He paused, looking out of the window and admiring the shining lights from the boats dotted around the bay, twinkling like little candles in the darkness.
"You have to let go of the guilt, Jonathan. Let it go."
"The guilt?"
"Yes. You see, I know what you did for Sally at the end. I know you helped her to die."
"What do you mean?"
"Jonathan. It's okay. I know you gave her the overdose. I know you killed her...sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that... I meant, I know that when the time came, you loved her so much that you couldn't let her suffer any more and that you did what you truly knew to be the right thing for her. You helped her to die, because you loved her, and I know she will have loved you even more in return."
Jonathan stared at the doctor, his face almost blank. Only the expression in his eyes gave away the thoughts rushing through his mind.
The doctor made no further attempt to speak. He knew the next words had to come from Jonathan.
Eventually they did.
"How long have you known?"
"Since I signed the death certificate."
"But how do you know? What makes you think that I did 'kill her?'"
"Because I'm a doctor. But that's not what's important here. I signed the death certificate, and we buried Sally. She found peace. And now it's time for you to find some peace too. You're a brave man Jonathan. I know why you did what you did, and most people would never have been able to do it, no matter how much they loved their partners. But you did. You were courageous. And no one is blaming you for what you did. So, why should you?"
Jonathan stood up and walked to the window, looking away from the doctor.
For a long while there was silence in the room, apart from the sound of the clock ticking loudly and steadily in the hallway at the top of the staircase.
"Did you know I fought in Northern Ireland? That a long time ago I was a soldier?"
"A soldier? I thought you were a computer expert or something before you retired?"
"I was. But before that, a lifetime ago, I was a soldier. One of many who fought in the Troubles in Northern Ireland, or at least that's what it's become popular to call it now."
More silence.
"I lost friends over there. Brothers. People I loved. But not all were killed by the enemy. Sometimes..." Jonathan swallowed hard. "... Sally wasn't the first person I helped to die. I've done it before..."
Jonathan turned to Dr Mitchell to see his reaction.
"Go on, Jonathan, I'm listening," the doctor said, his face not really giving away any emotions.
"I only did what I knew he would do for me, had the situation been reversed. It was in a field just south of the border in Eire. A group of us had crossed over one night on a mission. There were four of us, under the command of our sergeant. Somehow we were spotted. There was a fight, we had to leave in a hurry, but on the way back towards the border, the sergeant was badly wounded. He was a mess. We couldn't carry him, and we couldn't leave him. We hesitated, not knowing what to do, all the time drawing more fire. And then while we stood there, they killed my friend Bradley Gotting. The sergeant ordered us to leave, but begged me to give him a hand-grenade before we left. I pulled the pin, put it in his hands and looked him straight in the eyes. He smiled at me. He just smiled. We'd only run fifty yards before he released his grip on the grenade. There was a bang, and his suffering was over. We made it home, to freedom, but I think about that day ever since."
Jonathan paused.
"When Sally started to suffer, we talked about what would happen one day. At first I didn't want to. Then, when things got bad, she begged me to help her. I loved her. A lot more than I had the sergeant, and if I was prepared to do that for him, why wouldn't I help her too? Even though I argued with myself that I shouldn't, I knew it was only because I was being selfish. I didn't want to lose her. And then one day she screamed in pain, so loudly, that memories of the sergeant lying in pieces in the field in Eire came flashing back, and I knew then what I had to do. That I had to do it. So I helped Sally to die and to find peace."
There were tears rolling down his face as he spoke.
Staring at the doctor he finished by saying, "She found peace that day. I never have. And I know I never shall until the day we are reunited again, somewhere, someplace, when God decides to call me too."
The doctor stood up and walked across to the window, placing a hand on Jonathan's shoulder.
He didn't say anything.
Then for a while, they simply stood there together, watching the ships in the bay and their lights dancing on the calm sea.
Before the doctor finally left that evening, he made Jonathan promise once more that he would not miss the next appointment up at the hospital.
-------------------------
Portobello,
Edinburgh
Friday 8.05 a.m.
After the Doctor had left the evening before, Jonathan had felt strangely relaxed. Almost as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. For the first time in months, maybe a year, he had left his home and gone for a slow walk along the promenade to take in the cool, evening air.
For a while he had sat on the sand, staring out across the sea and thinking about Sally.
About the sergeant. About what he had done.
When he returned to his house and his bed, he had quickly fallen asleep, and for a while he had slept like a log.
Upon waking, however, he couldn't get back to sleep, and his thoughts returned to the accident and the loss of his car.
He had work to do.
In the morning, Jonathan always found a cup of tea to be very reviving. Two were even better.
Sitting now looking out over the bay, the sun was shining and life was beginning to emerge on the beach: cyclists and joggers were passing by along the promenade, either on their way to work or en route to better figures. When Jonathan was younger he had loved to run. He had run everywhere. In Edinburgh you didn't really need a car, only a pair of good, working, young, powerful legs.
Now he had neither.
He thought of his car and worried about it again. Hopefully, it would not cost too much to repair.
Looking at his watch, he remembered that the insurance company opened its doors for business at 8 a.m., so he ambled across the room and found the notepad on which he had scribbled his notes and the telephone numbers for the insurance company.
Making another fresh cup of tea, he moved his chair over to where the phone sat on the sideboard and called Swiss Insurance. He dialled the number and waited for David to pick it up.
"Hi, Swiss Insurance. This is David. How can I help you?"
"David? Hello! This is Jonathan Stuart here...I spoke with you yesterday and you told me that you'd be my personal claim handler? We also talked about Hibernian Football Club?"
"The Hibs? Mr Stuart? Yes, yes, I remember! How are you today?"
"Fine. Thank you..." Jonathan hesitated. "Well, actually, I'm not really completely fine. I'm pretty stressed about all this business..."
"Oh dear. Try not to be. I'm sorry this is happening. But unfortunately, these things do. I'll try to help you all I can. Can I ask, do you have your Policy Number available?"
"Oh...sorry, I don't have it just now. I wrote it down on the paper, but it's in my bedroom downstairs. I'm upstairs, you see..."
"Can you give me your name, address, postcode, date of birth and the make and model of our car?"
Jonathan slowly went through the list, making sure that David had all the details he needed.
"Okay, Mr Stuart, I have all your details here. It's on the system now. I can see that you were involved in the car accident on Willowbrae Road as we discussed two days ago."
"Yes. But it wasn't my fault. Anyway, I just wanted to check a few things. Firstly," Jonathan said, ticking the first item on the list that he had written down to discuss. "I got up early this morning, actually I couldn't really sleep... and I filled in the form that y
ou sent me by email, and I returned it to you. I just wanted to check you'd received it."
"Thank you for doing that Mr Stuart. If you just give me a few moments, I'll check that we got it okay."
There was a few moment's silence at the other end of the phone.
"Yes, I can see that we've received it. And, good news, I can see that the other party has also filled in their form and it has been put on the system. Coincidently, they're also with our insurance company. I'll just take a quick look at the information I'm allowed to see. Please bear with me."
Jonathan took a sip of his tea. Then another one. And another.
"Hello?" Jonathan enquired."Are you still there?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. I was just reading the report. Mr Stuart, can you tell me how the accident happened again, from your perspective?"
"I explained it all yesterday at length. I was hoping that you took notes when I was talking to you, and also, if you read the form I sent you, it has all the details in there!"
"I did, Mr Stuart, but I just wanted to hear from you again, in your own words. I'll tell you why in a moment."
"It's quite simple, really, I was stationary at a set of traffic lights and the car behind drove into me at quite some speed. The driver obviously wasn't paying attention to the road. He probably didn't notice that the lights were red, or that I had stopped. The other driver was entirely at fault."
"Aha. Thank you for explaining that. Unfortunately, the description of the accident as provided by the other party is quite different. He states that you were at fault, that for some reason you slammed your brakes on as you approached the lights, but still crossed the line at the lights. You then revved your engine and reversed quickly back across the line, smashing into the other driver's front bumper. Then the light turned red. He couldn't understand why you slammed your brakes on whilst it was still green and suggests that you were driving without due care and attention and hadn't been paying attention to the lights. He swears that you are entirely at fault."
Jonathan choked on his tea.
"What? What did you just say?"
David - Anand - repeated it all.
"No! NO! That's not at all true. It's all lies! That's not what happened at all!"
"I'm sorry. From what you say, unless you can provide witnesses, it's your word against his."
"But that's rubbish! None of that is true!" Jonathan stood up from his chair and started to wave his free hand in the air as he spoke, almost shouting, and breaking into a fit of coughing.
"I'm sorry. At this stage, however, it's just his word against yours. Did you get any witnesses that could maybe back you up?"
"Yes," Jonathan replied, struggling to stop coughing and speak clearly. "I asked a police officer who was in the queue of traffic behind to come and see what had happened. I got a reference number, which I included in the report I filled out for you."
"I saw that. But were there any others? To be honest, I'm afraid police officers tend to avoid getting involved unless there's a serious injury. And if they were sitting several cars back in the queue, it's unlikely they'll have seen what happened, exactly."
Jonathan's heart had started to beat very fast. He was feeling a mixture of emotions: confusion, anger, desperation - to name but a few.
He thought of the two women and their children and wished he'd been more together and got out of the car and got their details. Which he hadn't.
"I'm sorry. I didn't get any witness details. I know I should have, but everything happened so fast, and I was in a state of shock. I've never had an accident before."
"Unfortunately, I can see that you no longer have Legal Assistance with us, otherwise we would have been able to assist you in asserting your side in court, if need be."
"Are you sure? I was certain I had that."
"I'm sorry. You declined that option several years ago and never took it out again."
Jonathan swore under his breath. He suddenly remembered. It was just after Sally died. Until then she had arranged everything like the car insurance. When it came to the renewal, money was getting tight and being such a good driver, Jonathan had just thought it was an unnecessary expense which he didn't need. He was also not thinking clearly and very depressed. He realised now the decision was a big mistake.
"Mr Stuart. It is the same as your no claims protection. You stopped taking out that option too. Which means that you are now no longer protected, and now you've had an accident, you will also have lost your nine years' discount."
"But why? It wasn't my fault. The other driver smashed into the back of me!"
"As I mentioned, that's not what the other driver is saying. He claims you reversed into him after stopping dangerously and without warning. Which means that on your policy it will now show that you were at fault."
"What do you mean? I'm not at fault. The other driver was!"
"Don't worry. It will only show 'at fault' until the case is resolved, and both parties agree and costs are recovered. Or until we go to court and it's decided there. Until then, the system automatically assumes that both parties may be to blame, and puts that against both names."
"But that's not fair! That's not at all fair! I'm telling you, I've never ever caused an accident in my life. How can it be fair that I'm suddenly being held to blame?"
"Mr Stuart. I'm only following procedures and telling you what is happening. Although the other party is saying that you are to blame, you can fight it."
"How?"
"If you insist that you're not to blame, you can go to court."
"I DO insist."
"You will probably have to pay for that yourself. Unfortunately, in the small print of your contract it states that if we don't believe that we have over a fifty-per-cent chance of winning, then we won't be able to represent you. You would have to pay for any court expenses yourself since you no longer have the legal services protection."
"What? But I can't afford that!"
"I'm sorry. We always do advise customers to take out the legal services option, but we can't force people to do so."
"Oh dear... I'm sorry, but this is all too much for me to handle just now. It's all come as a bit of a shock." Jonathan declared, starting to cough uncontrollably again.
"Why don't you go and take some time to calm down and have a cup of tea, Mr Stuart? When you're feeling better, perhaps you can call us back later?" Anand advised, in a very friendly voice. This time not faking it or following the company line. He felt sorry for the old man.
"Yes, yes, I think that is probably the best policy." Jonathan agreed. He was sitting down now, and mopping his brow with his handkerchief, suddenly feeling very hot and quite dizzy.
After hanging up, Jonathan went through to his bedroom and lay down. He was confused and shaking with both anger and shock. He suddenly felt very, very tired.
Closing his eyes, he listened to the sound of the clock ticking on the mantelpiece and soon he was fast asleep.
Chapter 12
Andheri
Near Mumbai, Maharashtra
India
Friday
00.30 a.m. IST
Anand lay underneath the mosquito net on his mat on the floor of the bedroom he shared with the rest of his family. Their apartment only had a few rooms: somewhere to exist during the day, somewhere else to sleep at night, a small room that acted as a kitchen, and a shed outside where the toilet was. A real, working, water closet.
He couldn't sleep.
He was finding it harder and harder to leave his work in the office, to shake off the depression that was beginning to afflict him every time he stepped through the door, sat in front of his workstation, and began to lie and be 'un-helpful' to people.
Having spent time in England, and being able to speak with the English accent had been an advantage and got him the job, but at the same time, it was a big disadvantage: he knew the people he was lying to, had lived amongst them, may even have passed them on the streets at some point.
He kept think
ing of the man with the cough. The kind man who had invited him to see 'the Hibs'. The man he knew he was going to screw over big-time in the next few days.
He hadn't called back anytime today. Anand hoped he was okay.
Maybe it wasn't the man himself, just rather that he was symbolic of the whole system, a system that screwed those who needed their help when they most needed it, and did it with a professional smile on their faces.
Yes, Anand was finding it harder to go into work each day, and if it wasn't for his family, who depended upon him, he would never ever set foot in the insurance building again.
When he eventually did finally manage to fall asleep, he dreamed he was back in England.
He had been happy there.
-------------------------
Portobello,
Edinburgh
Saturday 8.05 a.m.
After speaking to the insurance company, Jonathan had suddenly felt very weak and quite ill, and had taken himself back to his bed.
He had quickly fallen asleep, and stayed asleep for most of the afternoon.
He had woken just before seven o'clock in the evening, coughing.
Quite worryingly there was a quite a large patch of dried blood on the pillow where he had been lying.
Rising from the bed, he continued to feel weak, dizzy, and his chest hurt. For some reason, he was finding it a little difficult to breathe.
Although he had missed lunch - he'd slept right through it - he wasn't hungry, and couldn't face any food that evening.
So he'd taken himself back to his bedroom and lain down on the bed.
He woke with the early morning sunlight streaming through the window and dancing on his eyes.
Sitting up, then taking a few steps, he immediately felt a bit stronger. There was more blood on the pillow, but apart from that, he felt much better.
Say You're Sorry: A Gripping Crime Thriller (A DCI Campbell McKenzie Detective Conspiracy Thriller No 1) Page 7