‘Yes. Oh, yes.’
Amanda stood under the shower for far too long—her body warm and eager and unfulfilled. How could that be? For the first time in her life she could understand addiction. It hadn’t even been a week and yet she wanted more, more, more. It was a horrible, desperate hunger. A sanity—and pride-destroying need that would have her accepting anything so long as he’d keep sleeping with her.
Not good. This was why she dragged herself from his warm bed every night, returning home to slide alone between her own freezing sheets. Because he wanted a quick fling and she was falling in love.
But she couldn’t stop returning to him in the evening. Taking what he could offer. Surely it was the only way to break the attraction to him—to gorge until she could no more. Yet so far it was having the opposite effect and she was dreaming of drawing closer to him.
For once she was looking forward to flying away.
But late on Friday night she was there again, watching with her mouth watering as Jared stirred the mass of vegetables with a quick action.
He saw her attention and grinned. ‘Don’t want them to burn or, worse, go soggy?’ He lifted the pan off the flame and spooned some on the heated plates where the steaks were resting.
He looked up and caught her out staring again. He smirked. ‘Do you want to go sailing this weekend? The forecast isn’t too bad.’
Amanda swallowed. The invitation had so casually been tossed out and another weekend—next weekend—she’d have leapt at the chance to spend a day with him. But she couldn’t and in her heart she knew it was a good thing. ‘Actually I already have plans this weekend.’
‘Really?’ He paused expectantly.
‘Yes.’
‘Work?’ He can’t have heard her note of finality.
‘I’m seeing someone.’
‘Who?’
It was her turn to pause. She didn’t want to tell him about Grandfather—that would be pulling him into a part of her life that was complicated enough without his presence. ‘Um…just a friend.’ There was no polite way of not answering. ‘Shall I get the cutlery?’
Their eyes met for a moment.
‘Sure.’
Dinner was quiet—Jared attacked his steak with vicious slashes of his knife as if he hadn’t eaten in a year but Amanda pushed hers around her plate, her mind on the coming weekend. She needed to check in with Grandfather.
She took their plates to the bench and then went to find her phone. Looking at its black screen, she frowned. Stupid. She’d forgotten to charge it.
‘Do you mind if I borrow your phone?’
She tried to phone Grandfather every day—so he had some contact with family, but also because his condition bothered her. But she hadn’t had the chance earlier and she wanted to remind him she was coming. Something was not right but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. She was bound to be imagining it. Feeling guilty for being away so long and not knowing how quickly he’d deteriorated. Being overly cautious now as a result and probably seeing problems when there weren’t any. It was probably just part of his illness.
‘Go right ahead.’ Jared was cool. ‘Use the one in the lounge.’
It was only a brief conversation but at least she got to talk to him. Grandfather sounded confused, as he increasingly did. He still knew her but there was so much else he didn’t know. Like the day of the week, his address, his phone number, what it was he’d just been saying. The nurse was keen to take the phone away again. Amanda stalled, wanting some sign that things were OK.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, darling.’
She hung up and tapped her fingers on the table, hating that she couldn’t go check on him right this instant. Not for the first time she thought maybe she’d have to move. She couldn’t be this far away from him. Yet there was the dilemma. Here she could earn the money for his medication—she couldn’t get the same kind of salary down there. But she needed to be able to pop in at any time of the day, just to make sure everything was OK—because right now she wasn’t sure that it was.
She turned, restless, and was surprised to see Jared leaning in the doorway, grasping a cup of something hot and steaming. ‘Coffee?’
She shook her head. ‘Actually I’d better get going.’
She couldn’t stay here. She’d tell Jared if he asked. And the last thing she wanted to do really was burden him with her family dramas. She could work this out on her own. He was her bedmate, not her best friend. He didn’t like women who wanted things from him—not material things, not emotional things. While Amanda wanted physical things from him, that was all she was admitting to. And if she was secretly craving more, that was her problem to solve.
Jared worked to keep his voice even as anger rotted his stomach. ‘Sure.’
‘I’ll get my things and call a cab.’
‘I’ll give you a ride.’
‘Thanks.’
He watched her grab her bag and stand fiddling with the strap of it. She didn’t seem to mind that he hadn’t even tried to make her change her mind about staying. They hadn’t actually had sex yet tonight but there wasn’t even a token comment about it.
Who was the darling?
He thought about his fine plans for the weekend. He loved getting outdoors and escaping the city. For a second he’d considered taking her to Queenstown except he wasn’t sure about letting her invade his retreat. Still, the idea of taking a boat out for the weekend had been very appealing. But she didn’t want to spend that kind of time with him—she wanted no more than the few hours in the evening where they pushed each other physically and ate if they were lucky. Tonight she didn’t even want that.
She was so preoccupied that she didn’t even try to make conversation on the ride to her place. Didn’t notice that he didn’t either.
Jared fumed. Who was the spider again? ‘Cos he was starting to feel like a fly—sucked dry and stuck in her web. He pulled up outside her hideous boarding house.
She’d nearly got out without saying anything but he grabbed her shoulder.
‘Look at me.’ He wanted all her attention on him.
She did as he asked and as he watched she seemed to come back to the present, her eyes widening as she stared at him.
He kissed her then, a hard, brief kiss that did nothing to soothe the prickles digging under his skin.
‘Have a good time.’ He pulled the car from the kerb as soon as she got out.
Damn. She was getting to him.
He got back to his apartment and told himself he was glad to have his space back. But where was she going? He prowled through his cavernous-feeling lounge. Glanced at the phone.
Darling. Who was the bastard, then?
He went closer and stared at the machine. Picked up the receiver. Hit redial. Bitterly laughed inside at the simplicity of evil genius.
A woman answered and he listened to her greeting.
‘Sorry. Wrong number.’
He put the handset down and groaned aloud at his own stupidity. How could he have thought, even for one second, that she was off to be with another man? This was the woman who’d given her virginity to him only four days ago at the frankly ancient age of twenty-five. He laughed then. God, he was a fool.
He sobered. It was scary that jealousy could turn him into such an idiot. It was terrifying that he’d felt that degree of jealousy.
White Oak Retirement Centre. It had to be Colin Winchester, her grandfather. Why hadn’t she just said? Why keep it a secret? The bitter anger bubbled again. Because she didn’t want him involved in her life other than as her sex partner. She didn’t even want to spend the whole night with him.
Well, that was fine, wasn’t it? He didn’t want anything more than that either, did he? They were just expunging ghosts and fulfilling teen fantasies. Then they’d move on. Sooner rather than later.
Jared had never had a long-term relationship. Never would. The whole family thing wasn’t for him. Security, yes—as in financial—and he’d worked hard to get it
.
He stomped into the kitchen. He was glad she was gone for the night. It was good to have his space back as his. He wasn’t missing her. Wasn’t smelling her scent in every room.
He was a liar.
He saw her in his mind again, couldn’t shake her from his head. She’d been so distracted, not even noticing his less than subtle frosty reaction.
Maybe something was wrong? He stopped stomping and replayed those last few words he’d heard her utter on the phone. Listened to the tension that had been so obvious in her tone. It wasn’t that she’d been concerned about him overhearing—it wasn’t about him at all. All her focus had been on something miles away and she’d been anxious.
His blood chilled. Something really was wrong.
He reached for his phone again. ‘Auckland airport, please.’
Chapter Ten
AMANDA was on the first flight of the day. Couldn’t afford a hire car this weekend so was anxiously hoping the plane would land on time for her to make the bus. She couldn’t afford the airfares either but had stuck them on her credit card. Some things were more important than money.
The bus that she’d dashed to catch was slow. Ordinarily the journey was only a little over an hour but it took almost two. She’d booked into the usual motel—not having any old friends in the town to stay with. She’d left Ashburton and not looked back, visited Grandfather only on brief occasions in those university years. Jared was right; she’d been spoilt and selfish.
She walked to the motel and dropped her bag. She’d put the night’s bill on the credit card as well—crossing fingers it wouldn’t be rejected. Then she walked round to the nursing home. It was early—not yet visiting hours, but tough.
He was sleeping. She crept into the room, frightened at how frail he looked—even more than he had two weeks before. Carefully, so she wouldn’t wake him, she sat on the edge of the bed and looked into his sleeping features.
He’d been such a strong man—capable. And she hadn’t been easy for him.
She put her hand on his and then caught a glimpse of something dark under the short sleeve of his nightshirt. She lifted the hem a little. There was a big bruise on his upper arm, a few smaller ones above, one old and yellowish but most of them looked fresh.
‘We had to hold him down. He got a bit cross,’ the nurse said briskly as she walked in and saw Amanda’s frown. ‘You know how he gets. He bruises very easily.’
He got agitated sometimes. Could get a bit stroppy. But to be held down? Hard enough to get bruises like that? She looked closer, could see individual finger marks. OK, so older people did bruise easily, but still…She stroked her grandfather’s hand.
‘He’ll sleep for a while yet.’ There was definitely a defensive note in the woman’s voice. ‘You might as well go and come back later.’
‘I’m happy to sit for a while.’ Refusing to add the ‘Is that OK?’ the over-polite bug in her normally would insist upon.
The nurse paused on her way out. ‘He’s been more confused recently.’
Amanda nodded. She’d noticed it on the phone.
‘Thinks the world’s a conspiracy against him.’ The nurse smiled the smallest of smiles, but her eyes were keen, as if waiting for Amanda’s reaction.
She managed the smallest of smiles back but said nothing.
Towns changed. As the greats grew old they were so easily forgotten. Did that nurse know that it was Grandfather who’d raised the money to rebuild the library? That he’d been a councillor and on the local health board—a small-town dignitary, no less.
At seventy he’d been fearsome. Now at eighty he was fearful. She’d seen him go tense and quiet as the staff went past, seen how thin he was, how he fretted. And Amanda’s heart was breaking.
She spent the morning with him, smiling as he woke up. He was pleased to see her. She talked about the rugby with him. Glad it was his team that had won the night before. But then, as he pointed out, they always won—he’d never forget that.
Her tummy was rumbling by the time she left. He’d had lunch and would snooze for the afternoon. She’d go back at dinner time to keep him company and watch the next game of rugby tonight.
She strode through the chemically-smelling corridors and blinked back the tears. She needed to meet with his doctor. But she’d have to be here for a weekday to do that—a five-minute chat over the phone wasn’t going to cut it. Things needed to settle down at work before she could ask for time off. But if things were as bad as she feared she knew she was going to have to come back here and look after him.
There weren’t any ad agencies in this town. Maybe she could look for a job as a copywriter for the local paper? Or she could work at the supermarket or gas station or anything. Whatever she had to do she’d do. As Jared had said the other night, Grandfather would have done anything for her. Now it was her turn.
The thought of Jared made her heart contract. She’d pushed him from her mind. This weekend wasn’t about her or him. She sighed; moving might be good. She’d need a complete change to help expunge him from her soul when their affair was over.
She flicked open her mobile. Searched out the number for Grandfather’s old GP. She’d leave a message asking him to call. That would be the start. She could work out more from there.
She stopped just outside the doors. At the bottom of the steps, leaning against the railing, was Jared. The Jared of old in jeans and jersey with unsmiling, penetrating eyes. Despite her distress her heart did a back flip and emotion rushed to the surface. She very nearly cried. She very nearly crumpled, longing for his arms to enfold her.
Instead she repeated her phone number to the answer machine and closed up her phone, not taking her eyes off him the entire time.
She walked down the steps but stopped on the last one. She didn’t know what to say.
‘You should have told me,’ he said, expression unfathomable.
She jerked her head to the side.
His face went even more masklike. ‘I know we’re just sleeping together, Amanda. But I am interested in what else goes on in your life.’
Was he actually hurt? ‘You know what Grandfather’s like. Very proud.’
He looked down and pulled away from the railing. ‘You had lunch?’
‘No.’
‘Let’s find somewhere and grab a coffee and a sandwich.’
Cafés had changed in the time they’d been away. Gone upmarket with fifty fancy coffee varieties and freshly made gourmet snacks. He chose a little one on the edge of town that had a gallery and sculpture garden to add to the atmosphere as well. Shame it was drizzling or they could have sat outside. As it was he pushed her into a seat at a small table overlooking the garden.
The gas flames of the feature fire warmed her back but still she shivered.
‘How is he?’
‘Not so good.’ She picked up the sachets of assorted sugars from the bowl on the table between them.
‘What’s happened?’
She sorted the sugars by the colour of their wrapping, unable to look at him as she spoke. ‘After school I stayed away. Didn’t want to come back here and I was still angry with him for sending me to that school. I went to university in Wellington. Did an arts degree. I didn’t want to go out to work so went on and did honours, then a masters. It was a cushy life—Grandfather paid the fees. I figured he owed me some fun. I came back briefly in the holidays. But not nearly as often as I should have.’
She rearranged the sugars into rows according to type. ‘I didn’t really notice at first. Sometimes when I phoned he seemed confused, but I figured he’d probably just had one too many gins or something.’
‘Where was Polly?’
‘She died about six years ago. Had a stroke.’ And yes, since his housekeeper had died the decline had been even more rapid. Amanda’s heart ached. Polly had almost been a mother to her.
‘Too young,’ Jared murmured.
She’d only been in her mid-sixties. Amanda nodded. ‘I didn’t realise how vu
lnerable Grandfather was. He’d always been so much the boss. So strong, the authority figure.’ She sighed and swept her hand through the sugars, scattering them wide. ‘I came back a couple of Christmases ago and he was stressed. He’d lost a lot of money when all those finance companies went under.’ There’d been an economic crunch and many investors had lost out. Her grandfather had lost heavily. At the time Amanda hadn’t realised just how heavily. ‘But he’d said not to worry. He had fingers in another pie and it would all work out. I thought he was capable. He’d been the big businessman in town. People came to him for advice, you know?’
She looked up and saw Jared nod.
‘It was a property development scheme. He’d met the developer. Said he was a gun with fantastic ideas. He bought it all—hook, line and sinker.’
‘It fell through?’
She nodded. ‘Grandfather pretty much lost everything.’
‘The guy was a con?’
‘I think so. He got away without paying off his creditors. Last I heard he was involved in a new development on the Gold Coast of Australia.’ She rubbed her fingers over her temples. ‘Grandfather was agitated. At first I put it down to the stress of the finances. But then it was more. I talked to his GP. Grandfather had never told me but he was already on medication to slow it.’
‘Dementia?’
‘Something like that.’
‘Do you think his ability to make the decision on the property scheme was impaired? Do you think the guy took advantage of that?’
She dropped her hands and looked at Jared hopelessly. ‘I could never try to prove it. I’d have to have Grandfather declared unfit or something, wouldn’t I? He’d hate that. You know what he’s like, Jared.’ Proud, independent and so sure of what was best for him—Amanda had inherited some of the same failings. She could see that now. ‘We sold the big house and managed to get a little unit for him. I came down to see him more.’
‘Wasn’t there someone else who could help?’
‘There’s no one around any more. All his old mates have either passed on or gone the same way. Bill’s gone to live near his grandchildren in Tauranga. The town has changed. I don’t know most of them any more.’
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