Ruined

by Hanna, Rachel

  "I forgot it at home," I say without making eye contact with her. "I'll just have sweet tea." She walks away, smacking on her gum the whole time, and Reed starts cackling. "Not funny!" I say as I kick him under the table.

  "Ow!" he yelps, and I feel kind of bad. Not really. "That was epic."

  "I'll get you back for that one," I mutter as I look up at the trivia board. "I bet I'm better at trivia than you are." I am pretty good at trivia given that I spend vast amounts of time alone reading and watching TV. Surely I can wow him with my trivia skills and gain the upper hand in our strange friendship.

  "Oh really? I doubt that."

  "Aren't we a cocky one tonight?" Just as he raises an eyebrow at me, causing my heart rate to speed up, the server returns with our drinks.

  "How about we make a friendly wager, Miss Blake?"

  "I'm sure betting or wagering of any kind are not allowed in this establishment, Mr. Miller," I say cocking my eyebrow up as I sip my sweet tea.

  "Live dangerously."

  "Last time I lived dangerously, I almost lost my internship and ended up on your couch covered in hobo smell and smoke." He laughs, and I realize how deep his dimples are as heat rockets through my core.

  "Here's what I propose. The first person to answer five questions right wins. If I win, you have to go up there and sing karaoke."

  "Um, no. Ain't gonna happen, my friend," I say shaking my head.

  "Come on. Put your money where your mouth is, lady."

  "Okay fine. I am so sure I'll win that it won't be an issue. And if I win, you have to strip down to your boxers and run straight into the water out there in front of everyone."

  "No way! And what makes you so sure I wear boxers? Or anything for that matter?" He winks, and again electric currents go straight into my girly parts and make me want to remove my own pants... right now.

  "Can I take your order?" the server asks looking awfully irritated. How long has she been standing there anyway?

  "Oh, I'll have a club sandwich," I say as Reed quickly orders his hamburger. We both laugh.

  "Fine. I will strip down so you can see my rock hard pecs and abs of steel, and I will run into the water like the manly man I am." He's funny and sweet and smart. And he seems so safe. So secure. A stable place in my life of inner turmoil. If he only knew what the real me was like inside. It makes me sad for a moment, but as usual, I break free of the thoughts and carry on.

  Before I can respond, the announcer comes on to tell us that trivia is starting now. I reach across the table to shake Reed's hand so we can seal our bet, and I swear he holds onto my hand just a bit longer than expected. I'm imagining things, I just know it. I can't read signals from guys anyway. They are so damn confusing most of the time.

  "Here we go, Miss Blake. You better warm up your vocal chords," he says rubbing his hands together. We both pull our trivia answering devices closer and get ready to buzz in our answers like we're on Jeopardy.

  "First question..." the announcer guy says. "Which U.S. soap opera first aired on CBS in 1956?" I see the lights go out in Reed's eyes, and I giggle loudly as I press the button for "As The World Turns". Of course, I'm right and I beat him to the buzzer. He slaps the table as if he's angry, and I giggle even louder.

  "You suck, Reed Miller!" I say over the loud roar of the room.

  "You wish, Willow Blake!" he responds which makes me crazy. What is this guy doing to me?

  "Next question.... Which sci fi TV show first aired in 1966?"

  Bam! He buzzes in and guesses Star Trek before I can get my finger to cooperate.

  "Not fair. I knew that one!" I say, but he wags his finger at me and shakes his head.

  "Here's another question.... Who won the sixth season of American Idol?"

  Wham! I buzz in for Jordin Sparks as Reed sits back in this seat with his arms crossed.

  "What's wrong, loser boy?"

  "I don't watch stupid reality TV shows," he says raising his eyebrows and smiling.

  "It's a talent competition and totally legitimate programming."

  "Whatever," he says laughing as he sits up.

  "Next question, folks.... Which Righteous Brother’s song was featured in the film Ghost?"

  Reed beats me to the punch and guesses Unchained Melody. Duh. Everyone knows that!

  We go back and forth until we each have four correct answers. Talk about down to the wire. As I wait for the fifth question, time stands still for a moment. I'm actually enjoying myself. Having fun. I didn't realize how much I've missed that. And for a split second, I suddenly wonder if I'm worthy of having fun again. And then my mind drifts to the infamous Kellan Avery that I haven't yet met. Will he wrestle with the same worries? Will he feel unworthy?

  "Next question..." the announcer says, breaking me out of my negative thinking. "Who is the shortest man to ever win an NBA slam dunk competition?"

  I draw a blank. I don't watch basketball. I look down at the choices quickly and lock in my answer as does Reed. We stare at each other, eye to eye. This time, it's less about the trivia competition and more about this "thing" we have between us. I don't know what to call it yet, and maybe I never will.

  I wait for what seems like an eternity as I wonder if my destiny is to scare all of these innocent bystanders with my horrific singing voice in a few minutes, but then I see my screen light up. Spud Webb! Spud Webb! Some guy named Spud Webb won the slam dunk competition, and I swear if he was here right now I would kiss him square on the lips.

  "Loser!" I say pointing my finger and standing up, doing a little dance in my chair.

  "Miss Blake, that is definitely not good sportsmanship!" he says wagging his finger at me again.

  "Ha ha ha.... I beat you...." I sing at the top of my lungs.

  "Wow, you really can't sing, can you?" he says laughing. I give him a mean look and sit back down just as the server brings our food.

  "That's not very nice, Reed," I mumble as I take the first bite of my sandwich.

  "Stick to reporting. No more singing. Please," he says as he takes a huge mouthful of hamburger. "I shudder to think of the damage you might have done to the eardrums of these poor patrons," he says waving his hand around the restaurant.

  We spend the next few minutes laughing and talking and eating, and I can't remember a time in the last four years where I've felt more at ease. My stomach isn't in knots for once, and it's almost a foreign feeling to me. We finish up and head toward the door, and Reed starts walking to his car.

  "Um, excuse me, Mr, Miller. I believe we had a bet?" I say crossing my arms and standing beside the path to the beach.

  "You are not serious?" he says as he cocks his head to the side.

  "A bet is a bet."

  "Willow..."

  "Are you trying to weasel out of a bet, Reed? Not very manly..."

  He purses his lips and shoves his keys back in his pocket before grabbing my arm and pulling me down the path. There are about ten people sitting on the beach, and I hear him take in a deep breath and then sigh. I almost feel bad. Almost.

  Reed slides his t-shirt off over his head and hangs it on the railing at the end of the pathway. His nice, bronzed chest glimmers in the moonlight, and I wonder what it would be like to lick the crevices of his abs. He kicks off his shoes and then unbuttons his jeans while staring right into my eyes.

  "Ready for the show, Miss Blake?" he asks me in a husky voice, no hint of a smile on his face. He's not mad, and I think he's flirting with me.

  "Always," I say with a wink before he hands me his pants.

  "Hold on to these. My wallet and keys are in there. And don't run off with my car."

  I look down and see gray boxer briefs hugging his tight butt and firm thigh muscles. Wow. Damn. Holy crap. He is a fine male specimen for sure.

  "See ya in a minute," he yells as he runs straight for the water, hands in the air screaming the whole way. I laugh until I can hardly breathe as I watch the people look at him like he's a lunatic. Some people are pointing, a
nd others are trying to get video. Thankfully the sun has gone down already, and it's too dark for them to get much in the way of video.

  A few minutes later, he trots back over to me with a grin on his face. He's sopping wet, and we have no towel. Without warning, he runs straight to me and gives me a big bear hug, soaking me in the process.

  "Oh, Willow, I've missed you so!" he says as he rubs the wetness of his skin into my clothing. I wriggle and wiggle trying to get away, but he just holds me tighter and laughs harder.

  "Quit!" I say as I struggle not to choke on my giggles. When have I ever had this much fun?

  I finally sink to the sand and he comes down with me. We both fall back, breathless from laughing so hard.

  "I'm going to kill you, Reed," I say as I pull my clothes from against my skin. "Look at me! I look terrible now!"

  "Not possible," he says softly as our eyes meet. For a moment, I think we're going to kiss, but then his face changes and the moment is over. What the hell? He stands, reaches down for my hand and pulls me up. "We've got work to do." He slides his dry clothes back on, but they stick to his wet body anyway.

  "Oh. Right. The sports segment. We should go. Thanks for, uh, holding up your end of the bet..."

  "A man of my word," he says with his hand on his heart as he bows at me. We climb into the car and head to the station. Not many words are spoken, and I think he knows that something happened back there. Something unspoken happened between us and now things are different. That was almost like a date, and he definitely doesn't want to date me.

  Chapter 10

  He unlocks the door to the office and we go into the editing booth. As he flips on the equipment, I stand over the air vent trying to get my shirt to finish drying. His nice leather seats will probably be ruined by our wet bodies, but he doesn't seem to care. He seems preoccupied all of the sudden.

  I turn to get my phone out of my purse in the office so I can hear it just in case my mother calls or texts, but when I turn around the lights in the editing booth are off and the piano music is on.

  "Reed?" I say as I walk back into the doorway, but before I can speak again, he steps in front of me and presses my body into the wall beside the door. "Reed?" I whisper again, this time breathless with anticipation.

  "I'm sorry," he says softly as his arms slide around my waist and pull me closer. His nose is touching mine, and I am all too aware that my arms are still hanging lifelessly by my side. "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" starts playing, and hints of saxophone fill the small room. The irony of a song about smoke would normally make me laugh, but this isn't a laughing matter. It feels like there isn't enough oxygen to breathe, and his warm breath is against my cheek as he leans into my ear. "I couldn't wait any longer, Willow. I tried. I really did. But if I don't kiss you right now, I'm afraid I might actually burst into flames."

  "But, I thought you... weren't interested," I say softly as my hands finally slide up his arms and around his neck.

  "Never said that," he says as he softly kisses my neck. "Always interested, Willow."

  "Then why?"

  "Too much talking," he says as he presses his lips against mine in the most amazing kiss of my life. I'm talking fireworks. Lightning. The whole she-bang. Wow.

  He presses into me as our mouths explore each other, our tongues rubbing against each other. I can feel his heart - or maybe my own - pounding. His knee is between my legs and I feel like I'm made of feathers because I want to sink to the floor. But I don't want to miss out on his warm lips and talented tongue.

  When we finally come up for a breath, he leans back a bit and runs his hand through my hair and down to my cheek.

  "You're beautiful, Willow," he whispers as his blue eyes connect with mine. I can barely see his face, but I can make out his mouth and his eyes which are my favorite parts anyway.

  "I really don't understand, Reed. At the beach..."

  "I pulled away. I know."

  "But why?"

  "One last ditch effort to stay away from you. It didn't work. I saw you all wet and laughing, and you are everything I've wanted in a woman." He presses a kiss to my lips again, and the music in the background is making me want to slide to the floor and do dirty things with him.

  "Why were you trying to avoid this?" I ask, desperate to know the answer but trying not to kill the moment. He kisses my collarbone, and the launch sequence is starting to get activated between my already throbbing legs.

  "Because you don't fit into my plans, Willow. Journalism is my life. These pieces of equipment are my girlfriends. And then you came along and screwed that all up by being so incredibly perfect for me." His honesty almost overpowers me. Honesty. Something I'll never be able to give to him. Or anyone.

  He slips his hand behind my head and pulls me closer, his tongue darting into my mouth and only coming out to lick my bottom lip. The room is filled with soft music and heavy breathing, and I'm coming unglued. I don't get in this deep. There are emotions floating around in here choking the life out of me. I feel like I'm at a fork in the road, and I have to choose left or right, but I really just want to run the other direction. I have one foot in the world of normal people. Just a normal college girl getting busy with a hot guy. My other foot is in my old world, one where I'm a terrible person with awful secrets and no chance at happiness. Guess which one wins out every time?

  "Reed..." I say softly as I push him back a bit. "This is all... a little... fast." As the words tumble from my mouth, I want to take them back. The look on his face is disappointment mixed with confusion. I've seen that look before, but it was my mother and family members and former friends.

  "I'm... uh... sorry, Willow. I thought you felt..." I can tell he is struggling to find the right words.

  "It's not your fault, Reed. I just need some time. To think." I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. What I need is for him to kiss me like that again, but instead of running toward happiness for once, I continue to run toward anonymity, loneliness, sadness. Still, the inner Willow takes control and makes decisions no matter what I want. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

  Before he can say anything, I grab my purse and run out into the hallway. Reed calls after me and follows me to the beach, but I turn around and yell to him. "I'll be okay. Just please let me go!" He stops and puts his hands on his hips as I turn and run toward home.

  ***

  I spend hours sitting on the beach, staring up at the moon shining brightly in the sky. The ocean waves restore my sanity for a bit, and I try to block out thoughts of Reed. How could I have fooled myself into thinking it was okay to kiss him? To want him like I do? I am not a woman who is destined to have a normal life, and yet I somehow allowed myself to get sucked in.

  A girl like me can't have a life like I want so desperately. It just isn't possible. People judge you. They don't understand that sometimes bad things happen and you have to make a choice. A life or death choice. And no matter which choice you make, you end up dying anyway.

  The lights in our house went out at least an hour ago, and I imagine that my mother and Bruce are tired after their trip. I imagine that Kellan is in there somewhere, possibly sleeping soundly for the first time in years. Maybe his past doesn't haunt him like mine does.

  I stand up to walk toward the house when I see someone standing at the edge of the water. There were riptide signs on this part of the beach today, but he apparently doesn't see them because he's walking into the water. I run down to warn him.

  "Hey! Hey!" I yell, and he finally turns around. In the moonlight, I can barely see him but what I can see is amazing. He's very tall, probably at least six foot two, and his muscles are large and chiseled. Maybe a bodybuilder? He has tattoos on both arms and very dark, thick hair that is messy in a good way. He doesn't smile when he looks at me. Instead he looks irritated, and I wonder if it's a good idea to piss off a random bodybuilder guy at midnight on the beach. I'm pretty sure he could fight a riptide with his bare hands.

  "What?" he says, more than a l
ittle aggravated at the interruption.

  "I, um, just wanted to warn you. Riptides were bad here today. I wouldn't go out too far..."

  "Wow. I'm scared." Excuse me, jackass? Who says something sarcastic like that to someone who is trying to help?

  "Fine. Have it your way. I was just trying to help."

  "Are you a lifeguard? A cop?"

  "No."

  "Then who put you in charge of protecting me?" he says. I am stunned, and getting angrier by the second.