"I know."
"And you know I will have to punish you."
"Yes." She sniffed and stared at his chest. Her fingers curled into his t-shirt. "Dean will too. But I'm okay with that. It's better being punished then having you both decide I'm more trouble than I'm worth."
"Get that thought out of your head right now. You're worth all kinds of trouble." He cuffed her chin lightly with his fist. "I got you something. Actually, it was a gift for you, Dean, and myself. Unfortunately, it's going to become part of your punishment."
She raked her bottom lip with her teeth and glanced at what he'd left on the desk. "Can I see it?"
"In a moment." He undid the buttons of her suit jacket, pulled it off, then went to work on the buttons of her blouse. "Humor me. I need to touch you. See for myself that you're really okay."
"I'm sorry, Landon." She trembled, whispering. "I didn't even think . . . after what she did to you—"
He paused on the last button. "So you know."
"I need to hear it from you."
Fair enough. Hearing about any of her past pains from anyone else wouldn't be enough for him either. He stripped off her blouse, then unzipped her skirt. "We got together in high school. I wasn't big on dating, nothing long term anyway, but she didn't take me away from training, didn't bitch about my crazy schedule. It was perfect. As a stupid teen, I saw her as the type of girl who could become the perfect hockey wife. She never came between me and the game. But as we got older, she expected all my free time to be hers. She tried to come between me and my family, which should have been a big red fucking flag. I felt too guilty about leaving her on her own all the time to see it."
He removed her bra and sucked in a breath as Silver stood before him, practically naked, and whispered for him to continue, the understanding in her eyes more than he'd ever hoped to have from anyone who wasn't family.
But he had it from her—and Dean. You're one lucky bastard, Bower.
He ran his hands up and down Silver's arms and forced himself to keep talking. "After I got into the lifestyle, well, she made herself seem even more perfect. She wanted it all. We had fun . . . but she hated that I had new friends. Gay friends. She knew I was straight, that they weren't a threat to our relationship. That wasn't the problem. She couldn't accept that they were gay." He shook his head. "I realized I didn't know her at all. Her prejudices became a serious issue. She said nasty things about them and that was when I ended it. It probably sounds stupid—"
"It doesn't sound stupid to me. Like you said, you didn't know her." Silver laced her fingers with his. "It obviously wasn't the only issue, but as far as I'm concerned, it was a pretty big one."
"Yes, well I had to get over it. She showed up at my door one day and told me she was pregnant. She'd been on the pill, but I guess she forgot to take it. We'd only ever been with each other, so we didn't use any other protection. Which is no excuse. I mean, I didn't want kids, so I should have done my share to make sure it didn't happen." He lifted one hand to rake his short nails over his scalp. "But it did, and I wasn't about to abandon my kid. My family's always been close. My parents had their issues, but they made it work. I figured I could do the same. And . . . things weren't too bad while she was pregnant. Of course, I spent all my time with her, but I wanted to be involved with everything. I wanted my son to know my voice, even before he was born."
"You wanted to be a good father."
"I wanted to be at least half the father mine was. I couldn't be more without giving up the game, but I couldn't do that." A thick ball of acid curled up in the back of his throat. He rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and blinked against the burning in his eyes. "He died as she was giving birth to him. I made it there just in time for the nurse to tell me—for her to let me hold him. We mourned him together and I tried to be there for her after. But without the baby, we had nothing. Almost a year later, I told her we would always have him, but we would never have us."
"I guess she didn't take that well?" Silver touched his cheek, her eyes full of pain. Pain for him. Which he didn't deserve. She frowned. "You felt guilty about leaving her."
"Of course I did."
"You have a right to be happy. You weren't happy with her."
"She wasn't happy either! She wanted another baby! I couldn't . . . ." He swallowed. "She told me nothing would fill the hole he'd left unless I gave her another baby. I wouldn't even consider it. She told me she was going to lose it if I didn't come back to her. But she had been telling me that every day. Usually after asking me if I was hanging out with my gay friends again. I'd just gotten drafted and I was trying to move on with my life. I'd had enough. Before we hung up, she told me she'd be waiting for me at my place. And she was. She was in the bath and . . . ."
You should have done something. You took the easy way out.
Silver's hand covered her lips. "Landon—"
"She's slit her wrist with one of my razors. There was so much blood." He curved his hand around his throat. "I didn't know. She'd never talked about suicide. I would have done something—"
"I know you would have."
"No, you don't know. She obviously had issues. She needed help. And I wasn't there for her."
"You were there for her as much as you could be. She made that decision and that's on her. No one else." She jerked on his shirt collar, magnificent in all her naked glory. "What would you say to me if I told you I blame myself for my mother's death? For the fact that she got in that car and killed my brother?"
"You were a little girl. How the hell could you possibly think that was your fault?"
"I won second place. I wasn't good enough for her. That's why she was in the car. To get me a second chance."
There was no way could Silver possibly blame herself for that. "Her own stupidity."
"Exactly."
"It's not the same."
"It's exactly the same. They both made choices and there's nothing either of us could have done to stop them." She dropped her gaze as though thinking it over. And accepting her own words as she looked up, her eyes hard. "Blaming ourselves is pretty arrogant, don't you think? As if we had the power to change them. To control them. We didn't."
What an odd way to look at it. But she was right. He bowed his head. "No. We didn't."
"Now." Silver scowled. "Would it be horrible of me to tell you I want to go back to how mad at me you are? Either that or we can sit down and have a few drinks and get all depressed."
"None of that." He shoveled mental dirt over the part of him that clung to the past and focused on the woman in front of him. The one who held his heart in her delicate little fists. "I still want you to see your present. I want to see it on you before we go speak to Dean."
"Damn." Silver's lips twisted as she looked at the clothes bag on her desk. "You're going to make me wear whatever it is to go see him, aren't you?"
He chuckled and patted her cheek. "Part of your punishment. You've been a very bad girl."
And I'll do anything to make sure you never forget that this will not happen again. I won't lose you.
He had to say it out loud. "I won't lose you. I won't let you do anything that could take you away from me. I love you too fucking much."
"And I love you too. But don't expect me to thank you for this."
Grinning, he bent down to pull off her panties. "I think that would be going a bit too far. Just accept it. That's more than enough for me."
* * * *
Three players off waivers and four rookies with new long term contracts. Not a bad day so far. Dean absently rubbed his knee and smiled as the door opened. Bolleau had gone home early, and other than his assistant there was only one—all right, perhaps two people who would come to his office without an appointment.
Both came in and his jaw nearly hit the floor.
Silver dropped to her knees, crawling towards him with a flirty smile on her lips. Her long, silky pigtails slipped back and forth over her shoulders with each sensuous motion. Her white shirt
, completely unbuttoned, held together by only the part tied over her belly, gave him a lovely view of her breasts in a red plaid push up bra. The short red tie around her neck didn't hide a thing. She knelt in front of him, assuming the position as gracefully as any well trained slave. Knees apart, hands rested on her thighs, palms up. Her short, red plaid skirt rose all the way and his lips curved as he took in her bare little pussy. No panties. Very nice.
Leaning forward, he set his elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand. "What's this?"
Silver batted her eye lashes. "I wanted to show you how submissive I can be."
"By disobeying me?" Dean chuckled. "Oh yes. Now I'm convinced."
Landon stepped up to her side and wrapped one pigtail around his hand. "Disobeying him? Am I missing something?"
She tipped her head back. "We're not allowed to play at work."
"Ah. Well, extenuating circumstances." Landon's lips thinned. "Would you care to tell him why we're really here, or should I?"
Her throat worked as she gulped. Long black lashes fluttering, she pouted. "I'm here to get a spanking."
"A spanking?" Dean glanced at Landon, who shook his head. Apparently Silver would be answering his questions. "Have you been naughty, pet?"
A flush spread over her cheeks. "Not exactly. I kinda did something stupid."
Okay, enough with the fucking games. He pushed off his chair and scowled. "Someone better start talking."
She did. In a rush. "I brought Dominik, so I was safe. I was worried about Jami—but don't worry, she broke up with him. But I thought he was using her. He's the son of one of our investors, the ones that rigged games. I got him to tell me everything. It's recorded. I think that will help."
"Wait a damn second! What? Jami is in trouble?"
"I thought she was. She dumped the asshole."
"What asshole?"
"The one she was dating."
Dean slammed his fist on the corner of his desk. "I didn't even know she had a boyfriend! And you decided to deal with this without telling me? I told you not to meet with the investors."
"Actually, you told me not to meet with Mr. Lee." She looked up and winced. "Sir."
"Calling me 'Sir' doesn't make this all right, Silver. She is my daughter. You come to me if she's in trouble. And you . . . ." He threw his hands up in the air. "You have no idea how dangerous these people are!"
"She does now," Landon said.
A dead calm washed through him. He waved Landon away and stared at Silver. "Stand up."
She stood.
"Look. At. Me."
Her wide, glistening eyes met his.
"What did they do to you? Tell me everything."
"Nothing." She reached out, and, when he didn't stop her, pressed her body into his. "Ford grabbed my shirt and . . . ." She took a deep breath. "Dominik stepped in and told Ford Asher was on the phone—"
"Asher?" His calm was sizzling. "Did he put you up to this?"
"He told me about Ford. That he was Kingsley's son and was probably using Jami. But that's over. It's over." She straightened and took a step back. "I fucked up and I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you."
"Make it up to me? How could anything—" He caught Landon shaking his head and cut himself off. Going on and on about this wouldn't change anything. She was here. Safe. And she knew she'd made a mistake. That was enough for him, but not for her.
Part of him was tempted to tell her to go so he could process it all, but that would make her feel like she couldn't be forgiven. And as much as he hated punishing her—no, this time, he wouldn't. This time he would feel like the punishment just might discourage her from doing anything so foolish every again.
"Has Master Landon decided on a fitting punishment?"
She screwed up her face and shuffled her Mary Jane's. "He bought this outfit for us to have fun together. He made me wear it to come here—only the janitor saw me, but that was bad enough. And he said . . . ." She glanced at Landon and he nodded. "Five swats from each of you, every day for a week, with any implement you choose, should teach me a 'lesson'."
Ah, so the punishment won't ruin the scene. I like that idea. Of course, there was a chance that the scene itself would lessen the impact of the punishment, but one look at Silver dashed those concerns. She wouldn't forget why she was getting 'spanked'. Landon had mentioned an 'implement' to her, so this wouldn't be an intimate hand wacking that could be misconstrued.
Very well. Ten to show her they meant it, and then some fun. Which meant, after giving her his five, and reminding her why she needed them, he couldn't bring it up again. Until the next five. But in a way, that worked for him. It was straightforward. And once it was over, they could all move on.
"All right, well since Master Landon was given the information first, I think it's only fair that I should make the first marks on that pretty ass." He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a long wooden ruler. "I think this fits our little scenario, don't you?"
"Yes, Sir." She pressed her lips together, hiding a smile. "This is going to hurt, isn't it?"
"Yes it is."
"Am I allowed to call you names?"
It was very very hard not to laugh. Impertinent little brat. "I wouldn't suggest it. Hands on the desk."
She slapped her hands on the desk and wiggled her butt. "I'm ready."
"Good." He flipped her skirt up and cracked the ruler over her ass hard enough to draw an automatic yelp. A nice red welt crossed her pale cheeks. Perfect. "Don't bother counting yet, that was just for warm up."
"You mother—"
Crack.
"And so was that."
* * * *
I want to go down to the rink and plant my ass on the ice. Silver shifted from knee to knee, unable to sit fully back on her heels because her butt stung like iodine on skinned flesh. She couldn't get comfortable. Dean had gotten in a few extra—the bastard—and Landon had kept his strikes to the under curve of her ass. That man is positively fucking evil.
"How are you feeling, Silver?" Landon leaned his hip on the edge of the desk, close to her side, and reached down to tuck her hair behind her ear. "We can stop now. All you have to do is ask."
She kept her head down, more out of self-preservation than anything else. Dean might let her get away with giving him her sharpest fuck-you look, but Landon certainly wouldn't. They had given her the choice to snuggle and then carry on with the day, or prove to them that she didn't hurt to bad to play.
As if kneeling for ten minutes proves anything. "I don't need to stop, Sir."
"Is there a reason you won't look at me?"
"No, Sir." She pressed her lips together and hung her head until her chin almost touched her chest. If it wouldn't get her another few whacks, she'd have a few choice words for him. Why though? Not the punishment. Not even the pain. For some reason, she just felt irritated and had to fight not to lash out. Her nostrils flared as Landon studied her quietly. Her nails bit into her palms as Dean watched them both.
"Is there something you'd like to say, Silver?" Dean rested his elbows on his knees and bent forward from his office chair. "Are you uncomfortable?"
"Aren't I supposed to be?" Why are you both staring at me? The silence changed and she glanced up, catching herself at Dean's hard look. "Sir. No, I'm not comfortable, Sir."
"Better. Do you need to use your safeword?"
For the pain? No way. But if something doesn't happen soon . . . "No, Sir. I'm perfectly fine."
"That's good," Landon said.
"Yes." Dean nodded and sat back. "Very good."
Screw this. She shot to her feet and slammed her fists into her hips. "You know what, I don't know what kind of game you two are playing, but I'm fucking done. You're both—"
Landon's hand covered her mouth. "That's enough. Let's not earn ourself another punishment." His breath rasped into her hair as he pulled her back against his hard chest. "I stopped while I was still having fun."
She shivered and peeked at Dean. The bastard folded
his arms behind his head and smiled at her.
Her eyes narrowed. "Punishments aren't supposed to be fun."
"For you." Landon fisted his hand in her hair and jerked it to one side. He bit her earlobe, then let out a deep, spine chilling laugh. "I like marking your flesh, Silver. Does that scare you?"
"Landon, I don't –"
"Dean will be teaching me how to use a whip soon. Who do you think I'll be practicing on?"
Her core clenched even as she trembled like a kitten just brought in from the cold. The reaction confused the hell out of her. Landon was scaring her, but . . . but not in a way that made her want to get away from him. More the way a horror movie scared her. Freaked even though she was safe, peeking out at the danger between her fingers.
"Would you let me whip you, mignonne?"
A quick breath. She held it in, closed her eyes. And nodded.
"But it scares you?"
"Yes."
"Then why would you want to do it?"
She frowned. That was a weird question. "The same reason I want to—no, need to—" That got her a smile of approval from Dean which warmed her, calmed her. She stopped shaking. "Do any of this. It excites me. And . . . and part of me needs to do it for you. It feels good when I can give you something that makes you happy."
"Thank you. I appreciate your honesty." Landon kissed the hollow behind her ear. "That makes me happy. I need your submission too, but only if it's real. If you're really not feeling it, then don't pretend. Make me earn it."
"You'll spank me or—"
"Not always. Sometimes I'll find other ways to show you who's in control." He used her hair to expose her throat and grazed his teeth along the length. "Like I am now."
Her pulse quickened. For a split second, she felt ready to submit for real, to melt into him and whisper Sir in a way that meant something. But her hands were still free. Hitting him was out of the question, but prying at his fingers in her hair wasn't breaking any rules. She worked her fingers into his hand and twisted her body away from his.
Defensive Zone (The Dartmouth Cobras #2) Page 38