“Let me go, Gabe...” she asked again, in a whisper.
“No!” He answered, his voice as drawn as hers, and pulled her closer, holding her in an iron hug. “You're not going anywhere... I will not let you go.”
CHAPTER TEN - STORY OF MY LIFE
“Written in these walls are the stories
That I can't explain
I leave my heart open
But it stays right here empty for days”[14]
W ith Gabriel's arms firmly around her and her ever-increasing willingness to be supported, Melissa had no choice but to cringe against the singer's chest, close her eyes and feel, with a mixture of contentment and guilt, the slow sliding of his hands down her back.
She should continue to struggle to break loose because she knew that this was an odd situation, that it would change everything. If she remained there, in the singer's arms, would end up feeding false hopes that should not exist and would never be reciprocated, both for him and for her. But how she could fight with her determination when she discovered that Gabriel's comforting embrace had the same effect as the kisses they exchanged, made her feel safe, protected, slowly moving away the oppressive despair that insisted on massacring her heart.
Resigned, she raised her arms trying to not think of the marks the rocker had seen and encircled his neck. They stood there, standing in front of the door, firmly clinging to each other, with Gabriel practically holding their weight for long minutes that seemed like hours.
The first movement came from him. One step forward, clutching Lissa's back against the door, followed by the sliding of his hands along the side of her body, until his hands closed around her thighs and lifted them. She reacted automatically, not thinking what she was doing, and, obeying the mute request, bound her legs around his waist.
It was no surprise he was carrying her to the bed, but she was still startled when Gabriel sat on the mattress for a second and, pulling Melissa with him, lay down. That was when she tried to pull away again, bothered by the proximity of bodies, with intimacy.
Once again, Voss ignored her attempts and, as best he could, he returned her in his arms, but this time he made sure he could look at her. He wished he had not. He had thought she looked destroyed when he found her sleeping... However, in that moment, looking to her eyes and finding nothing but a well of fear and pain, he knew it was more of that. She was suffering, in a way that consumed her slowly. As she took a deep breath, trying in vain to put back the mask of an arrogant girl, he wondered in his mind where she had the strength to pretend and how the many cuts in her arms had not yet won the battle.
The thought startled him and brought his mind straight to a memory he'd like to forget, making him wince as he imagined Mel alone, locked in a bathroom, crying softly as a sharp blade cut through her skin too deep. When images of a tub filled with blood came to mind, the singer jerked and squeezed his arms even more around the girl. He only realized that it was he who was crying now because Melissa's thin, trembling fingers slid down his face, catching the tears.
“Don’t cry...” she said quietly. “Not for me. Never for me.”
He could have clarified that it was not for her… not just for her. But Gabriel Voss also had secrets about which he didn’t like to talk.
“How did this happen?” He questioned when he felt himself able to speak, not caring about the burning eyes, but struggling to contain the cry that should not have begun. "And don’t even try to lie to me..." He continued when saw in her expression that this was exactly what she intended. "I know what those marks are, Mel. Just tell me how you got there ...”
“It's none of your business”. She answered, but now Gabriel could see that his usual bad temper was forced, a weapon of self-preservation.
"That's where you fool..." He countered rationally. "It's up to me from the moment you're my responsibility, that whatever happens to you is connected to my name. Until this tour ends, everything about you is my business.”
In fact, Gabriel had the slight impression that everything about her would be up to him, from that point forward indefinitely... Maybe forever.
“It will stop being the moment you let me go.” Melissa used her best biting tone. “The tour has not even begun, you can still find someone to put in my place.”
A fan? Certainly! But what about the place she had found for herself in the heart of the singer? This would be difficult to fill.
Knowing that affected statements didn’t work with Melissa Bittencourt, Gabriel continued to use reason, even though he was guided by the heart.
“And how do we explain the fact that you ran away from me?”
“Tell the truth if you want...” She forced herself to say, although she knew that if he did as she suggested, her world would fall apart. “That I am a fraud, a freak to the point of destroying everything around...”
“Shut up!” He heard himself gruffly.
The unexpected reaction of the singer, in fact, silenced the girl. And he took advantage of that moment to roll his body over hers.
“You’ll never talk like that again.” He continued irritably. “You’ll never speak of yourself like that again.” He had a flaming speech at the tip of his tongue, but it was interrupted by the sobbing Melissa uttered before shouting at him.
“Get off me!” The terror in the female voice made the Rockstar turned away immediately.
“Mel?” He called as he watched her struggle to catch her breath. Exactly as she had done on Christmas Eve, when he had prevented her from climbing the stairs.
Before it was only a suspicion, but now he was sure. It was a crisis of eminent panic.
“What they did to you?” He spoke again, oblivious to the fact that Melissa was about to run away, lock herself in the bathroom and find a way to make a new cut.
As if he knew what effect it had on her, he used his hands to pinch her small face, and with his fingertips he caressed her again, slowly soothing her.
“Please, Mel, tell me...” He insisted.
“Damn it, Gabriel!" She exploded. “I told you to stop calling me like that.”
In a flash, she got up, just because her sharpness had surprised the rocker who let her go as if she had burned him.
“What's the matter with you?” He countered, sitting on the bed.
“There are so many that I would not even know where to begin...” Her honesty disconcerted and disarmed him. "But none of them interest you. Let me go and it's over... You will not even need to think of me again. If you are worried about the repercussion, I agree to confirm any story that Arthur can invent. We can say that I had a family problem, that I'm sick or that we just did not get along...”
“Shut up!” He repeated the command, but there was no irritation in his voice, only tiredness. Strangely, she obeyed him again. "I told you you're not going anywhere."
Taking a deep breath, Lissa sat facing the singer and took his hands.
“I lied to you, Gabriel.” She said quietly. “I lied to everyone from the start. I'm not a fan... I've never been”. Looking at him, she knew that what she would say next would hurt him and so she continued. Maybe hurt, he'd let her laugh. It was the best for everyone. "To tell you the truth, I never liked you. I hated your music and hated watching the shows. I always thought of you as a little singer, who felt like the king of the world just because is famous. I used to mock Ang for her crush and...”
“Why?” He cut her off in a hoarse voice. First because he could no longer hear her say how much she hated him and second because even when he was hurt, he hadn’t failed to notice that she had spoken in the past. "If you hate me so much why you accepted participate in the contest?”
Melissa should have taken the opportunity and stepped a little deeper into his feelings, but she couldn’t, not when she saw the pain she was causing in his countenance.
“I did not say I hated...” she whispered. “Just that...”
“You don’t like me.” He concluded. “Great! That is quite clear. Now let's go to t
he part where you explain why, even though you did not like me, you signed up for a contest where the prize would be a year by my side.”
“I did not sign up...” It was clear she had to tell the truth, so it was best to start as soon as possible. “I didn’t even know about that contest until the day the result came out.”
“How?” He tried to understand, but she continued.
“It was Angela...” Lissa sighed. “She should be here, you would have chosen her. I know this because all those answers and whatever else the contest asked for, that made you choose me, were hers. Except for the photo... Actually, even that photo, from that ridiculous pile of cardboard in her room, it was all about Angela.”
“And why did she use your name instead of hers?” Gabriel couldn’t keep his curiosity in check. He was deeply irritated by the frame, but he was also intrigued by the friendship that made Mel take over her friend's place.
“She couldn’t come if she won. For the same reason, I reluctantly agreed to take part in this madness. She convinced me, as always”. When her eyes filled again with tears, Gabriel wondered, in a moment of insanity, whether Angela was real or a fruit of Melissa's troublesome mind.
“This friend of yours... does she really exist?” He regretted what he said as soon as the words came out of his mouth.
The sad eyes became angry.
“Of course!” She was categorical. “She is very real, exist, as you say... and will continue to exist for a long time as it depends upon me. Why would I lie?”
“I do not know, Melissa”. He countered, though he was intimidated by the look he received. “You lied about everything else."
Although she was annoyed, Melissa recognized that he was right. What value did her word have to him?
Ignoring the pang of pain that distrust caused her, she rummaged through her purse for her cellphone and without looking back at Gabriel, dialed the only numbers she knew of.
Angela answered with the usual animation.
“I'll put it on speakerphone...” Melissa informed her mechanically. “Say "Hi" to your great idol.”
“Lissa?” Angela questioned her with concern. She knew something was wrong with her friend's tone. “Are you alright?”
“Introduce yourself, Ang”. Mel looked up to Gabriel. "Before Gabriel calls psychiatric nurses to take me to a clinic, thinking I've been inventing imaginary friends."
"Mel..." Gabriel started because it bothered him to hear her. He would never do anything like what she insinuated.
“Melissa!” Angela's voice sounded louder than the singer's. “What happened? For God's sake, tell me what it was” As her friend said nothing, she went on. “Listen, I know I made you promise, but you can forget everything I said... If something is wrong, you can come back home anytime. I will not be angry... I swear I will not be mad. Damn it! That's not what you think. I'm not going to be disappointed, I could never be disappointed with you...” Melissa's sudden sobbing stopped her friend and made Gabriel jump out of bed and run to her. “Lissa, talk to me, sister. You did it again, didn’t you?”
“No!” Melissa forced herself to respond before her friend talked too much. "I... I just screwed up, Ang.”
“You did not ruin anything.” Gabriel forced himself to say and pulled her into a new hug. “Hello, Angela! I'm sorry we know each other like this...”
“Technically we have not met yet...” The girl replied making Gabriel smile slightly. So, she was as smart and sassy as Melissa. “What happened?”
Voss had to explain vaguely because, honestly, Melissa didn’t have the conditions.
“I'm sorry we lied.” Angela spoke again as the singer fell silent. “Don’t be mad with Lissa... It's my fault. She just accepted because I played dirty. It was... It was my dream. I thought if she was, if she lived it... It would be like I lived too. Speaking now, it sounds pretty ridiculous, but it was my last chance. And that's why she accepted, because she's like that ... The kind of person who does anything to make me happy.”
Gabriel answered by saying that Melissa was actually a feline ready to attack all the time, though in his heart he knew Angela's description was correct.
“Do not be fooled by her actions... It's all pretense. She deceives some people, who can’t see beyond... But you can. As I know ... You know it's just armor.”
Yeah, he knew. He just had the confirmation.
“I'm still here, you know that?” Lissa said tiredly. “Stop talking about me, like I'm not here.”
“Why couldn’t you to come, Ang?” The singer suddenly questioned. He couldn’t stand the curiosity.
“Chronic myelogenous leukemia, terminal stage...” Angela answered calmly, and Melissa clung to the singer as if listening to her friend steal her strength. “I'm dying”.
“No, you are not”. Lissa's voice sounded raucous. “Stop this.”
“I’m dying, Lissa, and you know it... It's past time to face it. That's another reason why you're there and I'm here. I'm dying, but you're alive. You must take the opportunity to live.”
“Angela, stop it!” The girl pleaded “You want to die and take me with you? Because that's what's going to happen... I can’t stand it!”
The situation was more complicated than Gabriel'd imagined.
“Angela,” he said to the girl, trying to control the tone in his voice. “We'll call you later. I promise Mel will be fine.”
“Gabriel... You are my idol, I love you very much ... But this girl is everything to me, if she...”
“She'll be fine. I swear. I'll take care of her, nothing will happen.”
“Right.” Angela's voice was still suspicious and worried, but she was leaving everything in his hands. “Call me later if you need… and Lissa, I love you.”
With the call terminated, Melissa seemed more willing to let go of the pain she was feeling. With a groan that made Gabriel shudder, the girl intensified her crying. Desolate, the singer pulled her into another hug, this time so tight he could swear that they were going to merge into one. He waited until her trembling ceased and the sobbing became only a weary sigh.
“I can’t stay here.” She whispered against his chest.
“Even now that everything has been cleared up?”
“Especially now.” The girl backed out of her embrace and went to sit on the bed. She was emotionally drained.
“I will not make it difficult for you. I will not even question about... about your marks.”
Even in that moment Gabriel thought of her well-being, Melissa knew it. To use a euphemism to describe her scars was his best. If she wished, that matter would really be forgotten, but the singer deserved an explanation, it was the least.
"I did this in my teens," she said, staring at her wrists. "It was an emo phase. I got involved with a half-depressed crowd and I was infected... You know it, right?”
Gabriel nodded and his eyes flashed with contentment. He was glad Melissa was talking about it to him, but he knew she was not really being completely honest. But the girl felt nothing but sadness to know that she was lying like that. But Gabriel could not know the truth. Neither he nor anyone else. Never.
“That's why you always wear long clothes,” he remarked.
“That's right.”
“Look ... We can sort this out. No one needs to know you lied and while we're in Texas you can stay here at the hotel. It has air conditioning all around, so do not need to wear those stupid dresses that I bought.”
“Gabriel...”
“It could work. I'll come up with some excuse for my production. I am their boss, they will not disobey me. This will give us time to look for another way to hide the marks before we travel again.”
“I don’t know...”
“Mel, if you don’t want to make this for me, do it for Angela. I promise I'll take lots of pictures, make lots of videos and make her extremely happy.”
That was a low blow. Even without knowing it, Gabriel was touching his Achilles heel. Melissa would do anything for her frie
nd.
After pondering for a while, she found herself agreeing.
“All right” She whispered, looking at her hands.
“Great! You will not regret.”
Encouraged by the victory, Gabriel pulled her into his arms again and squeezed her in a warm embrace. The girl was unable to smile, even if she wishes. The feeling of being loved by someone else than Angela was welcoming.
“I'll start to sort things out.” Gabriel said as they parted.
“You’ll be Ok alone?”
“Yes...” She confirmed with a slight nod of her head.
“At night, I'll pick you up for dinner.” He promised.
And then he was gone, before she had time to deny it. But the truth was that even if she had the opportunity, she would not, she was stuck with Gabriel Voss in a frightening way.
♫
“Arthur?” Gabriel said on the phone as he climbed back to his suite. “I have a to-do list for you.”
“Gabriel...” The assistant's voice sounded tense.
“No, is no time for questioning. Just do it.”
Arthur sighed loudly.
“Say what you want then.”
“First, I want a bodyguard for Melissa.”
“What?”
“Yes, that's right. I want her always protected. Frankly we should have thought about this before. Second, while we're in Texas, she'll be staying at the hotel. The hot weather is making her sick because she's not used to it.”
“Do you have any idea how absurd you are? She needs to attend the events!”
“I've already decided. Remember: The contest is mine.”
“Yes, Sir!” Arthur's irritation was palpable, though he was intrigued too. Generally, Gabriel Voss was not so uncompromising and inflexible. “Anything else?”
“Yes. There's an employee at the gym, her name is Janette, I want you to get two tickets from the Friday show for her, in the VIP wing.”
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