I ignored him and continued. “I pretty much quit going to school. After a few months, I managed to befriend some of the other outsiders, the druggies. I took any kind of drug they gave me, drank, you name it. I racked up quite the juvenile record with shoplifting and dropped out of school altogether the day I turned sixteen. My relatives couldn’t handle me, so I stayed with my new friends whenever I could, slept on the street when I couldn’t. My father reported me as a runaway, so whenever I encountered a cop, they’d hauled me back to my father’s house. I was out the door again as soon as the cop pulled away each time.
“You’d think after almost two years I would have come to terms with Mom’s death, but I was in too much a haze to know what was going on. Kevin tried to make me stay with him. He’s two years older than me and had just gotten his own apartment. I did for a while, but he constantly lectured me about my behavior, so I left and didn’t speak to him for a long time. I probably should have died from an overdose, or sleeping in the streets in the middle of winter, or any other of a dozen reasons. Somehow, I didn’t.
“When I was seventeen, I agreed to help my friends rob a convenience store. We had no idea what we were doing, and stupidly chose one in a strip mall with a police sub station. Once they realized what was going on everyone scattered. I was so drugged up I just stood there confused, and I was arrested and sent to juvie for several months. I thought I would die from the pain of withdrawal. They made me talk to a counselor, and when they finally released me it was under the condition that I continue seeing a psychiatrist and check in once a month for drug tests. The psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft to help even out my mood. That’s the other reason I don’t drink.”
“At some point we will want to try to get you away from that. You will have even more focus and control of your power when you are unmedicated, but that can wait.”
“Good, because I’m not sure I could survive all this right now without it.” I took a few deep breaths before returning to my story. “I still refused to live with my father. Even though the cops had hauled me there several times, I hadn’t spoken a word to him since Mom’s funeral. I went to stay with Kevin. I don’t know why the hell he accepted me back into his life, but I’m thankful he did. He helped me stay clean, and made sure I took my Zoloft every day. If it wasn’t for him, I probably would have gone right back to where I had been.” I cried for a long time while Vittorio held me. I was surprised at how easy it was to tell him everything. Not once during my confession had a judging look crossed his face.
I choked on my sobs, knowing I had to come clean.
Vittorio pulled away slightly and studied my face. “What else is there, mio amore?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I took a deep breath, trying to stop my tears. “I have to tell you something, and it’s going to upset you. Please, if you can, let me finish before you say anything. And please believe that when I say I love you, I mean it more than anything.”
“I do believe you. I feel the love, but I also feel your fear.”
“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” I paused, scared to say the next part. “I didn’t know you, had no idea who you were, no idea what a wonderful person you are, and never dreamed I’d fall so deeply in love with you. You’re amazing, and I hate myself for what I’ve done. I want you to understand how much I hate it.
“I’m a private investigator. I went to The Chapel looking for my client’s runaway daughter. It should have been a simple case, but then I met you.”
“You told me you were in between jobs. Why did you lie?” His eyes narrowed, jaw clenched.
“I didn’t want anyone to know I’m a P.I. If the girl didn’t want her mother to find her, I figured her new friends would know that, and no one would talk to a P.I. Her mom is really worried about her, and I wanted to be as cautious as possible to avoid blowing a chance to find her. I had this strong feeling that there was more to the story than I or my client knew.”
Vittorio sat up in bed, legs over the side facing away from me, shoulders tense.
I tentatively rested a hand on his shoulder, and he jerked away as if I shocked him. I recoiled, hurt by his reaction, even though I understood it.
“I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you. But I did, and everything was so good, and you’re so perfect, I got caught up in it and didn’t know how to stop it. I’m so sorry, Vittorio. I’m so sorry.” I cried, and he said nothing. Finally, I moved. I knelt on the floor in front of him, lay my head on his knees clasping his hands and cried. “I’m so sorry. I know you must hate me now. I understand if you never want to see me again. But is there any way you can forgive me? I didn’t know what I was getting into. I wasn’t supposed to meet you, but then you found me, and I love you, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you, but if you tell me to leave, I’ll go. I’ll never bother you again.”
I dissolved into uncontrollable sobbing, and still, Vittorio said nothing. I held his hands tightly as if that would prevent him from leaving. I knew it wouldn’t. Nothing would. I didn’t deserve him.
After a while, he pulled his hands from mine, and I felt a tentative touch on my hair. I didn’t move, didn’t breathe for fear of scaring him away. Then Vittorio’s arms were around me. “I’m so sorry. I love you. Please don’t leave me,” I cried. I clung to him, still unsure if he would leave or not.
Vittorio pulled me to my feet in front of him. “Mio amore, please calm down. I will not leave you.”
“You won’t?” I looked at him with wide eyes.
“No. I love you far too much, and feel how sorry you are. I am deeply hurt, though. It will be a while before I can fully trust you again.”
“I know. I’ll do whatever I can to regain your trust.”
“I want you to tell me the full truth about yourself.”
I sat back on the bed next to him, taking deep breaths. Through my sobs, I said, “Everything I told you was true. The only part I left out was my job. When I was arrested for the robbery, Jerry, the cop on the case, saw something in me and helped me. Kevin helped, too, but Jerry hooked me up with my psychiatrist. He convinced me to go to college. I got my associate degree in criminal justice. I didn't know what to do with my life. I was so lost, so I just followed him. I was a cop for two years, but I hated it. Jerry and I had a falling out when I quit, and I haven’t talked to him since.”
“Tell me about this girl you’re supposed to find.”
“Her name is Courtney. She’s nineteen, an art student at St. Louis Community College. She made friends with some Goths and her mom didn’t like the way she changed. She mentioned a girl named Miriam, and someone named Elizabeth that her daughter seemed to idolize. I wonder if it’s the Elizabeth we know.”
Vittorio’s eyes sparked. I wondered if he knew Courtney, but wasn’t going to ask just then. Pushing him right now could make things worse.
I pulled my knees to my chest and began crying again. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.”
“You must try. If you want me to forgive you, you must first forgive yourself.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Vittorio left me in bed to sleep. I didn’t want him to leave me alone, but was scared to ask for more from him. I let him go, and must have fallen asleep almost as soon as he left. The day’s training and emotional outpouring had exhausted me.
I didn’t sleep well, and woke several times, always disappointed not to find Vittorio next to me. Finally, I could attempt sleep no more, weary though I was, so went to find Vittorio.
The door to his study was closed. I gave a soft knock, hoping both that he was and was not in there. I wanted to see him, but if I did, he would have the opportunity to change his mind and tell me to leave and never come back. To tell me he hated me. Or worse, that he’d been mistaken about loving me.
He called for me to come in so softly I might have imagined it.
I slowly opened the door, but didn’t enter.
Vittorio sat at his desk, head i
n his hands. He did not look up.
I did not move.
After long moments of silence, I turned to go. “I shouldn’t have bothered you.”
As I began pulling the door shut behind me, Vittorio called out, “Wait.”
I stopped, but did not turn around.
“Sit down.”
I almost sat on the floor, right there in the doorway, but realized that would be silly. He must mean for me to sit in a chair. But had he told me to jump off a building, I would have if it meant he wouldn’t leave me. My brain really wasn’t working properly, my thoughts a mess of pain and regret.
“Clavius was right. I was blinded by my love for you.”
“But I’m not trying to steal anyone’s position. I only want your love.”
“That may be, but you lied to me. How do I know if anything you told me was the truth? It’s vital that we are careful about who we trust with knowledge of the coven. I have told everything to someone who was not honest with me.”
“Can’t you look into my heart? I’ve nothing else to hide.” I clenched my hands in my lap, silently praying for him to believe me.
“I am frightened to.” He finally looked up at my face, and I saw that his eyes were red.
I wanted to hang my head in shame, but feared not meeting his gaze would be a sign I had more to hide.
Vittorio looked away first. Only then did I bow my head and give in to silent tears.
“I know Courtney.”
I jerked my head up to look at him. “You do?”
He nodded, face blank, but tightness around his lips and eyes showed it was a struggle for him to maintain that blankness. “Miriam has been a member of the coven for several years. She brought Courtney to us a few months ago. At first, Clavius told her to leave, but Miriam insisted she be allowed to hang around.”
“And Clavius listened to a twenty year old?”
“Elizabeth is Miriam’s aunt. She convinced Clavius, though it is a bit strange.”
I drew in a sharp breath, eyes wide. “Does Courtney know about magic?”
“I do not believe so. It is the most important secret among us. Miriam is impulsive, but she idolizes her aunt, and would not risk Clavius’ anger by telling Courtney. She does know of our beliefs, and wants to join the coven.”
“Is Courtney okay?” Even amidst my own guilt, I feared having to tell Ms. Carmen something bad had happened to her daughter.
“She is safe. She has been staying at Miriam’s apartment.”
“Will you introduce me to her?” Focusing on the case was easier than dealing with my emotions.
“I will. But you are right, it must seem natural. I do not talk to her much, but she has made her hatred of her mother clear. It will have to seem like a chance meeting at The Chapel.”
“Thank you. I have to call her mother and let her know Courtney is alright.” I almost darted out of the room, but stopped at the doorway. I turned and looked at Vittorio. His face was wistful. When I opened my mouth to ask why, the neutral expression returned. I left without another word, wanting to know what was on his mind, yet fearing it at the same time. He told me about Courtney; that must be a positive sign that he was going to give me another chance.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I spent most of the next day reading some books on witchcraft I found in Vittorio’s study while he was at work. Ms. Carmen had been thankful to hear her daughter was safe, even at o’dark thirty. I never did bother to see what time it was after my late night conversation with Vittorio. I hoped I would get to meet Courtney soon, and set to work on convincing her to return home, or at least to call her mother.
“Get ready to go out. Courtney will be at The Chapel tonight.”
I jumped, not having heard him arrive home, cringing at the command in his words. But what did I expect? A passionate greeting, all hurt from the night before forgotten? Setting the book aside, I left the study to get dressed, not looking at Vittorio, not wanting to see the pain that must be on his face.
Vittorio sat on the bed waiting for me when I got out of the shower. I felt more naked than I ever had and scrambled to find a robe. He had not changed from his work clothes, just removed the jacket and tie.
Once safely covered, I didn’t know what to do, couldn’t move, rooted just outside the bathroom door. What did he want from me?
Vittorio stood and came to me. He stood inches away, then wrapped his arms around me.
I froze. That was the last thing I had expected.
“Mio amore, relax.”
He called me mio amore. That called forth a whole new wave of tears as I sank into his arms and clung to him as if he were the only thing keeping me alive.
He scooped me into his arms and carried me to the bed. “Mio amore, do not cry. I told you I will not leave you.”
“I know, but I don’t understand why not. I’d deserve it if you did. I keep expecting at any moment you’re going to change your mind.”
“I will be honest, I had thought about it, but I cannot stand the thought of living without you.”
“I know, and I understand. I told you I’ll do anything you ask.”
“In that case, please stop crying. You are far more beautiful when you smile.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that.
“There, much better,” he said, and kissed away my tears.
The feel of his lips on my face called to my power. I had let my guard down, and it rushed out of me toward Vittorio. This time, however, it hit a steel wall with such a force it physically jolted me. When I brought it back under control Vittorio explained.
“I suspected your emotions might cause you to lose control. Normally, my shield would not be so strong against you, but my pain and anger helped strengthen it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have apologized enough, Elena. It is time to start rebuilding what you destroyed.” His words were harsh, but no harsher than my self-hatred. “Now, we really must get ready for tonight. Samuel confirmed that Courtney will be there.”
“How does he know?”
“For some reason I do not understand, he has taken quite an interest in her.”
“You mean, like, romantically?”
“I believe so.”
“Does every man in the coven date younger girls?”
That earned me a grin. “No, mio amore, they do not. You are a rare creature. I honestly do not know what Samuel sees in Courtney, but she seems quite flattered by the attention of an older man.
“Now, get dressed.” He kissed me. The intensity of his shields told me he hadn’t completely forgiven me yet, but that was okay. He kissed me, and called me his love again.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Courtney sat next to Samuel on a love seat at The Chapel. Her mother was right; I barely recognized her from the picture she had given me. But I had a good idea what to look for in people, knew to look at the features and not the overall appearance. Her bottom lip was slightly fuller than the top, her button nose a little too short. She was a cute girl. Yes, cute was the word the came to mind. Next came “pretty,” but I imagined her playing an adorable little mouse in a childhood play.
Her photograph revealed her to be the girl next door. Flesh and blood showed her as very cyber-Goth. A chain strung from her nostril to the cartilage at the top of her left ear. Three more silver hoops glinted in each of her ears, which were showcased by unruly bright pink pigtails. She wore a black corset that gave the illusion of more chest than she truly had and a black micro skirt that would give the world a show if she moved carelessly. Pink leg warmers that looked like a shaggy dog had been skinned to make them stretched from her ankles to just above her knees.
She threw her head back and laughed, loud and seductive, at something Samuel had said.
I rolled my eyes at Vittorio; she was trying way too hard.
Samuel lightly stroked her neck, and she shivered under the touch. The adoration in her eyes made it plain that she was in love with him - or thought she
was. Beneath the sexuality of her outfit, I thought she might be a virgin, and despised Samuel for preying on her.
Courtney studied me and smiled. The smile reached her eyes, and confidence radiated from her. I had expected her to be unsure of herself, lost, looking for meaning in her life as a runaway, but she knew exactly what she wanted and what she was doing. She wanted in the coven, and saw Samuel as her way in. The love was an act, so good an act that it had even fooled me.
Vittorio spoke first. “Courtney, I would like to introduce you to my love, Elena.”
She shook my hand with a firm grip, impressing and shocking me even more. “Nice to meet you, Elena.”
“I think we’ll leave you ladies to talk for a while,” Samuel said, standing to give me his seat, then walked to the other side of the balcony with Vittorio.
“How’d you snag Vittorio?” Courtney asked me. No beating around the bush for this girl.
“I honestly don’t know.” It was mostly truth. Had it not been for our power, I really wouldn’t know.
“Is he going to bring you into the coven?”
“Maybe. I’m still learning about it, so I’m not even sure I want to join.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to be part of something like that?” She raised her eyebrows.
“Like what?” I asked.
“A family who accepts you no matter what?”
“I haven’t been big on family in quite a while. Just more people to screw you over.”
Seeming to sense she was on thin ice, she changed the subject. What had this girl been through to give her such a strong character at such a young age? “So what do you do?”
I decided to be honest with her. Courtney obviously wouldn’t take bullshit from anyone, and I sensed that playing it straight with her would get me further than playing coy. “I’m a private investigator.”
Her eyes widened and she took deep breaths to control whatever emotion that conjured in her.
Divided (Elena Ronen, Private Investigator) Page 10