by Coco Miller
It’s selfish of me to say because that’s all he has been doing is fighting. The poison has destroyed his organs. There is nothing left to do and the longer he breathes, the more he suffers, and I don’t want him to suffer, but I also don’t want him to die.
“It isn’t fair,” I sniffle, laying my head against his hand. I feel like a boy again, not a fully grown man.
“I know,” he gasps. Every time he speaks, his chest stutters and falls. He can barely fucking breathe. A few hours my ass, he is going to die any minute.
“Vlad, my other son.” My father reaches his hand out to Vlad and Vlad doesn’t hesitate to grab onto it. He’s crying, red−faced and swollen lips. “I’ve lived a good life. You both brought me joy. I love you.”
Vlad stares up at the ceiling and blinks, a slow roll of a tear drips from the corner of his eye.
Alegra is sniffling too, rubbing her hand on my back in soothing circles. I’m so glad she is here right now; she has no idea how much she is helping me. She is stronger than any of us in this room.
“Everything you need is in my desk, Kazimir. Da?”
I don’t answer, not wanting to think about going through his things.
“I said, Da?”
“Da, Papa,” I answer weakly.
“Good,” he says and then starts to cough. I grab a tissue when I see blood on his lips again. I dab it away, and he takes my hand and presses it against his heart. “I know I didn’t say it much but I love you, Kazimir. I’m proud of the man you have become.”
His cloudy eyes slide toward Alegra and he grins happily. The blood on his teeth makes him look manic, but I know he is far from it.
“Alegra, come.” He gestures.
She gives me an unsure look, but stands anyway, grabbing onto my father’s stretched out hand. Alegra is showing kindness when anyone else who was eye to eye with the killer of their mother would not. I will never forget this.
“Alegra, I am sorry about your mother. I do not expect your forgiveness in my death, but I truly am sorry. I am glad my Kazimir found you. I am glad.” His eyes start to flutter. “I’m getting tired.”
“It’s okay, Mr. Volkov. I forgive you. I know you regret it.”
“That’s…” his eyes start to close. “That’s peace.” My father reaches for me and Vlad one last time and squeezes our hands before the strength is gone just as quickly as it was there, and the heart rate monitor starts to flatline.
“Father?” I call out to him, placing my hand on his shoulders. “Father?” I shake him, trying to wake him but he is gone. The doctor runs over and checks for a pulse. When she doesn’t find one, she turns off the heart rate monitor and sits down in the chair next to Vlad, letting us mourn and take our time.
I hang my head and place my forehead against his chest, clutching onto him like I did when I was a child. I lift my head up and let my tears fall on his silk pajamas that he said he wanted to die in because he wanted to feel good. It would make me laugh if I wasn’t so damn sad. I kiss his cheeks and do my best to get myself together.
“I need to start making arrangements,” I say as I stand straighter.
“Kazimir,” Alegra tugs on my shirts. “No, take a day. Be sad. It’s okay. There is no rush on this. It’s okay to grieve.”
“Right,” I agree. I want to crawl into bed and wake up, hoping his death was just a nightmare.
I sit back down in the chair and rub a hand over my face. Vlad has his back turned, but I see his shoulders shaking with the amount of tears leaving him. I get up and make my way around the death bed, tugging Vlad into a tight hold. I hold onto my brother as if he is about to disappear from this world too. I can barely wrap my arms around Vlad he is so monstrous, but the kindest soul I’ve ever come across.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “We will get through this. It’s up to us now. You and me,” I say.
He pulls away and wipes his tears on his palm. I know once we leave this room, we will turn back into emotionless leaders because that is what we have to do. But here in this room, it’s a safe space. We can break here. Alegra is right.
It’s okay to grieve.
Chapter Fifteen
Alegra
It’s been two weeks since Kazimir’s father’s funeral. Two weeks of holding him at night. Some days and nights are better than others. Some days he doesn’t cry, and some nights he can’t stop. Not everyone can be strong all the time and that’s okay. Sometimes giving in to one’s weakness is the same as strength.
Kazimir is inside his father’s office, going through his affairs, and I’m outside planting my garden. I’ve always wanted one, and Kazimir’s one wish was that I planted it around the large weeping willow tree he planted where his father is buried.
Forever remembered.
Like I’d ever say no to that.
Kazimir said he would hire people to do the lawn work but it takes the fun out of it. I’m currently hoeing the section of the yard I want, sweating my ass off. Luckily, I’m wearing a large sunhat that keeps the sun from my face. I stop for a second, grabbing at the water bottle off the ground to take a sip when I see a car coming down the driveway.
Vlad is standing next to me, helping me unload the bags of soil and mulch from the trailer and he pauses.
“Who the fuck is that?” he asks, slamming the bag down on the ground. “Get inside, sestra. Go!”
He never has to warn me twice, not after what happened. Kazimir is at the window upstairs when he sees me running toward the front doors, and then he sees the car coming down the driveway at a fast speed. When he opens the door, he steps out, calm and collective.
“Alegra, it’s okay,” he says. “I asked him here.”
“Who?” I ask, holding my side when it starts to cramp.
The car stops and Vlad reaches back to grab the gun out of the waistband of his pants when my father gets out of the car. A car I don’t recognize. He holds up his hands in surrender, and when he sees me his shoulders visibly relax.
“Mr. Wilson,” Kazimir greets.
“Kazimir, what the hell is he doing here?” I hiss at him.
It’s been over a month since I’ve discovered the truth about my mother and the realization that he must have kept it all from me. Not to mention he put us in a precarious position to begin with by owing the Bratva money.
I still feel so much bitterness towards him because of that. I’m happy now, and it worked out, but it’s the principle of it. A father isn’t supposed to sell his daughter to wipe away his debt. Granted, I’m happy he did because perhaps Kazimir and I would have never met otherwise, but he didn’t know that this is how it would turn out.
Kazimir turns to me, more casual than I have ever seen him look in his blue shirt and jeans. Ever since his father died, he has relaxed the clothing rules for everyone at the fortress.
“I wanted him here.”
“Why?” I stomp my foot like a child.
Kazimir grabs my arms and looks directly into my eyes, “Because your father is still alive. He made a mistake. He did what he thought was right at the time. If it wasn’t for his poor lack of judgement, I might not have you here. I’m thankful for his mistake, but I know you are angry. Don’t be angry at him, Moya Dusha. You forgave my father for a much bigger crime, why can’t you forgive yours?” he asks, and I feel guilty for being mad when he is just thinking of me.
Being thoughtful and sweet.
I want to be mad at him for it but I know I can’t be. Kazimir has changed since his father’s death. He is more reasonable and less angry. He accepts things; he loves easier and fights less. I’m not sure why, but he seems like he has accepted himself and his role now. He doesn’t rule with an iron fist but with a level head. And this new him makes the job easier.
Taking off my hat, I watch as my dad steps forward, holding the puppy I rescued all those weeks ago. “He is better now,” my dad says with watery eyes. “He had mange and was underweight and had heartworms, but he is healthy now. Kazimir said you would wa
nt him here.”
My father walks until he is directly in front of me, Vlad behind him, waiting for the signal to shoot. He holds out the puppy and I take the cute bundle of fur.
How can I not? It’s a puppy.
The pup licks my chin, and my dad and I lock eyes. He looks so much older, more tired, and he has a beard. My dad has never had a beard. Maybe this has been tougher on him than I thought.
“I’m sorry, Alegra. I made a mistake, but I see that you are doing well for yourself.”
“Your betrayal worked out if that is what you are noticing. I love Kazimir. This is my home now. I’m not a prisoner.”
“I know that. Kazimir has been keeping in touch with me.”
I whip my head toward Kazimir and he lifts a shoulder.
“The debt is wiped clean. It was clear once you arrived here. And the property taxes on the clinic and his house are no longer in arrears; I took care of it. I want you and your father to start new. I want you to work at the clinic if that is what you desire. It is yours now.”
My eyes water from the unexpected news. I’m not sure what to think.
“Why would you do that? He gave me—”
“If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t have even been born, Moya Dusha. He has given me everything I need. I want you happy and the clinic made you happy, Da?” he asks.
“Yes, it did.” I scratch the back of the puppy's head, wondering if my life is about to change yet again for the better thanks to Kazimir.
“I want you happy. That’s all I care about. I have had the chef prepare dinner. Please, Mr. Wilson, join us.”
My dad eyes me with trepidation. “Only if it is okay with Alegra,” he says.
“It is. I just need to get cleaned up. Do I really get to keep him?” I bounce on my feet with excitement as I stare at Kazimir, getting puppy kisses that smell of puppy breath.
“Da, but if he shits on my rug, I’m going to be pissed,” Kazimir grumbles as he turns around and goes inside.
“Well, don’t buy such expensive rugs and you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”
“Don’t get sassy. You know what happens when you get sassy,” Kazimir warns, and my body comes to life.
“Kazimir,” I tsk quietly. “Not with my dad here.”
He winks at me and then my dad steps inside and whistles when he looks around the grand foyer. A few men are walking around, eyeing him with confusion since they don’t know him, but since he is with us, they keep walking.
I hold the puppy as we make our way up the stairs. I need to think about what to name him. Chance? Since I’ve been getting so many lately that I have to wonder if I’m a cat with nine lives.
“Alegra?” My dad touches my shoulder. “I want to talk about your mom. I know—”
“I don’t want to talk about her ever.”
“She was a complicated woman and cocaine is a very powerful drug. I didn’t want you to have those memories of her. I don’t regret lying to you about her.”
“I’m sorry that she did those things to you but mom...I mean she deserved what she got.”
“Alegra—” he sounds astonished that I would say touch a thing but what am I supposed to think? I bet my dad doesn’t even know everything she did. I do. I’ve heard the tapes; I’ve heard the truth from Kazimir’s father.
“She was a human being with flaws. She didn’t deserve to die.”
“So you know–”
“I know what Mr. Volkov did.”
“Did you know that when you borrowed the money?”
“Of course not. Kazimir filled me in.”
“Is that why you forgive her?”
“I didn’t say that. I’m saying that people are complicated. Look at me. Look at the man you’ve fallen for. Nobody is just black or white. We all tend to exist in shades of gray.”
“Mr. Volkov!” One of Kazimir’s men runs down the hall right as the alarm sounds in the house. Kazimir pulls my father and I down the hall and to my room, the room that I was in the first night I was here. “It’s Santini. He is here.”
Kazimir pushes my father and I into the room and pulls out his gun. “I’m sorry, Mr. Wilson. I have business to attend to. Dinner will have to wait.”
“Kazimir,” I breathe, scared and afraid for his life and mine. What if Santini finds me?
“I love you. I’ll be back for you like always,” he says, stealing one last kiss before slamming the door in my face. The door locks and the familiar sounds of gunshots ring through the air.
It will all be over soon.
And Kazimir will end up the victor.
I have to believe that.
It is the only ending I can accept.
Epilogue
Kazimir
It’s been a month since I shot Santini between the eyes, finally ending the feud between the Russians and the Italians of New York. The Russians officially own this city now and the havoc has been quieted, which is good because my Alegra needs a break from it all.
I asked her father for permission to marry her two weeks ago, and he laughed saying that his permission didn’t matter.
It didn’t, it doesn’t, but I still wanted to do right by Alegra and treat her with the respect that she deserves.
Right now, we are in wine country in Napa Valley with our puppy. She carries the tiny ankle-biter in her purse and feeds it fucking cheese. She loves that dog, but I love her, so that’s all that matters.
If she is happy, I am happy.
Only, I took her to wine country and she isn’t drinking any wine. I’ve been worried about her. She’s been pale, not eating, and the first thing it reminds me of is my father dying. She’s been tired, sleeping a lot, and I’m worried sick.
Could someone be poisoning my woman just like my father?
Is the bad blood not really over?
“I think I want the steak with a loaded baked potato, but for dessert I want a peanut butter jelly sandwich covered in chocolate with a pickle on the side.”
“Really? You haven’t eaten in days and now you want all of that?” I put down my menu and reach for her hands. “Alegra, you have me worried. Are you sick? What have you drunk? My father…”
“Oh my gosh, Kazimir, no.” She squeezes my hand and smiles. “I’m fine. I didn’t want to tell you until I knew for sure but I found out this morning and I have no idea how to tell you.”
Please, don’t let her be dying. My heart squeezes in my chest, and the dog yaps from her purse.
“I’m pregnant.”
I release a breath so long that I have no more air in my lungs. “You’re what?”
“We made a baby, Kazimir. We did it.”
I stand up and walk around the table and kneel on the ground, placing my hands against her stomach. I can’t help it when the emotions burn the back of my eyes.
“I bet it happened the night I told you it would.”
She giggles and it’s music to my ears.
“You’re having my baby. Our baby. I love you so fucking much, Alegra. I swear, I’ll take care of you until the end of time. Until the breath leaves my lungs. The both of you.”
Her hand lands on mine and she nods. “I know that, but I never want that breath to leave you, okay? We need you.”
I take out the six-carat canary yellow diamond ring I bought for her. There are diamonds that surround the golden gem like a halo. I bought it because they reminded me of her eyes, her skin and her aura. Just beautiful.
I don’t ask her to marry me. I open the box and slip the ring on her finger and tell her, “You’re going to marry me, Alegra Wilson. You’re going to be my wife, you’re going to take my last name, and you’re going to help me build my empire higher than it has ever been before.”
“Mrs. Alegra Volkov,” she hums, staring at the large ring on her finger. It nearly swallows the dainty digit. “I like the sound of that.”
“We need to get out of here,” I growl, bringing her with me as I stand.
Her eyes round with horror.
“What? We can celebrate. I don’t want to go.”
“I want to ravish you.”
“But I want to eat. I’m so hungry. I’m eating for two now, Kazimir.”
Right. How can I be so selfish?
“We can order to go and then I’m going to eat the food off your naked body.” I lean down and nibble on the shell of her ear.
She melts against me, lightly moaning. No wonder she has been so sensitive lately. Why didn’t I put it together earlier? I run my knuckles down her neck, and she tilts to the side, exposing the long column of the flesh that I want to mark. Having my ring on her isn’t enough. Having my child inside her isn’t enough.
I need more.
“Kazimir,” she whines my name in the back of her throat. She picks up the water glass and the ice clinks against the glass as her handshakes. She takes a small sip but she misses her mouth. The cold droplet slides down her chin, then to her throat, and I yank her head back by her hair, looking around to make sure no one is watching us in the private booth.
We are safe. The natural lighting is dark anyway.
I flatten my tongue and lick the delicious water off her skin, and she clutches onto my arms, her nipples hard and piercing her shirt. She wants me.
“How about I fuck you now, we eat, and then we go and I’ll fuck you again?” I purr into her ear as I lick and suck on her earlobe.
“Right here?” she pants.
I shut the door to the booth for more privacy and lay my woman down, lift her dress up, and slide her panties to the side.
“Right here. I want you to feel me leak out of you while you eat your precious steak.” I unzip my pants and fish my cock out.
I plunge inside her wetness, feeling like an animal with how I’m taking her right now, but that’s what she does to me. She reminds me to live in the moment.
My sweet, Moya Dusha.
I can’t wait to live all of my remaining moments loving her and our new child.
Oh, and that damn puppy.