My head spins and I feel dizzy. I'm not in the best shape to be making long winded speeches at the moment. I close my eyes until the world rights itself. When I open them again, Hawkins looks at me in concern. "You, alright?" he asks.
"I will be," I answer.
He rubs the stubble on his chin, eyes lost in thought. "You're a strange man, Morgan. Most people wouldn't give two shits about him. Not after all he put you through."
I shrug and clench my teeth in pain, forgetting my recently dislocated shoulder. "Yeah, well I don't think anyone alive is the same as they were before the collapse. And what he went through? I can't even imagine that kind of pain...no one deserves to go through that alone."
His face crumples slightly and tears well in his eyes. He tries to speak but no words come out. Working past the lump in his throat, his voice comes out thick and gravely. "Wasn't a sweeter woman on God's green earth than Jessica. She would have made such a good mother." He chokes up, the loss of his friend still fresh and hard to bear. He wipes his eyes, and I give him the time he needs to compose himself. His looks at me again, a determined look on his face. "You're right. I'm not going to give up on him. I owe him more than that."
I nod, knowing he won't. I extend my hand and he claps it in a firm grip. "You're a good man, Hawkins. And thank you again for everything."
"Your welcome. And thank you for reminding me what being a friend really means." I let go with a grin, thinking of my own friends who lie secluded a few miles from here. "You can thank the two I was with yesterday for that."
Hawkins drives back to town and I turn my attention to the pack he left me. When I see the ibuprofen bottle, I would hug the man if he were still here. I pop open the bottle and take four with a pull of water. Thinking back on earlier, I reach into my pocket and put the three remaining lortabs in there as well, figuring I'll save them for when the pain is at its worst. Aside from the pills, he's included: my returned knives, two liters of water, some matches, and two meal bars, each with 30 grams of protein. It's not much, but everything is off the books, and it's more than I would have asked for. I haven't eaten in over a day and I greedily devour one of the bars and drain half of one of the bottles. I sling the bag over my shoulder and mentally prep myself for what I know will be a test of my endurance.
I travel slowly through the same brush which concealed our approach yesterday. The road would be quicker, but caution is paramount in my weakened condition. My back is stiff, both from rolling off the UTV and the beating I received from Gibbons. It's not as bad as this morning though, and the further I walk the more it loosens up. My shoulder still flares up unexpectedly but it's manageable. The biggest burden is my ribs, where by far the worst damage was done. Each breath reminds me of their state, each step sending ripples of pain shooting through my body. I hope I didn't crack any. I don't have the time to let them heal.
I push myself, but I don't even make it a mile before I must stop and rest. I sip from my water bottle, head mopped with sweat and lungs straining with painful breaths. I don't break long, not wanting to add any more stiffness to my body than it has already. I force myself to continue, mentally urging myself on. You got this. Keep going, don't stop. You're going to make it to camp tonight. But the afternoon wears on, the sun continuing its slow dip toward the horizon. I don't know how far I've gone, only that I see no sign of the marker Felix left yesterday, and I'm starting to worry how I'm going to spot it in the dark.
My ribs start to spasm and I'm forced to my knees from the pain of it. I try lifting my hands behind my head to stretch it out, but my right arm won't comply and another flare of agony rocks my shoulder. I sprawl out on my back, trying my best to breathe until it subsides. When it does, I sit up and take another lortab, needing to take the edge off the worst of it. I've already gone through one liter of water and halfway through the second, so I only allow myself a couple sips to make it last.
The sun is a brilliant orange as it sinks behind the western mountains. The wind picks up, its lonesome ballad whispering through the trees and across the surface of the river. I close my eyes, enjoying the cooling relief on my perspired skin, and imagine I can almost hear the words it tries to speak. My eyes snap open. It's not the wind. I look back the way I came and spot two figures quickly moving my way, impossible to make out through the brush if I didn’t know their movements so well. A laugh escapes me as I rise to meet them. They grow closer and the sight of their grinning faces fills me up like drink. I put a hand up at the last second to keep them from crashing into me.
"Bro, you look like Rocky Balboa after a fight." It's the first thing out of Leon’s mouth and it is exactly what I need to hear. I laugh and clutch my side at the flare of pain it causes. "Don't make me laugh, douche. I feel like Rocky Balboa right about now."
"Gibbons?" Felix asks.
"Gibbons," I confirm. And then it hits me the direction they were coming from. "You idiots went back to town, didn't you?" I ask. They share a quick glance. Felix nods. "We couldn't just leave you there."
"Yeah, you could have. It's what you should have done. What if you'd had been caught? That town might have been all three of our graveyards."
Leon crosses his arms. "Yeah, it might have been. But are you seriously going to stand there with a straight face, and tell me you would have just walked away if it were one of us left behind?" I sputter for a response, not expecting him to turn it around on me. "That's not the point," I argue.
"Yeah it is, Moe,” Leon says sharply. “You're not the only one who gets to risk his life for the people he cares about, and like it or not, you've grown on us over the years you little bastard. We didn't get caught and we have you back, so get over it, because I know four girls back at camp who'd love nothing more than to see your sorry ass."
I let loose an exasperated breath and nod my head in acknowledgment. "You're right, Lee. You're right." I let it go and my smile returns. "You should have been a motivational speaker, that speech really touched home."
He grins. "You can play it off, but you know it did." I force myself not to laugh. He's right though: it really did. I make better progress now that I have them to lean on. Literally. My good arm stays wrapped around their shoulders the entire time as they practically carry me most of the way.
"Damn, your heavy," Felix says, giving me shit. "I thought all this walking and rationed food would shed more pounds than this."
"Sorry I didn't stop growing in the 9th grade like you, Chavo," I reply, because even though I’m hurt, I can't let it slide.
We fill each other in on what happened after I threw myself off the UTV. I tell them of the beating, of the trail, of how Hawkins ended up saving my ass in the end. They tell me they ditched the UTV when it ran dry, and then hiked the rest of the way back to camp. They got the antibiotics into Emily and turned right back around to try and mount a rescue. I don't bother telling them off again. Leon's right, it all worked out in the end and we're together now. That's good enough for me. I don't think I've ever felt as exhausted as I do right now though, and I know both of them are right there with me. But rest isn't far away.
We find the marker and recross the highway. The moment I step onto the trail I feel as if I'm greeting an old friend, and my body manages a spurt of energy. Darkness settles in earnest. Felix leads the way by flashlight, sweeping its beam over trunks of trees where he has marked the passage back. At the final marker we leave the trail, navigating our way slowly through the overgrown forest floor. And then I see it, a flicker of orange light shining through the trees, so low we're barely twenty feet away before I notice it.
Tears sting my eyes as I step into the small clearing and I make no move to staunch them. I swear there are moments in life when time stands still: when the world ceases in its tilt and you take in every detail before you, and even though it only lasts a fraction of a second, you know you'll remember it till the day you die. As I stand here, drinking up the scene before me—Emily, her fever broken, sipping from a thermos beside the fire;
Maya, staring into the flames with worry lines creased across her forehead; Grace, eyes round as silver dollars and a smile a mile wide as she spots me; and Lauren, so beautiful, the firelight dancing along her face and swimming across her hair—I know without a doubt this is such a moment.
Grace calls my name and suddenly all eyes are on me, but I only have eyes for one. I move forward without consciously making the decision to do so. Everything around me blurs together in a wash of light and color. Sounds mute. The aches and pains of my body vanish. All I am left with is the sight of the girl before me and the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears. Last night when I was certain death was only an instant away, I made a promise that if given another chance, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her how I felt. It is a promise I will keep.
I'm an arm's length away, her mouth forming words I cannot hear and which stop as my hands reach out to cradle her face. The warmth of her breath plays across my lips and I couldn’t hold back now if I tried. My lips crash onto hers and I feel the breath momentarily leave her body in surprise. Fireworks don’t explode behind my eyes. The earth beneath my feet doesn’t tremble. No Hollywood studio or words penned by the most gifted writer could portray what goes through me as I taste her lips for the first time. I pull back and I feel a warmth settle deep inside me as I stare into her eyes, and I know they are the eyes I want to look into forever.
"I'm sorry if I caught you off guard,” I say, bushing away a strand of hair from her face. “But I’ve wanted to do that for far too long." I sway on my feet, the events of the past two days finally catching up with me. I hear anxious voices call my name, muffled as if I were floating underwater. Blackness eats away at the edges of my vision and my head swims in confusion. Hands reach out and my knees buckle beneath me. I crumple to the forest floor which might be made of pillows it feels so soft. Eyes are heavy. Blackness settling in. The sounds of alarm fade and I'm left floating in nothingness.
Chapter 15
I wake in confusion. Where am I? What the hell happened? Why does my body ache all over? A headache beats a rhythm inside my skull, clouding my thoughts. I make to sit up and immediately regret the decision, as pain flares across my back and ribs. A round of nausea hits me, and I close my eyes and put my head between my knees, the world spinning around me. I stay huddled like this till the sound of nearby movement reaches my ears and I recoil away defensively. The past few days return to me the moment I see her face. There’s worry in her features: in the roundness of her eyes and creases in her forehead. Still, she's beautiful, and I couldn't think of a better sight to start my day.
“Are you alright?” she asks concernedly. I open my mouth to answer, but it's so dry all I manage is a croaking plea for water. She’s out the tent flap and back in seconds, handing over a canteen. I drink too heavily, too fast, sending me into a hacking fit which leaves tears in my eyes from the wave that rocks my ribcage. It's a long minute before I've collected myself enough to try again. I take a long pull and manage to keep it down, bringing much needed relief to my parched mouth and throat. Encouraged, I take another, emptying half its contents before I stop with panting breaths.
“Thank, you,” I tell Lauren who sits across from me, analyzing me like a nurse might do a patient. “I needed that.”
She brushes my thank you aside. “Felix told me to make sure you took this when you woke up.” She unfolds her hand and offers one of the two remaining Lortabs
“I’ll be alright, save it for when one of us really needs it,” I tell her.
She fixes me with a stern gaze. “One of us really needs it right now. And Felix said if you don’t take it, he’ll insert it veterinarian style when he gets back.”
I laugh despite myself. “That doesn’t sound too pleasant,” I comment.
She shakes her head, not sharing my amusement. “No, it doesn’t. So be a good boy and take your medicine,” she says. I take the pill with another drink of water, opening my mouth and lifting my tongue once I’ve swallowed it. “Pass your inspection, nurse?” I ask.
“For now,” she says.
“Where is everyone anyway?” I ask, noticing for the first time the absence of noise outside the tent. She crawls inside and sits across from me, stretching out her legs so they rest beside my own. “Emily’s asleep. She’s still mending, so she needs as much as she can get. Grace, Maya, and Leon are hauling water, and Felix is checking some traps he set the other day.”
“Ah, so you really did get stuck playing nurse to the sick kids?” I tease.
“Something like that,” she says. “It’s ok though, I wanted to be here when you woke up.” I shift uncomfortably, fully realizing what happened before I blacked out. “Yeah, how long has it been since…” I trail off, unsure of what to ask.
“Since your body was so overwhelmed by the sheer awesomeness of kissing me, it had to shut itself down because it couldn’t handle it?” she asks. She tries to keep a straight face, but her eyes give her away.
“Yeah, since then,” I reply, only slightly embarrassed.
“About twelve hours,” she says.
“Damn,” I laugh. “That’s the hardest I’ve ever passed out not involving alcohol.”
“Yeah you were pretty out of it,” she replies. She laughs suddenly as if only remembering something.
“What?” I ask, certain it has to do with me.
“What does a round of Cheerio mean?” she asks.
I laugh at that. “It’s this game we play. When one of us passes out, we throw cheerios into their open mouths. It’s usually just Leon, Felix, and I who play, but Emily’s been on the receiving end once or twice over the years.”
She laughs again. “Sounds like a fun game. No wonder Leon was so bummed we didn’t have any cereal left.” I smile, even though worry edges in at the mention of our dwindling supplies. “Yeah, he usually plays the hoop,” I say. “Guy is hard to wake when he passes out.”
“I can imagine,” she says. As the laughter fades, an awkward silence fills the tent. I take another drink just to have something to do. Now that the banter is out of the way, my actions last night weigh heavily between us. “So, about last night…” she says, giving me an opening.
“Yeah, last night…” I echo, stalling for time. I know what I feel, and I know what I want to say, but I’ll be damned if I can get the words out my mouth.
“Were you just out of it because of the pain and exhaustion, or...”
“No, it was nothing like that,” I say, cutting her off. I don't want there to be any doubt in her mind that last night stemmed from anywhere but how I felt. “I was in pain and I was exhausted...but I didn’t feel either when I stepped into that clearing.” I pause, still struggling to find the right words. “Do you wish you could take it back?” she asks quietly. Her eyes meet mine and it helps me find what I need to say.
“I think I could live another hundred years, and never experience a kiss even half as amazing as the one last night. I’d never want to take it back. The only question that really matters is: do you wish I could take it back?” She shakes her head and my heart skips a beat. “Where does that leave us?” she asks.
“That depends,” I say.
“On what?” she breathes.
“On you.” She doesn’t seem ready to reply so I keep talking, realizing there’s no perfect way to say what I need to say, and that I can’t keep it bottled up any longer. “Ever since I met you, I’ve felt this…this connection between us that I swear I’ve never felt before. Trust me, I know how strange this is going to sound, but ever since you put that revolver in my face, and I stared down the barrel and met your eyes staring back at me…I knew. I can’t explain it, but ever since then it’s like I’ve felt this energy when I’m around you and it’s like…like the whole world has been thrown out of whack, but mine feels balanced for the first time ever. I tried to fight how I feel about you for a long time, but it reached a point where I couldn’t fight it anymore. I gave in. I let your laugh and your smile and everything else fill me up,
and I swear it was like a drug. I couldn’t get enough.”
“When they arrested me, and I didn’t know if I’d walk out of there alive, I thought about everyone I care about, but I thought about you most of all. Maybe because I’ve had a lifetime with everyone else and only just met you. Because I know we haven’t known each other long, but I don’t think time can measure how I feel. That was the worst part, thinking I might die without ever telling you any of this. I promised myself if I ever got a second chance I wouldn’t wait: I wouldn’t waste another second. So when I saw you last night by the fireside—so beautiful—I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s why I kissed you: because in that moment I needed to more than I needed to breathe.”
“I’m in love with you, Lauren. Head over heels, over the moon, every other damn cliché you can name, I feel it. And I know this is sudden, and I don’t want to make you feel like you—”
Anything I was about to say, any thought I might have had, vanishes as her lips crash onto mine. I lean back and she topples forward on top of me. Her hair traces along my face and I sweep it back and plant kisses down her neck and collarbone. I work my way back up and meet her lips with an eagerness she matches. I was wrong, I think to myself: it didn’t take another hundred years. Or perhaps it did. Time could have melted away or froze completely and it wouldn’t matter. Not to me. Not when my hand weaves between her hair and her lips taste so sweet against mine.
I’m finally brought back down to earth by someone clearing their throat overly loud at the tent flap. There stands Leon, shaking his head in mock disapproval even as he makes no effort to conceal his shit eating grin. “Damn, Lauren,” he says. “When you said you were going to look after them while we were gone, I didn’t think this is what you had in mind.” She flips him off, making both he and I laugh. “You can close the tent flap now, Lee. I still need a little TLC,” I tell him, finding her lips again. I’m not ready for this moment to end.
Echoes of a Dying World (Book 1) Page 17