by Lucy Lennox
“I got it. Thanks for nothing, Einstein,” he said in a huff, grabbing the final clip left on the rock and wandering off.
“Huzzah! You knew how to do it yourself after all. Imagine that,” I called after him. “You’re welcome.”
He shot me a rude gesture over his shoulder and I smirked as I stood up to find my own sleeping bag. I stopped short.
Xander stood only a few feet away, staring at me. The electricity between us crackled ten times louder than any campfire. It was an unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome, surprise to the dynamic between us, since we hadn’t had the opportunity to explore that aspect of our friendship before we’d gone our separate ways as teenagers. Hell, I didn’t even know if he was gay. Probably not.
Not that it mattered, since the guy would just as soon beat my ass as do anything more pleasurable to it.
I wanted to say something. To tell him how much I missed him and how sorry I was for every bad decision I’d ever made that hurt him, but the words froze on my lips. By the time I could even take a breath, he’d turned away with a shake of his head.
I stared after him with a mixture of regret and resignation. His rejection stung just as much as it had several hours earlier in the parking lot.
He hated me.
And I didn’t blame him one bit. Not after turning him away fifteen years ago.
After standing there for a beat, I moved forward to find my sleeping bag so I could get it set up in my tent. I approached my large pack and began unbuckling the sleeping bag from the outside of it. I tossed it on the ground next to me and reached deep inside my frame pack for something warmer to change into.
Under Xander’s direction, the kids had split up into two groups of four people to form tent groups. I wasn’t sure if I was expected to join one of the small groups or form some kind of leader tent group with Xander. Just the thought of that made my dick twitch.
Simmer down, you lonely bastard, I thought. There’s nothing good for you here, so just do me a favor and hibernate for about seven days.
I glanced around to see where the object of my thoughts was, and caught him leaning over his own pack several yards away. It was almost fully dark by now, but there was enough ambient light from lanterns and head lamps to make him out. He’d taken off his boots and hiking shorts and was standing in just boxer briefs and a T-shirt.
Ohdeargod. He was standing there in his underwear.
The muscles of his thighs flexed as he shifted his weight, obviously looking for something in his pack. Xander’s long hair was loose from its tie and hung in thick waves over his shoulders. He was barefooted, which he’d told the rest of us to never be in the backcountry.
“Your feet are your only mode of transportation out here. Treat them like the invaluable resource they are. We can’t risk foot injuries, so remember: never go barefoot. Ever.”
It was so hard to get used to his deep masculine voice. The sound both surprised and comforted me because it still held such familiar notes. It was the sound of my childhood, of happy adventures on my parents’ huge property, of late nights spent lying side-by-side in his bed or mine when one of us snuck out to be with the other. Nothing ever happened, of course. We’d been too young and hadn’t spared much time for thoughts of serious things like sex. And honestly, we hadn’t needed to.
We’d had each other, after all, and that was all we’d needed.
“Would you like me to ask Toby for one of his straps to maybe rig your jaw up with?” Aiden’s voice cut through the quiet space around me, causing me to jump.
“What? What are you talking about?” I sputtered.
“You haven’t stopped drooling over him since we got to the trailhead. This is a fucking problem, Bennett.”
I took a deep breath and looked at my best friend. My current best friend. Fuck, why did that feel like a betrayal to Xander— who currently wanted nothing to do with me?
“Am not,” I said stupidly.
“Oh god,” Aiden muttered, throwing out his sleeping bag and reaching for mine, presumably so he could put it into my tent for me. “Just go hump his leg and get it over with, for fuck’s sake.”
I smacked his shoulder and cracked open my water bottle to wash away all evidence of the drool he may or may not have been correct about. “Shut up. You’re imagining things. But you have to admit it’s a shock.”
“That’s an understatement,” he said dryly. “Should I go tell him I know what your cum tastes like and see what he says?”
I choked on my water, spilling it down my neck and onto my boots.
“Jackass! Seriously?” I gaped at him. “You’re such a fucking ass,” I hissed.
Aiden glanced behind me, presumably toward Xander, and raised his voice just loud enough for the man to hear. “Speaking of ass, I could describe how it feels to be buried so deep inside—”
I dropped my water bottle and lunged forward to clap a hand over his mouth.
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up,” I ground out between clenched teeth. “I don’t know what I ever saw in you to begin with.”
“C’mon. You were in love with me. Admit it,” Aiden said with a grin.
“I was young and stupid,” I muttered.
“You had excellent taste,” he corrected with a wink. His eyes slid to my ass again. “And the whole bossy bottom thing you’ve got going on is hot as fuck.”
“Jesus,” I muttered, as I bent forward slightly so I could pull my wet shirt away from my skin.
“Can’t wait to tap this ass while I’ve got you bent over some boulder or up against a tree,” Aiden purred, and I jumped when his hand slid over my ass.
“What the fuck?” I said. Aiden was a handsy guy, but we still had boundaries.
“You two about done?” Xander’s low voice grumbled from somewhere behind us as he approached and glared from a few feet away. The light formed shadows along his jaw and I noticed Bear trailing close behind him. I wondered if he had anyone else in his life who loved him as much as that dog appeared to.
I sent Aiden a death glare. I knew he’d grabbed me and said all that shit because he’d seen Xander heading our way.
“I’m not sharing a tent with you if you’re going to be an ass,” I said to Aiden.
“You two can’t sleep together. I mean near each other. You need to move your tents so each of you is near one of the kids’ group tents. Spread out,” Xander said.
Aiden’s mouth quirked up around the edges, but before he had a chance to make a snarky comment, Xander added, “Get some sleep. Sunrise comes early in the wild.”
And with that, Xander turned around and took his gorgeous goddamned ass to the farthest edge of the camp, leaving me alone to think about the time in my life when I truly had been young and stupid.
Chapter 3
Xander
Bennett’s gay.
What were the fucking odds?
The late morning sun soothed my skin as I realized that not only was I trapped with the asshole for seven unbearably long days and nights, now I had to deal with the fact that he played for my team. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he’d apparently brought his own teammate along for the ride.
No wonder I’d hated Aiden Vale on sight. Of course, I’d thought it was because he fit the profile of the rich Wall Street banker type guy to a T and I hated those kinds of guys with a passion. Not that it had always been that way. No, it hadn’t been until I’d walked through the doors of Knollwood Academy on the first day of high school that I’d been reminded that, despite having been golden boy Bennett Crawford’s best friend for almost ten years, I was still just a loser from the wrong side of the tracks.
Though in my case, there’d been no tracks… just the expansive, pristine acres of perfectly manicured green lawn that had separated Bennett’s family’s palatial home from the small caretaker’s cottage my father and I had shared on the edge of the estate’s property line. I recalled the first day in my new high school. I’d had to ignore the hushed whispers of the other kids as the
y’d marveled over the arrival of “that scholarship kid.” I’d searched for Bennett, who’d had to get to school early for crew practice, but by the time I’d found him, he’d already had his books in hand and had been among a large group of boys I’d never met before. I’d expected him to stay behind to wait for me to get my locker open, but he’d merely cast me a nod and said he’d catch up with me later.
I hadn’t seen him for the rest of the day.
I should have recognized the moment for what it was.
The beginning of the end of our close friendship.
I’d lost Bennett to guys like Aiden that very day, though I hadn’t realized it until later. And I hadn’t actually accepted it until one terrible night in late September when my life had been changed forever.
Bennett is gay… and he’s fucking Aiden.
I shook my head as I increased my pace on the rocky trail. Poor Bear had to run to keep up with me. I’d spent the better part of the morning avoiding Bennett and his asshole of a boyfriend. I’d sounded like a goddamn drill sergeant when I’d told the kids they had thirty minutes to eat their breakfast and get their tents broken down, but even their grumbling about what a tightass I was hadn’t been enough to deter me. I’d left the group alone as I’d gone ahead to scout the trail, a move that had been wholly unnecessary and had served only to get me away from Bennett’s worried glances and Aiden’s smug smirks. I hadn’t returned until it had been time to get everybody going.
The fact Bennett was gay or that he had a boyfriend shouldn’t have changed anything, but somehow it made things even worse— something I wouldn’t have thought possible. And I refused to examine why it mattered so damn much. It wasn’t like I’d spent all these years pining for something I couldn’t have.
I’d left Bennett behind the second he’d turned his back on me.
As a friend.
As a future lover.
Didn’t matter.
He might as well have been dead and buried six feet under for all I cared.
Bullshit.
Damn! Since when had my fourteen-year-old self decided he was going to be the voice of reason in my head?
“Xander!”
At the sound of Bennett’s voice behind me, I increased my stride. I just needed a few more moments to myself. To steel myself from grabbing the man and shaking him and asking him why the hell he’d ditched me fifteen years ago. What had I done to drive him away? Why hadn’t I been good enough anymore?
“Xander, hold up.”
I flinched as Bennett’s fingers closed around my upper arm. I yanked it free of his hold, but when the motion unbalanced him and he stumbled, I quickly grabbed him by the elbow to steady him. We both froze as sparks danced along the points where we touched. Before I even realized what I was doing, I moved closer to him so our chests were touching. Bennett’s pretty lips separated as he tilted his head just enough so he could look me in the eye. The open desire I saw there had me pulling him even closer. It wasn’t until he let out a breathy sigh that I remembered myself and quickly ripped my hand away before stepping back.
Bennett blinked slowly and then swallowed as he struggled to collect himself. “Thanks,” he finally muttered.
“What do you need?” I asked.
“The kids,” he said between heavy breaths. I turned to look and realized what had happened. I’d been so distracted, I’d ended up leaving the entire group dozens of yards behind.
“Sorry,” I said and then cursed myself. I didn’t owe this man any apologies. But I did need to get my shit together. I was known as one of the best guides in Colorado for a reason, and it certainly didn’t include leaving my charges in my wake where they could easily step off the trail and twist an ankle, or wander off to check something out and get lost in the process.
“S’okay,” Bennett managed to rasp out and then he smiled. “Guess we’re the worst of the worst.”
I had no clue what he was talking about, but when I didn’t respond, he continued on his own. “You know, city slickers.”
One of the things I’d always loved about Bennett as a kid had been his ability to find the humor in just about anything. He’d always been what I needed. But now, his very presence was like rubbing salt into an open wound. Of course, anything he did stung. The way he’d helped the kid assemble his headlamp the night before, the subtle glances he’d sent my way when he’d thought I hadn’t been looking… hell, even when I’d sensed his eyes on my ass as I’d changed. It was like everything I’d ever wanted in a partner, but in the body of the wrong man. The man I couldn’t, or rather, wouldn’t ever have.
“You should head back to the group,” I said. “I’ll slow down.”
“Or I could just walk with you,” Bennett suggested. “You can tell me what you’ve been up to these past few years.”
I’ve been trying to get over your betrayal.
“Not a good idea,” I said as I forced my gaze to the kids who were slowly inching their way closer to us, Aiden bringing up the tail end of the group. I absolutely did not notice the way a sheen of sweat clung to Bennett’s skin, making it glow, or the way his pulse thrummed against the corded muscles of his neck as he took a few sips of water from his bottle.
To my disappointment, Bennett fell into step next to me as soon as I began moving again. I’d allowed the kids to catch up enough so that I could keep an eye on them and be available for questions. Over breakfast, I’d gone over basic map skills and navigation with the kids, and I’d taken several opportunities throughout the day to stop and show them how to determine where we were on the map. The day’s hike was a several-mile stretch that had begun in the wildflower meadows on the edge of the Woodland Rise Wilderness area and headed west toward Drummond Lake. I had plans not to push it too hard today so there wouldn’t be many sore muscles around camp tonight.
The trail we were currently on was wide enough for two people to walk comfortably side by side and would remain that way for a while, so unless I outright told Bennett not to walk next to me, I was stuck with him for the time being. My plan was to let the kids take turns leading the group since we were still on obvious marked trails, but by the following day, the trails would become less obvious and we’d be navigating by map across unmarked terrain. The sun was high in the sky and the morning clouds were burning off to leave just a few fat, puffy clouds suspended in a sea of deep blue.
Since we still had at least half a mile to go before I could hand the leadership duties off to the first kid, it meant I had to play nice with Bennett until then, especially since young ears were within listening range.
“How long have you been doing this?” Bennett asked a few minutes later, his breath much less labored. As fit as he looked, I suspected his lean muscles had come from a gym because the terrain, though not overly challenging yet, was clearly wreaking havoc on him.
“Guiding? I’ve been hiking these woods pretty much from the day Aunt Lolly and I arrived here. I’ve been getting paid to do it for about ten years now.”
Bennett’s forehead crinkled in thought. “Lolly? Is that who you went to live with after your dad—”
At my sharp look, Bennett wisely didn’t finish the statement. “I wasn’t sure what happened to you after… afterwards,” he murmured.
“Why would you?” I asked. “You sure as shit didn’t care that night.”
Fuck, why had I brought up that night? It was done, dead, in the past.
Except it really wasn’t because pain slashed through my chest. I was once again that desperate kid reaching out for his best friend.
“I asked my parents if they knew where you’d gone—”
“I don’t care if you prayed to the Virgin Mary about me, Bennett. I don’t give a fuck.”
I managed to keep my voice low enough so the kids wouldn’t hear me.
Bennett, blessedly, fell silent for a few minutes. When the trail opened up into a large clearing, I used the opportunity to let the kids take a break so they could drink something and munch on p
rotein bars while I explained that the screechy chatter splitting the air above us was a pair of American Kestrels. I told them about how the bird was North America’s littlest falcon and still able to snatch up rodents from the ground mid-flight. The kids took turns looking at the birds through a few shared pairs of binoculars and then we were on the move again. Bennett, thankfully, returned to Aiden’s side as I began explaining to the first kid, a boy called Lucky, what to expect as he took over leading the group.
I tried to ignore the look of anguish on Bennett’s face as he and Aiden chatted, but when Aiden put his arm around Bennett’s shoulders, I saw red. I barely refrained from going back there and telling him to get his fucking hands off of Bennett.
Jesus, I was never going to last seven days at this rate.
I spent the rest of the afternoon supervising the kids who were leading, and when we finally reached Drummond Lake, I smiled to myself as I heard one of the kids in front of the group stop and gasp. Within seconds, Bennett was there.
“What’s wrong? Is everyone okay?” Bennett asked, looking ahead to see what had made the kid react so strongly.
His entire body language changed, and I felt like I was seeing the Drummond Lake vista laid out before me for the first time— only now, I saw it through his eyes. The long trail cutting through the grass, the deep blue of the water sparkling in the summer sun, the verdant greens of the trees stacked on the hills beyond, and the giant snowy peaks of Woodland Rise shooting skyward in the distance.
Bennett just stood there, staring. And a stupid part of me wanted to sneak up beside him and take his hand in mine. To put my lips against his ear and say, See? This. This is me. This is where I’ve been. And now you’re here with me.
When he looked at me with a huge smile on his face, my need to show him that part of me disintegrated as all the years of hurt and resentment came back.
“Xander, it’s amazing—”
I didn’t even let him finish his statement before turning away. “I’m going to set up camp.”