Falling for Him

by Amy Stephens

  At first, I wanted to pull away but I realized he wasn’t doing any harm. If he were reading more into it, then it was completely on him because I wasn’t sending him mixed signals. Finally, when all of the football players, the cheerleaders, and the band had gone by, the noise level went down so that we weren’t yelling at each other just to hear what the other had to say. Greg grabbed ahold of my hand and I followed behind him and Monica to the restaurant again. Dave’s shift was ending and we were all going to ride back to her apartment together.

  While waiting for Dave, Monica and I went to the bathroom and it didn’t take long for her to start asking questions.

  “So, what do you think about Dave? He’s so perfect for me don’t you think? And what about Greg? Do you like him so far? Doesn’t he have the most gorgeous eyes?”

  I flushed the toilet and was spared a few seconds to think about everything she was asking. When I walked up to the sink to wash my hands, Monica was fixing her hair.

  “Well?” She couldn’t wait for my response.

  “Well, what?” I pretended not to know what she was asking about.

  “Come on Erica. What do you think? Dave? Greg? Tell me.”

  “You and Dave look good together. Are you guys serious?” I wanted to play it safe steer away from any questions related to Greg.

  “Yes, we’re exclusively a couple if that’s what you’re asking.” From the look on her face it was evident they’d already “done” something to secure their relationship. It made me wonder if anyone ever waited to have sex anymore. Was there any value in waiting for the right person to come along? Or, was it something we felt was necessary to do to secure our relationships.

  I opened the bathroom door and began walking out, thankful I’d avoided having to comment on Greg. The guys were sitting just outside the door waiting for us.

  As we crawled in Monica’s car to leave, she handed over the keys to Dave while Greg and I took the back seats. I interacted with their conversations the best as I could but I found myself staring out the window looking up at the stars. I wondered what Jaime was doing tonight and if he, too, was looking at the stars. What was it like being in prison?

  “Erica?” I was brought out of my trance by the sound of Monica’s voice.

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Just wondering if you were up for a movie tonight. We could stop and pick up something at the Redbox if you weren’t too tired.”

  I pretended to yawn and felt bad almost immediately. I was tired but the truth was, I wanted to be alone.

  “Maybe tomorrow night?” I suggested. “I’m pretty exhausted from the long drive.”

  Greg reached for my hand again and I prayed it wasn’t much further to drop off the guys. He began rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand and, instead of it having a desirable effect on me, I found myself silently praying he would just stop. Under any other circumstances, I’d have been all for this, but I just wasn’t feeling it.

  Not tonight.

  Probably never.

  I just didn’t want to hurt Monica’s feelings. I knew she meant well but there was so much I needed to tell her.

  When we dropped the guys off at their apartment, I climbed in the front while Monica slid over to the driver’s seat. She gave Dave a kiss goodbye and, thank goodness, Greg just sort of waved at me.

  We were silent the rest of the way to her apartment. Maybe she thought I had fallen asleep or something because she hadn’t said anything either. When we got inside I called the bathroom first.

  I washed off my makeup and rinsed out the washcloth so it wouldn’t stain. I looked up in the mirror and laughed at my raccoon eyes. I loved wearing heavy coats of mascara on my long lashes but sometimes it was a bitch to remove. I disliked the oily feeling left on my skin by using those removers so I stuck with using my favorite cold cream. Mom had recommended it years ago and I’d used it ever since.

  “Still using that cream stuff, huh?” Monica was laughing at me as I poured myself a glass of water. She was sitting at the table nibbling on some apple slices. “Want some?”

  I pulled a couple from the bag and placed one in my mouth. While I chewed, I mumbled, “How’d you know?”

  We settled in on talking about beauty products we liked and disliked. It wasn’t unusual to find half a dozen bottles of shampoo and conditioner in each of our bathrooms and if there was anything new out on the market, we’d both tried it. We talked about the boutique since Monica had also worked there up until she had moved away. It was so relaxing and just what I needed.

  Then, came the dreaded mention of Greg. I knew she meant well, but Greg just didn’t do anything for me. She said she understood and that maybe tomorrow I’d feel differently towards him.

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Okay, dear. Enough with the excuses. I’ve been friends with you long enough to know there’s something else going on and you’re hiding it from me.”

  Monica looked at me with determined eyes and I knew I couldn’t avoid it any longer.

  “I’ve kind of met someone. But….it’s really complicated.” I began.

  “Okay. And….”

  “Like it said. It’s really complicated.”

  “Are you, like, going out with him? Is it the one you’d mentioned to me before? The one from your class? Tell me.” Monica was persistent and didn’t seem to notice how serious this was to me all of a sudden.

  “Yes, it’s the same guy. As for going out with him, well, yes and no.” God, how was I going to explain this? It was so complicated. “We’ve met up a few times.” Which wasn’t a lie. We had met at the library, but it wasn’t what she was thinking nor what I was trying to imply.

  “Tell me about him. You’re killing me.”

  “He’s older.” I paused not sure I wanted to tell her his real age just yet. “Yes, he’s older than me so you might not like him because of that.”

  “How much older?” She asked. “Erica? What are you hiding from me? You know you can’t keep secrets from me.”

  “He’s just older, okay. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Erica Jane Kennedy. Will you please stop and just answer the darn question.”

  I knew when she used my full name it was just like hearing my parents say it when I was little. She was serious and I needed to give her an answer right then. No more excuses and beating around the bush.

  “32. Happy now? He’s 32 but it doesn’t seem like it, okay.” I blurted it out, ready to face the consequences.

  “O-M-G! Erica, what does your mom say about it?”

  “You’re the only one that knows.”

  “Do what?” Monica wrinkled her forehead, confused.

  “You heard me. No one knows about us yet. Besides, we’re not really a couple. We’re more like good friends.”

  “Leave it to you to pick the older guy.” She teased, but I wasn’t smiling. I was truly in a dilemma.

  “This is his last semester before he graduates. We’re doing a group study project together and that’s how it all got started.”

  “Has he been married before since he’s, you know, older?”

  “No, not that I know of.” I thought back to the conversation Jaime and I had about his life prior to coming to the prison camp and I couldn’t recall him mentioning anything about a wife or girlfriend. At one time I had thought he was married or at least hiding something from me, but after I had found out the truth about him being in prison, all of my worries about him acting strangely had gone away.

  “Well that doesn’t make any sense.”

  “What doesn’t?”

  “How can he be 32 and never married? He’s not a preacher is he?” Monica tried to make a joke of it but it was only making it harder for me to finish telling her about him.

  “Hardly.” I thought about the kiss we’d shared. No, he was definitely not a preacher.

  “Let me see your phone. I know you’ve got a picture of him.”

  I didn’t bother reaching for my phone since I k
new there wasn’t a picture to share with her. I honestly hadn’t thought about taking one or if it were even feasible.

  “There aren’t any.” I said under my breath and readjusted the blanket I had tossed over my legs. I wasn’t cold but the more I could cover myself up, the more I felt hidden from the truth. And the truth was, no matter how much it bothered me, I was attracted to someone I could never have regardless of how old he was. Come on, let’s face it. The reality of it all is Jaime isn’t someone I needed to attach myself to regardless of how good looking or nice he was. It just couldn’t happen.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” Monica got up from her recliner and came to sit next to me on the couch. “Why are you crying?”

  I hadn’t realized there were tears spilling over my cheeks. I reached up to brush them away.

  “I just don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into.” I felt the dam break and before long I had soaked an entire box of tissues.

  Monica listened intently as I shared everything, and I mean everything, with her about Jaime. I could tell she was completely blown away by it all but she remained supportive. As for any advice, she had very little to offer me. I mean, what do you tell someone who just confesses they have feelings for an inmate? While there wasn’t anything wrong with being friends with Jaime, I seriously needed to consider what risk I was putting myself in. For now and the future.

  Before we called it a night, I told her about the time I had worn my heels and mini skirt to class only to find he hadn’t shown up. We both laughed at the ridiculous length I had gone to just to have him notice me.

  “Now that’s the Erica I know.” She’d shared with me. “If he makes you feel good about yourself, go ahead and dress up for him. Who are you hurting? You may be giving a couple of those guys blue balls but there’s nothing wrong with a man checking out a young, pretty lady. I bet some of those men haven’t seen a nice pair of legs in a long time.”

  I truly needed to hear this from her. Instead of getting my feelings all involved, I needed to have fun with it. Share some cleavage and always keep the upper hand. Yes, that’s what I needed to focus on.

  This was easy for her to say, but I couldn’t make any promises. In fact, I feared it was already too late.

  We slept in the next morning since we’d stayed up so late talking. I felt so much better now just having that huge weight off my chest. Dave and Greg were planning to pick us up at noon and we’d eat when we got to the game.

  I wondered if Monica had talked to Dave while I’d been in the shower because Greg was a little standoffish, unlike last night. He was still friendly, but it was like he knew he didn’t stand a chance.

  When we sat down in our seats to watch the game, Greg took the end seat followed by Dave, Monica, and then me. I really didn’t mind because Monica and I would probably spend most of the time talking instead of watching the game anyways. But geez, could he be any more obvious?

  A couple sat down in front of us and I couldn’t help but notice how the guy kept putting his arm on the back his girlfriend’s/wife’s seat. He’d make imaginary designs on her back with his finger or squeeze her shoulder when a good play was made. She’d stand up to cheer then look back down at him with a smile on her face. It was obvious they were in love. I mean, for a guy to have his significant other with him at a football game instead of his buddies, well, that should say something. I was envious of them, for sure. Could that be me one day? Could I have what that couple shared? And could it be with someone like Jaime?

  When the game was over, Dave had to go into work so he dropped Monica and me off at her apartment. Greg ended up catching a ride with someone else he’d met up with and hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye. Oh well, it didn’t hurt my feelings and I was actually glad it had worked out that way.

  Chapter Nine

  I got back into town late Sunday night and I was exhausted. Overall, I’d ended up having a really good time and I promised Monica I’d try to come back in a couple more weeks for another visit. Only this time, I didn’t want her to play matchmaker. She wanted me to keep her informed on any developments with Jaime but to seriously consider not letting my heart get involved. Easy for her to say.

  I don’t know if she doubted what Jaime had told me about himself or if she felt he was just playing with my head. So far he’d done nothing to make me think he was playing games but we’re talking about a guy who’s been locked up for almost ten years. So, anything was possible.

  On Monday night, after my English class, I drove out to the library. Just like Jaime had said, security had already returned back to normal and the guard waved me on through just from seeing my school sticker in the front window.

  I took a deep breath before walking inside the library. I’d chosen the casual look tonight wearing a long-sleeve t-shirt and khaki shorts with my favorite pair of flip-flops. My toes were painted a fluorescent pink color and I felt confident I could keep myself on track tonight. Ray would be there and I surely didn’t need to give him any more reasons to throw snide remarks at me. I’d come to the conclusion Ray was just jealous.

  When the elevator doors opened, I spotted Jaime and Ray sitting at a nearby table. I pulled up a chair and sat across from Jaime. I pulled out my notes and let Ray catch me up on what they’d been working on tonight. He’d done some work on his laptop and handed over a copy of his notes to me. Jaime already has his copy and I noticed he’d made a few notes out to the side in the margin.

  The first hour proved to be very productive for us and we were more than halfway finished with the overall project. I didn’t even want to think about our work being completed since that could mean the end of our library time together.

  I looked up and felt Jaime’s eyes watching me. I tried to hide my smile but couldn’t. I was still getting used to his new look with the short hair and I liked it. I felt his foot bump mine underneath the table and I took it to be a flirting gesture. Careful so his boot didn’t bump my toes, I left my leg propped against his.

  Ray got up to go to the restroom and to return a phone call he’d missed. I waited for Jaime to stand up first before I moved my leg away.

  “How was your weekend?” He asked.

  “I had fun but the driving wore me out. Monica and I had a great time and I miss her already.”

  “Did you tell her about me?”

  “Maybe.”

  So here we were again. Flirting. And I had planned to be so good tonight. Who had I been kidding?

  “Did you dream about me?”

  Where in the world did that come from?

  “Jaime, you’re not allowed to ask that question.” I batted my eyelashes at him unable to resist the temptation to flirt back. I pulled my hair over my shoulder and ran my fingers through my long locks.

  “Your shampoo smells almost as good as you do.”

  “It does, huh?” How could he smell my shampoo when I’m sitting across the table from him?

  “It drives me crazy. I thought about you all weekend even if you didn’t think of me.”

  “I may have thought about you too, a couple of times.”

  “Just a couple of times?”

  “Yeah, just a couple.”

  Where was Ray when you needed him? I hadn’t planned on this kind of conversation happening tonight. Not at all. Jaime hadn’t wasted any time diving right in. He knew the right words to say to stir up the little flutters I was suddenly feeling down below. It’s a good thing Jaime was sitting across from me or I’d have been tempted to lean over the table and kiss him again. Thank goodness we’re sitting out in the open for anyone to see.

  Ray returned shortly then I excused myself. Jaime followed too and we each went to our own restroom. I’m sure Ray was watching us, just hoping he’d see something, but I was thankful Jaime didn’t try anything on the way.

  When I pulled my panties down I noticed the wet spot and I felt embarrassed that I’d gotten turned on so easily. I just needed to keep reminding myself this was just for fun and nothing e
lse. Nothing more was going to come of this.

  Absolutely nothing.

  That’s right, absolutely nothing. There was no reason to get all worked up.

  I cleaned up and tried to dry my panties as best I could.

  I walked back out and joined the guys again. I noticed Ray was packing up his things and wondered what was going on. Was our group meeting already finished for the night? It’s still too early.

  When Ray saw me walking up he turned to speak. “My daughter is ill tonight and my wife needs help tending to our son. I’m sorry to have to leave so early but I feel confident the two of you will handle what’s left.”

  How arrogant can someone be?

  “We’ll be just fine.” Jaime quickly added and I knew if he’d been able to shove Ray’s things into his bag any quicker for him, he would have. Who the hell did Ray think he was? This group was equal as far as I was concerned and the three of us were ahead of schedule for the project, not behind.

  “Please, don’t worry about us.” I tossed out and Jaime detected the sneer in my tone as well. If Ray could get cocky with me, I could do the same.

  No sooner had the elevator doors shut behind Ray and Jaime was scooping up my things.

  “Come on, follow me.”

  “Where’re we going?”

  “Shhh. Just come on.”

  I picked up what Jaime hadn’t grabbed and followed behind him. I looked down at my watch and noticed we still had nearly an hour before the library closed. We made our way back to the same place we had visited before, over in the corner hidden from anyone’s view, and I dropped my things down in the chair.

  Jaime immediately placed both hands underneath my jaws and lifted my face to his. “I’ve missed you.” He placed a gentle kiss on my lips and I let out a soft moan. How did I allow myself to get back in this situation tonight? It was almost like he’d cast a magical spell on me.

  I didn’t pull away so quickly this time and instead rested my forehead against his. His nose brushed against mine and I could feel his warm breath against my cheek. This wasn’t supposed to be happening.