26
It was Juliette who helped her find him.
When Reid did not come to dinner and Alex did, Allie knew before being told what had happened. Juliette gave her a significant look, and at the earliest opportunity, she pulled her into the same alcove where she’d brought Allie to warn her about the whispers she’d hear. This time, she relayed the events of that afternoon’s meeting with the elders. It would appear her afternoon had gone much better than Reid’s.
Allie had been on her way back to the keep earlier, intent on changing from her boys’ clothes, when Juliette found her. Her friend had somehow convinced her to demonstrate her ability with the longsword in the yard—in full view of others. Promising no one would taunt her, Juliette had followed her to the yard. Of course, everyone in the vicinity had stopped what they were doing to watch. Though she felt pressured to do well, Allie had reasoned with herself that it was as good a place as any for her to emerge from the shadows. By now, she was confident that her burgeoning skill would not embarrass her completely. In fact, when she took up the sword and showed Juliette some of what she’d learned, she earned applause from the small crowd that had gathered. It had both pleased her and nearly sent her running back to the keep.
She’d been eager to relay the events of the afternoon with him. After all, he was partially responsible for transforming her from a hesitant trainee to a passably good swordswoman.
Only he hadn’t come.
Allie’s stomach turned as she listened to Juliette’s account of the meeting. Though she was still angry with him, she hated the thought of him feeling miserable. Worthless. And she hated most of all the thought of not being with him. Reid made her feel alive like no one in the world ever had. Allie was committed to him. Whether she liked it or not.
“If I take you to him,” Juliette said from behind as they slipped out of the alcove, “you must promise me one thing.”
Allie peered at her new friend, knowing better than to deny that she’d planned to go looking for him.
“Whatever you ask,” she said and meant it.
“You will not do anything foolish.”
Allie laughed. “You sound very much like my sister now.”
Juliette raised a brow. “And she would be leading you to Reid’s bedchamber, would she?”
“Nay! Never that,” she admitted, the corners of her mouth lifting against their will.
As she fell in next to Juliette, Allie realized they were heading in the same direction as her guest room. “The east tower?”
Juliette gave her a knowing look. “You do not believe you are there by accident, do you?”
Allie hugged herself against the chilly night air. Soon it would turn from cool to cold, and her favorite season would arrive. Gillian had always found it strange that Allie preferred winter. But there was something invigorating about coming inside to a warm, roaring fire when the world outside was harsh and cold.
“I suppose not.” She turned to look at Juliette as they walked. “You are right, you know. If my sister were here, she would be walking me in the very opposite direction.”
Juliette frowned. “Despite his past transgressions, my brother-in-law is a good man who has lost his way. He would make a fine husband to you. If I did not believe that, I’d never have encouraged the match. Nor, do I believe, would Aidan.”
The same thought had occurred to Allie more than once.
“But I do understand your sister’s opposition to him. As your older sister, I can imagine she feels quite protective.”
“Quite.”
They’d arrived.
“But it does not matter what I think of him, or what your sister thinks of him. What matters,” Juliette said as she held out her hand for Allie to enter. Pushing the wooden door open, she stepped into the familiar entranceway. “Is how you feel.”
With that, Juliette turned to leave.
“But . . . I do not know where—”
Juliette’s smile was wicked. “Look no further than the chamber directly across from your own.”
Allie’s eyes widened. “But—”
And with a final wave, the lady of Brockburg Castle strode away.
Allie looked up the stairwell but did not move.
What matters is how you feel.
Sighing, she took the first step toward her destination.
* * *
The room was dark except for the faint glow of the fire, which had died out earlier. Reid had sent the maid away and let it turn to embers. He blew out the candles she’d lit and stared into the darkness.
He should have left Allie alone from the start.
She’d been talking and laughing with Juliette, so innocent and happy. Although mayhap not as innocent as when they met.
He frowned.
How could he have thought someone so honest and pure was good for him?
At first the sound was so faint he thought he’d imagined it. But when the knock grew louder, Reid knew who was on the other side. He stood and walked to the door.
“’Tis me,” Allie said from the other side. “Open the door.”
He placed his hand on the key still inside the lock. He could open it, pull her toward him and forget everything that happened that day. Instead, he stayed his hand and placed it on the door instead. God, she was so good.
“Reid? I know you are there.”
He bowed his head and waited for her to leave.
“Will you stand behind the door, a coward, refusing to see me?”
She knew precisely how to goad him.
“I am no coward, Allie.”
“Then what do you call it?”
“Love,” he said, believing his own words. “I call it love,” he whispered to no one. And because he loved her, he knew she deserved better.
After a moment of silence, he thought she’d left. But not his Allie. She would not be deterred so easily.
“Gillian despises you,” she said, as if that would appease him. “She believes you to be a man who cares only for base pleasures and his own happiness.”
He wished he could disagree.
“And Juliette thinks you are a good man who’s yet to find his way. She believes we belong together.”
He’d always liked that woman.
“Do you know what else she told me?”
Reid pressed his palm on the door as if he could reach through it to the other side.
“She told me that none of it mattered. That only my feelings for you are important.”
His heart skipped a beat.
“And I love you, Reid. Do you hear me?”
Shaking his head, knowing he would regret it, Reid turned the key and opened the door. He stepped aside and opened it.
Her eyes implored him to love her. And he did. Which was why he had to let her go.
“You do not understand,” he began, prepared to give her the speech he’d practiced all evening.
“Nay,” she said, pushing her way into the room. She closed the door behind them before he could stop her. “It is you who does not understand. While you sit here brooding, I am forced to watch as you present your worst self to the world, over and over again.”
He wanted to touch her. Hold her.
“I have no choice—”
“You always have a choice.” She reached up and held his face in her hands. Branded by the tender touch, he was not strong enough to force her hands away. “And you are choosing to allow the pretense you’ve so carefully cultivated ruin everything.”
“There is no pretense—”
“Aye, there is. You pretend you would rather not stand by your brother’s side because you fear they will reject you. You hurl insults rather than allow yourself to be vulnerable.”
“Allie—”
“Nay, Reid. ’Tis my turn to talk.”
She dropped her hands but did not move away.
“I understand what it is like to be treated like a child even when you are no longer one. Or how much easier it must be to gain notice b
y acting out in the way you are accustomed rather than attempting to compete with your older brothers.”
His hands began to shake.
“But you don’t need to act that way to get attention. How do I know that? Because I fell in love with you anyway, and everyone in your family loves you as well. We all see you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.”
He was so surprised that he could not move and instead simply stood there and stared at this slip of a woman who was telling him everything he should already know.
She reached up and brushed the single tear off his cheek.
Allie may be right, but he still did not deserve her.
Yet.
He would prove to her, to her sister, to everyone, that he was worthy. He had promised Gillian he would return to Highgate End as Toren’s second, and he knew how he could gain the elders’ trust.
But Allie would not like it. Toren, Alex . . . they would all be angry with him for trying.
If he told her his plan, she would be forced to lie for him, which he would not do to her. Instead, he asked her just one thing.
“Do you trust me, Allie?”
She nodded. “Aye, Reid. I trust you.”
“Remember that, please.”
It was time to earn the trust of his brothers and his clan.
27
“Then he asked me if I trusted him,” Allie told Juliette as they attempted to decode Reid’s words from last eve. No one had seen him all morning, and when it had been discovered that two clansmen loyal to him were also missing, they realized he had left.
But where? And why had he not told anyone—told her—where he was going?
“What does Toren say?”
They walked along the wall-walk, the day an unusually warm and sunny one for September. When Juliette stopped and placed her hand on her stomach, Allie froze. She’d not had any experience with childbirth, even though she’d begged her parents to be allowed to assist the midwife. But she would do whatever was necessary to help her friend when the babe decided it was time to make his or her entrance into the world.
“Is it—”
“Nay.” Juliette took a deep breath. “I don’t believe so.”
When she resumed walking, Allie followed.
“He is furious, of course. Although he is accustomed to being angry with Reid.”
“So I’ve noticed,” Allie said. “And yet they are quite close.”
Juliette chuckled. “I’ve always found it fascinating, the bond they share. Since my only brother is much younger, I cannot say I fully understand it. Toren and Alex act like brothers, but they’ve always treated Catrina and Reid differently.”
“Differently?”
“As if they’re their parents as much as their siblings. I’ve spoken to Toren about it many times, but he does not agree.” She shrugged. “And I know he loves all of them very much.” She gave Allie a sideways look. “You understand that if Reid becomes Toren’s second—”
“When he does so,” Allie corrected.
“Aye, when he does so, it means you will reside here, at Brockburg.”
Juliette was worried. Allie could both hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes. But why?
“Aye, I’ve thought of that,” she said, unsure how to proceed. She’d hoped Juliette would be glad to have her here. Had she been wrong?
“You understand,” Allie added tentatively, “I would never presume to interfere—”
Juliette stopped. “Please never say such a thing. How could you interfere when this will be your home too? Do you know how wonderful it will be to have female companionship, someone to help run Brockburg Castle who understands that even when the world around our castle walls is crumbling, especially then, some semblance of normality must be preserved?”
Allie’s chest swelled with gratitude. “I only meant—”
“I know what you meant.” Juliette’s firm tone did not allow for further discussion on the topic. “And we will never again discuss such matters. This will be our home, and together, we will see our clan flourish.”
Our clan.
A blanket of warmth spread over her body at those two words she never imagined hearing.
“Well, I may have a clan, but I do not have a husband,” she said. “Or even a betrothed.”
They looked out across the vast fields, silent.
The idea came to her in a flash. “Oh no.” Allie shook her head. “No, Reid—”
“What is it?”
He would not . . . could not. She would kill him! If Reid made it back alive, she would kill him.
She looked at Juliette. “I may know where he went. I fear he’s gone to the Day of Truce.”
How had it not occurred to her earlier? “He firmly believed that to skip the Day of Truce was the same as a declaration of war. And with no word yet from Douglas . . .”
Oh dear.
“No!” Juliette’s panic-laden voice was not making her feel more at ease. “He would not. Not against the wishes of his chief. He will be taken, put on trial for the recent raid . . .”
Every word she said sent a fresh jolt of fear through Allie. It struck her that her father’s warning was what had spurred him into action. Without the confirmation that Caxton was indeed attempting to goad the clans into rebellion, he may not have acted.
Allie looked out at the horizon. How had this all gone so terribly wrong?
Do you trust me?
She did. And despite the feeling that everything was crumbling around her, Allie would stay strong and trust that Reid knew what he was doing. She had no other recourse.
Please, God, keep him safe. Please, please bring Reid back to me.
* * *
This had been a mistake.
He’d been wrong to come. And now he would pay with his life.
Reid chided himself yet again for his foolish, rash action. How would Toren react when he saw him in chains?
No sooner had he arrived than he had been arrested for Clan Kerr’s counter-raid into England. The day had already been officially underway at the time, and Reid had noticed two things.
First, Caxton himself was not in attendance. It was highly unusual for one of the wardens to fail to attend the monthly event that held the tentative peace together. It set a strange tone, as if both sides had already given up.
More importantly, Reid noted that all of the clans were represented. He spied de Sowlis in the distance, Graeme’s imposing height not difficult to miss, and he was not the only chief in attendance. The clans had agreed to come, to await word from Douglas, but Reid had assumed at least some of the other leaders would make the same decision as his brother.
Little consolation now that he was being brought to trial against witnesses who’d seen him with their own eyes. Oddly, or perhaps not so, the men who’d instigated the counter-raid were not present. And neither were the ones who had attacked his brother.
The council’s assessment of Caxton had been accurate. He grew bolder, his bribes bigger, and even in his absence his treachery was present.
Reid listened dispassionately as his list of crimes was read from a short distance away. It was only when the crowd parted and his brother appeared that he felt fear.
An English prison would be preferable to what he would be forced to endure now. Toren’s disappointment. He’d meant to impress his brother, and Allie, but instead he’d only proven, yet again, that he could not be trusted. He’d given the elders another reason to deny his appeal.
Toren strode directly toward the sheriff, who spoke and stopped the proceedings, and though Reid was too far away to hear what was said, he had never seen his brother look so angry. He pointed at Reid, and then across the field to where the English officers stood, and before long, each of the clan chiefs or representatives moved to stand beside him.
In Caxton’s absence, his sheriff presided in his place. Reid had planned to demand the handwarcelle, a wager of battle, which could be his only chance at escaping this day. But it seemed suc
h would not be necessary. With one wave of the sheriff’s hand, Reid’s chains were removed and he was roughly shoved toward his clansmen. As he approached, Toren’s expression become clear.
And it was worse than he had thought.
His brother was not angry, nor did he even appear disappointed. Instead, he looked at him the way he had only once before, when Reid had first refused to accept Alex’s former position.
Toren was sad. How his brother had secured his release, he did not know. Nor would he ask. Instead, Reid stood beside Toren and watched the remainder of the proceedings, unsure of what to say.
And though he should remain quiet, when it became apparent the proceedings were over, he thanked his captors loudly enough for all to hear.
“Tell Lord Caxton,” he said directly to the sheriff, “the border clans will not be goaded. We are here as agreed, in good faith, despite every attempt to undermine the very process that has maintained peace since the treaty was signed.”
Toren slapped him on the back to indicate they should leave after his parting words caused the beginnings of an uproar. He had disappointed everyone that day, including the one person he’d never cared to impress until now.
Himself.
28
He needed to see her.
After a hellish ride back from the border, Reid was in a foul mood. Toren was furious with him, his clansmen none the less so, and the few words they had spoken on the ride back had not been pleasant ones.
In the past, Reid would have consoled himself with a willing woman, a tavern, or both. He’d have silently railed at his brother for failing to listen to him, even if he was in the wrong. The downward spiral would have lasted for days, if not longer.
But not tonight.
After fetching a tankard of ale, Reid made his way to Allie’s bedchamber. He stopped outside of her door, suddenly unsure. Would she want to let him in?
He did not deserve this woman, but neither could he stay away from her.
Reid knocked.
He waited and listened.
The Rogue’s Redemption Page 17