Santiago wondered about his father’s intentions. He remembered the promise made that nothing would be done without his consent. He continued to read throughout the night, and the excitement in him mounted and made his heart beat fast. The newspapermen had spoken of those who told of their adventures and of the relative ease with which the fortunes could be had. One merely had to bend and scoop the sand of a river bank and walk away with nuggets worth more than a man might earn in a lifetime. They spoke of the things that could be purchased with this wealth. He read of hundreds of men who were becoming as rich as kings.
The following day Don Emilio informed Santiago that Padre Lipolito had invited them to share Christmas dinner with a few selected parishioners after mass.
“You must look your best, Santiago. Put on the new shirt that your mother made for you. You have outgrown much and are growing quickly, my son.”
Don Emilio had noticed how tight the boy’s clothing had become and wondered if his son was not embarrassed to have so much of himself revealed.
“Why are we going to the priest’s for dinner, father?”
“Because we have been invited. It is not proper to decline.”
“Does it have anything to do with what you have been talking to him about? I know he has been giving you many newspapers. I have looked at them. Are you thinking of leaving here to go off to this place called California? Why do we need to go to the priest, and why must we change everything so suddenly?”
“Santiago, we have not been in circumstances like this before. They require new thinking. There are things that I want you to hear from the priest, so please be patient. Remember that offers have been made on this land, and it is something I can not ignore. This may turn out to be a memorable Christmas. We must be willing to keep open minds and listen to all possibilities.
“What possibilities?” Santiago was both excited and worried by his father’s implications.
“You will have to wait and find out at the dinner. It is my present to you. I hope you will like it.”
The boy said no more, but spent the next few hours thinking about the things he had read. He thought of being somewhere without Fidel and of not knowing how he would live with the pain of that absence. He thought of not being able to touch and feel the boy who had become so much a part of his inner life and thoughts. Santiago’s breath was taken by the thought of being away from Fidel. Yet he also felt a great excitement as he recalled the tales told in the newspapers and he found himself continuously returning to the wonder of them. His imagination placed him in adventures so captivating that he forgot no plans had yet been made. He felt unfaithful to Fidel and with this a sorrow filled him so that he felt a need to be with his lover more than anything. Santiago bolted through the door before Don Emilio could stop him.
It had not occurred to Santiago that Fidel would not be at home, but visiting relatives in the nearby town of Vitarte. Not until he was almost there did he remember Fidel having spoken of going on the visit with his mother. Santiago continued in hopes that he would find Fidel not yet gone but before he arrived at the house he could see from afar that it was darkened. He sat on the step by the door, trying to hold down the terrible feeling of doom that was beginning to fill him. The sky was gray with heavy clouds that threatened rain and the air was cold and whipped through his finely woven blouse and he shook as he cried.
It was mid-afternoon before he reached the rectory in Santa Cecelia. Santiago expected his father to be angry. He was sure all the guests had arrived and had already been served. He had missed the mass and he did not know what excuse he would make for his behavior, for he could not state the real reason for his flight.
Santiago was met at the door by the housekeeper and was told they had finished dinner and that all the guests were in the library. Don Emilio came out to speak to him.
“Where have you been? What possessed you to go running off when you knew we were expected here? My God, Santiago, I became worried when you did not return and had difficulty explaining your behavior to the priest and the others. Tell me..., where were you?”
“Father, excuse me. I do not know why I did this thing. I suddenly had the feeling that I had to run..., to get away somewhere. I..., I felt as though I were being suffocated and needed to walk!”
“You must have walked damned near to Lima! You’ve been gone almost eight hours. I think you owe me a better explanation than this.”
More than anything, Santiago wanted to say he hated the thought of leaving if it meant having to leave Fidel. He wanted to tell his father just how much he loved the boy and that they were more than just friends, sensing that his father already suspected the nature of their relationship. But he could not be sure and was unwilling to confirm or accept it and decided not to make it an issue.
“Father I am sorry for the embarrassment I caused you. When I thought of all the people who would be in church and that we would not be with mother and Emilio, and that we might be leaving this place it all began to make me feel like I was going to fall apart. I did not want to be with anybody and needed to get away by myself to think. I walked to Fidel’s house but they were gone. I just wanted to talk to him about all of this.”
Don Emilio heard the pain in his son’s voice and understood the trauma the boy had experienced. He also understood Santiago’s anguish of possibly losing his friend. Sometimes Don Emilio thought the relationship too close and too serious and had begun to wonder about the amount of time the two boys spent together. A shadow of suspicion crossed his mind but he had always pushed it away before it could take form.
“I know that things are difficult for you, son. I understand how much you suffer from all that had happened to us. Still you must also understand that life goes on. We have only each other now. We must each think of what is best to do. The priest has made a suggestion that I believe deserves consideration. Please be courteous and let him explain it to you. Will you do that for me?”
Santiago had always trusted Don Emilio and saw no reason not to do so now and promised that he would try to keep an open mind at what the priest had to say.
With great care the Padre explained what he had heard was happening in California. Some time ago the priest had received word of the discovery of gold from his long-time seminary friend, Padre Juan Carlos who was priest at Mission Dolores in San Francisco. When Padre Lipolito had begun receiving word of these happenings his interest was piqued by the accounts of the discovery and subsequent excitement in the newspapers sent to him by his friend.
Don Emilio had approached to ask Padre Lipolito his opinion about what he thought he should do to deal with the feelings of depression and sadness had had begun to experience after his wife’s death. Padre Lipolito suggested a change of location and moving to Lima. He also suggested another alternative and saw Don Emilio’s eyes spark when he handed him the clippings that had recently arrived. But the Padre had a more subtle reason for suggesting California. For some time he had suspected an unhealthy relationship between Santiago and the Timuco boy. There were rumors that Fidel was a maricõn, and that some of the village boys had been sexually involved with him. He had seen solid evidence that there was more than just friendship between the boys. Padre Lipolito had known Santiago since birth and knew the boy had the kind of nature that would lend itself to being easily persuaded into that kind of sinning. It would be good for the Cali boy to be separated from the source of this sinful temptation. The Padre was eager to convince Don Emilio to leave Peru. It would be a mission that he had to accomplish for the sake of Santiago’s soul. The priest often found himself confronted by disturbing thoughts when he looked at the Timuco boy, and he hated him for it. He would catch himself following Fidel from afar, riveted by the boy’s long flanks and dark eyes. The disturbance beneath his cassock resulted in self-flagellation as painful penance and punishment for the evil thoughts. To the priest, Fidel Timuco was the devil incarnate!
Once Padre Lipolito was finished his explanation of why he believed it woul
d be advantageous for Don Emilio and his son to consider his proposition, he simply suggested that they think about it. The priest offered to drive them into Lima to help find a buyer for the land.
“I have friends there who we can rely upon for good advice and honest offers. This can all be very complicated, and I would consider it an honor to be of assistance.”
The priest failed to say that he already knew of the person who was interested in acquiring the land, and that his efforts would not go unrecognized. Santiago refused to say more than he would give the prospect thought. He saw how his father was excited with the idea and had to admit that he too was titillated by the tales the priest told of adventures some men had faced in that wilderness. Sitting by the fireplace in the priest’s study, the place lent an air of mystery and remoteness as they listened. Don Emilio and Santiago were fascinated as Padre Lipolito recounted all he had read about the great bonanza in the northern hills.
As the priest had begun telling these stories during the Christmas dinner, people who had attended the Christmas dinner and were about to leave, joined them to hear more. They sat and quietly, envying Don Emilio and his son for courageously striking out for unknown lands. The priest told of what he had heard about the booming town of San Francisco with its amazing people and questionable reputation and of his friend, Padre Juan Carlos, who wrote of his concern for the madness that seemed to enter many who came to the city. He said that lawlessness prevailed and nothing short of total hysteria made his reason for being there, necessary.
It was decided that Don Emilio would go to Lima to inquire what his property would bring and to see if the money would be enough to cover the cost of passage and necessities, on the second day after Christmas.
With Don Emilio gone, Santiago spent all his time with Fidel. He helped Fidel and Carlota Timuco with the work of rebuilding the damaged parts of their cottage. Carlota had grown fond of the gentle boy and admired the love and loyalty that her son showed for Santiago and had come to look upon him as a second son.
Three days passed before Don Emilio returned. Santiago and the Timucos had just completed the evening meal when they heard the familiar sound of the Cali wagon on the road. Santiago ran out to meet his father and hugged him as he led him inside. Don Emilio bowed to Señora Timuco and took the seat she offered him. She placed a full bowl of hot soup and bread before him and pushed the bottle of wine within his reach. While his father ate, Santiago noted the seriousness in his eyes.
“Santiago,” Don Emilio said, placing his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “We will be leaving this place to find our fortune. Please say you are willing to come with me, for I have sold the land and many of the tools, and now we have the money we need to do this thing. I have made arrangements. With the help of Padre Lipolito, we will set sail in six days.”
Don Emilio watched his son’s face as he spoke. Wonder and rage interchanged.
“Santiago, why do you look so? There is nothing here to hold us but memories of pain and sorrow. There, we will have a chance to see the world and seek out adventure.”
Carlota observed how her son took the news, his fists clenched and the veins at his temples, bulged. There was a fire in his eyes as he looked at Don Emilio and then to Santiago, whose eyes were filled with tears. He had said nothing to Fidel, thinking if nothing were spoken the reality of it might not come true. Santiago looked at Señora Timuco with a pleading in his eyes that tore at her heart. But she could do nothing. It was not her business to get involved in this family affair. The boy would need to do his father’s bidding and she thought that perhaps the event had been sent by God to discourage the boys from continuing their relationship. Perhaps this was the best thing? Carlota Timuco kept her own counsel.
Santiago’s expression changed from a determined anger to one of pleading. Don Emilio took his son’s face between his hands and looked deeply into his eyes.
“Santiago you must understand. I need to do this thing. We must work together as a team. Please do not put obstacles in my path and make this difficult! It will be a wonderful opportunity for you as well, and an adventure that you will not forget.”
How little each realized the import of this prophesy!
Santiago looked to his lover and friend, who encompassed all that he had learned and experienced having to do with friendship and fidelity, of love expressed in the most wondrous ways. How could he be without Fidel? The thought of not being able to touch him and take him into himself made him weak. Santiago wanted to ask Fidel to come with him but that was out of the question for he knew Fidel would not leave his mother. And to suggest the thing would be to place his friend in the impossible position of having to choose between the two he loved with equal force. Beneath the dread of lost love he sensed a twinge of excitement for the oceans yet to sail and for the new lands and people yet to meet. He thought of the town of which Padre Lipolito had spoken, remembering the almost unbelievable stories. How could so much be found in one place? Santiago weighed these things in his mind and saw the pictures of his fantasy. He weighed in the balance the feeling of love for Fidel.
His loyalty teetered and he felt caught in a trap, stricken with the sense of treachery against Fidel and it frightened him. Could he put aside this emotional bond and commitment to pursue such an unknown quantity? To whom did he owe allegiance? If he remained would Don Emilio still go? Could he remain without his father’s consent? Should he run away and later return to his lover? Did he want to run?
Carlota understood the war waging in Santiago. Don Emilio needed his son and she could see the boy was reluctant to do his bidding. She felt a need to step in to urge the boy to support his father.
“Santiago...,” Señora Timuco’s eyes were gentle and her smile, kind. She had taken great pains to soothe him in the loss of his mother. She had given him counsel. He listened to her.
“Little One...,” Carlota used the term she had heard her son often use for him. “Friendships that have value and which are based on love are not worn away by time or distance. In an absence, the depth of a friendship may deepen more and surely it will grow in strength. It is a son’s duty to follow his father and my son will not stand in your way. You must make the correct decision. Fidel, you agree?”
Fidel was stunned and in pain. He had never refused her before. Words failed him. He could not disagree with her. He knew her reasoning was the truth. Yet he felt this agreement with her would be treachery to his love; an insult to the emotion he felt so deeply for the slight boy who sat beside him. He looked at the boy’s fingers as they twisted the straps of his sandals in frustration. He observed Santiago’s long lashes, his eyes downcast in tears. His long, curled hair glistened in the fire’s glow and he imagined not being able to hold the boy’s head in his lap as he ran his fingers through Santiago’s hair. He thought of not being able to touch those wonderful lips, pained now with anguish. How would he do without Santiago’s wonderful reactions to those times when he entered him? What could he say? To what use would his objections be if it could not prevent Santiago from leaving him? Fidel looked from Don Emilio to his mother, and then to Santiago.
“To say that I want you to go would be a lie. You know well how I feel! And you know how I will feel when we are no longer together. There is one thought that prevents me from asking you not to go – it is that I will go to you when I can, or that you will return to me. We will see each other again, I promise you! You must help you father in what he must do, but we will reunite!”
As he spoke Fidel felt the words choke in his throat and tears began to stream down his cheeks. He swallowed and the pain in his heart was sharp. As he spoke, Santiago faced him. The boys looked intensely at each other. Fidel threw caution aside and reached for Santiago’s hand and brought him out of his chair. Fidel took him in his arms and held him tightly. With his lips near Santiago’s ear, he whispered…
“I love you!”
Fidel turned and ran from the room. Santiago took after him, leaving Don Emilio and Carlota Ti
muco transfixed, stunned at what they had just witnessed. Santiago called to Fidel as he ran up the road trying to catch up to his friend. When Santiago had run past his father who had reached out to catch his son’s arm, Carlota’s hand had stopped him.
“Let them go,” she urged. “They must find their own peace in this thing.”
“But why is your son so upset with this? He seems more distraught than necessary. There is something peculiar about all this. I had not realized how deep this friendship had become!”
Carlota’s words were barely audible. She felt the boys’ sadness and understood the pain that was going to be felt as a result of the separation.
“A friendship such as they have, is not common. It is a rare one. You must do what you must do, Don Emilio. But you must understand your son is willing to pay a very dear price to abide by your wishes and remain faithful to you!”
Don Emilio sat waiting, watching the road. Two hours passed before he saw Santiago walking back disheveled; his face streaked with tears. Santiago’s eyes were swollen and Don Emilio’s heart swelled with compassion. He walked to meet Santiago and drew the boy into his arms.
“Father...,” the boy sobbed, unable to finish.
CHAPTER FOUR
on the evening before departure Santiago and Fidel spent the hours in embrace. Little was said. Words were avoided as they would bring tears. The boys concentrated on remembering the sensations of skin against skin and the scent each found enticing and erotic. Each touch resulting in a response and reaction. Santiago tried to remember everything that transpired so that there would never be a total separation between them.
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