"I can’t even say that about my own mother. You know how many times she’s seen my dad when she’s looked at me? When she was going through chemo, it happened all the time, because he was the one person she needed more than anyone, to ensure that she wouldn’t be abandoning her son if she didn’t pull through. The women swears to this day that she must be going out of her mind, because it still happens every now and again. It’s only further proof that everyone else has been susceptible to this manifestation.
“From the first time you and I met, you knew in an instant that I was stigmatized, but you didn’t care. You embraced me for exactly who I was, in spite of whatever condemnation you may have faced for being associated with me. No judgment. And I knew the risk being with you. You were still so emotionally fragile after the loss you had suffered, and letting my guard down around you was a sure-fire way of being found out. But I already cared too much about you, and I was terrified because I didn’t know who you’d see me as when you needed to reach out. But when the veil dropped, you only saw me. And you always have.
“You were the only one who had always seen me for me. Despite how much you needed your sister, or your mother, or even your dad, I was always the person you wanted to see no matter what turmoil you may have been going through, until tonight. For the first time in my life, I had taken you for granted, and happily so. I didn’t need my defenses. I had spent the last seven months never needing to worry when I was around you. I know deep down you already knew how I felt about you. And whether if it was because you didn’t realize it yourself, or if it was because you were just too scared to admit to it, I’ve still always known how much I’ve meant to you. And you are the only person I’ve ever loved. I love you, Cassie. You are my best friend, and I would never hurt you.”
My whole body shuddered and tears continued to relentlessly pour down my cheeks as I struggled to catch my breath. “I see you now, and I can’t believe I could ever be more vulnerable than I am right now.”
“Because I’m not trying to be anything. I’m standing before you, flesh and blood and nothing more, pouring my heart out to you without an ounce of agenda or hope, because you deserve to know the truth.”
All of Ian had gone calm, only his glassy, pale green eyes and trembling jaw emitting the devastation from within. “I thought you knew it was me. It was more than a safe assumption.”
“Why did I suddenly see you again?”
“I don’t know.”
“After what you said to me last night, and what Jack did for me in consequence, can you honestly blame me for finding comfort in him?”
“I don’t know.”
I climbed off the step and walked right up to him. “No... No, you don’t have the right to do that to me! You said it yourself, you knew how I felt.” I shoved him back. “Persecuting me for developing a connection with someone else after you failed to step forward is cowardly.”
“What do you want me to tell you, Cassie? I fucked up! We’re human. We’re bound to make mistakes. We don’t always do or say the things we need to. That doesn’t mean you throw it all away on a mere gamble! Right from the start, you knew Jack was trouble. Yet, he didn’t just seduce you. You actually grew to care about him.”
“While being irrefutably manipulated,” I countered. “He knew every last button to press with me, and he wasn’t afraid to make a play for what he wanted. To say that I was at more than a slight disadvantage would be putting it mildly.”
“I heard enough of your conversation back there to know better than that. And I see it now, just how badly his manipulations hurt you.”
“Yeah, you know what, you caught me. Yes, he hurt me. And I was stupid enough to get too close to him. But my greatest hurt stems from the fact that he wasn’t the only one who deceived me.”
“I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want to scare you.”
“And this was the better alternative? I can’t make head or tails out of anything! How can I expect to trust anybody anymore?!”
He suddenly yanked me forward and kissed me hard. “You tell me, is there anything about this that feels cruel? Manipulative?... No, that’s devotion. That’s love. If you can’t tell the difference between him and me, then I’m sorry, but there’s nothing left for me to offer you.”
“Where do we go from here?”
“That’s entirely your decision.”
“We can’t go back to the way things were.”
“No, we can’t.”
“Which leaves us with only two options, and quite frankly I’m not sure which scares me more.”
Headlights beamed across the front yard as my dad pulled into the driveway, and Ian retracted from me.
“You know where to find me, if you change your mind,” he said, heading back to his truck.
"Ian... I don't know what you want me to say..."
"You don't need to say anything." He opened the driver’s side door. “Take it from someone who’s just recently learned the lesson for himself the hard way, love takes a leap of faith. Don’t back down from the conflicts placed between you and it.” He climbed inside and started the engine, the truck’s tires squealing as he turned around and roared back down the street.
Dragging my heels over to the porch, I collapsed on the bottom step and didn’t move until the front door opened a few minutes later.
“Hey, I don’t want you out here by yourself,” said my dad.
“Yeah,” I simply mumbled.
But I still didn’t move.
“That’s means get in here, now.”
I finally stood up.
“Thank you.”
I kept my head down as I stepped through the broken storm door and into the foyer.
“Should I ask what that was about?”
“I believe that was the end of a friendship,” I murmured, immediately heading up to my room.
Chapter 33
The Past
I wasn’t sure what time it was, and quite frankly, I didn’t want to know. After hours of laying in bed hopelessly watching the digits to my alarm clock count away the minutes and hours, I had finally had enough. Now, the bulk of a tissue box blocked the bright blue numbers from announcing how desperately I needed to get some shuteye, and how more urgent it was that I fall asleep immediately.
Instead, my copy of Jane Eyre sat laxly in my lap as I tried to read its contents, but it wasn’t much use. In actuality, nothing could tame my thoughts. Not the television, not my music, not my book. Everything was either too happy, or too sad, or too tense. I sought relief where relief was not had. Only an intoxicated state of sorts could grant me a moment’s peace, but I knew better of its fleeting affects. No, I was left to stir restlessly as I now simply prayed for the morning to come.
A light tap registered at the window beside my bed, and I instantly scrambled to the other side of the room. Slowly peeling the shade back to peek out the other window, I could see Jack standing in the middle of the lawn. Then my phone began vibrating on my nightstand.
“You know, smart people would have made the phone call first. This way it saves them from possibly making an unnecessary trip,” I said upon answering.
Before he even had the chance to speak, I flipped my phone shut and fell back into bed. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to deter his insistency. My phone continued to vibrate around the tabletop, and just as it was about to fall off the edge, I caught it.
"TEN MISSED PHONE CALLS," it read, all made in the last three minutes.
“What?” I finally said, hitting the answer key.
“Can you come down?”
I didn’t bother to reply. I rolled out of bed and threw on a pair of slippers.
“What do you want?” I said, upon opening the front door.
“A cleaner earth and world peace,” replied Jack, trying his best to cast a slightly more lighthearted tone. He could see though by my grimness that I was hardly in the mood. “I just wanted to talk.”
“It’s two in the morning,” I clarified
.
“As the clock in my car was kind enough to inform me of.”
“What the hell could you possibly have to say that couldn’t wait six hours?”
“Were you actually asleep?”
“And bear having to face what my subconscious digs up for me in the form of a nightmare? Yeah, I couldn’t wait to get to bed.”
He took a closer look at me. “You’ve been crying.”
“Nothing gets past you, does it?” I stepped back inside and closed the front door.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I growled lowly. I immediately torn the door back open again and flipped on the lights over the front porch before joining him outside. “You should thank God, or Satan in your case, that my dad’s a heavy sleeper, because if he wasn’t, you’d be looking down the barrel of a shotgun right about now!”
He remained silent, simply looking back at me as if he wanted to say something in return but was too afraid.
“Does any of what you want to say to me involve you answering my questions?” I asked at last.
“No, probably not.”
“Then I trust you don’t need my assistance in finding your own way back to your car.”
I prepared to head inside when he cleared his throat.
“Do you know what it’s like to drown?” he blurted out.
“I’m sorry?” I turned to look back at him. “Are you threatening me?”
Surprisingly, he looked more like a deer caught in headlights. “No, I’m asking you a question.”
“Yes, I do,” I replied bewilderedly. “When I was eight, my cousins threw me into the deep end of their pool despite the fact they knew I couldn’t swim. None of the adults were around, but thankfully my sister was able to get to me. I was only under the water for about half a minute or so, but it was probably one of the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through... even up against tonight's events.”
“That’s how I died.”
I suddenly found myself exchanging the same expression. “Why are you telling me this?”
“How well do you know the Bible?”
“Not as well as I should.”
“You know the story of Noah though?”
I nodded.
“Do you why God chose to flood the earth?”
“Because the whole of mankind had been corrupted, with the exception of Noah and his family.”
“Corrupted by what?”
“Sin, I suppose.”
“Lucifer led a rebellion of angels against God, and as punishment, He cast them all from heaven. During that time, these angels fornicated with human women as they settled on Earth, producing a new hybrid offspring called the Nephilim. The Nephilim were raised to be brutal, oppressive, and unforgiving. They overthrew and crushed all those who got in their way as they rose to power, ruling over mankind. God witnessed the fall of his creation, watching the human race descend into violence and depravity as all their pure bloodlines soon became tainted by the Nephilim’s breeding.
“God looked upon the whole of the earth and only found one family untouched by this wickedness, telling the patriarch of the household, Noah, to prepare for the wrath that He was about to unleash upon the rest of mankind so that He could spare Noah and his loved ones... Do you know what demons really are, Cassie?” he asked at last.
I shook my head.
“We are the spirits of the Nephilim, killed by the Great Flood. God condemned us so that we will never be able to ever enter Heaven or Hell, leaving us bodiless to roam this planet for the whole of eternity, forcing us to act as parasites, attaching ourselves to hosts for a fraction of a time. It’s the only way for us to ever have physical fulfillment. That’s why this body means so much to me.
“Normally when we possess someone, it’s either a temporary fix in which we have full control over our hosts for only a short while, like those who are incapacitated, or it’s a long-term deal by someone morally corrupted in which we merely have a sense of influence over them. Never anything permanent, and never anything without the host fighting for control. Until now. Jack’s state of mind allows me to live fully in this body, without conflict.”
“I still don’t understand why you’re telling me this.”
“Because I want you to understand where I’m coming from.”
“You’re a malevolent spirit seeking to exact revenge and wreak destruction,” I replied. “After nearly killing my best friend just a few hours ago, you can’t honestly expect me to see your side of things.”
“What would you do if you were me? What would you do if you were trapped in my position?”
“I never would have done anything to provoke God into wanting to kill me in the first place.”
“Do you honestly know what it’s like having to live like this?” His eyes were ablaze, yet I could see them about to break under his anguish. “Without this violation, I can’t feel anything! How can you expect anyone in my position to be anything but angry? How can you be happy without having anything that’s yours? Everything ripped from you. No physical sensation or form that’s truly your own. No one permanent to ever grow any real attachment to. Nothing that’s yours. Nothing but the festering wrath that’s been brewing inside you since the dawn of mankind. Tell me, am I really unjustified in my actions?”
I didn’t have a fair response, and he knew it.
“You said it yourself; you can’t blame a shark for acting on instinct. It was in my nature, through upbringing, that made me into what I became. I was raised as a marauder. I didn’t have outside influence to teach me otherwise. You can’t blame a shark for being a predator.”
“But when it’s a threat, we have every right to take it out. Its disposition in character doesn’t spare it from being persecuted, whether you like it or not,” I said. “Now, get off my front porch. You still look like shit.”
I immediately stepped inside and shut the door behind me, every ounce of my being now feeling ten times heavier.
Chapter 34
Perfect
It was still dark outside when I headed down into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. It was about a quarter after five, and I wasn’t even sure if I had slept or just stared at the inside of my eyelids in silence for the last few hours. As I circled around the island, I noticed several brown boxes stacked up on the kitchen table with the labels “The Early Years” stamped on the sides of each. Curiosity had gotten the better of me, because I suddenly found myself opening up the closest one. Unfolding the flaps, I gaped at its insides, pulling out the photograph resting on top.
“The school’s been closed down,” said my dad.
I almost shrieked in surprise. I hadn’t heard him come in. “Can’t imagine what Gwen’s going through right about now. If the school’s closed, then Homecoming’s off.”
“Wow, without the use of phones, you’re more out of touch than I am,” he said. “Gramercy Hotel already agreed to let the function take place there in one of their banquet halls.”
“Crisis averted,” I mumbled.
“But police are still investigating. Benson says they suspect some kind of gas leak or something at the school,” he said, heading over to the counter.
A gas leak that destroyed an entire hallway and blew out every light and window in its vicinity? Yep, that sounded like our tax dollars hard at work. They didn’t know how to make head or tails with any of it just as much as the next schmo.
“I’m sorry,” I said, putting the photo back into the box nervously. “I didn’t mean to snoop.”
“Why? It’s your past too.” He turned on the coffeemaker and parked a seat at the table, motioning for me to join him as well as he pulled out some of the other pictures.
“I thought you were still sleeping. There wasn’t any coffee yet,” I said.
“Yeah, well, coffee’s generally for those who need to wake themselves up a bit more, not for those who still haven’t slept,” he said, searching through more prints. “Can I ask what was s
o pressing that you’d have visitors over in the middle of the night?”
I froze in my seat, holding even my breath to ensure he wouldn’t see the panic arise inside me. “What’d you hear?”
“An awful lot of floorboards creaking, some knocking, and doors repeatedly opening and closing,” he replied indecipherably. “I also couldn’t help but notice a certain black Impala parked a couple houses down.”
“Nothing happened, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I know you’re more responsible than that,” my dad said rather mellowly. “And I did take note to the state you were in when you came home last night. Is it a safe assumption to say that the conversation wasn’t a particularly pleasant one?”
“You could say that.” As much as I tried not to, I couldn’t keep my attention off the photograph I had just pulled out. “Did Mom have a twin sister that no one ever told me about?”
He took the picture from me and smiled, his eyes looking over the image of the tall, smiley blonde wearing a faded Ramones concert t-shirt underneath an oversized plaid flannel top and ripped blue jeans to match, whose unkempt mane was tied back into a messy ponytail as the loose stands hanged in her face.
“How old was she here?” I asked.
“Twenty-two,” said my dad. “Now, that’s the woman I fell in love with.”
“It doesn’t even look like her, you know?” I said, still studying the photograph. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“What happened, between you two? Everything seemed normal even up until the end.”
“It was,” he said, handing the picture back to me. “Did you know that your mother and I went to school with one another?”
“No.”
“She was a lot like how you knew her to be. Beautiful, outgoing, driven. Didn’t give me the time of day. I don’t think we said so much as a single word to one another the whole time we were in high school. I guess I was too much of a riffraff for her,” he said grinningly. “When we graduated, she went off to college, and I got a job at the local hardware store. I hadn’t given her a second thought since she left. But then, one day over summer vacation after her freshman year, guess who comes into the store looking for brackets for a shelving unit? As I’m finishing up with another customer, I notice her standing by the service counter singing along to Bad Company’s 'Can’t Get Enough.'”
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