His question brought her anxiety to the surface. Share a bedroom—a bed with Slade. Or, tell her family about her arranged marriage. “I don’t know,” she finally said, searching the dark shadows of his face for some kind of answer. In his blue eyes she saw support and comfort and drew strength from that.
* * *
“Ju-dy! Tor-ee!”
“I think the children found us.” Judy brought the glass of lemonade to her lips and took a long drink.
Three heads appeared around the corner of the barn followed by three bodies. Ashley, Jamie and Mindy surrounded Judy and Tory. She and her sister were sitting in the shade of the barn, but it was still hot, the sun still up in the western sky.
Ashley placed her hand on her waist. “We’ve been looking all over for you two.”
Judy’s daughter reminded Tory so much of her big sister even down to the straight long blond hair and hazel eyes. “We thought we would let the men prepare dinner.”
“Dad-dy—is.”
Tory pressed the ice-cold drink to her forehead, thinking about Slade’s expertise in the kitchen, which consisted of boiling water and opening cans. “He is?”
“Uncle Slade is getting pizza for dinner,” Jamie piped in. “Daddy and him are driving into town right now.”
“Where’s Grandma and Grandpa?” Judy asked, finishing the last of her lemonade.
“Grandma is still taking a nap. Grandpa is watching the news.” Ashley grabbed her mother’s arm. “Come on. Daddy will be back soon with dinner. We were supposed to find you.”
Judy threw a helpless look toward Tory. “I knew it was too good to last.”
Tory checked her watch. “I guess thirty minutes is better than none.”
Mindy followed Ashley’s lead and took hold of Tory’s arm, pulling on her. “Come—on.”
Tory blew a long sigh out between pursed lips. She’d wanted to explain to her sister about the sleeping arrangements but hadn’t found the right words. They had sipped their drinks, stared at the horses in the paddock and hadn’t said more than a few words in the past thirty minutes, relishing the silence instead.
“I believe our quiet time is up, sis,” Judy said, laughing as her daughter tugged her toward the house almost at a jog.
Mindy and Tory took up the rear at a much slower pace. “Jam-ee—calls—Dad-dy—Un-cle—Slade. Do—you—uh—” she paused for a few seconds “—think I—could—call—Ju-dy—Aunt?”
“She’d be flattered. We’re all family now.”
“I’ve—been—think-ing. Can—I—call—you—Mom?”
Stunned, Tory halted in her tracks, tears springing to her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. The question, spoken so casually, robbed her of coherent thought.
“If—you—don’t—want—”
Tory swallowed several times. “I would love for you to call me Mom,” she said, tears streaming down her face.
“Why—are—you—cry-ing?”
Tory smoothed back Mindy’s hair, then swiped at the wet tracks running down her cheeks. “Because you’ve made me so happy.”
“Do you—think—Dad-dy—will—care?”
Would he? Slade still had so much guilt over the car wreck that had taken his wife’s life. Yes, he wanted Tory to help him raise Mindy, but even though they were married, she really didn’t feel like his wife. They were housemates with a license declaring them husband and wife. That piece of paper was only one small part of it.
“Honey, you’ll have to ask your father that. I can’t answer for him.”
Mindy took her hand. “Then—I will.” She started for the house again.
Tory reached out to open the screen door when she heard a car coming down the lane toward the house. Slanting a look over her shoulder, she saw Slade and Brad pull up in front and climb out of the silver sedan. “Dinner has arrived.”
“I—love—piz-za.”
“So do I. It’s just never on any diet that I know of.”
“Diet?” Slade carried five large boxes. “What diet?”
“The diet I need to start after this weekend.”
Slade’s gaze traveled slowly down Tory’s length before reestablishing eye contact with her. “Why? I don’t see the need.”
Heat, having nothing to do with the ninety-degree temperature, flamed her cheeks. “I’ve been fixing more full-course meals than I usually eat. Trust me. I need to cut back.”
“I like you just the way you are.”
Slade’s impish grin that curved his mouth curled her toes. “Pleasantly plump?” For a few seconds she’d forgotten that Brad and Mindy were standing close, listening to every word said.
“The pleasant part is right.” Slade’s grin grew to encompass his whole face, down to the twinkle in his eye.
Brad cleared his throat. “If we don’t get these inside, they will be stone-cold.”
“I—like—cold—piz-za, Uncle—Brad.”
Everyone looked at Mindy, surprise on Brad’s and Slade’s faces. Tory watched Slade’s reaction to what Mindy had said. His surprise quickly transformed into acceptance.
He thrust open the door, holding it for Mindy and Tory to enter the house first. “You might like cold pizza, but I don’t.”
“We probably should reheat them anyway. That’s a fifteen-minute drive.”
When Tory came into the kitchen, she immediately turned the oven on to four hundred degrees. Slade and Brad laid the five boxes down on the counter and quickly escaped to the back deck while the women reheated the pizza.
Outside, the house shaded the wooden deck, offering some relief from the temperature while a light breeze stirred the hot air, making it bearable. Jamie darted down the steps to the yard and dashed across to the tire swing. He conned Ashley into pushing him by promising he would do the same for her. Mindy stayed on the deck watching them from the railing.
Slade folded himself into a cedar lounge chair, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Are you okay with Mindy calling you Uncle?”
“You bet.” Brad sat next to him. “You have a wonderful daughter.”
Slade’s attention shifted to Mindy who braced herself against the railing. She was tired. He could tell by her drooping shoulders and the fact she hadn’t joined the other two at the swing. Ever since Tory’s family had arrived, his daughter had been going a mile a minute, trying to keep up with everyone. He longed for the day when she would race across the yard, leading the pack, instead of following slowly behind.
“I don’t think I’ll have any trouble getting her to go to bed tonight, especially with the kids camping outside. She’s so excited about that.”
“Saturday after the carnival Judy and I are heading to Grand Lake to camp for a few days before we head home. Tory’s parents are going back to Dallas. We would love to take Mindy along.”
“Camping? If she wants to go, that’ll be fine with me. I can rearrange her therapy sessions if need be.”
“Ashley will be thrilled. She’s been talking about taking Mindy with us. Jamie, too, even though she’s just a girl, he said.”
The way Tory’s family had taken Mindy into their hearts only reconfirmed he’d made the right decision in marrying Tory. “Sweetheart?”
Mindy twisted around, looking at Slade.
“Would you like to go camping with Ashley and Jamie? They’re going to Grand Lake for a few days.”
A smile lit his daughter’s face. “Yes!”
“Just as I thought,” Slade said to Brad.
“It’s my turn. Get off,” Ashley shouted.
Brad surged to his feet. “Better take care of this before war is declared.”
Slade patted the chair that Brad had vacated. “Come sit by me. Are you enjoying Ashley and Jamie’s visit?”
Mindy came toward the lounge chair, her foot dragging more than usual. “Yes. They—are—uh—fun.” She scooted back until her feet dangled over the edge. “Dad-dy, can—I ask—you—some-thing?”
“Sure, anythin
g.”
She clasped her hands together in her lap and studied them. “I—want—to—” she drew in a gulp of air “—call Tor-ee—Mom. Is—that—kay?” She swung her large gaze to his.
Okay? There was a part of him that was thrilled she wanted to call Tory Mom. But there was a part—where his guilt lay buried—that wanted to say no. Words crowded his throat, closing it.
Mindy’s eyes grew round. “I—won’t—if—you—don’t—want me to.”
Slade fought to keep his expression neutral while he brought his reeling emotions under control. His guilt affected so many aspects of his life. He needed to come to terms with it before it destroyed what was good in his life—Mindy and Tory. He wanted them to be a family. There was nothing else he could say but, “Honey, whatever you want is fine with me.”
“I—love—Mom-my. But—I—love—Tor-ee, too.”
He clasped his daughter’s hands between his. “I know. You can love more than one person. Your life is always richer with people you care in it.”
“Is—that—why—you—uh—uh—” Mindy pinched her lips together “—mar-ried—Tor-ee?”
“Tory is important to us both,” he said, aware that Brad and his two children were walking toward them. When they came up the steps, Slade stood. “Tell Tory I needed to check on something down at the barn.”
“But the pizza is—”
Slade strode from the deck and around the house, realizing his sudden disappearance would seem strange. But he had to be alone, at least for a few minutes while he put himself back together. His emotions lay frayed, the past few days having taken their toll on him.
He sought the quiet and coolness of the barn, walking to the far end. Leaning against the opening, he stared at the pasture beyond. One chestnut mare with her colt chewed on the grass on the other side of the fence. The sun had vanished behind the line of trees, bringing shadows to the landscape. The scent of earth, hay and horses swirled about him. A cardinal and its mate flew overhead and perched in the maple tree near the building. Serenity was all around him, and yet inside his emotions roiled, churning his stomach.
Tory was right. His guilt was ruling his life. That had to change if their marriage would ever have a chance. Was the Lord the answer? He’d never been good at praying, asking for what he needed. Was that why his prayers after the accident had gone unanswered?
“Slade, is there something wrong?”
He pivoted toward the sound of Tory’s worried voice. She walked toward him, concern in her eyes. “No,” he answered. But when he continued to look at her, he said, “Yes. Why are you here?”
“I know how much you like pizza, and when you didn’t come in for dinner, I knew something was wrong. Brad told me you came down here. I thought maybe something happened that I needed to check on, too.”
He gestured to the area around him. “Everything’s fine.”
She came within a few feet of him. “Then Mindy must have asked you.”
Surprised at how perceptive Tory could be, Slade turned away from her, not wanting her to read all his doubts in his expression. “Yes, she did.”
“Is it okay?”
“I should ask you that question.”
“Of course, it’s okay. I love Mindy like a daughter.”
The muscles in his shoulders and neck ached from holding himself so tense. “Then it’s okay with me. I told Mindy it was up to her.”
“But it bothers you?”
The waver in her question pierced his armor. He whirled about, needing to clarify his feelings not only to Tory but himself. “I was a little surprised, that’s all. When I married you, I wanted us to become a family, but—”
“But you feel as though you’ve betrayed Carol?”
He nodded, his throat so tight he didn’t think he could say one word.
“One of the things I like about you is your loyalty. Carol was your wife for seven years. You loved her. I don’t expect those feelings to go away. We entered into this marriage for Mindy. We both love her.” She took a step toward him. “It’s okay, Slade, to continue living, to enjoy life. I’ll keep some pizza for you. Come up whenever you’re ready. I’ll make sure no one bothers you until then.”
He watched her walk away, her head held high, her shoulders back. He’d hurt her. Even though her expression hadn’t shown it, he could tell by the dullness in her eyes. That had been the last thing he’d wanted to do. He couldn’t continue like this.
Turning toward the pasture, he strode to the fence and climbed over it. In the field among the wildflowers, he slowly went around in a circle, taking in all the marvels of nature. God was everywhere. He needed God back in his life. He needed peace again.
He fell to his knees and bowed his head. Dear Lord, please help me to overcome this guilt I feel for surviving when Carol didn’t, when Mindy came away hurt. Please help me to move on in my life and to put the past behind me. I need to for Mindy’s and Tory’s sakes, but mostly for my own. In Jesus Christ, amen.
* * *
“What’s that sound?” Judy asked as she placed the last plate into the dishwasher.
“We have skunks under the house. They’re fighting. Probably the male wants to move and the female wants to stay put.” Tory dried her hands on the towel looped around the handle on the refrigerator.
“Skunks! When did this happen?”
“I’m not sure. Sometime in the spring. We thought we had a family of raccoons. We found out the hard way we didn’t.”
“You say ‘we’ so easily. Married life agrees with you.”
Tory remembered her conversation with Slade earlier that evening in the barn. She thought it could, but how was she going to compete with a woman who was dead? She wanted her marriage to work, but she wasn’t sure how to make that happen.
“Have you told him yet?”
“No. Why do you keep bringing it up? I want to forget about that part of my life.”
“If it were that simple, you would have long ago. The very fact you haven’t said anything to Slade about being raped tells me you haven’t dealt with it.” Her sister shut the dishwasher and turned it on. “Do you trust him?”
“If I didn’t trust him, I wouldn’t have married him.”
“Then tell him.”
“I will when the time is right.” Whenever that would be. She almost said something to him earlier in the barn, but the words wouldn’t come out. Her past was as much a barrier to their marriage as his. What a pair they made!
“Do you think the men have gotten the children down yet?”
“In other words, do I think it’s safe for us to come out of the kitchen?”
“Yep. Notice how fast I jumped at the chance to let them take care of the kids tonight? It’s been a long day.”
“Tell me about it. And tomorrow will be longer with setting up for the carnival on top of everything else.” Tory headed for the living room. “Let’s join Mom and Dad. I’m sure Slade and Brad have everything under control.”
“I can tell you haven’t been a mother for long or you wouldn’t have said that.”
When Tory entered the living room, her mother was cradled against her father’s side on the couch, her eyes drifting closed. “Is she okay, Dad?”
He put his forefinger up to his lips, a plea in his eyes. “You two through with cleaning up?”
“Yep, and we got the easier of the two chores,” Judy said as she settled into a chair across from the couch.
“Tsk, tsk. Putting children down to bed isn’t a chore.” The teasing light in their father’s eyes dimmed when their mother murmured something and nestled closer to him.
“Dad?” Tory noticed the dark circles under her mother’s eyes. It looked as if she wasn’t sleeping well, but since she’d gotten here early this afternoon, that was about all she’d done.
Eleanor’s head sagged even more, her chest rising and falling slowly as she sank into sleep. Tory’s dad watched her for a few minutes before answering, “She hasn’t been feeling well for
the past couple of months. Tires easily. She goes to the doctor again next week when we get back. I’m afraid it’s her heart.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tory asked. “I knew she wasn’t feeling well at the wedding, but I didn’t know it had been going on for so long.”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Where my family is concerned, I don’t want to be kept in the dark.”
Her father’s gaze drilled into her. “The same goes for you. Both your mother and I have wondered about this sudden marriage. We get a call one day inviting us to your wedding with no warning that you were even dating someone.”
“I guess we all have our secrets.”
“That’s not what families do.”
Her father pinned her with a probing look as though he could reach into her mind and see all her doubts about a good man marrying someone who might not be able to give him what he deserved. She started to tell her father the reasons behind her marrying Slade, but taking a look at her mother firmed her determination to keep quiet. He had enough to worry about without adding to his problems. All his married life he’d had a deep love for his wife. He wouldn’t understand why she’d married Slade without that same kind of deep love.
The sound of the front door opening and closing alerted Tory to the men’s return. She focused on the entrance, hoping her father didn’t pursue the conversation, especially with Slade in the room.
When he and Brad entered, Tory laughed. “You two look like you wrestled a bear.”
While tucking in his shirt, Slade exchanged a glance with Brad. “Three children who didn’t want to go to bed are worse than a hungry bear.” He ran a hand through his disheveled hair.
“Next time we’ll let you ladies put the little darlings down while Slade and I clean up the kitchen.”
“What took you all so long?” Judy asked, trying to contain her laughter behind her hand.
“First, I had to tell a story, then Slade. Then they wanted us to act our stories out. I’m exhausted.” Brad plopped down onto the couch next to his father-in-law.
“If you think you’re exhausted now, wait until the carnival.” Tory shifted so that Slade could sit on the footrest to the chair she was using.
“So it doesn’t look like there’s any rest and relaxation with this vacation.” Brad took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his brow.
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