by Ann, Natalie
“Not at all,” he said, still sporting his grin. “Where to now?”
“I guess home.”
“You guess, huh? Want to eat first?”
“Sure. I’m always up for food. Then we can go back to my place.”
***
Ben wanted to ring his own neck. The day had been going perfectly. Everything was falling into place. He’d felt it, and knew tonight was the night. She had been sending out signals all day. Actually, she had been sending them out for weeks. He saw all the hints, all the signals and signs, and could have made a move at any point. She wouldn’t have stopped him, he was positive, but he told her it was up to her and he was sticking to it.
“Goddamn it,” he said out loud. “Jesus, Trent.” But it wasn’t Trent’s fault. Or Trent’s mother’s fault for calling when she did. It was all Ben’s fault. He had no one to blame but himself. Almost immediately Presley’s mood changed after that call came in. And he cursed himself for his reaction to the call in the first place.
All he had to do was turn the ringer off and put the damn phone back in his pocket. But did he do that? No. Instead he froze. He had looked at the name, and the dread crept up his body like a snake, tightening around his neck, all but suffocating him.
Every time he felt he was moving on and moving ahead, Patty would call, crying and pleading and asking for answers he couldn’t give. Pulling him right back into the abyss he was fighting so hard to get out of.
Things would get better for a time. Even the nightmares were getting better, but Patty would call and it would start all over again. The nightmares, the pain, the grief and the guilt. Always the damn guilt.
Patty hadn’t called in months, and he had hoped she was learning to cope like he was. But he doubted it.
Trent had been her life. He’d had no father growing up. It was just him and his mother, and Patty had smothered Trent. She wouldn’t let him breathe, refused to believe he was a man, and kept treating him like a child. His whole life, Trent couldn’t break from the apron strings his mother had tied tightly around him.
Ben had never believed the stories that Trent told him about his mom. How Patty would call Trent when he was on a date to check on him. How she would drive around and look for him when he wouldn’t answer his phone. The times Patty would pull Trent’s girlfriends aside and lecture them on how they needed to treat her son. Trent was so embarrassed by it all, it finally forced him to enlist in the Navy—the only way he could get away in his mind.
Regrettably, it hadn’t helped any. Matter of fact, it only made matters worse. Patty called Trent every chance she got. If she couldn’t track Trent down, she called Ben to find out where Trent was.
When they received mail, Trent would get ten times the amount of anyone else, and it was all from his mother. Each and every letter and phone call begging him to come home, pleading with him not to leave her.
The worst was the time Patty said her life was over with Trent gone and that she couldn’t go on without him. She needed him to care for her.
The first time Ben had seen those letters and heard those calls, he was sick to his stomach. Never could he imagine his parents putting that kind of guilt and responsibility on him. It was almost like Patty was the child and Trent was the parent.
On leave one time, Trent begged him to visit his mother with him and then asked if he could go stay with Ben’s family afterward. Ben reluctantly agreed, hoping to help Trent out. And it did seem to help with Ben there, at least he thought. Patty didn’t treat Trent like a child in front of Ben, but rather a man. Only, not in a good way.
It was almost a bit creepy, but it still didn’t seem as bad as Trent had made it all out to be, making Ben wonder if Trent had exaggerated.
Until their last day there when Patty pulled Ben aside and asked for all his contact information so she could check up on Trent. “I need someone to look out for Trent and it has to be you. You have to make sure that Trent comes home to me. I couldn’t survive if something happened to him, and I’m counting on you to make sure nothing ever does.”
They had flown out of Alabama and headed to New York to Ben’s home, that conversation with Patty weighing on his mind. After watching Trent with his own family, how he related to his brothers and sister, how his parents treated Trent like a member of the family, Ben knew he could never confess to Trent what his mom had asked of him. There was no reason to embarrass Trent any further. He would keep that secret and he would honor what Patty asked of him.
That first night in Ben’s old room, Trent had confided in him. “Dude, I’m so glad you went home with me. She was mild for once. You can’t imagine what it was like growing up with her. I love her, I really do, but now I know why my father left,” he had said with a laugh. “I guess I should be lucky she didn’t pull you aside and tell you to treat me well, that I deserved everyone to be nice to me because I was special. That I was supposed to take care of her.”
“We know you are special all right,” Ben had said, laughing, then said no more, because Patty had said those words to him. He didn’t understand them at the time and didn’t want to ask her to explain. He just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Staring at his hands on the steering wheel as he drove home after his date with Presley, his eyes rested on the silver band on his right hand. Unity and strength. The unity was gone now, but he needed the strength. Which was why he had placed that ring on his finger the day after they buried Trent. He had failed Patty, and in turn he’d failed himself.
Memories
Presley woke up the next morning feeling horrible. She’d had every intention of yesterday ending completely different than it did. The day was perfect, every part of it. Watching him swing through the trees, climb the rocks, rappel down them—everything he did was a turn-on, and she was primed and ready to go.
She figured he knew that, if his knowing looks were any indication. Except something changed when he received that phone call—his mood and his demeanor. It all dropped down a few notches from the carefree man she had come to know.
He tried to cover it up, but she still saw it. He seemed just as happy and laid back on the ride home, but he couldn’t hide the distraction underneath it all. He had tried. She would give him credit for that.
Unfortunately, one thing gave it away. She was positive he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing, but he kept twisting the ring he always wore on his right hand. The truth of it was she didn’t want him distracted. She was selfish, and she wanted all his focus and attention on her if she was going to sleep with him.
Too many times in her life she hadn’t had someone’s complete attention and focus. She didn’t need it, really she didn’t. Not for everyday life. But there were parts of herself that needed it and wanted it. And giving herself to a man—that required his complete attention and focus, at least in those moments.
So at the end of the day, Ben had dropped her off. She had invited him in, but he saw the hesitation in her, she knew, and said that he had a few things to do before it was too late in the night. It was almost like he was giving her an out, and she appreciated it, but it still made her feel bad.
He did lean over and give her one heck of a scorching kiss before she left his SUV. So much so, her legs were shaking and her heart was pounding, almost making her extend the invitation into her place after all.
In the end, she climbed out. When she turned to give him a wave good-bye—after multiple attempts to get her key in the lock—she saw his laugh and wink, and realized she’d lost her chance.
Right now, she had to focus on today. Pulling into the parking garage ready for her shift, she debated sending Ben a message. Only she couldn’t think of what she wanted to say. She knew she wanted to see him today, and wanted to see if he was okay. And she really wanted to get her hands on him, though that most likely wouldn’t be happening at work.
When she was walking over the enclosed glass bridge connecting the parking garage to the hospital she looked down and saw his SUV
parked in front of the main entrance. Quickly pulling out her phone she typed. I see your car.
Almost immediately he bounded down the main stairs, stopped, pulled his phone out of his pocket, looked at it, then turned his head toward the bridge, where she sent him a wave. Then he disappeared back in the building.
As she neared the corridor to the hospital, he was walking up toward her, his eyes gleaming bright. “Hi,” he said.
She took note of his warm welcome but still noticed how tired he looked. “Rough night?” she asked.
“No, why?”
“You look tired.”
“I’ve been here since five. You’re just starting and I’m going on hour eight.”
With a frown, she asked, “Why so early?”
“Just had a few things to look over and check out before the first shift came in. Nothing major. Kind of like my rounds, but in reverse,” he said. He looked at his watch. “Sorry, I need to run over to the college right now.”
“I need to go punch in anyway.” She looked around, didn’t know any staff she saw personally but knew they would know who Ben was. Sighing, she wanted to give him a kiss but wouldn’t, not with staff walking around. After a quick internal debate, she grabbed his hand discreetly and gave it a little tug. “Maybe I’ll see you later.”
He chuckled, like he knew what she was doing. Then he leaned in close, his lips grazing her cheek, and whispered, “You will definitely see me later.”
She stepped back and laughed at him, mischief in her eyes. “Is that a promise?”
“It’s a fact,” he said, pivoting on his heel and jogging back down the hall and out the front door.
***
Ben walked down the hall a few hours later. He had hoped to have lunch with Presley today. Well, dinner for him. But when she got on shift she texted him to say they were short staffed and she would have to take a working lunch. That she couldn’t leave the floor, but if his rounds happened to bring him her way, she had a smile waiting for him.
Of course his rounds were going to bring him there. He had to see her, but he hated that she’d noticed how tired he was. He was usually good at hiding that. He was good at hiding everything he was thinking and feeling, always masking everything with a smile or a laugh. Most of the time he was happy anyway, so it wasn’t really an act. But it bothered him more than it should have that she saw through that mask and noticed.
He was tired though. It had been a long day already and a long night last night. He knew last night after the call from Patty he wasn’t going to sleep much. And he didn’t. As hard as he tried to hide his fatigue, he obviously was losing his edge.
He had kept himself busy until close to midnight last night, then finally thought he was tired enough to fall asleep. Unfortunately, too soon he was waking up after memories of Trent and him during scuba diving training flashed through his brain. Not a bad memory, but a memory just the same.
So he turned on the TV and attempted to tune out any of those thoughts. Before he knew it, he was dreaming of their cold weather training in Alaska. How cold and tired they were, how hard it was to stay awake, but they had to. They needed to. Taking shifts and relying on each other to stay awake. As cold as they were, they just wanted to shut their eyes and doze, but couldn’t. Learning to fight through the sleep had been one of the tougher things he had to train his body to do.
Trent had struggled, sleep always seemed to be his Achilles heel, and that day proved no exception. Ben spent more time waking Trent up than anything else. It ended up being a game of sorts to Ben, trying different things to stir Trent up and keep him up.
It was the only thing that got Ben through the night, thinking of ways to provoke Trent. Pinching him on the ear, poking his side with a stick, tossing a rock at his back, even pouring water down his shirt. Ice cold water. It was a good memory. A funny one for Ben. But a memory he wasn’t ready to deal with.
By two in the morning, he decided there was no use trying to sleep, so he got up and ran on the treadmill for an hour. He then lifted weights for over an hour more, showered, ate and drove to work.
It worked out in the end that Presley couldn’t take a lunch break today anyway. Kaitlin had called him an hour ago and asked if he could come to dinner tonight. He didn’t know what it was about, but she sounded like she really wanted him there, so he would go. First he had to go see Presley, because he said he would see her before he left and he always kept his word.
“What do you have there?” she asked when he walked through the doors and saw her at the nurse’s station.
“Dinner,” he said, holding up a Styrofoam container.
“You’re leaving already? Kind of early for you?” she asked, looking pointedly at a co-worker watching her and Ben.
Ben bit back a laugh as the co-worker seemed to get the hint and walked off in a huff. “Yes, Kaitlin called and asked if I wanted to go to dinner.”
“Oh,” Presley said confused. “Are you eating twice?”
“No, this is your dinner.” He placed the container on the counter. “You said you couldn’t leave, so I brought dinner to you. I just don’t get to share it with you.”
Her face softened. “That was sweet.” She looked around, took a few steps out of the station, looked down the halls and then back at him. “Come here quick.” Then she grabbed his shirt and yanked him close for a quick kiss.
“Not bad, but that isn’t the type of kiss I would have preferred.” He laughed when she blushed, actually blushed. He didn’t know she had it in her for that innocent reaction. She just didn’t seem the type to blush. “Guess you’ll have to give me what I really want another time.”
“Most definitely,” she said in a rush, her voice taking on an even raspier sound, sending jolts of pleasure humming through his body.
He had meant it in terms of a kiss, but her eyes spoke volumes of more than a kiss when she replied. She must have noticed his face and laughed, shooting even more heat through his body. “You are doing that on purpose, aren’t you?”
“Doing what?” she asked innocently.
“Two can play at that game.”
“I don’t play games.”
“Neither do I,” he said, then pulled her closer, and laid his lips on hers the minute he noticed two of her co-workers turn the corner. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
He gave a quick wave and then smirked when he overheard the two witnesses of the kiss demand Presley tell them how long that had been going on.
Request
“Ben,” Kaitlin said cheerfully when he walked in the door. She rushed over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
He loved coming to see her and was going to miss her when she moved in with Ryan soon. Right now they were splitting their time, staying at her place in Albany a few nights during the week since they both worked here. Once she and Ryan were married, she would move into his house on Saratoga Lake, where the rest of his family lived too.
The hour drive to Saratoga wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t see her daily if he wanted to run to his father’s office where she worked, since Ben lived in Albany not far from the office. But he wouldn’t be mooching any dinners off of her in a few months, either.
“Something smells good. What’s for dinner?” He walked into her kitchen and pulled a beer out of the refrigerator.
“Nothing fancy. Just chicken parm. I thought it was a good night for sauce.”
“Sounds good to me. So what did you want to talk to me about?” he asked, sitting on one of the stools at the island to watch her cook.
“What makes you think I wanted to talk to you?”
“Kaitlin, really. You think I don’t know you by now?”
She pursed her lips and sighed. “Fine. But you have to wait for Ryan. We wanted to talk to you together.”
Great, he couldn’t even have a simple dinner with his sister; Ryan had to be there, too. But he put a smirk on his face and asked instead, “Where is pretty boy?”
“On his way,” she r
eplied with a chuckle.
Ben sat through another beer, dinner and lots of laughing, but they still hadn’t talked to him about what they really wanted, and he was starting to get worried. If it was something good, why not just lead with that? Instead they were dragging it out, talking about wedding plans and moving and such. Not that he didn’t care about all that stuff. Oh, who was he kidding? He didn’t care about wedding plans. Just tell him the time and place and he would be there.
Kaitlin brought out a plate filled with warm apple pie and a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. “Dessert,” he said appreciatively. “I guess this makes it worth sitting here waiting for you to tell me what tonight was all about.”
Ryan turned and snickered at Kaitlin. “I told you to just let me ask him when I got here and not drag it out.”
“Ask me what?” Ben said, looking back and forth between the two of them.
Ryan looked at Kaitlin, his eyes warming, and then he turned to Ben. “I would like you to be in the wedding as a groomsman.”
That gave Ben a moment of pause, added with some confusion. “Why me? You’ve always been closer to Alec, and even Phil more so than me. You went to school with them.”
“True,” Ryan said, hesitating and looking at Kaitlin questioningly.
“Ben,” Kaitlin said. “I want you in the wedding.”
“So do I,” Ryan jumped in to say. “It was a mutual decision.”
“Honestly, Ben, with the exception of Sophia as my Maid of Honor, the rest of the wedding party is made up of people that know Ryan better than me. Don’t get me wrong, I love Brooke and Cori, but Brooke is going to be my sister-in-law, and Cori might as well be, as close as Jack is to Ryan.” She paused and reached over to touch Ryan’s hand. “Ryan wanted me to have a say in the final member of the wedding party. We knew it was going to be one of my brothers.”
“And let’s be honest,” Ryan said. “She has always been closest to you, unfortunately,” he added with a laugh. “But it’s her wedding, too, and for some reason she wants your ugly face in it. I want what she wants.” He leaned over and gave Kaitlin a kiss on the cheek.