by Donna Alward
“I am. It sucks being up here instead of down there.” He nodded toward the chutes. “But it’s fun to watch, too, and not have to worry about competing.” He balled up his napkin. “I kinda miss the prize money, too, but what’s done is done. I can’t change it. Might as well accept it.”
He took a big drink of water. “Besides, it’s been kind of fun, working with the stock back home. I like it better than what I was doing before.”
That was good, wasn’t it? There were still a couple of months left before the anniversary of Joe’s death. Maybe Rylan would change his mind. Stay on. He still could compete next year, when he was back in shape. And since that night at the hospital, he’d never once mentioned his leave-by date. He’d only talked about the business and his ideas for it.
“You’ve started implementing some good strategies,” Kailey agreed. “Have you had any requests for Rattler’s DNA? That would help your bottom line a lot.”
He nodded. “I’ve been talking to a few people here that I know. To be honest, they were just sort of polite about it. Until I mentioned where I got Rattler and that we’d already bred him to one of Brandt’s mares. That made their ears perk up a bit. I hope that’s okay. I know I’m just along to enjoy the rodeo...”
“Don’t be silly.” She smiled over at him. “You’d be foolish not to take advantage of connections while you’re here. Wasn’t that one of the reasons you wanted my help to begin with?”
He nodded, then reached over and squeezed her hand. “I just didn’t want you to think I was using you,” he said.
His low voice made everything in her go warm and squishy. “Of course not.” The announcer called the next event and she nudged his arm. “Bull riding’s about to start. Boilermaker’s in this round.”
They watched the events together. Kailey didn’t go down to check on the guys until things were winding up for the day. She’d learned very quickly that not only were Jim and Dan fully capable, but the smartest thing for her to do was to step back and trust them to do their jobs. She stepped in when needed, and was always around to answer questions, and she also had a good chat with the on-site veterinarian. But mostly she enjoyed the week, the energetic atmosphere and being with Rylan.
Thursday night’s dinner was take-out pizza. They’d started to enjoy taking their meal back to the motel, where they could kick off their boots and chill with a beer after the hot, dry days. Kailey looked at Ry over her slice and felt a wave of love wash over her. There was no denying it. She was in love with Rylan. No turning back, no reasoning it away. She loved how he looked, how he smiled, the way he teased his sister, the way he was patient with Amber, how he sat a horse and how he cared far more about things than he ever let on.
“What?” he asked, putting down his pizza and wiping his fingers on a napkin.
“Just this,” she murmured, getting up from the chair. She went to him and he turned to face her, an expectant look on his perfect face. She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned down for a hot, searing kiss.
“Miss Brandt,” he whispered. “I do declare.”
“Declare what?” she asked, nibbling on his bottom lip. She heard the sharp intake of his breath.
“Declare that you’re about to seduce me.”
“You could be right.”
A smile spread across his face, an expression of delight and with that ever-present teasing light to his eyes. “By all means,” he said, sitting back in the chair. “I’m most willing to be seduced.”
Another thing about Rylan. He was perfectly okay with not always being the one in control.
Slowly, as slowly as she could stand it, she slipped the buttons out of the holes of his shirt, then pushed the fabric off his shoulders. His chest was broad and strong, with a small swatch of reddish brown hair at the base of his neck and around his nipples. She unbuttoned the cuffs and slid the sleeves off his arms, then dropped the shirt on the floor without taking her eyes off his face. She loved him, wanted to kiss him everywhere, but she knew the number one way to drive him crazy was to show him what was in store.
So she stood just out of his reach, and slipped off her jeans. Then she unbuttoned her shirt, dropped it to the floor, and stood before him in a pale pink lace bra and a matching pair of bikinis that didn’t really cover much of anything.
“Kailey,” he uttered, his voice hoarse as he sat up straight in his chair.
But she took a step backward, letting him know it wasn’t quite time. Instead she reached behind her back, undid the bra and let it fall down her arms to the floor. The panties followed suit, until she was naked before him.
Her gaze met his. Not just naked. Bare. In every way she could be without actually saying the words.
Slowly he got up from the chair. Took the two steps required to stand in front of her, but still he didn’t touch her. He waited, as if he knew this time was for her, and she saw his chest rise and fall with the effort of standing perfectly still.
She reached for the waistband of his jeans. Undid it, then the zipper, then knelt and slid them down his legs until he could step out of them. Only his shorts remained, and she let her hand brush strategically against them before grabbing the waistband and disposing of them to the growing pile of clothing on the floor.
She reached for his hand. Lifted it, kissed it and placed it on her breast.
It was silent permission, and for long moments they kissed and touched until Kailey was sure she couldn’t stand much longer. They moved to the bed, but if she’d thought things would move faster now, she was greatly mistaken. With more care and tenderness than she thought possible, Rylan made love to her so thoroughly her body hummed with satisfaction and her heart was so full she thought it might overflow.
She looked up at him, braced above her, and felt tears gather in the corners of her eyes. The words sat on her tongue but she couldn’t bring herself to say them, too afraid they would ruin everything.
So she said them in her heart instead, wondering if he could feel them through their connection.
I love you, Rylan. I love you.
Chapter Twelve
She lay asleep beside him, naked between the plain white sheets, her hair spread on the pillow like a gold wave of summer wheat.
He was wide awake.
Rylan was still reeling from what had happened. From the moment she’d abandoned her food and walked over to where he’d been sitting, something had been different. Electric. It had just been...more.
Seeing her undress, offer herself like that to him, it had shaken him to the core, both sexually and emotionally. Until tonight he hadn’t known what it really was to make love, but when they’d come together that was exactly what it had been. Love. Not just bodies but hearts.
God help him.
He turned onto his side and watched her sleep, reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear so it didn’t fall over her face. How had this happened?
Yet he’d known it was possible. Of course he had, in his hesitation to even come here with her this week. Things had been getting a little too comfortable. Too serious. It had been like this from the beginning. He’d just been pretending otherwise.
He loved her. It scared him to death. Almost as much as it scared him to think about staying at Crooked Valley indefinitely. Making that commitment to Lacey and Duke and investing so much of himself in any one single thing went against everything he had wanted for himself.
He sighed. But Kailey never moved. He’d discovered she was an incredibly sound sleeper. In the mornings he almost had to shake her awake since she merely slapped away at the snooze button on the clock radio, all without waking.
In the silence of the night there was a buzzing sound.
He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed his phone, frowning at the lit display. It was definitely his that was buzzing, and the number that came up was Duke’s.
He slid out of bed and scooted into the bathroom to answer.
“Hello?”
“Rylan?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry to bother you, but...”
It was after midnight. If that weren’t reason enough, something in her voice sent warning bells screaming through his head. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Rattler. There’s...been an accident.”
His stomach seemed to plummet clear to his feet. “What happened?”
Carrie’s voice was shaky. “We think it was a mountain lion. The vet’s out here now, but I thought you ought to know.”
He sat on the edge of the tub and pinched the bridge of his nose. Seventeen grand. The hopes for the whole program at Crooked Valley. But more than that, he felt sick at the thought of the pain and fear his horse was going through. “How bad,” he breathed.
“Bad enough.” She choked up a little. “Duke’s with him now. They’ve got him sedated.” He heard her gulp. “I’ve never heard a horse scream like that in my life.”
There was nothing else to do. He had to head back to the ranch...tonight. As it was, he wouldn’t make it back until early morning, and that was driving straight through. But Rattler was his horse. He was the biggest investment they’d put into the ranch and his responsibility, not Duke’s or Quinn’s.
“I’m coming back,” he said to Carrie. “Go ahead and do what needs to be done to help him, okay? I’ll hit the road in the next thirty.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. It’s not like I’m competing or anything. This is more important. Tell Duke I’ll see him as soon as I can.”
“Okay, Rylan. Whatever you say.”
He hung up, feeling slightly surprised at Carrie’s response. Whatever you say. As if he was in charge of anything...
He ran his hand through his hair. He’d think of that later. Right now he had to get his stuff together and get going.
As Kailey slept on, he packed up his jeans and shirts and toiletries, shoved a few pieces of forgotten pizza in a paper bag and grabbed an unopened bottle of cola, thinking he could use the caffeine hit on the road. When he was all ready to leave, he went to the side of the bed and sat on the edge.
“Kailey,” he said gently, putting a hand on her bare shoulder.
Nothing. He smiled softly, loving this little quirk about her. The woman, as she was about everything else, was serious about sleeping. Efficient. He gave her shoulder a little shake. “Kailey, wake up.”
“Mmm,” she murmured, but that was it. She rolled away from him and let out a deep breath.
“Kailey,” he said again, but nothing.
He could really press matters and wake her. But she looked so soft and peaceful he didn’t have the heart to do it. Still, he couldn’t just leave. Not after what had happened between them before.
He grabbed the complimentary motel notepad and pen and wrote out a quick message.
K, there’s been an accident with Rattler and I had to rush back to Crooked Valley. I’m sorry to leave in the night but it doesn’t look good and it’s my job to look after him. If you can’t get a ride back with the guys call me and I’ll come back to get you on Saturday night. I’m so sorry...thanks for this week. It’s been amazing.
He hesitated over how to sign it. In the end he decided on a breezy, See you soon, Ry.
He ripped the sheet off the tablet and propped it up against the lamp on the dresser next to his room key. He shouldered his bag, grabbed the packet of pizza and gave her one last, lingering look, imprinting the image of her sleeping face on his mind before opening the door.
A cold front had come in during the evening and the stiff breeze that came with it caught the door, nearly pulling it from his hand. He stepped outside and then closed the door as gently as he could, hoping the sudden gust hadn’t awakened Kailey. Seconds later he was in his truck, his bag on the seat beside him, backing out of the parking space and making his way through town to the highway that would take him home.
* * *
KAILEY ROLLED OVER, squinted at the clock radio beside the bed. Seven forty? Surely Rylan would have gotten her up by now?
And then she realized that the other side of the bed was empty. And had been for some time. The sheets were cool.
“Ry?”
The shower wasn’t running. And it didn’t sound as though anyone was in there, either. Kailey was in the motel room all alone.
She crawled out of bed stark naked and hastily pulled on underwear and a shirt from a pile on the floor. She peeked through the curtains and saw that his truck was gone. Maybe he’d been up early and had just run out for some breakfast. He’d come back with coffee and sausage biscuits, and it would all be okay. She’d be a little late to the roundup but it would be fine.
She had a quick shower and dressed and when she came out of the bathroom he still wasn’t back. A little beat of warning pulsed through her brain.
And then she realized his bag was gone. And so was his toothbrush and shampoo and anything that said Rylan Duggan had been here. It was seriously as if...he hadn’t been there at all. All except the room key card, left propped up against the base of the lamp on the dresser.
He’d run.
The first sensation she felt was numbness, taking over her whole body, including her brain. For a few minutes the only words that would form in her head were not again. He wouldn’t, couldn’t have snuck out in the middle of the night as he had the last time, could he?
Could he?
She shoved her bottom back on the bed, pulled her knees up to her chest. Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God. Her breath started coming fast and shallow, her heart beat fast. She wouldn’t panic. She’d hold herself together.
Only she couldn’t. Because the last time it had just been one night. One single night, not weeks of caring for each other, not months. In February she hadn’t been in love with him.
Like she was now.
Oh God.
Like she was now.
The tears she didn’t want came anyway, streaking down her cheeks, forced out by sobs that choked her throat. “Why?” she cried softly, dropping her head to her knees. Why now? Why did he have to leave without a word in the middle of the night like a coward? Why did he have to break her heart just when she’d decided to trust him with it?
All the while the room key stared at her, accusing her of being a fool. Not just once, which had been difficult enough, but twice now. With the same man. The man who’d told her he was not permanent. Who’d made it clear from the beginning that he was just passing through.
Just who was the idiot here?
That was them. The idiot and the...she filled in the blank under her breath, the initial numbing pain transitioning to righteous anger.
He’d left her in a motel room six hours from home. When everyone knew he was there with her this week.
She thought of his face last night as he’d held her in his arms. He’d looked deeply into her eyes. Whispered her name. She’d been so sure. So very sure that this was a giant step forward for them. That he felt the same way for her as she did for him. Remembering that moment caused something deep inside her to shrivel up and die.
For some reason, men loved her. But they didn’t ever love her enough. She was never their everything. Their reason for breathing. The light in the darkness. Not like the way Quinn looked at Lacey. Or the way Duke smiled at Carrie as she held their baby son.
Kailey fell back among the sheets and finally let it out. All the disillusionment, the heartache, the humiliation and pain. She cried into the sheets until she was spent.
When she finally blinked her painful eyelids, she checked her watch. Eight-thirty. She couldn’t show up like this. She had to get herself together. First thing to do was text Jim and let him know she was running late, ask if there was anything urgent and she’d catch up with him in a bit. She frowned and decided she’d pick up some doughnuts and coffee on the way as a peace offering.
Next she got out of bed and went to the bathroom, ran a sink of cold water, retrieved a washcloth from the towel bar and laid the cool cloth
over her face, hoping to minimize the redness and puffiness. What she really wanted to do was collapse on Carrie’s sofa with a bottle of wine and bawl out her troubles.
But Carrie didn’t live in her little house anymore, and it felt awkward crying on her shoulder now that she was married with a family of her own. Lives changed...
At least some did. Some didn’t, even when a girl tried.
She let the cold water work before patting her face dry and surveying the damage. It wasn’t pretty. Defiantly she reached for her makeup bag. She usually didn’t wear much to the rodeo grounds, but desperate times called for desperate measures. The only way she could get through today...and tomorrow...was to put Rylan Duggan at the back of her mind. Not spare him a single thought. She was Kailey Brandt, general manager of Brandt Ranch. Strong and capable. Maybe she’d been stupid to chafe against her commitment there, because one thing she could say about the ranch: never once had it let her down.
Moisturizer, concealer, foundation, powder. She used them all to smooth out her complexion, and then added a swipe of clear lip gloss and a coat of mascara on her lashes.
She examined herself in the mirror. Not perfect, but perhaps fixed enough that it looked as if she’d not had much sleep versus a ginormous crying jag over a man who wasn’t worth it.
She scowled. “You are not going to think about him,” she instructed her reflection in a stern voice.
The other issue right now was transportation. She’d traveled with Rylan, and the guys were already gone, so she’d have to find another way to the rodeo grounds.
Her lower lip quivered in a moment of weakness; she bit it and stopped the trembling.
Rylan’s key sat defiantly on the dresser and she left it there. This time she wouldn’t deliver his key or anything else to the motel office. It could damn well sit there until the end of the world for all she cared.
The taxi she’d called arrived and stoically she got inside, gave the address to the driver and prepared herself to face the day.
Rylan Duggan was not the end of the world.
She wouldn’t let him be.