When we’ve finish packing, we're equipped better than when we departed Denver. My friends made sure to tell Elroy how gracious they were for all he's done, and I could tell that like me, he doesn't like the sound of his own praise. If it's possible, the knowledge makes me respect him even more.
The sun has started to peter out, bringing this crazy day near its end. We sit at the long table discussing our sudden turn of fortune. Or at least they do. My eyes wander toward the south and west of us, toward my war-torn town. I believe what I said earlier, that our families back home would band together and try to weather the storm, but still worry eats away at me. I keep trying to figure out the decisions they might have made, the measures they might have taken to protect themselves. But there are too many unanswered questions, too many unknown variables to even begin to puzzle it together. My head begins to hurt thinking about it, but try as I might, I can't push the thoughts away. It is only when Elroy reappears at our table that I can focus on something else.
He sets down a clear plastic case before taking a seat. Through the clear top I see the inside organized into square grids, each labeled and filled with various seeds. The case is maybe 12"x12" and only a couple inches thick, but in this post-collapse world, its contents are invaluable.
"You can't be serious," Felix says after a moment. He was raised on his Uncle's farm, and while it is nowhere near the size of this place, he knows their worth better than any of us.
"As a heart attack," Elroy replies. He continues before anything else can be said. "Believe me, if there is one thing I have plenty of, it’s stored up seeds. These here will be better served by helping you, rather than sealed up in the vault." He pulls out a small composition notebook as well and places it atop the seeds. "I recall you mentioning you grew up on a farm?" he asks Felix.
Felix nods. "Yes sir, but it's only about four acres. Got a few animals, and a decent sized garden, but nothing like you have going here."
"You have any greenhouses?" he asks.
"No. Uncle Frank always meant to build one but never seemed to find the time. He had a day job, farming was never a full-time commitment."
Elroy pat's the book. "This here should be helpful then," he says. "Greenhouses, cold-frames, planting and harvesting tips...it's all in here. Everything you need to know for a decent start-up operation." This man doesn't cease to amaze and surprised me, and I tell him as much. "Thank you, Elroy. After everything you've done for us, you would think I'd stop being surprised by your generosity."
At that, his mouth twists into a knowing grin. "That's good," he says. "In that case I might as well let you know, y’all aren't walking off this farm tomorrow." His words might sound like a threat had I not known him. But I am confused, and I can tell by the looks on friends faces that I'm not the only one.
"Ok...how will we be leaving?" I ask.
He laughs. "In style, my young friend. In style."
"Did today really happen?" Felix asks me.
We sit among the residents of the farm, encircled around a massive bonfire. The sound of acoustic guitars play into the night, accompanied by boisterous singing and laughing. The tune is upbeat and merry, drawing many to their feet, the flow of music propelling them into dance. I watch on as Lauren twirls Grace around in circles, shrieks of laughter issuing from them both. I feel mesmerized by it all. So many people able to laugh and sing and dance so freely, no inhibitions whatsoever. It's amazing to have found an oasis such as this amid all the collapse has scorched. This is what I want for us. A place where we can feel safe: where we can forget, even for a moment, the harshness of the outside world. A place where we can not only survive, but flourish. And maybe, just maybe, have the opportunity to extend to others the type of kindness Elroy has bestowed upon us.
"It happened, Chavo," I confirm. "As crazy as it is, it happened."
"I know," he laughs. "I just need to keep reminding myself."
I see Eli and Jolene appear on the far side of the fire. They scan the faces around, stopping when they find mine. They work their way toward us and I stand when they draw near. There’s some sadness, but the happiness and excitement in their smiles far outweigh it. The look tells me all I need to know: they've accepted.
"For what it's worth, I think it's the right decision," I say after they tell me they've decided to stay. Felix is surprised. I didn't tell anyone else Elroy had offered them a place on his farm. I wanted to give them time to decide one way or another. Felix hugs Jolene tight. And when they break apart his eyes are glassy. The two of them had grown close these past weeks; pulling guard duty, hunting for game, sharing jokes and laughing as we walked along the trail. He'll miss her.
The others gravitate our way, sensing perhaps the change that has just taken place in our group. Hugs are had, smiles worn, tears shed—it's as if the rocky start between us never existed. Even Emily has to wipe her eyes. It's funny, if you land on my sister’s bad side the animosity she can create is staggering. But at the same time, when she cares for you, she does so with all her heart. Somewhere along the line she has grown to care for them, and it leaves me overwhelmingly happy that I chose to let them join us.
I feel my heart twist when Cali and Grace hug one another. If any of us have grown close, it's them. For a while we sit together, talking and joking, enjoying this final night we have with one another. Eventually though, they bid us goodnight. They have a lot to learn tomorrow. The Tate family retreats from the fire and heads toward an outbuilding close to the main house, where I'm told lies a barracks of sorts for some of the residents. I watch the four of them till they disappear into the building: into a new beginning. I feel sad. I'll miss them. But more than anything, I feel joy that they will get a chance to start a new life together.
Suddenly the music stops with a round of applause. Nick, the man we met at lunch is one of the guitarists. He waves his hand in recognition. "Alright, we're gonna slow things down on this next number," he says. "So guys, grab your girl and pull her close. And Nancy? This one's for you." He pauses long enough to steal a kiss from his wife before he continues to play.
"May I have this dance?" I ask Lauren, bowing in mock formality and extending my hand. She raises her nose and pulls her face into a mask of benign disinterest, though the slight smirk gives her away. "For lack of better suitors, I suppose so," she says. She places her hand in mine and I pull her close, my hands finding her hips and hers wrapping around my neck.
"Trust me," I whisper in her ear. "You won’t find anyone else like me.” I feel her laugh go through me, and when she pulls back to look into my face, she wears that smile I grown to love so much. "Wow," she says. "Great line. You come up with that all by yourself?"
"I did in fact," I reply. "And it worked to perfection."
"Oh really?" she asks. "How so?"
"You're smiling, aren't you?" I answer.
Her smile grows wider, lighting up her face as if dawn has come early. "A smile? That's your end game?"
"I don't think you realize just how beautiful your smile is," I tell her.
"Distractingly beautiful?" she asks. Her words bring me back to this morning when I stopped her from raiding the farm, telling her she would only be a distraction. I play the scene over again and cringe at the harshness in my voice. Her tone tells me she hasn't forgotten either.
"I'm sorry about this morning," I say. "I never should have told you that."
"Then why did you?" she asks. The hurt I saw earlier still lingers in her eyes and I have to look away. I don't answer for the longest time, lost on how to explain myself. "Because I meant it," I finally reply, meeting her eyes again.
The hurt expands and anger flashes at the edges. The song ends, and not a second later she's out of my arms and storming off into the night. The music picks back up, and with it, my feet as I chase after her. She moves fast but I match her pace till we're well out of earshot from the fire. "Lauren, please wait."
At my words, her feet stop and she whirls around to face me. "Where do you g
et off telling me that?" she asks fiercely, taking a step toward me. "Haven't I proven myself to you?" she advances several more steps, closing the distance between us. "Haven't I shown you what I would do for us?" She shoves against my chest. "I've killed, Morgan!" The pain in her voice as she says this, hurts me more than her shoves ever could. "I took another person's life because they tried to hurt us...tried to hurt you. What else do you want from me?"
Her voice breaks, and I can't stop myself from wrapping my arms around her. She tries to break away but I hold tight, refusing to let go until she stops and lets herself fall apart. Hearing her finally acknowledge the pain she's kept locked up since the attack makes it my own. I know too well the burden taking a life brings, and I wish more than anything she didn't have to carry it as I have. I don't speak, just hold her till she quiets and her body relaxes.
"It was never a matter of proving yourself, or needing something from you," I breathe. "I'm not use to this. I've never cared about anyone, or anything like I care about you. Raiding the farm like we did was stupid and rash and could have easily gotten us killed. But I did it anyway, even though I knew what I was risking. That's why I couldn't let you come with us. If anything had happened to you...I wouldn't have been able to live with myself knowing I was responsible for it."
My voice wavers on that last bit, and it’s a battle to keep my eyes dry. I loosen my grip when I feel her stir, but keep my arms around her, not ready to let go. She reaches up and cups my face in her hands. "You have no idea how much I love you for that," she says. "But you can't protect me from everything, Morgan. That's not how the world works. Look what happened today. You thought stopping me from following you would keep me safe, but it didn't. We were caught and brought to the farm all the same. Were you responsible for that? Of course, not. Just as you wouldn't have been responsible had I gone with you. Risks are a part of life now: you can't stop me from taking them. Even if you could, I wouldn't let you. I'm not that kind of girl. If you're going to be in the middle of it, so do I."
I know she's right. She showed me that first night in Denver the kind of girl she is—fierce and protective and amazing—the kind of girl who would hate having others fight her battles. The thought of seeing her hurt or worse still terrifies me, but like she said, this morning is proof things can go bad regardless of how you play it. I wish I could keep her from risking herself, but I can't, and I would be a fool to try.
"I know," I say. I rest my forehead against hers and run circles across her back with my hand. "I promise next time, I won't stop you. I might try to convince you...but I won't force you to stay on the sidelines again."
She angles her face and kisses me once. "Thank you," she says. "I know that's not an easy promise to make." It's not. But it's one I'll keep no matter how much I might be tempted to break it.
"Anything for you," I tell her.
Chapter 24
I stand alone in the early morning darkness. The day has not yet broke, but already the blackness has begun to ebb from the sky, the promise of sunlight just beyond the horizon. The barn lies to my right, where less anxious minds still sleep. I managed a solid five hours, more than I've grown accustomed to. I might have closed my eyes and willed myself back to sleep if I wasn't so eager for the day to start.
"Weren't planning on raiding any more crops were ya’?" comes a gravelly voice behind me. Elroy. "Thought I left you plenty of supplies." He clasps my shoulder as he comes up and stands beside me.
"Yes sir, more than enough," I say.
"What brings you out this early then?" he asks, searching my face. "I was gonna give y’all another half hour or so before waking you."
I shift my gaze once more to the grassy fields. "Sleep and I don't get along so well these days," I reply. I leave it at that, not up for discussing all that waits for me when I close my eyes.
"I can relate," he says.
The wind picks up, and for a long while I get lost in the melody it plays across the fields, and not for the first time, I wonder if I might one day call a place such as this my home. I look over to Elroy, and for maybe the hundredth time in the past 24 hours, I count myself lucky to have met him. If it is rare to find places of peace such as here in this new world, it is even rarer to meet a man like him: a man who would bloody his hands protecting what is his, but at the same time go above and beyond to help others, and not for praise or gratitude, but simply because he can. The kind of man I wish to someday be.
"Can I ask you something?" I question.
"This isn't school son," he says in a bark of laughter. "Speak what's on your mind."
"Why are you helping us?" I ask. "I mean don't get me wrong, you already know how grateful we are and everything, but I don't get it. Especially after trying to steal from you? We're lucky you spared our lives, let alone all you've done."
He doesn't immediately answer, continuing to look off into the distance for a long while as the wind continues to weep. "Instinct, I guess," he says finally, running a hand through his beard. I can only make out the barest features of his face, but I can hear the sincerity in his voice. "That's the best way I know how to explain it anyway. Yesterday, when you three were caught and brought to me I could tell you were scared shitless, but not in the way I had expected. You and your friends aren't the first intruders we've had to deal with, some of whom had much more than corn on their minds." He shakes his head and spits, bitterness laced throughout that last part.
After a moment, he regains his composure. "Anyway, I know the look of a man who's afraid of death, seen it more than I'd have liked these past couple months, but I didn't see it from you. Then you started talking, about the rough road here and trying to keep the people you cared about alive. You sounded sincere and humbled. I wanted to believe you. But after all the shit that's happened, it's hard to know what to believe anymore. Then my men found the rest of your friends, and far from a band of renegades, it was mostly young women and children, half-starved and terrified. I took one look at you and it was like watching you see your worst fears come true...I decided right then I wanted to help you."
"Wow," I say, remembering the feeling that went through me when I saw them being led to us at gun point. I feel a chill go through my body that has nothing to do with being cold. "That's not what I was expecting."
Elroy reaches out and claps me on the shoulder once again. "You're a good man, Morgan," he says. "It's a rare thing for someone as young as you to put so many before yourself. I know that's not an easy burden to carry, but you carry it well. You’ll find a way to pull you and yours through this. I truly believe that. Just remember, as dark as things look right now, it won’t last forever. People think this is the end of the world. It’s not. It’s the beginning of a new one. All this shit that’s happening? All the pain and suffering and violence? It’s all just the desperate grappling of a bygone age—the echoes of a dying world. But like all things, this too shall pass. I don’t know if I’ll be around when that day comes, but I have every faith in you.”
I open my mouth to speak, but the words don’t make it past the lump in my throat. A man like Elroy isn’t one to offer praise lightly. It makes me wonder what he sees in me that I can’t see in myself. Eli told me my friends look to me as Elroy’s people look to him. I wasn’t sure what to make of it at the time, but Elroy’s words make me believe it’s true. To know the faith of so many lies upon my shoulders isn’t easy. But we all have our crosses to carry. I only pray I can live up the expectations surrounding me. "Thank you, Elroy," I say, finding my voice. "You don't know how much that means to me."
"Don't mention it," he replies. "Dawn's not far off. C’mon up to the house. I'll get y'all some breakfast before we head out."
At the house we find the kitchen already in a frenzy of activity, and I'm loaded down with a basket of apples and hard boiled eggs to take back to my friends. "We'll be headed out in twenty minutes or so," Elroy tells me. "Just gotta pack the trailer first."
I return to the barn to wake everyone and
distribute the food, only staying long enough to inform them we'll be leaving in twenty minutes and grab my pack. I want to lend a hand packing the trailer. It is the least I could do for all the Elroy’s done. An old Chevy four door truck sits beside the root cellar, a trailer hitched to its back. Without asking, I throw my pack in the truck bed and follow Elroy and three of his men into the cellar. I haul up sacks and crates full of contents Elroy will use to trade with. "Have a couple of longtime friends up near Silverton who deal in ammo," Elroy explained to me yesterday. It's the only reason I accepted his offer to give us a lift in the first place.
We've loaded up everything we'll be taking just as my friends reach us. For once, no yawns pierce the air. No hands rub sleep from bleary eyes. Everyone looks energized. Alert. They must feel eager to depart as well. Or possibly it is the effect of a full stomach: it has been a long time since we've woke without the gnawing pangs of hunger.
"Alright, let's get this show rolling," Elroy says. He and one of his men sit up front, while our girls squeeze into the cab's second row. Leon, Felix and I hop into the truck bed with two more of Elroy's men. I spot Lauren grinning at me from the back window. She thinks it’s funny we have to ride in the bed. Like I care. I get to sit on my ass and cover more miles in hours than days of hard hiking. The old workhorse rumbles to life, the roar of its engine reaching my ears with a familiar nostalgia.
As we pull out, I find it strange to watch the house and fields recede so quickly into the distance, remembering how much faster the world use to move. Even now, the steady pace Elroy keeps seems like we're flying after so many miles on foot, but I know we can't be traveling faster than 25 mph. The cool wind through my hair and sunshine on my face is like a dream, but I don't allow myself to get lost in it. Though we travel along a country lane, it would be foolish to assume no threats are out here. I scan the countryside for anything of concern, AR around my neck ready to fire at a moment's notice.
Echoes of a Dying World (Book 1) Page 27