“Jack’s got himself a woman,” Gene said. “He won’t tell us her name.”
“You mean Melissa Langley?” Austin gave up.
There was an array of reactions to that one, even myself smacking Austin across the chest.
“What? He deserved that.”
Poor Jack didn’t seem to disagree, but it was Heath that said, “Ah, yes, it’s been so long…”
“So long since what?” I had to ask.
“For Austin’s revenge,” Cal chuckled.
I looked at my boyfriend, who was still eyeing Jack with a smile. Finally Jack held up his hands and said, “Fine, fine, we’re even. But Nova, don’t listen to anything he says. I did not tell everyone that you and Austin were sneaking around together last summer.”
I gasped with feigned disbelief and everyone laughed.
Then he added, “That was Clara.”
It was her turn to gasp, and she threatened to go after him with her fist. He dodged her with a laugh and said, “I’m turning in folks. It’s been fun.”
“And tomorrow Melissa Langley is getting a phone call from me,” Clara growled as he headed up the stairs.
“And I’ll tell everyone what you really put in that stew last week,” was his reply.
All eyes were on Clara for several seconds. She shrugged and said, “I don’t know what he’s talking about.”
I took a deep breath, still smiling to myself. I loved nights like this at the ranch, where everyone got together to have a good time. They really were like a family—the boys acting like brothers, giving each other a hard time—but they really did have each other’s backs when it actually mattered.
“Well, beautiful?” Austin asked amidst everyone cleaning up. “Want to walk to the house with me and, uh, hang out for a bit?”
With a smile I replied, “Hang out, huh? Didn’t you miss me more than that?”
“I surely did. In fact, I have a gift for you.”
“You got me my t-shirt from Florida?”
He chuckled as we left the guesthouse arm in arm.
“What’s so funny? I said I wanted a t-shirt.”
“Okay, so I got you the t-shirt, but I got you something else as well.”
“Really?”
“Mmhmm. But you have to promise you’re not going to love the shirt more.”
“How can I promise that?”
He nudged me with his arm. “Do me a favor and just pretend.”
“Whatever you say, Boss.”
He led me into a quiet house where nobody seemed to be up. I knew his parents always went to bed before ten, but I wasn’t sure where the girls were. We entered his bedroom and he closed the door, so I took up a spot on the couch. I liked Austin’s room; it was kind of like a hotel suite with it’s own living room and flat screen TV.
He tossed something at my face and said, “There’s your shirt.”
“Gee thanks,” I smiled, sorting the fabric so I could see it. It was light blue and on the front of it was an outline of the state of Florida. But when I read what it said I laughed and told him, “I would not wear this in public!”
He smiled and sat down next to me. “How come?”
“ ‘I’m Hot, You’re Not’?”
“It’s true. And I’m offended that you don’t like my choice of souvenir t-shirt. You just said it needed to say Florida on it, and there it is,” he pointed as he sat down beside me.
It was true. In tiny lettering at the bottom it did say Soaking up the sun in Florida.
“You’re right, baby. I love it.” I gave him a cheesy smile and a big kiss.
But the fact was I did like it because it came from him and he knew it.
“Okay, on to your other gift,” he said. He had something on the other side of him and he handed it to me. “This is a ‘just because’ gift.”
I eyed him carefully before I took the black box out of his hand. It wasn’t a ring box, so there wasn’t a chance that I got excited about that, but I could tell it was jewelry. “You already got me jewelry for Valentine’s Day,” I reminded him.
“I know, but this goes with it.”
I carefully lifted the lid to reveal a beautiful amethyst pendant. “Wow, Austin. That is gorgeous.”
“You like it?”
“I love it.”
“I liked how the bracelet looked on you so I decided to make it a set.”
I wrapped my arms around him and we kissed until he lounged back on the couch and pulled me over him. “Thank you so much,” I told him. “And if you keep getting me gifts, you’re never going to get rid of me.”
“Your birthday is in three days. You want that gift too?”
“No,” I chuckled. I studied him for a few seconds before I asked, “You seriously already have a birthday present for me?”
“Yeah. I’ve had it for about a week now. Actually I think you should have it.”
“No, I don’t want it yet,” I smiled, keeping him from getting up. “I think it’s time for you to admit that you’re just trying to bribe me for some reason…”
He smiled against my mouth and pressed me tighter against him. “Bribing you is never necessary,” he teased.
Chapter Eighteen
I wish life had a pause button. It was probably too much to ask to have a rewind button, so I think I’d take pause as a compromise. I guess I don’t really know what I’d do with a pause button, though. Maybe use it to stop those “wait, what’s happening right now?” moments. I don’t suppose we’d get the chance to fix anything quickly before life resumed, so I guess it would just be for the sake of preparing ourselves.
March went by really fast. My winter semester was over and I was done with my transfer degree, but because I’d decided to get my tech degree instead, there were still three classes that I needed to take in order to complete that. I could still graduate in June, but I was stuck with another semester of schooling. Luckily one of the classes was available online, so for the other two classes I traveled south on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
For the most part Austin had been pretty busy with his new racing team. He’d been picked up as one of the drivers to drive the No.77 car in the NASCAR Nationwide Series and his life became pretty full. I was very excited for him because it was his dream, and everyone should have a shot at his or her dream.
But lately things between us seemed to be pretty strained. We were never at the ranch at the same time because…Austin moved to North Carolina. Yep, his team was located there, and it was the newest setback that racing decided to give me. I knew this ahead of time, which was one of the main reasons I was against him pursuing a racing career, but I really didn’t have a say in any of it. Austin was happy with his choice and I did my best to support him.
We still talked on the phone a lot. I got to hear his voice everyday and sometimes we’d video chat online. But no matter how much I tried to convince myself of the value in that, I wasn’t happy with it. I missed him more than ever by the end of the month, and even though Austin had arranged for me to travel to a couple of the races he raced in, it still felt really…incomplete. I enjoyed those two weekends with him, but I didn’t feel like it was good enough. It was different when I had traveled to his other races because it just seemed like a short little vacation together, and then we both had “home” to look forward to. Now I didn’t have him home at all, and even though I treasured every moment I was with him, my heart felt a little broken.
It was also different because he wasn’t even competing all the time, but he was just as busy. He was signed on to only compete in a certain number of races during the season, but that didn’t mean he did nothing in between those races. He was actually just as busy test driving the cars for future races or practicing his skills or strategy for his own race. When he traveled with the team he was busy morning until night, even if he wasn’t the driver for that competition. I knew it was a new level for him and he was working hard to fit in, so I did my best to encourage and support him as much as I could.
But my time with him seemed really…off. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but he just didn’t seem like the same relaxed, easy-going Austin that I’d always known. I even asked him a lot about racing, just to get him talking about something he enjoyed, and it didn’t seem to do any good. I could tell something was amiss, but I was too afraid to delve into it. I had good reason, too, because I felt that Austin’s uneasiness had to do with me, and I feared anything that could possibly jeopardize my relationship with him.
But I guess you can only avoid the inevitable for so long. The night before Austin left for North Carolina he insisted that we have a talk. I knew it couldn’t be good when he didn’t look happy about it. And I even tried to talk myself into something positive, like he was just too nervous to ask me to move to Mooresville with him, or even better, to marry him. But he didn’t have that kind of anxiety on his face—it was a different sort, the break up sort—and I couldn’t even talk myself out of worrying because he pretty much got right to the point.
“I think we should take a break from each other, Nova,” he began. When he couldn’t stand the silence anymore (or my gaping, wounded stare) he added, “I just think we should go our separate ways for a while.”
When I finally felt capable of responding, I calmly asked, “And what are your reasons?”
He took a couple of seconds before saying, “We kind of have different paths right now. I’m having a hard time balancing things and I think I just need some space. I can’t focus on my career when I have all this stuff over here to think about, too. And you’ll be heading a new direction too, right? I mean you’ve got your applications to send out, and you need to focus on that right now.”
I had yet to tell Austin that I was done with school after the spring. He hadn’t wanted me to quit and I didn’t want that to get in the way of him focusing on his career.
“Austin… I’ve chosen not to apply for school,” I finally told him. “It’s not what I want anymore.”
His face kind of confused me; it was almost expressionless. I had wondered if he’d always known my choice, but now I couldn’t tell if he did or not. After a long pause he said, “You need to apply, Nova. Even if you still decide not to accept, you need to apply.”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because it does, okay? It matters to me. When I met you, you were this career-bound young woman that had everything figured out. You knew what you wanted and how you needed to get it, and you’ve pushed forward without looking back.”
“I didn’t have anything else in my life, Austin. That was something that I wanted to attain because I had nothing else. But things change. Goals change. I’ve found something even better. I’m happier.”
“Please, Nova… Tell me you’re not selling yourself short for me.”
“For us.”
“Same thing.”
“No it’s not. If it’s something that makes me happy, then why is it a bad thing?”
He paused for several seconds and then said, “Because it doesn’t make me happy. It’s not what I want right now.”
Was that Austin finally telling me that he was choosing racing over me? Was he finally saying it out loud? I really didn’t understand it. We were happy together; we had the best relationship. I got along better with him than I ever had with anyone in my entire life. Even with the newest changes in the circumstances around us, I always felt that we could make anything work. But now…
“You’re saying you don’t want to have a relationship with me anymore?” I finally asked.
“An exclusive relationship. We’ll always be friends, Nova. But you’re free to date whomever you want, and you’re free to make any decisions without me.”
“Are you telling me that you want to date whomever you want? I mean I’m sure you get all kinds of women throwing themselves at you. Who wouldn’t want to shop around for a while?”
He scoffed. “I’m not interested in dating anyone right now. That’s kind of the point I’m trying to get across.”
“Then why can’t we just keep things the way they are, Austin? Don’t you have a little more freedom now that we’re apart? I mean you don’t even have to ‘check in’ with me about anything, okay? I’ll give you the space you need just…just don’t pull us apart,” I finished quietly.
“It’s the right thing to do at this point. I need to focus on my career. I’m a part time driver right now and I want to earn at least a twenty-race season. I’m sorry, Nova.”
I hated crying, and even though I wasn’t to that point yet, I could feel it coming on. Already my heart felt like it was being squeezed and my stomach was tied up in knots. I kept trying to force down the lump in my throat, and my eyes were fighting back tears. I hated being in such a state, but instead of letting it break me down, I allowed it to make me mad.
“You’re a selfish jerk,” I finally said. “I know what this is about and I guess I saw it coming all along. You’re unbounded, right? You don’t like to be held down. As long as things are going your way, life is good. But the second it becomes difficult, and poor, free-spirited Austin gets held back, it’s time to make some changes. I’m actually surprised that you’ve lasted this long, but I guess there have been a few perks along the way, right?”
At first he was a little surprised by my hostility, but then he seemed slightly sympathetic, or at the least, willing to be the peacemaker. “This isn’t about me having a carefree life. It’s about making adjustments along the way. I do love you, and my life with you is great, but if we’re to have any sort of future, for now we need a little space to make our own decisions. I think…I fell in love with you pretty fast. And even though it’s been amazing, and you’re amazing, I feel like I kind of let myself get swept away in it, you know? I think we just need to slow down so we can take a breath. Both of us. I’m just…choosing to let you go for a little while.”
The way he said that really got under my skin. It was like he had all the power in the world to make any decision he wanted. He thought he could let me go and then take me back whenever he felt like it.
“No, you can’t ‘let me go’, Austin, because I’m letting you go.”
He seemed surprised again, and then barely cracked a smile and said, “Oh, yeah?”
“Yes. You need some time to sow your wild oats, maybe grow up a little.”
He slightly nodded and then said, “All right. I won’t argue with that. Can’t say that I’ll grow up any time soon, but I’d be happy to live a reckless life for a while. That is what racing cars is all about, right?”
I could feel my heart thundering in my chest, and even though I wanted it to be out of anger, I was completely crushed. I wanted to take back everything that I’d said and plead for him to change his mind instead. I didn’t want to let him go, but I felt that it really was what he wanted, and I wasn’t going to start blubbering pathetically because he’d broken my heart.
“Okay, then,” I replied, barely nodding my head. “Have a great career, Austin. I hope you enjoy it, but most of all, I hope you stay safe.”
I had to walk away after that. I left him by the fence at Field Four and headed for the guesthouse. I did hear him say, “I love you, Nova,” but I continued to walk.
The second I shut the door to the house I started to cry. I barely made it to the stairs before I almost ran into Ben. I was borderline ticked that he had to see me in such a state for the second time, and I wanted to yell at him for it.
“Whoa, hang on,” he said, catching my arm before I ran up the stairs.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled.
He let me go, but I could feel him staring at me until I shut the door to my room.
I woke up the next morning knowing that Austin had already left for North Carolina. It hurt, and it made me cry again.
But I also tried to rationalize the loss. I considered the possibility that maybe he was right; maybe we just needed some separation. Not just physically since we’d already experienced the long distance thing, but maybe emotionally. Maybe he needed some time to realize that I’d always be there for him no matter what, and maybe I’d realize… Well, I don’t know what I was supposed to realize.
For the next week I pushed along like any other. I really did seem to have extra time, just from not being on the phone with Austin every day. I was back to focusing on school more dutifully just to keep my mind occupied, and by the time I returned to the ranch again on Friday morning, I was ready to immerse myself in work again.
It was obvious that everyone knew that Austin broke up with me. I received several looks of pity throughout the day, and even an “I’m really sorry” from Jack.
“I don’t want to talk about it yet,” was all I replied, and he nodded his head.
I guess it was also uncomfortable being around Austin’s family, even though I could tell they tried not to make it weird. Dave didn’t treat me any differently around the barn, but Marlo expressed her sympathies when she saw me for the first time that day.
“I still want you to come over to the house just like you used to,” she told me. “There’s no reason to be a stranger to me just because your relationship with Austin has…changed.”
I agreed with her at the time, especially because I felt like Austin was just going through a phase. It was my prediction (more like my hope) that he’d snap out of his current mindset and refocus his priorities. There was no need to cut myself off from his family just because he wanted to live it up in the racing world. I wanted things to be the same when he decided he’d had enough “freedom.”
I finished my Friday afternoon with some time spent on my horse. He was out in Field Four a lot these days, hanging out with Down and Dirty and that clan. I sat on the top of the fence railing to socialize with the group for a little bit, sure to lock my feet under the railing below. I learned my lesson the first time I brought treats and sat on the fence, almost getting pushed right off of it because of curious noses.
Nova Page 22