My heart feels like it’s trying to pound its way out of my chest as I open my eyes to Falcon. I recognize that sickening feeling now that settles in the pit of my stomach; it’s the same nauseous feeling I got when I first met Hunter, when I realized I loved him in a way I would never not love him.
“I think I’m falling for you,” I quickly admit without thinking twice about it.
“That makes the both of us,” he says, grinning. Falcon looks more amazing when he grins.
“It’s safe to fall.”
His eyes lazily roam my face in such a way my heart feels like it could explode and his brows knit together. “What?”
“It’s safe to be who I am with you; it’s safe to crumble into insignificant pieces in front of you. You’ve been with me every day for the past few weeks…even when I didn’t want you there because I was dying. But through the smoke and rubble, here you stand. That lets me know you’ll always be here for me, even when you’re not here for me.”
“What are you talking about?” he says through his grin.
“I’ll be able to depend on you when we’re not together,” I explain.
His grin vanishes. “We’ll always be together.”
I shake my head. “Nothing is forever, Falcon. Not even you and me.” I learned this lesson when my father killed himself and left me, my mom, and Tyler.
“Isabel.” I stiffen the second I hear Hunter’s voice. My eyes flicker over to him. He stands on the left side of me, mouth pressed in a thin line and fists tightly clenched at his sides. His beautiful face is twisted with rage. Falcon slowly backs away from me. I cautiously make my way to Hunter.
I reach up on the tips of my toes and smooth the worried lines between his brows. “We need to talk,” I whisper.
My body tenses more when I flinch from the late bell ringing. “Yeah. We need to talk,” Hunter agrees, never taking his eyes away from Falcon.
Falcon lifts a brow at Hunter.
Hunter’s jaw ticks.
Reaching down, I take Hunter’s hand in my, entwining our fingers like I’ve done countless times before. “Come, lets converse. I know a perfect place.” I tug on his arm and he reluctantly follows. The halls are entirely empty, so pulling him into the girls’ bathroom is not much of a challenge.
He stares down our joined hands once we’re in. “What’s wrong with you. You haven’t been over. You haven’t called…What did I do wrong?”
“Everything,” he whispers, his gaze still aimed at our hands.
My brows furrow. The straps of my blue backpack slid down my shoulders and the weight of all my heavy textbooks threatens to drag me down. “What?”
“We can’t be friends anymore. You’ve messed everything up. You always mess everything up. I don’t need to be around you. I don’t want to be around you,” he says to our hands.
“I don’t get it.”
His sky blue eyes lift up to mine with a sudden violent disgust that I’ve never seen from him before. “What do you not get, Isabel? The part when I said, ‘we can’t be friends’? Or the part when I said, ‘I don’t want to be around you’? Please explain so I can elaborate.”
I tug our linked hands and place them over my thundering heart, so he can feel my erratic pulse beat against his skin. “This isn’t you…you love me. We love each other. We’d die for each other, remember? Do you remember what you said, what you promised when my dad died?” Hunter nods, but I remind him anyway. “You said loving you would never hurt. You said you would be there no matter what. You promised we would make it through together and come out stronger in the end.”
He tilts his head and clenches his jaw as he watches tears stream down my cheeks. “I’ve broke so many promises already. It’s good I’m cutting you loose. You’re free. It’s nothing but misery and pain on the road I’m headed. I’m already a fuckup. Look at what I’ve saved you from. You should be grateful, Isabel.” His tone is mocking and sad.
I release his hand, pressing his palm flat against my raging heart. “I’ll accept misery; I’ll accept pain…but I cannot accept you leaving. Don’t save me. If hell is where you’re headed, then count me in for the ride, too. You are where I want to be.”
His free hand settles on my lower back, pushing my body into his. He rests his forehead on mine, shutting his eyes. “You’ll always leave your mark on my soul, Isabel. But we can’t be together. We are not meant to be together. If you truly love me the way you say you do, then let me let you go. Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.”
“It does not have to be difficult, Hunter. Please. We can work through this. I’m positive about it. We’re stronger together than apart.”
“I can’t love you anymore,” he declares in a stern, finality voice.
“Impossible,” I whisper ever so softly. “You cannot not love me anymore.”
“But I don’t love you anymore, Isabel. Don’t you get it? It was only a matter of time before your fairytale came crashing down; its better this happened now rather than later. You’re not good enough for me. Let’s face it. You’re average, and that’s pushing it.” He opens his eyes, cradling my face in his hands. “Don’t you want me to have better? Don’t I deserve better, Isabel?”
“You deserve the world,” I say barely audible.
His fingers dig into the sides of my face. It hurts but the pain in my chest feels far worse. “Then give me that by leaving me alone. When we walk past each other, don’t even glance my way. I promise I’ll do the same. Let’s pretend me and you never happened.”
My fingers fist in his shirt. “But we did happen. We did, Hunter.” My throat feels so raw but I force the next words out. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. If you just tell me…maybe I can fix it. I can fix this. Just let me fix this. Please. I’ll give you everything I have. I promise.” I yank him close and bury my wet face in his chest. “Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me. Whatever you do, please don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I love you.”
He takes a clumsy step back; his heart is beating super fast like mine. I only move with him, like I’m an attached piece. I am an attached piece—an extra limb that he doesn’t need any more. Then there is pressure on my wrists, so much pressure that I look up.
His eyes are watery and transparent, it’s like I can swim in them and die absolutely happy. “’Bye, Isabel.” He leans forward and places a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. My hands fall from his shirt. The vision of him walking away is obscured by the tears that roll down my cheeks.
I’m all alone now.
No more Hunter.
No more hearing his laugh.
No more watching him when he smiles.
No more feeling him breathe into me.
No more relief.
No more us.
In pure rage, I toss my backpack off and sling it against the door. It bounces off and lands on the floor with a loud thud. I stalk into the large handicap stall at the very end, slamming and locking the door behind me. It feels like a boulder is crushing my chest. No matter how many countless deep inhales I gulp down, it’s never enough to satisfy the ache in my lungs. It hurts to breathe. I need some kind of relief of this unbearable grief.
Taking my father’s Swiss knife from my pocket and with fumbling fingers, I roll the left sleeve of my navy cardigan and drag the razor-sharp tip of the knife across my flash inside my wrist. The pain from my cut radiates throughout my body in scorching waves as my skin separates—leaving a thin bleeding horizontal line in its wake. The feeling I get from it is instant ecstasy. The blade drops from my hand, clinging against the tile. My legs give way and I collapse on my knees, gasping and convulsing and sobbing. Blood travels down my arm and leaks from my fingertips. I sigh in relief, staring at the small droplets of wet scarlet that lies scattered around me like shattered promises and broken dreams.
Chapter thirty-three
Two Halves Of A Whole
The muted morning sunshine filters through the white flowy drapes. Groaning, I wipe the sleep fr
om my eyes. I’m alone, but the bathroom door is ajar. Fragrant steam floats through the sliver of space. Someone is in the shower. When the water stops I close my eyes, playing possum. If I see Hunter and Candy walk out the bathroom together, I don’t think I would be able to keep my sanity a second longer.
Footsteps shuffle against the dark grey carpet. There’s a pause before Hunter pounces on the bed. I say Hunter because even with my eyes closed tight I know his touch and the scent of his body. I know him so well I’m positive I can distinguish him from others in my sleep. He drags his damp body up mines, wedging his hips between my legs. Hunter nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck and deeply inhales. The strands of his wet hair tickle my collarbone.
I slowly open my eyes. “Good morning to you, too.”
“Morning, baby. You sleep okay?”
Holding my breath for a moment, I try to control the shiver that ripples down my spine. Hunter lips move across my neck—right below my earlobe as he speaks. “Yeah, I slept okay. Did you sleep okay?”
He kisses my neck before he brings his face to my line of sight. Hunter gives me a shy, impish smile that makes my heart stutter. “I can’t complain.”
“I bet,” I mutter, smiling too. I vaguely wonder if my morning breath is horrid and if I have dried drool crusted on the sides of my face. He’s so very close to me, but he doesn’t seem to mind if I do. Reaching up, I sift through his damp hair, loving the feel of its silkiness. “You’re being sweet to me today. What tragedy am I in for?”
His brows knit together but he still smiles when he asks, “Why can’t I be sweet to you without an ulterior motive.”
I hold his face in my hands, gazing into dancing blue eyes. “Because that’s not you.”
“You would be surprised,” he murmurs, lowering his head to kiss me. I tense and keep my lips clamped tight when his tongue nudges entrance into my mouth. His hands glide underneath the shirt I have on, up my hips and travels up my stomach. He cups my breasts, running the pad of his thumbs against my harden nipples. I gasp and Hunter thrusts his refreshing cinnamon toothpaste-flavored tongue into my mouth.
“I have morning breath,” I explain.
He kisses me passionately. “No you don’t. I wouldn’t care if you did.” Hunter kneads my breasts and grazes my nipples with pads of his thumbs for a moment longer, maintaining eye contact throughout it all. My body heats to a scolding degree beneath his. My blood feels like liquid fire. I’m suddenly aware of a brown towel wrapped around Hunter’s waist is the only article of clothing shielding me from him.
“Hunter?” I whisper in a needy tone.
He skims his mouth over mine. “I’m right here.”
“What are you doing?”
He removes his hands from my breasts, only for one to rest on the flat plane of my stomach and the other clasping my jaw. “I need to be inside you again, Isabel. It’s all I’ve been thinking about. It’s difficult for me to concentrate on anything else when I only want to be in one place.”
“I don’t think we should. Last night…last night was a mistake—”
He kisses me before I can say anymore and then his body begins the descent down mine. “Are you sore?”
“Sore?” I ask, unsure of what he means.
Hunter’s finger pushes inside me and I whimper. “Yes. Sore?”
“Yes.” He plunges deeper, eliciting a grunt and whimper before removing his finger.
“Do you want something for that? I have Aleve in the medicine cabinet. They’re gel capsules, so they should work almost instantly with alleviating the pain,” he murmurs to my abdomen.
I swallow loudly as I watch a mass of wavy blonde hair slide down my body. “I don’t mind. I have a high tolerance for pain.”
Hunter gives a beguiling smile and places a hand on both my knees, spreading my thighs apart. “I have to be inside you. You do understand that, right?”
Staring at beautiful Hunter for the briefest of moments, I realize that he isn’t accustomed to being denied. “If I say ‘no’, will you stop?”
My lips press together when he narrows his eyes. “Yes, but I wouldn’t want to. Just say the word and I’ll stop. Promise.”
His turbulent blue eyes hold mine steady as I stare at him for a moment longer, considering if I want to proceed. But I was a goner when he smiled and whispered, “Morning baby.”
He never said those words to me. I sometimes imaged he did, even wished he did at times. Waking up to those words and his smile is enough to stun me into utter awe and submission. Hunter can have whatever he desires from me.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
“Figured,” he says through a smug grin, mockingly trailing his finger through the wet that pools between my legs.
My hips buck at his touch. “You don’t have to be so cocky,” I half moan and half murmur, teasing.
“I can’t help but be self-absorbed when you look at me the way you do.”
He slips two fingers inside of me, causing my back arch. “How do I look at you?” I ask, genuinely curious. If I get his perspective on the way he sees me, maybe it will help guide me in the right direction with Hunter.
Should I stay with him and work through this tangled mess together?
Or should I leave while I have the sanity and determination to do so?
“Like I made the stars, like I’m heaven’s gift,” he whispers, kissing the sensitive skin of both inner thighs.
“You are heaven’s gift. You’re the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” I watch in complete fascination as his facial features get soft and his eyes sparkle with some emotion I can’t quite comprehend. Whatever it is, it makes Hunter appear that more desirable; I wouldn’t have known that was possible until now.
He kisses my knees and crawls back up my body. “I was going to eat your pussy until you shoved at my head again and begged for mercy.”
“How romantic,” I say, voice laced with sarcasm. Reaching up I cradle his face in my hands.
“Now all I want to do is hold you in my arms and gaze into your eyes all day.” He smiles and shakes his head. “This is bad.”
My brows snap together and I pout, disappointed at what he has to say. “Why is that bad?”
He nuzzles my neck with his nose, causing me to shudder. “Because I’m not thirteen anymore, Isabel. But with you, I still feel like I’ll always be that lovesick boy, whose world doesn’t revolve unless Isabel Charm Waters is a part of it.”
My fingertips trace the contours of his devastatingly handsome face. “Hunter Star Knight, I felt that way since you shoved me off the swing. You were mean and demanding back then too.”
He smiles, placing kisses on random parts of my face and neck. “I get like that when I see something worth protecting. But, then again, I guess that’s just me.”
“But, then again, I guess it’s just you,” I whisper through a smile, my fingers sketching his full lips.
He draws index finger into his mouth, nipping it.
I gasp and drop my hands to his smooth and muscled, running my fingers down the line of his spine.
“Never put your fingers near a greedy animal’s mouth. You will always get bit.” Hunter sweeps kisses from my cheekbones, down to the edges of my jaw, to my lips.
“Savage,” I accuse.
Hunter sucks on my earlobe. “I’ve been called worse.” Groaning, I close my eyes and just feel the immense power of his entire body engulfing mine, his impossibly hot skin rubbing against mine, spicy and sweet cinnamon breath beating against my neck. “I never thought I’d be here with you like this. I never thought I wanted to be here with you like this. But, more importantly, I never knew I needed you to be here like this.”
Opening my eyes, I hold his face in my hands. We search each other eyes for what seems like infinite about of time. He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose. It’s a meaningful gesture that I always loved from the very beginning. Warmth settles in my stomach, causing me to feel light-headed and queasy. My heart is beating a mile a minut
e.
“What’s happening? What are we doing?” I ask, fully terrified of his answer and afraid and bewildered of actually taking down my guard and being emotionally vulnerable to him as well as physically. But being emotionally defenseless against him will be more harmful…when he decides to leave me again.
“We’re gonna explore this, whatever this is. Are you with me?”
I manage to nod, my heart beating erratically in my throat. I don’t trust my voice enough to answer.
His hands cup my backside, pushing my torso up to meet his. “Good. I’m glad we can agree on something for once. That’s a start.”
Grinning mischievously, I reach down and yank the towel off from Hunter’s waist, tossing it somewhere on the floor. “Are you going to talk me to death or fuck me now?”
He laughs softly, blue eyes shimmering. After I’m satisfied with staring at his striking face, I notice the heat and hardness of him. His erection grazes the sides of my thighs. I glance down at his magnificent body—he’s all toned muscle and hard edges and tanned skin but his erection is just huge, thick, and beautiful like everything else attached to him.
So unbelievably sexy.
Hunter harshly grasps my jaw, jerking my face back up to him. “Didn’t I say we have to work on that smart mouth of yours? You don’t fuck me. I fuck you. Always.”
“You don’t like a woman on top?” I provoke, bringing my legs up and squeezing the sides of his ribs with my thighs.
His fingers curl into my flesh, it’s not painful exactly…just demanding. A menacing smile with many white teeth is his only response.
“Luckily for you, I get off on my back—” Hunter reaches down between us and slips a thick finger inside me, swirling in a slow motion.
I moan and close my eyes, then I feel his supple lips at the shell of my ear. “You don’t want to piss me off while I’m between your legs, baby,” he plunges his finger deeper inside of me and my hips buck and my heels dig into the mattress, “I might not let you come at all. But, luckily for you, I like the taste of your pussy way too much to ever pass it up.” Without another word Hunter withdraws his finger and kisses and nips his way down my belly. I inhale sharply once his hot mouth is on me. His ravenous tongue and mouth licks and sucks away. I writhe and twist from side to side, attempting to escape him, but his long fingers wrap around both wrists and pins my hands down at my sides. The more I squirm, the harder he holds me down and the more aroused we both get. I’m incapable of moving any further.
Pure Illusion (Web Of Deception #1) Page 20