by Lila Rose
“I think I need to know what went on in that room,” Melissa said.
“I’m pregnant,” Del blurted right on out. At first, it surprised me she’d said anything, and from the stunned expressions on Dallas and Melissa’s faces, they were just as shocked. “I think about two months along, but we need to keep it quiet. We’ll make sure everything is okay first.”
“We?” Dallas grunted, looking from Del, to me, and back again.
“Yeah, brother.” I nodded.
“In Sydney?” Dallas asked. I nodded, my lips twitching. His face displayed multiple things at the same time. He took in how we were sitting, and he seemed glad for us. Then it changed to pissed—probably worried I’d fuck it up—and finally thoughtful.
“Lissa?” Della whispered.
“Shit, fuck,” Dallas clipped. “A baby.” He eyed Del’s stomach like there was an alien about to pop out.
“Lissa?” my woman called to her friend again.
Looking to Melissa, I saw she was still stuck in the stunned portion of the news. Then she blinked, cleared her throat and said, “But you hate children.”
Della stiffened. Opening my mouth to tell Melissa to back off, I closed it when Del’s hand came down on my thigh. “It’s okay. She’s right. I’m not fond of children, but…” Tears welled in her eyes, and her bottom lip trembled before she took it into her mouth and bit down. She sniffed. “I’m scared, Lissa. So very scared, but look at the man next to me.” It was my turn for my body to tense. Del wiped at her eyes and went on, “He’s seen it all, my ugly, my torment, and he’s taken it on. Beaten it, and showed me beauty.” Christ. “I tried to fight my feelings for him. I wasn’t sure if they were right, but I know, I know, Lissa, that they are, and they’re amazing and make me feel alive again. Then the news we’ve made a baby in a night where I’d thought I’d lost myself, but hadn’t, and Finn helped me see that…. I’m scared out of my mind, Lissa. Over this, if it’s real, praying it is, and then over the fact bringing a child into the world is the biggest step in life, yet I’m so willing to try. To reach out and grab hold, while doing my best at keeping it all.” She glanced away from her friend, who was crying while Dallas held her, to look up at me. “I want to try with you, if this is where you want us to go?”
Pulling her out of her seat, I sat her in my lap, curled her into me and kissed her gently. “This is real. No use prayin’ for it, sweetheart. We’re gonna have our ups and downs, but fuck, I’d fight to keep it all as we are now.” Another kiss landed on her lips as tears ran freely down her cheeks. “We’ll try together, and if I have any say about it, we’ll fuckin’ shine through it all.”
She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. Then she mumbled, “We will. We have to.”
Chapter Nine
Della
He’d meant it. Every word. I could see it, sense it, and I was sure his feelings were there even before we’d found out about the baby.
God. A baby.
Ash, do you see this? Are you happy for me? I wish you were here, sister.
I was having a child.
A miniature person.
It freaked me out so very much, but I was enjoying the moment too much to let my nerves take over. Although, a sudden worry of everything happening too fast jumped into my mind. It wasn’t that long ago I’d been pissed at him. He was right, though; there would be ups and downs, but were we sliding into everything too fast?
But then again…
“Dating,” I cried, pulling back from Finn’s warmth.
Finn’s head reared back. His lips twitched, and I heard Dallas chuckle behind me.
“What you talkin’ ’bout, darlin’?” Finn asked.
Standing from his lap, I paced in front of him. “I know what I just said, and all of it’s true, but then I just thought… what happens if we’re jumping the gun, starting out too fast? I think dating each other would be a good place to begin.”
“Della?” Dallas called.
Turning to him, I asked, “Yes?”
“You know how long Melissa and I were around each other before I knew she was it for me?”
“No.” I shook my head and glanced to a smiling Lissa before she looked back at her man, who chuckled.
“A couple of days. When we know, we know, and that poor fool has been pining for you for a fuckin’ long time. Go with the flow, babe. Sometimes doin’ that can lead you to the best choices.”
Finn stood at my back, wrapped me up in his arms and kissed my neck. “There ain’t no dating with bikers, darlin’. You’re my woman, and that’s all there is to know.”
Lissa snorted. “Cavemen, the lot of them.”
Dallas chuckled, bringing Lissa in close. “Tell her, Tiny, how you claimed me within a few days too. I wasn’t blind to it.”
Smiling, she rolled her eyes. Lissa then nodded to me. “It’s true, and now I’m stuck with him.”
At least hearing it put some of my troubled thoughts at ease.
“Family of Elvis Kent?” a doctor called from the doorway.
“Me,” I said, taking Finn’s hand and leading us the doctor’s way, with Dallas and Lissa following. “Is my brother okay?”
“He’s out of surgery, which was a success, but there was a lot of damage. He’s now in recovery. The next twenty-four hours are critical.”
Finn cursed and turned away for a moment, shoulders slumping. Dallas breathed out a sigh of relief. The doctor eyed them, his nose turning up a little at their biker vests, until I dragged his attention back to me by saying, “Can we see him?”
“Only two at a time and not for long, he’s in the ICU and still heavily sedated and probably won’t wake for a while yet.”
“That’s okay.” I was sure Finn and Dallas would want to see with their own eyes Elvis had pulled through the operation. “I’d like to put some names down on the visitors’ list.”
“Make a list with the front desk.”
“I will, thank you.”
With a nod, the doctor turned and started for the doors.
“Finn and I’ll go in first, then I’ll come out shortly for you, Dallas,” I said. Dallas gave me a chin lift before Finn and I followed the doctor.
* * * *
We’d spent another three hours at the hospital, until Elvis, a club member who I hadn’t met until that point got more visitors. I’d made a list, with Finn’s help, of who would come and see him. By the end of it, before we’d left and other brothers had arrived to see him, I promised a groggy Elvis we’d be back the next day. He seemed surprised by us wanting to come back, but I could also see our presence meant a lot to him. Not only to have his brothers there, but the support from their women as well. The Hawks MC held a lot of members, and I knew because of the attack, things would change for the better. I expected those members who weren’t that close, or perhaps they didn’t know each other that well, would start to look at their brethren differently. They’d get to know each other on a new level. Because at the end of the day, they were a family.
By the time we made it back to the compound, it was late, and I was tired from being up half the previous night.
“Can’t we just go home?” I asked Lissa after we got out of the car.
“Handle and Dallas will want to be briefed on everything. The hospital wasn’t a place to talk. Then we can go home.”
My stomach grumbled. I realised I’d only eaten breakfast that day. I placed my hand on my belly. Holy shit, I’d forgotten I was pregnant. With everything that was going on at the hospital, all the people coming and going, I’d forgotten.
Doubt seared into me. I wasn’t going to be a good mum if I couldn’t even take care of myself. My own parents didn’t want me, put me up for adoption, and then my adoptive parents thought me as nothing but scum. How was I going to be enough for the child in me when no one saw enough in me to keep me?
God, I was thankful Lissa had been smart enough to run to the hospital pharmacy to pick up my prenatal meds and some vitamins, or else I would
n’t have even thought of it.
I jumped when an arm landed on my shoulders. “Gotta feed my woman first,” Finn noted and steered us towards the kitchen in the compound.
My woman.
Hearing him say it thrilled me, and I would have clung to that feeling if on the inside I wasn’t still freaking the hell out.
“Food. Good idea,” Dallas said.
When we entered the kitchen, I made a beeline for the table and chairs, pulling one out and sitting.
“You okay, honey?” Lissa asked, sitting next to me.
I shook my head, lifting my gaze from my belly.
“Handle,” I heard Dallas clip.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered, slowly standing and stepping back towards the doorway.
“Darlin’?”
“I can’t even take care of myself. How can I take care of another human being?” I yelled, still edging my way towards the door. Lissa stood, but it was Finn who stepped in front of me. I hadn’t even heard him move.
“You can do it. We’ll do it together.” His pleading voice hurt my heart.
“I-I don’t think I can.”
“Try. Where’s my woman who was willing to try, for you, for us, and for the little person growing inside of you?”
A sob caught in my throat. Shaking my head, I backed up more to the doorway, only to scream when I felt someone at my back. I spun to find men there I hadn’t seen before.
“It’s okay,” Finn said. “It’s all right. They’re brothers.”
“What’s goin’ on?” an unknown biker asked.
My throat felt as if it was closing up. My chest and lungs ached like I wasn’t drawing in enough air. Ashley, why did I think I can do this? I can’t.
“Come back,” Finn demanded. His rough tone had me turning to him. A deep breath finally filled my lungs, causing me to become dizzy. However, Finn was there, taking the few steps needed to be in front of me and wrapped me in his arms. I sensed people leave the room, then silence while he gazed down at me. Once he knew I was steady on my feet, he cupped my face. “Baby, you took the chance, just this afternoon, to trust us. Trust me and my family, the Hawks. You’re not alone in this. Whatever has you worried we can deal with it, together.”
“I can’t stop thinking I’m not going to be enough for the baby.”
His eyes flared. His thumb swiped the tear away I let fall. “Don’t even question that, Del. Never. You’ll be an amazing mum, and our kid will love you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do because through it all, I love you.”
Another sob tore through me. I buried my head into his chest and gripped his tee tightly at this sides. “Why would you do that?” I whispered.
“You’re beautiful, strong, sweet, fierce, and just goddamn amazing. What’s not to love?”
“You know,” I mumbled against his chest.
“Know what?”
“You have to know.”
“What, darlin’?”
Raising my watery gaze, I told him, “I love you, too.”
He sucked in a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. His jaw clenched and then his eyes heated. “Didn’t, but I do now. I’ll take your love and fuckin’ cherish it each and every bloody day. And then the love between us will grow so there’ll be a lot for our kid when it’s born.”
“How do you know the right things to say?”
His smile was smug. “’Cause I’m sayin’ it to the right woman.”
“And again.” Even though I probably looked like a maniac with my mascara everywhere, my heart and mind settled. Finn did that.
“Now, gonna feed my woman, then get to a meeting. You okay?”
“Yes,” I muttered.
“Good. Kiss your man?”
My man.
Those two words swirled around in my mind, bouncing about to see if they fit. They did. My heart filled with a warmth that I didn’t think I could process, but staring into Finn’s gaze, a hope that I dared not wish for flowed through me. It was in his eyes, his words, his determination to make me see he was true and what we had was real. The possibility of love one day was scary, because I still felt the loss of Ashley, but I knew chances were meant to be taken in life. I had to break out of my way of thinking and having Finn with me made so many things attainable.
My shoulders sagged as I released the tension sitting there. I could do this: smile, live, love. For Ashley, for me, for Finn and our baby, and I would do so today. Teasing, I muttered, “And there’s the bossy side coming in.”
He laughed. “Get used to it, darlin’. It’s who I am.”
“I know.” Luck. It was coming into my life in the form of Finn, a big, possessive, annoying but loving biker man. God, I wish you could have met him, Ash, you would have loved him.
“Just throw me some of that sass I know you’ve got back at me, and then we’ll work through it. We’ll both like the end result.”
Giggling, I shook my head at him, amazed how my emotions could go from one extreme to another. As long as I had Finn to ground me, I guessed anything was possible. “This will work.”
“Hell yes, it will.” He kissed my forehead. “But you still haven’t kissed me.”
With an eye-roll and a smile, I straightened and touched my mouth to his. Of course, Finn took over, slanting his mouth over mine and with a tease of his tongue, my mouth opened, deepening the kiss, turning a sweet one into a hot, needy kiss.
When my stomach growled again, Finn pulled away. “Seriously gotta feed my woman and kid. What you feel like, darlin’?”
“You?” was the first thing that came out of my mouth.
Shock flashed over his face before he burst out laughing, pulling me in for a hug. “Damn, baby, you’ll get that later, after I give you some of the fuel you’ll need.”
I’d never seen this side of Finn. Smiling, so carefree and happy. I was over the moon happy it was with me and because of us.
Stepping back, he swatted my butt and ordered, “Go sit down, woman. I’ll find some grub. Gonna text Dallas to bring Melissa back in first.”
“God, everyone must think I’m a nut case.”
He shook his head, smiling softly. “It’s a lot to take in in such a short amount of time. Your mind’s still running through things. Just let it happen. But believe things will be better from now on. You with me?”
“I’m with you, Finn.”
Chapter Ten
Handle
Fuck me. I understood how a person could change once they had a good woman at their side. I felt full. Full of love, and that shit was a wicked way to be. Christ, blessed would be the best way to describe how I felt when I’d admitted my feelings to the woman I loved, and for her to return them. The way she trusted me, and that we were having a baby gripped my heart. Wasn’t that long ago I thought I’d never get over the pain of losing someone, but grasping something new in life, learning and loving with another person had me thinking it was possible.
I knew it was going to be a rocky road ahead. There’d be times, like before, doubt would swarm Del’s mind, but at least she’d let me beat it back for her.
“You happy, brother?” Dallas asked as we made our way into church. We left our women in the kitchen eating toasted sandwiches.
“Jesus, yes.”
“A kid.”
No reply was necessary when he saw my huge-arse grin. The thought of being a dad had crossed my mind back in the past. I had good parents. They’d died when I was in my early twenties, near crushed my world until I’d met Jenny. But they’d been the best parents anyone could ask for.
I planned to be a fuckin’ amazing father, and I knew with the Hawks family at my back, Del and I would have all the support we’d need.
“You know if everythin’ is all right with the baby?” Dallas asked.
I didn’t want to think about that. “I’ll make sure of it. Move mountains to make sure everything is sweet for the rest of our lives.”
“Her ’rents?”
My upper lips raised. “Her adoptive parents aren’t in her life now.”
“Tiny told me there could have been hope for the mum. Just the dad was running the show.”
Grunting, I shook my head. “Been fuckin’ months and she ain’t reached out to Del. Don’t see it happening with the cunt of a father around.”
“Think for a minute, brother. How would your woman react if she had her mum, adoptive or not, back in her life right now?”
Christ. She’d shine from it if her mum gave her support.
“Yeah, I see you’re thinkin’ it,” Dallas commented. “Think some more. Sure you could come up with somethin’.” We stopped just out front of the room. “Glad you found your light, brother. Fuckin’ glad.”
Clenching my jaw, I gave him a chin lift. He grinned and then opened the door. We both walked in to find it full. All seats were taken, so we stood up the back with other brothers around us. As I looked around, I noticed some brothers were missing. They’d be either at the strip clubs, with Elvis, patrolling, or out front guarding. My eyes landed on the new guys. Didn’t know much about Killer or Griz, only that they were respected brothers, but I knew Stoke since he was Nary’s father and had been stayin’ in Melbourne for a while, hunting for his girl when her shit had happened.
“Right,” Dodge started. “Let’s get this meeting done.” His gavel hit down on the long wooden table. “As you all know, the drive-by shooter disappeared. At the time we suspected Python, a member of Venom MC. I’ve just got back from having a meet with their prez, Blackie. The car we saw in the drive-by Blackie confirmed as Python’s.” Brothers started cursing and saying shit, until Dodge held up his hand. “Course he wasn’t around at their compound for us to seek our vengeance, so we’re back on the hunt, brothers.”
“Is Blackie gonna be a problem?” Killer asked.
“No. He’s wiped his hands of Python, kicked him out, so we’re free to hunt the motherfucker down and make him bleed like he did to Elvis and Lan.”
“Why’s Blackie so quick to get rid of him?” Muff asked.