Melissa hugged him tightly, as she did after the shows and how she had just discovered that he liked and craved.
"When you sing to me," She said in his ear. "I'm just a girl trying to restore the shards of my heart. Your voice, the way you look at me and smile, is the glue that, during music, keeps me complete.”
Gabriel pulled her up, making her wrap her legs around his waist.
"I'll sing for you every day, for a lifetime, if you want. Until you're complete, even when the music stops.”
She kissed him intensely, feeling his tongue meet hers as her hands clasped her thighs over the dress she wore.
"When you kiss me..." Lissa continued panting as he leaned her body against a wall and, once again, brought his lips to her neck. "When you kiss me, everything else disappears. It 's like there' s only you and me.”
The singer stared at her, enjoying the look he received back, loving every word he heard. He knew she would never tell them if she wasn’t so involved in the moment they shared, he also knew that when that bubble burst, she would push him away again, but it didn’t matter, not when she had said, not realizing yet, that she was as so in love as him.
"Can you feel it, Mel?" He asked as she began to gasp at the urgency of the kisses they exchanged. "Can you feel it between us? This connection?”
"Yes..." she replied weakly. "It's what's going to drive me crazy when you finally realize that I'm not worth all that effort."
"No." He pressed her a little harder against the wall and raised his hands up the side of her body, pressing his fingers against her skin in the process. “It's what will keep us together when you finally stop fighting.”
"I can’t do it..." She confessed, her voice cracking as she realized it was true. "I want so much, but I can’t.
Gabriel looked her straight in the eye and asked,
"What do you want so badly, Mel? You can have whatever you want. Babe, I'll give you anything you want ... just believe.”
"I want everything ..." She ran her fingernails through his hair and tipped her head back, giving him more space to carry on the kisses he spread over her shoulders and neck. He took advantage of the movement to bring his lips to her lap, kissing well above the neckline of her dress, so close to her breasts that her nails stuck to his scalp causing a pang of pain. "With you, I want everything..." He continued with the caresses, lowering the kisses even more until his lips were on her breasts, feeling the fabric of the dress and bra that she wore underneath and the hands that before wandered down the female body without a certain destination, decided to sneak underneath her clothes to find the warm, trembling skin of her belly. "I want everything..." She repeated as her heart squeezed, her breath failed, her mind threatened to get lost and tears came. "But I will not have anything."
He stopped everything he did when he felt the first tremor and heard the first sob, but he didn’t let her go, only hugged her even more tightly and so breathlessly when she, carried her to the edge of the bed. He stroked her long hair as she grabbed his shirt and continued to cry.
"It's all right..." He spoke to her, softly and affectionately as he swung her in his arms. “It's all right, babe.”
She didn’t answer or move. She couldn’t find the voice or the courage to look at him. She wanted to have everything with Gabriel, even to feel him touch her intimately, but her mind would never allow it.
He repeated the mantra for a little while without it having any calming effect on her, then feeling his own tears of impotence. He ignored the sound that still came from the television and brought his lips to her ear and hummed the song that was already theirs.
"Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you..."[37]
As he had said before, it wasn’t the singer letting the words out, so the voice that was always powerful and in tune, lost the tuning time sometimes and failed every time he felt her cringe against him. As he repeated the song until her sobbing slowed and ended, it was just a man in love desperately, trying to keep the girl he loved complete, saved from her bad memories, repeating endlessly a truth that he needed her to believe:
"You're everything to me"[38]
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX - WE FOUND LOVE
“As your shadow crosses mine
What it takes to come alive
It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny”[39]
I n the beginning of the day, Melissa rolled over the big mattress for almost an hour. She didn’t weep and tried hard not to think too much last night, all the sweet words she'd heard from Gabriel, and her own sincerity in telling him the effect he had on singing to her and the way her body had reacted to the sensual touches, and in the end of the night frustrated by not being able to pass the hush kisses and bold touches. But wish to avoid the thought was not the same as getting it, especially when she'd woken up and found the empty bed on the side the singer had lain down on.
At first, she had imagined that he was in the bathroom and would be back soon, so she closed her eyes again and pretended to sleep. She didn’t know how to look at him after the failed night they had shared, but after a few minutes she realized she was alone in the room.
The realization shook her more than she was acceptable. It was to be expected that he would move away, so why did it bother her and make her heart squeeze?
This was the problem of getting involved with other people, eventually developing some feeling, and in the end, invariably, she was forgotten, ignored, and hurt.
She shouldn’t have given in to Angela's emotional blackmail, should have stayed in her city, with her friend, fleeing from the family that despised her, kept her mediocre job, and continued with her dull life until she couldn’t stand it any longer. But since she was unable to say no to Ang, she should, at least, have stayed away from Gabriel Voss, and especially should have kept the singer away from her heart.
But, as usual, she'd done it all wrong, and she not only had let the rocker get too close, but she had also committed the madness of falling in love with him. She didn’t want romances and born out guided by the hormones.
She had been through her teens without falling into the trap of falling in love, after all she knew her limitations and impediments very well. And for this, she had to move everything and everyone and completely change her life, but she had paid off. At least that way, she has avoided during the past few years the pain of being inadequate for someone, the frustration of wanting to be normal and enjoying everything that a romance can offer and not being able to do it... And now, she had fallen in love with a damn rockstar. Damn, sexy and romantic rockstar, who hadn’t been nothing but understanding and loving to her, but who had left her in that room, alone, when he realized that she really couldn’t, or could give him what he wanted.
Just like she knew it would happen at some point, but it still hurt.
Annoyed at not being able to avoid her thoughts and being hurt by something she could never change, Lissa kicked the duvet cover away, letting the icy air from the air-conditioning reach her skin for a few minutes before she gets up.
She ignored the long, tangled hair and the full rumpled dress she wore, and walked to the balcony, stopping halfway to retrieve her pack of cigarettes from the forgotten bag in one corner of the floor.
She smoked just a little in the last few days. Gabriel detested the smell and complained of the thousands of germs she was putting into her body by taking the cigarette to her lips and as he was around all the time free, she ended up decreasing the habit of smoking all the time to one or the other cigarette when she was alone.
Suppressing a curse at having her clear eyes bathed in the sun, Melissa settled herself on the balcony floor and carried a cigarette to her lips. Gabe was far away, and would most likely remain, so she could smoke as much as she wanted.
She closed her eyes after the first swallow and played absently with the lighter.
She almost went back into the room when she heard the movement
of some security guards downstairs. Opening her eyes, she saw Brian, Gabriel's personal bodyguard, and Pietro, her own bodyguard, talking excitedly in a car in front of the house. The two men laughed at some nonsense and Mel wanted to be so carefree and good-humored. It had been a long time since she had cared nothing, but she still remembered how good it was to spend some time talking and laughing at something silly with some friends.
Now she didn’t even have friends, except for Angela.
“What the fuck!” She complained when the tip of the cigarette accidentally found her knee bare, but she looked away from the two security guards and focused on the reddish pinpoint on her skin. The blaze was almost insignificant compared to the other ways of provoking pain she had learned in the past few years, but it was still better than continuing to think about Gabriel Voss and everything she would ever have with him.
Consciously, she brought the glowing tip to the same reddish point and sighed before returning with the cigarette to her lips.
After Gabriel, nothing else had the same effect. She would need to think about new methods if she wanted to survive until the end of the tour.
She was halfway through her second cigarette when she heard the bedroom door open. Her heart threatened to leap out of her chest and her fingers crumpled the cigarette as she led it away from her face, watching the smoke surround her.
He had come back. Maybe to say that he wouldn’t stay around anymore or maybe to stay by her side. She didn’t know and, frankly, she was afraid to find out. So, she stayed where she was, listening to his footsteps in the room.
She didn’t need to look to know that it was Gabriel, after all, he was the only one who came in without knocking and walked around her personal space as if were his, but even so, Mel was apprehensive when the minutes passed and he didn’t go to her.
Throwing the cigarette butt away, she picked up a new one, wishing the nicotine would calm her down, when she finally heard his voice.
“That shit will kill you.” He ripped the cigarette pack from her hands and grimaced before putting it in the pocket of his shorts.
Melissa looked at him quickly. He looked handsome and lively, as always, as if they hadn’t gone through a horrible end of night. She would never understand how he could look like that.
“Where were you?” She asking. Was that heartache in her voice? How stupid!
“At the gym..." He answered quietly and offered her a bottle of gel alcohol that Melissa only accepted after rolling her eyes and showing the middle finger to him. "Then I went downtown to get some things, and finally I was downstairs with my parents and Karen. They are waiting for us to have breakfast.
It was Melissa's turn to grimace.
“I'm not hungry.” She rubbed alcohol in her hands and tossed the bottle back into the singer. "You should be there and not here.”
Gabriel looked at her, closely. He knew she would have the wall around her back at some point, but for a moment he had allowed himself to imagine that she would still be all sentimental and affectionate when he returned to the room.
Sighing, he reached out to help her up. Rude or lovely, he was still determined to give her good days off.
"I have something for you..." He said as she stood and stared at him. Her eyes had returned to being cautious and hardened. "To put a smile on yours doll face."
"I don’t have a doll face.” She snapped. "And I hope you didn’t buy me more clothes. I swear I'll burn them and make you swallow the ashes if...”
Melissa fell silent as they reached the room. On the bed, still untidy, were some bags that might well be new dresses, but that lost all importance when she found an easel mounted in a corner of the room, holding up a blank canvas.
She ran to the object and stroked it lightly with her fingertips. Beside the wall were two more blank canvas.
“I said we could get a canvas when we were at home...” He commented excitedly watching Mel watch the blank canvas. "And you promised me a painting just for me. "Approaching, he picked up a packet on the bed and held it out to her.
"I didn’t promise anything.” She denied it, but she smiled and willingly accepted what he offered. "I said: maybe I would paint something for you… Maybe.”
He laughed, mostly because her eyes had shone as she opened the package and found three new sketchbooks and some crayons.
“Wow!” She glanced quickly at Gabriel before opening the larger metal case. “Oh my gosh! There are so many colors...”
She sat down on the floor again, like a child who had just won the dream Christmas present, and began to examine each of the crayons.
“120...” He answered crouching beside her. "That's what the salesman said”. He blinked as she stared at him. "I didn’t stop to count.”
She laughed lightly.
"I don’t think he lied..." She pointed to the information on the case.
“Well, since he wasn’t a liar... You can try a watercolor with those here.” Gabriel handed over a slightly smaller box. "And I'm sure you'll know what to do with everything else..." He pointed to the pens, coals, and graffiti, and to the special rubbers that were part of the kit he had specially fitted for her. If the salesman wasn’t even a liar, she would love the gift, a dream of any amateur designer.
"This is..." She started, looking around, trying to examine everything at the same time. "Oh, Gabriel, this is incredible!"
"Does that mean you like it?" He watched her as she carefully placed the case on the floor and turned to hold him tight.
“I loved it!”
“I am glad you like!” He returned the hug. “Maybe you don’t mind that I also had one or two bikinis...”
She snorted and followed the singer's gaze to the bed where some bags were waiting to be opened.
“One or two?” She raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe I've brought some shorts and beach dresses too..." He confessed, embarrassed, as she put her hands on her waist and glared at him. "And some skirts.”
“Gabriel!”
"You're not going to burn anything, are you?" He asked rather unsteadily as she continued looking at him quite capable of setting fire to the whole house.
"I should" She replied and let her shoulders drop before looking at the colored pencil cases on the floor again. "But I can’t... But you know that all this is unnecessary.”
"Well, it depends on the point of view..." He laughed relieved when she just ignored him and went back to the blank canvas. It had been easier than he'd imagined. “You needed a bikini to enjoy the pool...”
"I didn’t have to.” She cut him off. "Because I don’t want to enjoy the pool."
“Mel...”
"And even if I meant to" She interrupted him. "I'd need a bikini, not a new complete wardrobe.”
"All right," Voss admitted. "Maybe I overreacted a little bit. But the fact is that I love giving you gifts."
Melissa wanted to laugh at the pretended innocent face he was doing, but she only sighed in defeat. She didn’t want gifts because it reminded her of someone who later decided to charge, in the worst possible way, for all the pleasures he had made for her.
But that famous, and fucking captivating face of Gabriel got what he wanted. And it wasn’t fair to compare him to his uncle.
"I'm going to need a new suitcase if you continue like this.”
The singer breathed a sigh of relief as she left the argument behind her clothes.
"You can leave most of it here..." he suggested, cheerfully. “For any other breaks we make”. He completed when she had a questioning look on him. “But we decided that later. You need to get ready for breakfast. Nelly's delights are already waiting for us and I have one more special guest that should arrive any minute.”
"Oh no, Gabriel.” Melissa complained. "I don’t want breakfast. I want to stay here and paint.”
"Later..." He promised and shoved her into the bathroom. "And do not forget to brush your teeth. I'm freaking out here, wanting to kiss you.”
When Melissa
returned to her room, with her hair wrapped in a towel and wearing only a thick robe, Gabriel was on the balcony talking on the phone to someone that the girl wasn’t interested in knowing who it was.
It was a good thing he was out there with his eyes on the huge garden of his house, so she could choose any outfit without the singer watching her. With all his rush to get her ready, she'd forgotten to bring a change of clean clothes to the bathroom and it was quite uncomfortable to think she'd be in front of him wearing only a robe. That was why she had taken so long to get back to the room. Maybe she was still locked inside the bathroom if she hadn’t heard the ringing of his phone and realized he had gone to answer the call.”
Without want to linger long enough for him to step back into the room, Lissa rummaged through the bags on the bed, tossing the bikinis and beach dresses she wouldn’t wear on the mattress until she found a pair of dark shorts jeans, a white T-shirt, and a cardigan the same color as the shirt.
The fabric was light so she could hide the marks on her wrists without dying dehydrated by the heat, but she didn’t know if the shorts would be able to cover the scars on her thighs, so she carried the new clothes with her to the other side of the room to whirl her suitcase in search of the makeup that Gabriel had given her in Texas and a set of panties and bra.
“Come on, Mel”. Gabriel shouted at her, still on the balcony. “We'll have special guests.”
Stifling a curse, she walked slowly to the bathroom. She wasn’t in a hurry and if he wanted so much her to participate, he would have to wait until she was ready.
“Damn it!” He started what would be a complaint when she returned to the room, dressed properly and with her usual heavy makeup finished, but completely changed the tone when he noticed the clothes she wore. "You're so fucking beautiful!"
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