by M. Malone
“Of course you’ve been busy! Didn’t you just win a major bid last week? It was all over the business news.”
Josie’s mother is practically simpering now and I can just hear her mentally tabulating how many millions Josie’s missing out on by not snagging Perry while she could. If she only knew that my bank account is easily as big as any of theirs.
A grin breaks out on my face and Perry stutters in the middle of his sentence when he sees the look on my face. Probably wondering why I’m in such a good mood since he’s the one her parents love.
“Y-Yes, we’re working on that new development in Norfolk,” he continues.
“Oh yes, one of our clients is involved. The zoning was a nightmare. Actually,” Mr. Harlow glances across the table at me. “One of the investors is a Marshall. Finnigan Marshall, I believe. Any relation?” At his loud bellow the table quiets.
Perry scoffs. “I’m sure it’s not. That’s a pretty common last name.”
Josie’s hand lands on my arm. I turn my arm over and give her hand a comforting squeeze. “Actually, Finn Marshall is my brother.”
Mr. Harlow’s eyebrows rise slowly and he looks at me with new interest. “I’ve heard great things about that project.”
“It’s been a bit of a bear but he mentioned now that they’ve gotten past the zoning issues and are planning to expand. They’ll be doing a few more luxury condo buildings and a mixed-use development as well. I believe that will be both condos and shops right in the heart of the city.”
“Are you involved as well?”
Everyone at the table is suddenly interested in what I have to say. Even Josie’s watching me with a look I don’t recognize. Pride, maybe?
Perry on the other hand is seething.
I decide I might as well go for broke. I’m not one for bragging but after watching Josie’s parents fawn all over him, I want them to know that I can take way better care of her than this puffed up blowhard.
“No, sir. My brother has asked me to invest but I have another cause in mind. When children in West Haven have diabetic complications, they’re usually referred to New Haven’s hospital since we don’t have the resources to deal with them here. I’ve decided to endow a new pediatric wing of our hospital to address the issue.”
Josie’s grandmother speaks up. “That’s a lovely idea. How generous of you.”
“I have diabetes myself so it’s a cause that’s important to me. But honestly, Josie gave me the idea.”
Josie’s grip on my hand tightens. “Me? What did I do?”
“Earlier this evening, Josie knew to order oil and vinegar for me since I can’t have the regular dressing on my salad. She also made sure to find out the meal options for me before dinner was served. It’s difficult to manage this disease without family support.”
I lift her hand to my lips. ”Not everyone is lucky enough to have a Josie.”
Next to us, Isabelle sighs. Even Mrs. Harlow is stunned into silence.
Glancing over at Josie, I’m surprised to find her eyes bright with unshed tears.
“Zack.” Her voice breaks a little.
Then she leans over and kisses me right there at the table.
†
The entire drive home I can feel Josie watching me. After kissing me in front of everyone, she promptly dragged me out of the ballroom. It was a good thing that we’d left our coats in the car because I don’t think she would have even cared if we needed to stop at coat check.
I can feel her vibrating with anticipation from across the car.
As soon as I pull into her drive and put the car in park, she’s over the seat. Her hands sink into my hair and her tongue is in my mouth while I struggle not to bang my knee on the steering wheel. She finally gets over the center console and settles in my lap, straddling me. She arches and then my lips are on her throat.
“Zack, I want you.” Her voice is throaty in the way I’ve come to recognize as her fuck me now voice.
“Josie. The house. Now.” I’m so turned on I can barely form complete sentences. But somehow I get the door open and we almost fall out onto the pavement.
She’s all over me as we walk-stumble up the drive. It takes her a few minutes to get out her keys and get the door open. Then I pick her up and carry her up the stairs. She turns her back to me and I carefully pull down the zipper on the back of her gown, kissing the creamy skin revealed. It falls in a heap around her ankles and she steps out of it. My heart stops for a moment at my first sight of Josie in a black strapless bra, black thong and those sky-high fuck me heels.
“You are everything.”
I’m not sure if she really understands what I mean when I say that but she launches herself at me, tearing at my shirt. She makes a sound of frustration when she can’t get it off. I laugh at her little growl and pull off my jacket and then undo the buttons of the shirt.
“These damn buttons are keeping me from the good stuff,” she mutters before her lips land on my bare chest.
The sound I make shocks even me. But last time I was focused completely on Josie. This is the first time I’ve felt her lips on my bare skin like this and the sensation is sublime.
She tugs at my waistband and I quickly get out of my pants and boxers. Her mouth falls open when my erection pops free, almost hitting her in the face. Her hand grips me at the base, much more firmly than I would have expected.
“Shit. Stroke me, just like that,” I whisper harshly. My control is stretched thin by her uncharacteristic boldness.
Her touch is hesitant at first but she quickly catches a rhythm. She puts one hand in the middle of my chest and forces me to walk backwards. The back of my thighs hit the bed and Josie drops to her knees. I’m thinking that she’ll be nervous or need direction but before I can even think, her lips are wrapped around me.
My head falls back and I let out a deep moan as I watch the head of my cock disappear into her mouth and then reappear shiny and wet. The visual is almost as powerful as the physical sensations.
She doesn’t try to take it deep but just licks delicately like it’s a treat she’s tasting. My hands grip the comforter to keep from tangling in her hair and forcing her head down. Her untutored but enthusiastic tongue has me hovering on the edge of insanity already.
My dick pops out of her mouth and she glances up at me, her eyes wide with curiosity and desire. “Is this the right way?”
“Anything you want to do is right, sweetheart. Just take as much as you can.”
She seems to take that as a challenge, sweeping her hair over her shoulder before she takes it all the way to the back of her throat. The look on her face, the sounds that she’s making, the way she holds me all tell me that she’s into it. Her arousal feeds mine until we’re moving together in perfect harmony, my hips lifting as she comes down.
I can’t take any more.
When I pull back, she makes a soft sound of disgruntlement but then she’s giggling when I scoop her up in my arms. I place her in the middle of the bed, coming down on top of her. We both sigh at the pleasurable sensation of skin sliding over skin. Her arms curl around my neck and I revel in being wrapped up in her embrace.
I’ve always been a solitary person, needing nothing and no one to survive. It always seemed easier that way. There’s no disappointment if you never expect anything.
It’s a scary thing to find myself at home in her arms when I never thought I needed that.
She reaches over to her nightstand and pulls out a box of condoms.
“I got these today on the way home.”
It introduces a moment of levity as I imagine her going into the store, blushing while she bought these.
“Thank you for being a good Girl Scout sweetheart because I don’t want to get up and search for mine.”
Her legs tighten behind my back and I groan as her hot, wet heat presses against my stomach.
“I don’t want you going anywhere either,” she murmurs in that throaty voice.
She laughs as I fumb
le the condom open, my eagerness obvious. Then her giggles are cut off by her long intake of breath as I push inside. She’s still so tight and it’s a struggle to go slow.
“Zack, I need you.” She pulls on my shoulders, trying to force me to go faster.
“Slowly, sweetheart.”
I kiss her gently, rocking my hips slowly, gaining an inch at a time. When she lifts her hips again, I slide home and we both cry out. Her nails bite into my back and her neck arches as she tries to get me deeper. Her tight muscles squeeze me so hard that I can tell she’s already close and after just a few short strokes, she’s coming. Tears slide down her cheeks as she gives herself over to the pleasure, sobbing and cursing as her orgasm rolls through her.
I love it. It’s so fucking sexy to watch her lose control of herself. Seeing the pleasure on her face and hearing her helpless little cries has me right behind her, my hips moving faster until I can’t take it any more and let go.
Afterward we lay entwined, completely destroyed by the intensity of our lovemaking. I don’t raise my head to look at her yet, wanting a few more moments to pretend I haven’t just been irrevocably changed. Looking in the mirror when I was dressing for the party, I didn’t even recognize myself. With my hair grown in and my tats covered, it was like someone else had climbed into my skin.
Worrying about what people think is alien to me but suddenly I’m changing my hair, my clothes and my demeanor to fit into her world. I hate that I’ve so easily thrown aside what I believe to appease others but I can’t deny that I would do the same thing again.
The fact that I would compromise every part of myself to make Josie happy scares the hell out of me.
†
Finally I roll over and pull Josie on top of me. Her breathing slows down and after a few minutes I assume she’s gone to sleep. I’m almost asleep myself when her voice jerks me back to attention.
“I know you heard what my mother said tonight.” She lifts her head from my chest to look at me. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
“She’s right. I’m not your boyfriend.”
“You’re angry.” She cups my cheeks and holds my face still so I can’t avoid her eyes. “Why are you mad? Did you want me to correct her? Zack, you’re the one who said we have to keep our relationship a secret.”
She’s right. I’m the one who insisted on drawing these lines. I’m tripping over my own rules because I’ve seen how much better life is with her in it.
Now that I know how deep my need for her runs, I’m terrified of what will happen if I lose her. It’s not her fault that I’m so torn up.
“I’m not angry with you, Jo. It was just… everything tonight was so wrong. I felt like a fraud wearing that stupid tux and listening to your mother talking about what a perfect catch your ex is. He’s everything she’s ever wanted for you.”
“I should have stopped her. Standing up to her is difficult for me but that’s my problem not yours. And I don’t care if she wants me to be with Perry. I want to be with you.”
“She’s not going to be the only one thinking those things and you do deserve the best, Jo. But I’m a blue-collar kind of guy. That's never going to change.”
“And I would never ask you to,” she assures me.
“But they will. They’ll expect a guy who can fit into your world. I can clean up nice for an evening but that’s not who I am. I can’t be that guy as much as I want to be.”
“You really think I care about all that? About diamonds and parties and the social scene? I couldn’t possibly care any less about that stuff.”
“I know.”
The worst part is that I do know. Josie truly doesn’t care about the superficial. She’s so genuine and real.
She sits up slightly so she can see my face. “What do you think is going to happen down the line? That I’ll change my mind about us?”
I can’t respond and admit that she’s just stated my worst fear. But her tremulous smile as she kisses me again tells me that as always, she knows.
“I’m not changing my mind. You’re just going to have to get used to the idea of me loving you.”
Her emotions shine from her eyes like a beacon. Even if she’d never told me before, I’d know she loves me just by looking at her. It makes me feel like a caveman who wants to beat his chest and claim her and also scared as hell.
“You're telling me you love me. I don't know if I have that in me. Not the way you need me to. And you deserve so much better than that.”
Her ex probably had no problem telling her he loved her whether he meant it or not. But I can never lie to Josie even if it means I get to keep her special smiles and love all to myself.
“I’m going to go.”
“Don’t leave mad. I won’t be able to sleep knowing we’re angry with each other.”
“When we started this, I promised I would be careful with you.”
“You have been. I couldn’t imagine a better or more considerate lover than you’ve been. I hate to think of how it would have been if I’d tried to do this with anyone else. You would never hurt me.”
Her faith in me makes my inadequacy all the more obvious.
“Don’t you see? I’m already hurting you.”
“You’re only hurting me if you run away.”
I nod and then pull her into the cradle of my arms. Cuddling with her has become one of my favorite things in a very short time. I didn’t get nearly enough time to enjoy having her warm, curvy body in my arms last time before we were interrupted.
“Go to sleep, sweetheart. I promise I won’t leave until you fall asleep.”
She stretches against me trying to get comfortable. Then she tucks her hand under my stomach and rests her head on my arm. She blinks sleepily a few times, then yawns. Eventually she ends her fight to stay awake and I watch as she sleeps trustingly in my arms.
If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I would be wearing tuxedos and covering my tattoos for a girl, I wouldn’t have believed it. But here I am and I can’t deny that I’d do it all over again if I had to. This entire time I’ve been warning Josie about not equating sex with love but it turns out that she’s not the one in danger.
I was so busy warning her that sex would change things that I never considered that it might change me.
There’s no denying that I have changed. And I kind of like it.
But what happens when she meets someone who fits better into her world? A guy who doesn’t come up with an idea to help others to impress her parents but just because he’s a nice guy?
I can put on a performance but what happens when she pulls back the curtain and discovers it’s all a show?
chapter ten
†
JOSIE
Something hits me in the side and I startle awake. My eyes dart around, trying to figure out what woke me. The dark in the room is broken only by the sliver of moonlight coming in between the curtains. It’s quiet and still. Then I turn over and see Zack.
He didn’t leave.
I watch his chest rise and fall slowly. He must have pulled the sheet over us at some point because all I can see is his naked chest. He’s so beautiful like this and without his usual scowl he looks younger. Unburdened somehow. Kind of like how he looked when we first met. Propping myself up on one arm, I watch him sleep, thrilled with the opportunity to observe him while he’s unaware. No one else gets to see him like this but me. My heart beats a little faster just looking at this face I love so much.
I could look at this every day and never get tired of it.
That gives me an idea. Carefully I climb out of bed, hoping my movements won’t wake him. Our clothes are still scattered all over the floor from our mad scramble to get in bed earlier. My camera is sitting on my desk so I turn it on and then open the curtains slightly to let in more of the moonlight. Zack doesn’t stir as I take pictures of him from every angle. For the first time in years I’m given license to do what I want.
Stare at him.
Through the lens you can see things that you’d otherwise miss. He’s such an interesting puzzle to look at. All hard angles and lines from his cheekbones to the lean muscles in his chest but then he has the most enticing spots that show a hint of vulnerability. The way his hair curls right behind his ears, the long lashes and elegant fingers that I know can work magic on the most sensitive parts of my body.
Just thinking about what he can do with those beautiful fingers sends a warm flush of heat straight between my thighs.
Zack grunts and then one eye opens. His lazy smile is so adorable that I take a picture of that, too.
“What are you doing, sweetheart?”
“Taking pictures of the hot, naked man in my bed.”
He reaches out and grabs me around the waist, pulling me down on top of him. “Take pictures of us together.”
I take a photo while straddling him and then the camera slips out of my fingers when he lifts his hips, grinding against me. Maybe I could withstand it if I wasn’t completely nude but his hand lands on my ass, rocking me into him and I’m done. I want him inside me. I want that thick length stretching and pounding into me, bringing me pleasure that I didn’t even know existed.
This time I take the initiative, reaching over him to grab a condom from the nightstand. I’m not really sure how to put it on but he takes it from me and together we roll it down his shaft. By the time we get to the wide base, Zack is panting and so am I.
“Ride me, baby. Take me in.”
He guides my hips in place and then I sink down, inch by inch. Even after making love several times, it’s such a tight, delicious fit. I lean forward, my hands on his chest so I can control the angle. Before long he’s sliding into me with ease because I’m so wet, so hot for him. He lifts his hips to get deeper and hits that spot inside that makes me crazy.