by B. N. Toler
“You really think so little of me?” His words burn hurt through my chest.
He stares up at me, his eyes softening as he says, “I’m waiting for this young girl to turn into a woman. It’s not easy to sit here and watch you stumble head first into disaster because you’re young and eager, but I know I could never stop you, short of locking you up. I’ve tried to help you, to train you, but you want to run before you can crawl, jump before you look where you’re going. So yes, right now, you are being foolish and if that hurts your feelings, so be it.”
I want to scream at him, yet I remain on top of him, bare chested, staring down at the man that makes me feel as small as a tiny speck of dust, yet can make me feel powerful, like I can do anything. I know deep down he’s right, but I’ll never admit it. “Why did you spell Thomas to report to you then? If I’m so foolish why waste your time? And for your information, I was going to tell you everything the night you brought home that…” My sentence trails off. Just thinking about him with that woman makes me want to scream in rage.
“And when you got jealous, you decided I was no longer trustworthy and bailed without a word to any of us.”
“Why spell Thomas? Why not George or have you had him reporting back to you about me as well?”
“You know why I picked Thomas,” he says with a pointed look. “It wasn’t hard to see you knew him and there was some sort of history there. I didn’t like spelling him into telling me about your past, as he is an old flame and all, but I had no choice. You wouldn’t tell me. Seems you prefer to do everything the hard way which forces me to improvise.”
“How much did he tell you?”
“Everything I wish you had,” he answers simply and disappointment flickers in his eyes. He means about my past, where I’m from, my gift.
“I was taught to hide what I am, what I can do, and my family from the world, Daniel.”
“Yet you can’t understand why I’d do the same? You hid as much from me and I still trusted you. I brought you into my home, and made you a part of us.”
“Then you should know I know about your other gift, too. Is this why you’re the head of the hybrids? Is this why you can casually walk beside Andre?”
“There are some things I’m not ready to talk about for your protection, and I suppose it’s up to you whether you want to trust me or not.”
“I prefer to be informed. You hide everything from me.”
“Well, let me let you in on one secret right now, kitten.” His teeth clench as he speaks and his tone becomes harsh. “I have an end game in mind when it comes to Andre and I cannot let anyone get in the way. George Carter has, for the most part, stayed out of my way until recently.”
“What does that mean?” I ask confused.
“Let’s just say he has involved something of value to me, and I don’t like it.”
A part of me wonders if he means me, but I push that thought away. “I don’t care what your problem is with Carter, but I’m working with him and I’m getting close to getting to Andre, myself.”
He chuckles patronizingly. “What is it you think you’re going to do, kitten? Kill Andre? You think you’ll just climb this tight, little ass in his bed and fuck his brains out and then stake him? Andre is very old and very strong. You’re maybe a few days away from being weak as a human.”
“You have no idea what I’m capable of.”
“You’re wrong. I know quite well what you’re capable of.” His voice softens. “I’m just waiting for you to grow up and become everything you’re meant to be. Right now, you’re blinded by hurt and anger,- and you’re ready to get yourself killed on a fool’s errand.”
“Oh, so you’re saying I’m acting like a child? Funny, you didn’t seem to mind how childish I am a few minutes ago when you almost had sex with me,” I hiss. “And Andre certainly doesn’t think I’m a child.”
“Yes, you’ve caught his attention. The question is…what are you willing to do to keep it? I think we both know the answer to that.” Daniel’s hand reaches up and cups my breast, his thumb grazing my nipple. “You’re too good of a girl to give it up to him.”
The moment is very odd. Here I am loathing Daniel, but dying to have him inside me at the same time. He has rejected me, insulted me, yet he touches me so intimately as if it’s something he’s done a thousand times. As if I’m his to do with as he pleases.
I arch my back with a moan, allowing him to touch me as I bite my lip. I’ll show him childish. This isn’t me falling victim to him. This is me sticking him where it hurts. I want the image of a lustful Aldo singed on his brain when I say what I’m about to say. “Do you like touching me, Daniel?” I place my hand over his where it still cups my breast, coaxing him on. “It feels good, doesn’t it?” My inner self stares at me in awe, completely enthralled by my words. I lean down and let my tongue flick his earlobe. “Will it be hard for you to imagine my body pressed against his; Andre’s mouth where your hand is right now?”
Daniel’s hands move to my hips and squeeze. Despite the pain his strong grip is causing me, I don’t stop. “You think I’m an idiot? That I don’t know how far I might have to go to get what I want?” I lick his earlobe again and his hands squeeze me tighter. “I will kill him and if that means I have to fuck him first to get my chance, I will,” I whisper before pushing off of him again.
His eyes beam with gray fury at me. I can see I definitely struck a nerve. He does want me and the idea of any man touching me, let alone Andre, enrages him. I have no idea what he’ll do or say, but I like making him feel like shit, like he’s done to me so often, constantly reminding me of how weak I am.
Sex is a weapon.
Is it petty for a woman to use it—yes, of course it is, but I never said I wasn’t willing to resort to pettiness. I will not have sex with Andre, but I will go to extreme measures if that’s what it takes. My sexuality, according to Eileen, is my greatest strength. And so, I must utilize that strength.
Daniel flips me over so he’s lying on top of me. He kisses me hard, our teeth clink as our mouths try to push into the other’s. His hands grope me roughly and he kisses down my chest to my stomach until his head is between my legs. He blows on my warm, wet flesh and I tremble, aching for his touch. He lingers for a moment, torturing me, before he stands and collects his shirt and jacket.
Jerk! He totally did that to mess with me.
I try to hide my disappointment and frustration, but I know I’m failing miserably at it. I flip off of the bed and sashay over to my dresser, pulling out a white tank top and a pair of boy cut briefs. I slide them on while he pulls out his pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his jacket and lights one.
He lets out a heavy, smoke tinted sigh, as he stares at me.
“This is a non-smoking room,” I say saucily.
“Worried about the effects of second hand smoke, are we? Not the fact that you’re seducing the most dangerous vampire in the nation?”
I hadn’t heard that about Andre so I have to work hard to hide my surprise. “You can go now.” I cross my arms and nod towards the door.
“You’ve always had to learn things the hard way, kitten. Since the day I met you. It’s funny you don’t trust me, yet you’re dying to screw me.”
“Dying to screw you?” I gasp. “You’ve seriously over-estimated yourself Daniel.” Yes, I am dying to have sex with him, but I hate that he knows it.
“Have I ever lied to you before?” He ignores my last statement.
“No, you just leave me in the dark!” I shout my voice full of emotion. That’s all anyone has ever done, is hide things from me. If he won’t tell me, I’ll find it out on my own.
“This is dangerous.” He stares at me with soft frustration.
“You think I don’t know that?”
“Drink from me.” He steps towards me, but I hold my hand up to stop him. “You need to feed. If not from me, from a human.”
“You can go.”
As he reaches for the doorknob he
turns to me briefly. “I’ve been fighting this war for a long time. I’ve lost a lot of people I cared about. I don’t want to lose you too. I told you I would not coddle you. I want you to be strong and be a fighter, but you have to listen to me. Otherwise, I have no choice but to let you learn it the hard way.” He takes a drag of his cigarette and exhales. “You need to feed. Do it as soon as you can.” With that he opens the door and leaves.
I pull my stashed bottle of Jack Daniels from under my bed and pour some in the cup I dropped when Daniel startled me. I gulp down three shots and climb into bed. With the help of the alcohol, I pass out quickly despite my throbbing libido and racing mind. The alcohol also keeps me from dreaming. Honestly, I’ve been drinking a lot these days to keep my subconscious at bay.
Days have gone by since the night of my revelation about Lucas and I have barely spoken to Thomas. Most nights I have come to the apartment and drank my woes away on the balcony by myself. Carter insisted I stay at the apartment until we see how things pan out with Andre so I’ve paid to keep my room at the hotel even though I haven’t been staying there. It’s just nice to know I have a place to go to if I need to. My moods have been all over the place and I know I need to feed, but I’m too scared. What if I kill someone? I regret not taking the chance to feed on Daniel when he offered, but feeding from him feels intimate and wrong considering he doesn’t want me like that—or does, but won’t—or who the hell knows, it just feels wrong. I turn over my relationship with Daniel, but can’t figure out what to make of my feelings for him. Then there’s Rhett. What do I do with those feelings? Yes, I still love him and I hate myself for it. How is that fair to him? How could I ever justify loving him, but wanting another man so badly? My mind will not slow down, so I drink to force it to stop tormenting me. Normally, Corbin would join me on the balcony, but he’s had to work late every night at the club, so I’ve been alone.
Today I wake up with a slight headache and still feel the burn on my hand. I eye it, wondering how long it will take to go away. It’s been three days. Corbin has let me sleep in his room while he sleeps on the couch. He really is the nicest guy. I get up and make my way to the bathroom to shower, when Kaitlynn opens the door.
“I was just finishing up in here,” she says walking by me, her blue eyes dart in every direction but mine.
“Thanks,” I mumble as I walk in and shut the door behind me. I know I should apologize for yelling at her the other night, but she annoys me and I can’t quite find the maturity to do so. I know deep down she annoys me because she lusts after Thomas like a dog in heat. It doesn’t bother me because of Thomas, but I see so much of myself in her. I want to shake her and tell her to stop being such a lovesick fool, but I can’t. It wouldn’t work even if I did. I know this because no one could have convinced me to stop loving Thomas at that age. He’s still extremely good looking and even in my anger he has a way of drawing me in, but I’m old enough to know better now. Of course, one might argue I’m literally the biggest hypocrite in the free world because I pine after Daniel the same way, and I don’t have the convenience of blaming it on being young and naïve like she does.
I pull off my nightshirt and plop down on the toilet, leaning my head on the sink, trying to will my headache away. Someone knocks at the door and I look up, seeing Kaitlynn’s brush on the sink and figure she’s come back to get it.
“Come in,” I lie my head back down on my arm propped on the sink, not caring if she sees me in my bra and panties.
“You okay?” I hear Thomas’s voice as he stands in the doorway of the bathroom staring at me. He’s shirtless and the air in my lungs escapes me loud enough for him to hear. I see his tribal tattoo that extends up his shoulder to his back and cringe at the sight of it.
“I’m fine.” I grab my towel off of the sink and cover myself with it. He watches me and I find myself feeling awkward as he does. Our eyes lock and he gives me a look I’m sure he didn’t intend to. A look of wanting. My cheeks heat and I tear my eyes away.
“I just needed my deodorant. I left it in here last night.” He clears his throat.
“Go ahead.” I sit back down, too tired to stand.
“How much did you drink last night?”
“Too much,” I groan.
“You know, you’re still not old enough to be drinking.” He steps towards me.
“True, but I still don’t need a father either,” I pipe back.
“What’s up with all of the drinking?” he questions judgingly.
“Helps me sleep,” I mumble.
“You mean keeps you from dreaming.”
Now I wonder if every time I speak with him if he’s reporting back to Daniel. Looking up at him, I respond, “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Aldo, how did you lock me out?” he questions. I shoot him a look, warning him to drop it. No one else here, other than Thomas, knows of my gift to absorb energy and sort it in my subconscious. I’m not sure why he hasn’t told anyone, maybe Daniel spelled him not to.
“What are you talking about?” I growl. He sighs and heeds my warning. Suddenly, I feel him grab my hand and I jerk it away.
“I just wanted to see your burn.”
“No, thank you.”
“It looks like it’s getting worse.”
“It’s not.” It might be.
“It should have healed by now. You know that.”
“Not your concern, Thomas,” I sigh.
“When it comes to you it is.”
“Why? The girls have to be healthy when you turn them over to your nest?” I bite back. It was a low blow, especially after the story he told me the other night about his sister. I believe what he told me, but he still lied to me and he still left with Lucas after he found out he turned us over.
He grabs me by my arms and pulls me up, his face flushed with anger. “I didn’t turn you in dammit! I was in love with you!”
I refuse to react to his outburst; instead, I roll my eyes. He stares at me in silence for a moment. His face nears mine and his gaze falls to my mouth, his breath heats my skin and I shoot him a warning look. Kiss me and I rip your balls off.
“I’m sorry,” he manages, still holding me. “Did you open your present?” he asks trying to turn the conversation.
“No, I haven’t,” I answer plainly as he releases me and I take my place back on the toilet. He stands, looking as if he’s searching for something to say, but doesn’t quite get there. I can still see the flush of anger in his eyes, but it’s subsiding.
Silence looms before he says, “I’ll leave you to it.” He walks out, shutting the door behind him.
I opened his box last night and found a tiny silver fish charm. I know it’s meant to be a symbol of something, a memory we shared when he took us fishing for the first time, or how we would fish in my dreams, but I cannot address it with him. I don’t want to talk about the past anymore, especially where he’s concerned. I was lied to, had sex with his brother in my subconscious who I thought was him, lost my aunt and trapped myself in my dreams for a year. All I can do now is move forward and hope I can accomplish my goal. I shower and leave my hair wet putting some gel in it so it will curl. After I dress, I head out to the kitchen, desperate for some coffee. Corbin is sitting at the table with Kaitlynn, who immediately gets up and exits the room.
“What’s with her?” he asks confused.
“Don’t know,” I shrug as I pour my coffee. I sit down in front of him and he reaches over and grabs my hand.
“Doesn’t look good.” He eyes me concerned.
“It’ll be fine in a day or two.” I shrug.
“You said that a few days ago.”
“These things take time.”
“Take some,” he offers speaking of his energy. I smile and grab his hand and draw from him. His energy vibrates through me and dulls the discomfort. I look at my hand and it does look worse. The blisters are purple and the flesh is rough to the touch.
“Thanks,” I nod.
“You
ready to come back tonight, Aldo?” Carter asks as he enters the kitchen.
“Am I ungrounded?” I reply sarcastically.
“You’re on probation.”
“Okay,” I snort.
“Your little show the other night got Andre’s attention. He reserved a VIP room and asked if you’d be working tonight. He also asked if you’d do house calls.”
I cringe inwardly. I hate having to use my body to lure in a vampire. I know I did it in my dreams, but for some reason, now, here in the real world, I feel dirty doing it.
“What?” Thomas asks as he enters the kitchen, interrupting my train of thought. “That isn’t a good idea.”
“It was kind of the plan all along, Thomas. Why is it not a good idea now?” I ask confused.
“It was supposed to be a party request. You can’t go in solo.”
“They haven’t requested me yet.” I sip my coffee as I try to remain calm.
“It’s too dangerous. She can’t—”
“No!” I yell. “I can do this.” Carter and Thomas make eye contact.
“What’s going on?” Kaitlynn asks, skirting into the kitchen.
“Nothing,” Thomas says ignoring her. She stands awkwardly for a moment before Carter heads to the door.
“No point arguing over this yet. He hasn’t asked for a house call, only a private dance at the club. You have one with him tonight Aldo. Better be on point.” Carter exits and I stand slamming my chair in.
“What Aldo?” Thomas’s voice is raised.
“You make no sense. That’s what!” I yell. Corbin stands and grabs Kaitlynn’s arm and leads her out of the kitchen to allow Thomas and I to shout at each other in private.
“Tell me how it doesn’t make sense I don’t want to let you enter a nest full of vampires and blood healers alone?”
“It’s not up to you,” I say coldly.
“I can’t take the chance you could get hurt.” He lowers his voice trying to bring rationality back to our conversation.
“It isn’t your decision!” I walk to the sink and dump the remainder of my coffee out.
“What is this, Aldo? I know you feel like you need revenge for your mother, but this goes deeper. What is it?” He shakes his head as if he’s baffled.