you and be bitchy and act like-"
"She doesn't give a shit? I know that, too," he smiles and I suddenly realize he does know, and he doesn't care.
"Okay. Good," I finish as he nods our understanding. "Ah, would you please help me get everything ready at the same time? I can cook decent enough, but having multiple dishes ready at the same time isn't my strong suit. And seeing as you're a famous chef I'm assuming you'd be a big help right about now for me," I beg as he nods.
"Yup. Cooking and patience are my strong suits. Lead the way, Suzanne," he motions as we walk to my kitchen to a waiting Z in the doorway.
"Nice entrance," Z smirks.
"Uh huh. I learned from the best," Marty counters as I laugh. That was such a sexy Z thing to do.
"She's going to kill you for that later."
"I can't even imagine what the 3 of you were like as teenagers, or even in college. The girls must have been so in love with the 3 of you," I add looking between Z and Marty who is already stirring my gravy before opening my double oven.
"We did okay," Marty says with a little laugh pulling out my broccoli casserole to check the temperature.
"Uh huh. Something tells me you did more than okay," I grin to Z smiling at me. "Who had the most followers?" I ask with a smirk.
"Mack," they both reply and I'm stunned.
"Really?" I gasp. "I though Z for sure, no offense Marty, then you, then Mack. I didn't think... Really?"
"Yup," Z smiles as Marty nods.
"Why? I mean he's really good looking, and sweet, and so kind, and just awesome, but… Oh."
"Pretty much," Marty laughs. "Let's see… Z was the sexy, rich, dark, bossy one," he nods his head at a grinning Z. "I was the good looking, funny one, who used my skills in the kitchen to get them into the bedroom," he says so seriously I blush laugh. "But Mack was like all of the above. He was good looking, funny, and serious. Plus he was going to be a doctor, and he was sensitive, and he listened to women talk, and he was so understanding women just fell over themselves for him. Right?"
"Yup," Z adds still smiling at my shocked face. Suddenly, I can totally see it, but he's just been so good to me and kind of like never sexual that I didn't think he was like that. "Suzanne, stop over-thinking. Whereas Marty was a love em and leave em kind, and I was a love em a little kind, Mack wasn't a pig, no matter how many women wanted him. He was very respectful, and he had relationships not one night stands. So don't worry, he's still the saint you imagine," he smirks as Marty laughs.
We are US... (I am HER... Book 3) Page 27