"Lead the way," she says.
We don't go far. In truth, we probably shouldn't leave the house at all right now, but I need an escape from the walls as much as I do the tension. On the hillside behind the house is an overgrown trail I follow. Halfway up is a small nook, where in better times served as a secret smoke spot Vince and I would use. On family get togethers we'd hike up here, light a joint, and head back down, nobody the wiser of the reason behind our smiles. Hard to believe times were ever so simple.
I sit beside Lauren, watching the sun steadily dip lower and lower through the gaps of trees. All is quiet, the winds whispered lament the only sound I hear. I have grown to relish these quiet moments with her: when I can forget, if only briefly, the problems and challenges surrounding me and feel at peace. But peace is lost on me this evening. My mind is still haunted with the death of my friend. My stomach churning with worry that more deaths will soon follow.
"I don't know that I can do this, Lauren," I admit. "First Maya, and now all this? Everything's so far over my head it's not even funny. I make these plans like I know what the hell I'm doing, but the truth is I don't have a clue. My plans got Maya killed and what's to stop tonight from being any different? I swear I’ll never forgive myself if anything happens...I can't handle any more blood on my hands from people I should have kept safe." My voice breaks. I've cried more today than I can ever remember. I hate it. Makes me feel like a child who can't control himself. But I can’t stop the tears from coming, and I turn my face in shame. I feel Lauren’s arms wrap around me, her touch the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart.
"Do you remember the night you came back from Salida?" she asks. She doesn't wait for an answer before continuing. "We were so scared, Morgan. Leon and Felix stayed just long enough to tell us what had happened, and hand over the antibiotics before taking off again. I never knew time to move so slow as it did that day, nothing to do but wait. Maya was beside herself, more worried even than I was. I found her crying in the woods away from camp, trying to hide her grief from me. She just kept saying she couldn't lose this family. She told me then what you said to her in Denver: about you being her family. Those weren't just words to her, Morgan. You have no idea how much that meant to her."
"After you came back and you kissed me that first time, Maya came to me later that night. I'm not going to repeat all she said, but trust me, I knew from then on how much she cared. She fucking loved you. You were like this hero in her eyes, it was obvious in the way she looked at you. So whatever guilt you're feeling right now—about being alive while she died is bullshit. She knew what she was doing when she pushed you out of the way, and she did it willingly, and she would do it again if she could. You couldn't have stopped her. So, let it go." She's right. I know she is. But damn it if her words to tear me up inside. And she's still not finished.
"We made it here because of you, never forget that. We couldn't have made it without you, and your family can't do this without you either. Did you even see the spark in their eyes earlier? They had given up. You breathed hope back into them. I know because I felt the exact same way when you came bursting through the door, that first night in Denver. The man I met that night didn't have quit in him. He still doesn't."
I shake my head, still unable to meet her eyes. "You make me sound like I'm more than I am. What if you're wrong? What if I'm not strong enough?" I ask, voicing the one fear I've never allowed myself to say aloud.
"Look at me, Morgan," she says. When I don't, she takes my head in her hands and forces me to face her. Her eyes shine in the evening light, green and gold swirling and crashing together. "You are so much stronger than you realize. Maybe a man in a million could have bared all you have these past months. All the decisions, and stress, and fear, and through it all, a torch of hope you refuse to let die. I see it in you still. You told me once, you would die creating a world for us to live in peace. So would I. You're my future. You're everything I need. You're not in this alone—you have me. You have your family. And together we can build a world we deserve. That's how I know you're strong enough...because you have to be."
This is why I love her: when all grows dark—when I feel like nothing more than a vessel lost at sea—she is the light which guides me back to shore. I let her words fill me, let them wash away all the poisonous thoughts that have built up inside my head. I’m not naive. I know how daunting the threats against us are. But they are threats we'll face together—shoulder to shoulder and back to back. All my life I have known the power behind a family’s love. It’s a power as ancient and strong as the earth itself: a power that has kept me standing these long dark months despite so many times along the way I might have fallen. A power the Animas Animals should have known would come back to haunt them in the end.
"Do you even have a clue how much I love you?" I ask. She smiles: a sight I'll never tire of seeing. "I think I have an idea." And then we kiss, more tender and sweet than we ever have before. When we part I wipe away her tears, and does the same for me.
"No more tears for a while," I say.
"Only good ones," she amends.
I smile. "Only good ones."
She stands and I follow suit. But as she turns to head back down the trail, I stop her. "Just a few more minutes, ok?" I ask. "I want to finish watching the sunset with you." She steals another kiss and I wrap my arms around her.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
The sun dips low on the horizon. Tendrils of molten gold paint the sky in sweeping arcs, bathing us in its glow. Watching it go down, I think of all we’ve done to get here, and all we still have left to do. I think of those I love: of my family waiting at the bottom of the hill, whose hearts are heavy and minds plagued with worry, and who I pray can withstand the storm about to be unleashed; of a man on a distant farm with a fondness of whiskey, and whose generosity and mercy stand testament to the fact that there are still good people in this world; of a girl with a kind heart and quick smile, whose family meant more to her than anything, and who gave her life defending it.
And as I stand here, my arm around Lauren's shoulders and her arms around my waist, I think of a man who told me love will both lift us up and drag us down, but in the end, a single moment at its highest peak, is worth any valley along the path. And though I may not know how long and dark the valleys before me stretch, I know I won't be traveling them alone. And even if I never again reach a peak as high as the one I stand on now, with the woman I love more than anything, it's alright—because I know so many will be born and live and die—and never come close to witnessing a view so breathtakingly beautiful, as the one we share in this moment.
Acknowledgements
Thanks, first and foremost, must be made to God for blessing me as He has. My life is bettered each day by Your presence in it.
Thank you to my family. To my mother, who has always put others before herself, and who’s words of encouragement gave me the strength to follow my dreams. To my father for being my rock, and the one person I know I can depend on no matter what. To my sisters, nieces, and nephews, who all, in their own way, have filled me with the love I needed to shape this story and bring it to life.
And thank you to the reader. If you’ve made it this far, I cannot thank you enough for joining me on this journey. All I have ever wanted was to open doorways to new worlds—worlds for others to explore and experience and get lost in—where they can get swept away in the arc of a story and feel their pulses rise, their laughter echo, and their tears shed; worlds they feel every bit as connected to as the characters breathing inside the pages. If I was successful in creating such a place for even a single one of you, I am most honored. You have made my dream come true.
Book 2, currently in the works.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
> Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Echoes of a Dying World (Book 1) Page 33