Taking a deep breath to try and keep her composure, she knocked lightly on the door. She had acquired the habit of entering without hitting, as Voss always did, but she was feeling a little out of place, as if imposing her presence was too wrong.
The musician didn’t respond to the call even after the third beat, which almost made Melissa give up and go back wandering the interior of the residence. Maybe he was in the studio.
She found herself testing the doorknob and opening the door carefully, almost as if she were afraid to enter the room. Which was utter nonsense, considering they'd spent the night there and that's where they'd come back when the pool bath came to an end.
Her eyes met the singer on the bed, in the same position she'd left him before she left the room smiling and excited after he had used his lips to pull out a few moans.
The difference was that he had a sheet partially covering his body and now he was completely asleep.
She hadn’t let him sleep much at night, so it was understandable that he had erased it.
She thought about waking him up again, but she didn’t know how she would react when he looked at her with those expressive eyes, so she ended up at the side of the bed, looking at him and sliding her fingertips through her tousled hair.
He had said he loved her. Had he loved Hanna, too? Regardless of the answer, it must have been horrible to watch her die, especially in the circumstances in which she left.
Maybe he'd felt guilty, maybe she'd said something to reassure her before she died in his arms ... Or maybe she'd regretted it at the last second, when there was nothing else he could do to change the situation.
She always regretted her cuts, Mel thought, looking away from Gabriel's face and concentrating on her wrists covered by the fabric of the navy dress. The scars were covered, but she knew it was there, it would always be. Would it end like Hanna when Angela couldn’t fight anymore? If so, she hoped Gabriel wasn’t there, that he didn’t care. But he knew that if she got there, Gabe would be devastated, after all he had said and showed how much he was in love.
Glancing at him again, Melissa decided she didn’t want to have the same end as Hanna. But she didn’t want to, or she couldn’t do what Arthur had asked her to do.
Specialized treatment was not an option, not when she still remembered eagerly what it had been like when her mother forced her to treat herself. If she closed her eyes, she could review the scenes of her failed stay in a psychiatrist's clinic. She endured the horrible treatment for almost six months. Individual sessions of therapy where all she had heard was that she had been wrong, that nothing had happened, that it was all a fancy twist of her mind, and days locked in a barren room, utterly lethargic by the constant medicines. She was really going crazy, she would have completely lost her sanity if her uncle hadn’t shown up and taken her away with the promise that he would take care of her as he always had done, even after she had been so unfair to him.
She knew that her period in that clinic, and how her treatment had been conducted and it was a consequence of her insistence on telling what happened when her uncle was around. Her mother and stepfather didn’t believe what she said, and their social and financial position required that whatever happened in her home was very well hidden from the world, so they spared no effort to make her understand that the best thing to do was to keep her mouth shut.
She learned the lesson so much that she endured one more abuse on her first night back home in silence, not even crying.
She never told about the subject again with her mother or stepfather, she was afraid they would send her back to that clinic.
Angela had told her, so many times, that not all psychiatrists would sell like the one who treated her at the request of her stepfather, and although she knew her friend was probably right, she couldn’t imagine a new doctor telling her what had happened.
It was ridiculous, but they had really fucked her heads.
Arthur was right. She would probably end up like Hanna.
With an irritated and weary sigh, she leaned over and laid a kiss on Gabriel's lips.
"You shouldn’t have fallen in love with me, Gabe”. She said softly to not wake the singer. "I'm going to end up fucking your head, too."
♫
"Where's Gabriel?" Arthur questioned as he took a vacant seat at the table.
"Sleeping..." Lissa replied simply, watching Angela smile as she tasted a chocolate-coated banana pancake.
While her friend ate, she wondered if the singer would like breakfast, then she decided that she would separate something so that he would eat when he woke up.
"It's a beautiful day out there." Elisabeth Moore commented casually as Melissa rummaged through what she'd put on her plate. "What do you think of going out to see the city, my dear?" She asked her daughter sweetly. “How do you feel today?”
"Great idea, Mon!" Angela agreed cheerfully. “We can go to the beach. What do you think, Lissa?”
Melissa gave up eating.
“No way.” She replied in a bad mood.
"Lissa, please, it's going to be so fun ..."
"What's going to be fun?" Gabriel reached the dining room sleepily and visibly tired.
Even practically dragging himself, the singer hugged the fan affectionately and placed a kiss on Melissa's forehead.
“Why didn’t you wake me, babe?” He asked quietly as he sat down beside her.
Melissa replied with a shrug, but pushed the plate of pancakes toward the rocker.
"I was just saying it would be such fun to go to the beach today." Angela glared at the singer. "What do you think, Gabe?"
“Fantastic.” The singer agreed.
“I'm out”. Melissa said irreducible when the best friend looked at her, hopefully. “Forget it.”
♫
"What did you want with Mel?" Gabriel questioned his best friend as soon as he had the opportunity. In addition to being curious about what Arthur might have to deal with Melissa alone, he was also intrigued as the girl had become quite strange after talking to the aide.
“Nothing important...”
"Are you going to lie to me now, Arth?" Gabe crossed his arms and stared at his friend. Something in the assistant's position made him wary of what the subject was about. He didn’t like the suspicion at all. "She's been very strange since you spoke to her."
"She's strange, Gabriel”. The manager countered. "I think you know that very well."
The singer wanted to reply, he had known Arthur since forever, he knew when his friend was hiding something. But Angela chose that moment to appear all smiling.
“I did it, Gabe”. The girl announced excitedly. "It was a bit difficult, but I managed to convince Lissa to go to the beach with us”.
“Oh really?” The rocker questioned in disbelief. He had already given up trying to persuade Mel to go to the beach. But it should come as no surprise that Angela had convinced her, Melissa did anything for her best friend.
"Well, do not expect her to go bathing or anything, but she's willing to go, and that's a big deal.”
“Of course... We can stroll along the edge, just spend time admiring the view ... I'll take my guitar, I think we can have fun.”
♫
Melissa wasn’t in her best mood when she felt her feet sink into the cool, soft white sand of Siesta Key Beach, but she still struggled not to let her displease.
Gabriel had said, excitedly, in the way there, how much he loved that place, and Angela was too excited. She didn’t want to be the boring person that disturbed the long-waited ride.
Looking around, the girl was grateful the place wasn’t as crowded as she had previously imagined. Gabe had commented in the car that the place was much sought after by tourists and locals.
"It's the best beach in Florida." He had spoken with pride in his voice. “Actually, the best beach in the United States. Maybe it's the best beach in the world”.
Melissa just rolled her eyes at what he was saying, but Angela and her mother set
tled into a lively conversation about everything the place had to offer.
At least Arthur had declined at the invitation to join them. She didn’t want to spend the day pretending she wasn’t angry with the assistant. Damn it! He had a dossier about her life ... This was fucking invasive.
"I'm usually in south. Turtle Beach or Palmer Point..." Melissa tried to focus on what the singer was saying as she watched he open two open beach chairs and two umbrellas. "Where it's quieter and loner. On very busy days, it can be a little tricky to go unnoticed.”
Lissa understood what he meant when she noticed a few muffled stares and giggles toward the singer. Of course, he would be recognized. And it wouldn’t be long before it was addressed as well.
What a mess!
"So, that's where we should have gone”. She commented choosing a chair and settling down, with Elisabeth at his side.
Both Angela and Gabriel preferred the sand.
“If it's your first time on a beach in Sarasota, you need to get to know Siesta Beach.” Gabriel replied with reverence. “This place is fantastic”.
To Melissa, it was just a beach like any other. Okay, that was a really nice place, but she couldn’t understand how Voss was so dazzled.
"Mom, we have to get into the sea..." Angela remarked cheerfully as she took the beach exit she wore without a trace of shyness, revealing a behaved bikini. “Just a little”.
Mrs. Moore thought for a moment, but eventually agreed. Before revealing her own bathing suit, she helped her daughter to take a sunblock and tidy the handkerchief covering her head.
"It's good for you take a little of sunblock too," She said, putting the vial of sunscreen on Melissa's lap. "You look paler than Angela. Gabriel can help you..." The suggestion elicited Angela's laughter and a long look at Voss.
"You can keep those hands away from me..." Lissa said as Gabriel turned toward her, after watching Angela run to the sea. "There's no way I'm going to take off the dress here."
She was wearing the same dress she used in the pool and the same swimsuit just because her best friend had insisted a lot, but she would never wear only a swimsuit with so many people around.
"You still have to put a little of sunblock on your face..." The singer ignored the angry look he received and poured some of the lotion into his hands. “And on the legs”.
As his hands touched her calves mirroring the sunscreen, Melissa took a deep breath. She liked when he touched her.
"Do you want Arthur to get our heads off?" With an effort, she pulled his hands away before Gabriel found her thighs.
"Forget Arthur, Mel”. Gabe answered in a relaxed voice, but kept his hands away from the girl. If he continued, he would end up kissing her, and that would make the manager want to tear their heads off.
Retiring the t-shirt that he wore, the rocker sat between the female legs and with a provocative smile, he asked her to cover his tattoo with the protective lotion.
With shaking hands, Melissa accepted the task, though she stood all the time looking sideways. Luckily it didn’t seem that many people gave importance to what they did.
"What did Arth want with you earlier today?" Gabriel asked as Lissa pushed her hands away from his wide back and rubbed the cream into her own skin.
"Filling up, as usual”. Melissa answered with a sigh, watching Gabriel adjust the sunglasses he wore. The frame and dark lenses made him very sexy.
"Are you going to explain this better?" He asked while he was taking notes from the guitar he had brought with him.
"No." It was the girl's brief answer.
He didn’t insist. He didn’t want to force with her when they were doing so well. He would find another way to get her to talk to him.
"Why don’t you go to dive, too?" Mel asked after a while.
They were not talking or near each other, but she could feel the singer's presence as if he were lying on top of her body, as had happened in the middle of the night. The proximity was making her nervous.
"Only if you go with me ..."
“Oh, of course... And start the show of horrors...”
“What's the problem?” Gabriel rested his arms on the guitar and studied her closely. "You were in a good mood earlier today, and you're all pissed off now."
For a second, she thought of telling him what Arthur had told her, but she didn’t think this was the best place to talk about suicide attempts and self-mutilation.
“Were you come here a lot before becoming a rockstar?” She flinched.
"Yes" He answered with a sigh.
“With your friends?” She continued. “With girlfriends?”
Gabriel watched her closely, feeling his own irritation starting to surface. He had no doubt that his best friend had said too much.
"I didn’t have many girlfriends before my songs burst. And Arthur has always been my best friend. As long as I remember, we're together. So, yes, I came here a lot with him when we were younger... Sometimes we had company, but most of the time it was just the two of us.”
Melissa tried to digest the information, but she couldn’t understand a nostalgic smile that formed on his face.
Removing his sunglasses, Gabriel stared to look to the sea for a while and sighed.
“What are you thinking?” Lissa asked softly.
"Just..." Gabe paused and replaced his glasses before looking at Mel. "I only remembered a person who hated coming here.”
At any other time, the information would not rob the designer's attention, but after the conversation with Arthur earlier in the day, something told her that the person in the rocker's thoughts was Hanna. The suspicion brought her a bitter taste in her mouth that she could not digest.
"And who is this person?" When she realized, she had already asked. "Since that person hated it, we probably don’t run the risk of bumping into it."
"She was a friend." He replied with a pang of sadness. "And we're not going to bump into her anywhere."
Leaving the guitar aside, Gabriel stood and held out a hand to Lissa.
“Come walk with me”.
"But what about our things?"
"Just leave everything there..." He didn’t care. "Come and walk with me."
Reluctantly, Melissa accepted the outstretched hand and stood up. She followed the rocker to closer to the water and they walked side by side through the sand.
Sometimes the stronger waves wet her feet, caressing her skin, which eventually brought a small smile to the designer's lips.
"It's not so bad here." She commented softly, stepping closer to the sea until the water reached a little below her knees. It was the maximum she would have to bath of the sea. "Actually, it's pretty quiet, even with all the kids running and playing in the sand and all the rest. I think I understand why you like it here. It has an inexplicable energy”.
Gabriel admired her for a while, enjoying the flushed skin of the sun, the timid smile on lipstick-free lips.
“You are beautiful!” He came very close, speaking so low that only she could hear. "I've been dreaming of bringing you here since we got to Sarasota. Thanks for coming”.
"Thank Angela and her emotional blackmail”. Lissa leaned on her strong arms as a slightly stronger wave hit them, wetting the bar of dress she wore.
"What did Arthur tell you?" Gabriel grabbed one of her hands and pulled her further into the sea as he asked again. In his deep he already knew, he just wanted confirmation.
“Gabriel!” She tried to stop him. "We can’t go in. We’ll get completely wet.”
They did, but Gabriel didn’t care or stopped until they were covered with water to the female chest.
“Talk to me, Mel”. He asked as she looked away at the horizon.
"I'm scared of the sea," She said, half-terrified as she felt the waves hit her shoulders. "Then you'd better make sure you don’t let me drown."
Gabriel pulled her close, making her legs tightening around his waist. As he was taller, the new position kept the girl with her trunk out of the w
ater.
"Gabriel ..." She tried to quarrel with him, resting her arms on his broad shoulders. “The people...”
He turned his back to the beach and took two more steps into the sea, holding her tight.
"Forget all other people..." He asked, staring at her. "Focus just in me, you and the sea... Talk to me. What did Arthur tell you?”
She lifted the glasses she wore, pinning it on top of her head, and doing the same with the singer's accessory.
"He told me about Hanna..." She confessed with her gaze locked on his face. “About her death”.
Gabriel shook his head in agreement. He loved his best friend, but when he thought he had the right to get into his life, he wanted to squeeze him.
"I'm going to kill Arthur..." he commented, pressing his hands into Melissa's thin waist. “Or, at least, fire him”.
"Well..." Lissa began cautiously. "I'm a little annoyed with him in this moment, but the truth is he's just trying to protect you."
"I don’t need anyone to protect me against you."
"You should..." she replied simply. "Now, help me to float."
Releasing his shoulders, Mel let her body tumble against the water, without care about the dress completely wet at this point.
Gabriel leaned her back on both hands as he had earlier in the pool and guided her through the water.
"He's afraid I'll end up like her..." Melissa sighed after a while. "To be honest, I feel the same fear.”
“It will not happen”. The musician answered with conviction.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I will not let you”.
"Gabe..." Lissa returned her arms around his neck so she could look him in the eye. He hugged her tight. "It's not your job to take care of me.
"What part of ‘I love you’ that I repeated so many times last night did you not understand, Mel?” He lifted a hand to her face and brushed aside the now wet hair that clung to his warm skin. "I'll always take care of you because I can’t imagine me losing you."
She nodded. That wasn’t because she agreed, but because she was deeply touched. She always wanted someone who really loved her and was willing to hold her so hard. It wasn’t fair that Gabriel was that person, but she could never tell him to let her go because she was selfish and she couldn’t imagine losing him either.
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