by Lucy Lennox
Bennett must have read my mind because he’d looked over at me with a nervous smile when one kid in particular had belted out Do-Re-Mi, a song Bennett knew drove me up the fucking wall.
I’d bit my tongue to keep from smiling back at him. God, I missed our inside jokes— having someone who could read my mind and know exactly what I was thinking sometimes. The entire time we’d been on the trail that morning, I’d recalled the feel of his hands on my skin the night before, his mouth on mine, and the hot puffs of breath against my neck.
After I’d kicked him out of the tent, my dick had been rock hard— a granite spike that had refused to go down, regardless of how pissed I’d been at Bennett for sneaking into my tent while I was asleep.
Finally, after cursing at myself for ten minutes, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from jacking off to the memory of that fucking kiss. Bennett’s taste, his tongue sliding against mine, and my desire to flip him over and pound into him had kept me from being able to fall asleep peacefully. Just once— just once I wanted to feel what it would be like to slide my cock into his tight body and fucking own him.
I shuddered at the thought and wanted to kick myself again. Jesus, why couldn’t I stop obsessing over him?
I finished tying the knots and triple-checking the top ropes before climbing back down the small rock face to the ground below. Bennett and Aiden brought the group over to the base of the wall and began helping the first few kids get on helmets as I landed softly beside them.
One kid, a tall, dark-skinned boy named Calvin, who I guessed to be around seventeen with several tattoos on his arms, and black gauges in his ears, looked at me with a smirk on his face. “Aww, man. We were hoping you’d fall and bust your ass.”
Before I had a chance to respond to the snide remark, Lucky spoke up. “Dude, seriously? You just climbed down that thing without falling. How’d you do that?”
“Lots of practice,” I said with a smile. “Plus, I had a rope attached to my harness to make sure if I did fall, I wouldn’t hit the ground. It’s called a top rope. I climbed up to attach anchors so we have safety mechanisms in place before I teach you how to climb today. I’m going to go over the top rope and belay while the first couple of climbers get their harnesses on.”
I got all of the boys’ attention and began to teach them about the ropes and harnesses they’d be using for their first climb. When it was time for someone to go first, Calvin stepped forward immediately. “Me. I totally got this.”
Forcing myself to smile instead of roll my eyes at his cocky attitude, I showed Calvin how to clip in to the belay set-up and attach the top rope to his harness with a carabiner.
“Stay there while I get Lucky squared away. I can’t have both of you start until there are two adults on belay, okay?”
I ignored his muttered complaint and helped Lucky get connected. As I worked, I looked over at Aiden and Bennett who were standing shoulder to shoulder, watching me. I tried not to imagine the two of them naked together, and wondered what Aiden would think about his little boyfriend’s midnight visit to my tent. Never in a million years would I have pegged Bennett as the cheating type. It was just further proof he wasn’t the guy I’d once known.
“I need one of you to help belay,” I said, unable to decide which man was the lesser of two evils.
“I’ll do it,” Aiden said quickly, before Bennett even had a chance to speak. “I’ve done it before.”
As he approached and grabbed a harness from the pile of supplies at our feet, I couldn’t help but look at him in surprise. “You have?” I asked. “When?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Do you really care? Just believe me when I say I know how to do it. I’ll take Lucky.”
Okay, so the man was being an ass as usual. I wondered if he knew what had happened between me and Bennett in my tent. Surely not. Knowing Aiden’s type, he would have confronted me by now. Hell, if the roles had been reversed and I’d discovered Bennett had cheated on me, I’d kick Aiden’s ass so hard…
I watched him get situated with the belay device before asking Lucky if he was ready. The kid looked at Aiden with a huge grin and said, “On belay?”
Aiden nodded and smiled back. “Belay on.”
Okay, maybe he did know what he was doing.
As the two kids climbed up the rock side-by-side, I heard them talking to each other. At first, it sounded like regular smack-talk between friends, but then I realized there was an edge to it.
I quickly looked over at Aiden to see if he’d noticed. He was concentrating on the ropes and watching Lucky’s feet.
Calvin’s voice drifted down, just loudly enough for me to make it out. “What the hell kinda shoes are those? I thought you couldn’t afford anything decent like that.”
“B got them for me. Not that it’s any of your damned business,” Lucky snapped.
“Aww, how sweet. Lucky has a Sugar Daddy. At least yours is better than the one your mom had, huh?” Calvin chuckled before pulling himself up with another foothold in the rock.
Lucky stared after him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” The response came out in a low growl, and I could barely make it out over the sound of the kids joking around behind Aiden and me.
“Lucky, Calvin—” I shouted up at them. “Less talking, more focusing. Bennett, can you back the kids up a bit so we can hear the climbers’ instructions please?” I asked over my shoulder, not taking my eyes off the boys as they climbed higher, with Lucky slightly ahead of Calvin.
“Sure,” Bennett said. I knew he was upset with me, but he did as I asked and got the other boys to back way up into the meadow behind us.
“What is it?” Aiden asked in a low voice.
“What’s what?”
“They’re not having any problems with this climb, so why are you worried about us not being able to hear them?”
I didn’t bother telling him I didn’t want the other kids hearing the shit Calvin was giving Lucky. I knew exactly what it was like to be on the receiving end of that crap. A guy like Aiden just wouldn’t get it. I shrugged as I let out more rope. “Just good form, that’s all.”
“Whatever,” I heard him mutter.
“What’s Lucky’s story?” I asked, just loudly enough for Aiden to hear.
He answered in the same low voice. “His mom’s a prostitute. They lived with her pimp for a long time until the guy kicked Lucky out. Bennett found him on the streets and helped him find a good foster family.”
“You’re kidding?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the boys who were close to the top by now. I heard Aiden shift his weight.
“I wish I was. The kid hadn’t had a proper meal in weeks. He’d been scavenging and was on the verge of having to pick up the same profession as his mom if B hadn’t found him when he did. Makes me sick just thinking about it, and I know at least for a while it gave Bennett nightmares.”
My eyes briefly drifted to Lucky. He was so small and scrawny… I couldn’t even imagine what a life on the streets would have done to him. I’d already grown fond of the kid and even the idea of him having to sell himself to men…
I had to force myself not to look at Bennett. Despite all the shit between us, I felt a spark of pride knowing what he’d done for the boy.
“Did Lucky stay at the same school?” I asked, wondering if maybe part of the problem included Calvin and other guys at his same school.
“Yeah, that was one of the benefits of the foster family he ended up with. It was the least impact to his life. Same friends, same teachers.”
“That’s not always a good thing,” I suggested.
“On rappel,” Lucky called out from above.
I glanced at the kid, noticing the huge smile of accomplishment on his face from reaching the top of the small climb first. Calvin, on the other hand, was frowning. Typical bully. Couldn’t even enjoy the pleasure of his own accomplishment because he was too busy being all pissy about a kid he perceived as lesser beating him.
“Great
job, guys,” I called out.
“Rappel when ready,” Aiden called to Lucky.
With the way Calvin was eyeing Lucky before he called out “On rappel,” I decided I would keep an eye out for Lucky as the week went by, especially when he was hanging around the larger boy. While I hadn’t faced any acts of violence from the kids at Bennett’s and my private high school, their cruel taunts had left wounds just the same.
When the next two climbers were roped in and on their ascent, I felt Aiden’s eyes on me.
“What?” I huffed. God, the guy just rubbed me wrong, and not just because he was fucking the man I wanted… the man who should’ve been mine.
“Jesus, you’re an ass,” he said.
“Seems to be a popular opinion around here,” I muttered, thinking of Bennett who’d taken some of the boys to a nearby creek to wash their hands and collect water for dinner prep.
“I don’t know what Bennett ever saw in you.”
I felt my jaw tighten and tried to concentrate on the kids above me. “Well, I sure as hell don’t get what he sees in you.”
Aiden barked out a laugh. “Really? C’mon, man. What’s not to love? I’m a catch. Tall, gorgeous, and rich as hell.”
If my teeth ground together any more, they might just break apart.
He continued. “Plus, my dick is fucking huuuu—”
“I get it,” I bit out. “Good for you.”
“And, god, he knows exactly what to do with it too,” Aiden drawled. “The man’s mouth is like—”
“Stop talking,” I spat. “Right fucking now.”
The asshole just laughed. “My, my, aren’t we touchy today? What’s the matter, Xander? Wish you could have a little taste of him too?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I’d had my tongue down his lover’s throat the night before, but I held back.
Just focus on the climbers, Xander. The kids.
I watched the boys and tried to enjoy the feeling of the warm sun on my back and the sound of the cool breeze teasing through the trees nearby. My head was spinning with thoughts, and all I wanted to do was take off into the mountains. Remove the climbing gear and walk away. Hike toward the cool blue water of Elk Lake and up the switchback trail to Fractured Pass.
But I knew I couldn’t. I owed it to Gary. His business depended on clients like Bennett and Aiden’s foundation, and he worked hard all winter to make sure those coveted summer spots were filled. I also owed it to these kids who obviously needed this trip out of the city they’d been stuck in their whole lives. And I owed it to myself to prove I was strong enough to handle all of the Bennett shit without breaking down. Guys like Bennett and Aiden had no control over me anymore.
I took a deep breath and let out more rope.
“So,” Aiden said in a cheerful tone, as if he hadn’t been deliberately baiting me a moment earlier. “Tell me about your friend Jake. Is he single?”
I felt my jaw drop open. Was he kidding? Surely this was more of his bullshit meant to rile me up. “What? Why?”
Aiden shrugged. “He’s hot. Is he gay? Please tell me he’s not the dominant top he appears to be, because I haven’t been able to stop myself from fantasizing about getting in that ass ever since I laid eyes on him at the trailhead.”
“You are the cockiest asshole I’ve ever met,” I said. “Are you for real? I hope you’re kidding right now, at least for Bennett’s sake.”
He laughed. “Oh, now you’re worried about Bennett’s frail heart? That’s cute.”
“Does Bennett know you’re making plans to fuck some stranger when we get back to the lodge?” I asked.
Aiden just laughed and shrugged again. “I don’t need his permission. But, no, I haven’t mentioned my infatuation with Jake’s ass to him. Maybe I could get Jake and Bennett together for a—”
Luckily, the sound of one of the kids reaching the top and asking permission to rappel down kept me from dropping the ropes and beating the fuck out of the asshole. The next hour was spent in virtual silence as the rest of the kids took their turns. Fortunately, Aiden seemed to have gotten a clue and the only times he spoke to me were in relation to the kids and the climb. Once the last kids were down, we spent a few minutes detaching ropes and removing harnesses before I told the group they could go back and start dinner while I removed the anchor ropes up top.
“Want me on belay?” Aiden asked with a giant grin after the last kid walked off.
“Go to hell,” I growled.
Thankfully, Aiden took off to join the rest of the group, but not before shouting to me from the edge of the trees one last time. “Bennett Crawford is one of the best men I know, Xander. And for some strange reason he thinks you hung the fucking moon. Hurt him again and you’ll answer to me.”
I ignored him as I began my climb, but of course it didn’t work because he yelled, “Xander, did you hear what I said?” There was no humor in his voice this time and I knew the warning was just that. Despite all the shit he’d said about pursuing Jake, the edge in his voice told me he’d just as soon beat the shit out of me if I didn’t heed the warning. I wondered why the hell he wasn’t warning me to stay away from his boyfriend instead.
I glanced at him only long enough to see him shoot me one last glare before taking off down the path, but his last question echoed in my head, bringing back memories from so many years ago. The night that changed everything.
“Xander, did you hear what I said?”
“Where’s Bennett?” I asked. Mr. Crawford dropped a heavy hand on my shoulder. I automatically stopped rocking back and forth because he’d already told me twice to stop doing it. My butt hurt from sitting in the hard plastic chair for so long, but I was afraid to leave it.
Because I knew what leaving it would mean.
It would mean everything the weird-smelling guy in the white jacket had said about my dad was true. And it couldn’t be true.
I began rocking again, mostly to stave off the bile that was crawling up my throat. If Mr. Crawford didn’t like the rocking, that was just too bad because I figured he’d like me throwing up on his fancy shoes even less.
“Xander, did you hear what I said?” he repeated.
“Where’s Bennett?” I asked again. Bennett would know what to do. He’d tell me it wasn’t true and then we’d go home and he’d tell me good night and then he’d wink at me… that wink that said I’d be seeing him again just as soon as he was able to sneak out of the house.
I hadn’t seen that wink in a long time.
But I’d see it today.
I had to.
Because my dad was dead and Bennett would know I needed that wink and I needed his arms around me and I needed his stupid jokes.
“Bennett isn’t here,” Mr. Crawford said. I could tell he was getting impatient with me, so I tried to focus.
“Xander—”
“I heard you,” I cut in. “You said Aunt Lolly is on her way from Florida. She’s going to come stay with me.”
“Right,” Mr. Crawford said and I could hear the relief in his voice. Man, did he think I was too stupid to remember the few words he’d said after I’d watched the paramedics load my dad into the ambulance?
I barely noticed as Bennett’s father wandered off to talk some more on his cell phone. I heard only enough to know that my dad’s death was proving to be an inconvenience for him.
“Xander, honey, do you want a soda?”
I looked up at the round-faced nurse who’d introduced herself as Sarah-Anne. “Where’s my dad?” I asked.
Her gentle smile faded and she glanced down the busy corridor. It had been two hours since I’d followed Mr. Crawford into the bustling ER. Even now, we were surrounded by people doing everything from coughing to crying to laughing, and ranting, but I barely noticed them.
“They’re just finishing up with him,” she said.
Finishing up? What did you have to finish up when it came to a dead man?
Part of me didn’t want to know. “
Can I see him?”
The woman straightened and then began looking around the room. “Um, why don’t I look into that for you?” she said awkwardly and I knew my question hadn’t been the right one. I didn’t bother saying anything else as she made a comment about coming right back. I knew she wouldn’t.
I winced. I didn’t always say the right thing.
Except to Bennett. Bennett always got what I was saying… or what I wasn’t.
I debated calling him, but I didn’t remember his new cell phone number. I looked around the crowded waiting room and then got to my feet. I needed to see my dad.
Because I still didn’t believe it.
Dad had been talking to me. Even as he’d been holding onto his arm and telling me to call for help, he’d been talking. He’d been warm. He’d told me how much he loved me and that everything was going to be okay.
Someone had just messed up. They’d gotten it wrong.
I began walking towards the electronic doors all the doctors and nurses kept disappearing through. I saw Mr. Crawford in a corner of the waiting room, still on his phone. Even though he was facing me, he didn’t notice me. But that was nothing new.
Bennett’s parents were pretty good at not seeing the help.
No one stopped me when I walked through the doors. The smell of blood and some kind of strong chemical hit me at the same time, threatening to send my already rolling stomach into overdrive. As I made my way down the hallway, I began peeking through the edges of the curtains that blocked off the different treatment rooms. I numbed myself to the sight of people covered in blood and bandages. I didn’t hear the sobs or cries of pain. I didn’t wonder about what was wrong with them. In truth, I didn’t care. I couldn’t… not while my dad was lying in a room somewhere worried about me.
That’s what he would be, too. Worried about me. No matter how much pain he was in or how concerned he was about how we were going to pay for however much all this hospital shit cost, he’d be thinking of me first and foremost. And the sooner he saw I was okay, he’d get better and then we’d go home.
But when I finally found him in the last room at the end of the hallway, I knew that weird-smelling doctor guy hadn’t messed up. Neither had Mr. Crawford when he’d called my Aunt Lolly and told her that her brother was dead. I placed my fingers on my father’s too-cold skin and all I could think was this was wrong, this was wrong, this was wrong. And my last coherent thought was that only Bennett could fix it.