She shook so much, she groped for the stuffed chair she knew was behind her and sat before she collapsed. She huddled back against the cushions, seeking some warmth from the cotton fabric.
He took a step toward her. Then another.
“Please. Don’t!”
The words—the same she uttered in her nightmare—halted him. “Why won’t you go home to Dallas?”
Tears flooded her eyes as suddenly as the light had the room only moments before. “I can’t. Too many memories of what happened.”
“What, Tory?”
Through the sheen of tears she stared at him. In her mind she knew she should tell him what happened, but in her heart she couldn’t find the words. She couldn’t bear it if he—
“In God’s eyes we are partners. What affects you affects me.”
Sniffing, she brushed at her tears. “I know. I just have a difficult time talking about it.”
“Did someone hurt you?”
In the depth of his eyes she saw compassion, understanding, and the dam on her memories broke. “I was raped four years ago. I was beaten up and put in the hospital by someone I knew and dated for a month. I never saw it coming until it was too late.” She hunched forward, trying to draw in on herself, wishing she could make herself invisible.
“Where is he now?”
The steel thread in his voice caused her to look up at him. A nerve in his jaw twitched; his pupils were pinpoints. “In prison.”
“Good. You pressed charges?”
She nodded, the pain and humiliation of the trial inundating her all over again. By the time it had been over she’d felt as if she’d been raped a second time but this time in public. After that she’d fled to Oklahoma and had never gone back to Dallas.
“Tory, you did nothing wrong.”
“I went out with him. I thought I liked him. How could I have been so wrong?”
“Some people are quite good at putting up a front for others.”
“Don’t you understand? This makes me doubt my judgment about people.”
“I know. But you must trust me on some level or you wouldn’t have told me. That’s a start.”
“Is it? I don’t know anymore. I’m so tired. I thought the nightmares were over. I hadn’t had one in a long time.”
“Until we had to share a bed?”
“Yes.”
“I will never do anything you don’t want me to.”
“He kept telling me that I wanted it.” The tears returned to blur her vision. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to control her reeling emotions. She’d shed too many tears over that man, lost so much time because of the emotional scars his assault left on her.
“I almost have dinner ready. I was about to stir the soup when I heard you scream.” He picked up his Palm Pilot. “I’m going to gather my things and move them back to the other bedroom now.” When his arms were full of his clothing, he started for the door, saying, “I’ll put these up and get the rest later. Why don’t you come on into the kitchen and eat something?”
Tory drew in a deep breath. “What temperature did you put the soup on?”
“That burnt smell is from the toast for the sandwiches. The toaster was on too high and the first batch came out a little charred.”
“I don’t think that’s it.” She lumbered to her feet. “You put your clothing up while I check the soup.”
Hot soup actually sounded good right now, she thought, walking toward the kitchen. The coldness was still embedded in her bones, and she hoped the soup would warm her up some. When she entered the room, her gaze went immediately to the stove where the contents of the pan were boiling all over the range top. Wisps of smoke drifted upward. She hurried across the kitchen and switched the burner off, shaking her head at the high setting Slade had put the soup on.
“Is the soup ruined?”
She spun about at the sound of his husky voice. “Yes.”
“I knew you would be hungry. I thought high would get the soup done faster.”
“There’s some logic in that thinking, and it would have worked if you had been standing over the pan, watching it.”
“And I would have, but I got sidetracked by a beautiful, caring lady.”
The heat from a blush seared her cheeks. She busied herself by taking the pan to the sink and filling it with warm water. Then she used a sponge to wipe off as much of the burnt soup from the top of the stove as possible, considering the burner was still hot.
“I do appreciate you coming to my rescue.” She sat at the table where the sandwiches were. She picked up the ham and cheese. “I thought you were toasting the bread.”
“I decided against it and went with plain bread.” He slipped into the chair across from her as though he knew instinctively to keep his distance still.
“I’m gonna really have to give you some cooking lessons.”
“That’s okay. There are some things better left to the experts.”
“It’s not difficult.”
“And I believe you, but—” He shrugged as though that gesture said it all.
“But you’d rather not learn.”
“I just feel there are some things in life better off a mystery. Cooking is one of those things for me.”
Tory laughed. “You’re hopeless.”
“I like that.”
“That you’re hopeless?”
“No, your laugh.”
For a long moment her attention was totally focused on him to the exclusion of everything else. He was the one who made her laugh. He was the one who had given her a chance at a family. She owed him and wasn’t sure how in the world to pay him back.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Slade leaned against the railing of the deck, sipping his coffee. The hot summer air was still bearable at seven in the morning. The quiet would soon be disturbed by the sound of a bulldozer preparing the ground for the new indoor riding ring. But for the time being all Slade heard was an occasional bird, and he relished the silence.
Peace. He’d first moved out to the ranch because it had made sense because of Tory’s work with the riding stable. Now he couldn’t think of any other place he’d rather live. The sounds in the country were nature’s sounds. And the best part was he only had to go twenty minutes to town. Not a long commute, and well worth it since Mindy loved living here.
A month had passed since Tory had told him about her past—a month in which he’d tried to court her and alleviate her concerns. In that time he’d realized he wanted their marriage to work on all levels. He was falling in love with her. That realization robbed him of his next breath. After Carol’s death, he hadn’t thought that would be possible. He hadn’t wanted to open himself up to the kind of pain he’d suffered when she’d died. Now he knew it was too late. If Tory and he couldn’t work through their problems, he wouldn’t be able to avoid being hurt.
There were so many times he wanted to hold her, kiss her, and yet he held himself back, remembering that evening a month ago. She’d come unglued when he’d tried to comfort her after the nightmare. The terror on her face had scared him. Thank goodness the man responsible for putting that look on his wife’s face was behind bars.
The bang of the back door alerted him to the fact that Tory had returned from the barn. He turned, fixed a smile of greeting on his face and handed her the cup of coffee he’d poured for her. “Everything okay with the horses?”
“Yes. Gus is worth his weight in gold. I can leave the ranch and not worry about it. I never felt that way before.”
“Well, then maybe we should pay your parents a visit some long weekend.”
She tensed, her hand bringing her cup to her mouth halting in midair. “I’m not ready to do that yet.”
Until she was, he wasn’t sure where their marriage stood. He took a long sip of his lukewarm coffee and saw the apprehension enter Tory’s brown eyes. “Are you sure about Mindy returning to school?” he asked, deciding to change the topic of conversation before Tory retreated. They were good fri
ends, but there still was a part of herself that she kept from him.
“I’m positive. You see how she is at church. She gets along with the other kids. Some of them will be at the same elementary school.”
“But what if—”
She placed two fingers over his lips. “Shh. No buts. She’s talking faster and is getting around well without any help. Right now she’s at the barn talking Gus’s ear off and helping him muck out a stall. I’m impressed with her progress.”
When Tory removed her fingers from his mouth, he missed her touch. “So are her therapists and doctor. She’s come a long way and part of the reason is you.”
“Oh, my, you’re gonna make my head swell if you keep saying things like that.”
“I’m only telling the truth. Your riding program has been great for her. She’s a pro on a horse now and so proud of it. She’s talking about showing horses later down the line.”
“I know. She’s mentioned it to me a few thousand times.”
“That’s my girl. When she gets something in her head, she doesn’t let it go.”
“Which leads me back to the school issue. She wants to go very much. She loves being around people.”
Slade threw up his hand. “Okay. You’ve convinced me. I know when I’m outnumbered.”
“Good, because we need to go to school today and meet her teacher. I have an appointment for us.”
“You do? You were awfully sure of yourself.”
Tory grinned and finally sipped some of her coffee. “I’ve gotten to know you well these past few months. I was pretty sure I could talk you into it since it was so important to Mindy.” One corner of her mouth hitched up even more. “Besides, I could always cancel if I had to.”
“So you had all your bases covered.”
“You know that Mindy will continue to need some special education services for a while?”
“Yes. Is the special education teacher who we’re going to meet?”
“Actually, the woman will be her homeroom teacher. I think the special education teacher will be there, too.”
He filled his lungs with air. “I guess I’m ready for this. Even with her tutor this year, she’s behind.”
“But gaining every day.” She came to him, balancing her mug on the railing. “I promise you this will work. If there’s a problem, we’ll figure it out together.”
He couldn’t resist her nearness. He cupped her face, searching her features he dreamed about at night. “You don’t know how much your support means to me.”
“I could say the same thing. You’ve been more than understanding and I appreciate that, Slade.”
Slowly he bent toward her, giving her plenty of time to pull away. She remained where she was only inches from him, her scent of lilacs mingling with the smells of the outdoors—earth, grass and the roses along the back of the house. He brushed his lips across hers, once, twice. Still she stayed put. That was all the encouragement he needed.
He wound his arms around her and brought her up against him, slanting his mouth over hers. Deepening the kiss, he became lost in her embrace, drowning in sensations he’d thought never to experience again.
When he parted, putting her at arm’s length, he struggled to get his breathing under control. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, too. Pleased by her reaction to his kiss, he smiled, noticing how bright and blue the sky was, not a cloud visible.
“Lately I’ve been thinking, what do you say about adding on to the house?” He retrieved his now-cold coffee from the railing and finished the last few swallows.
“What?”
“Oh, another bedroom and bathroom. Maybe a den and a dining room.”
“That would double the size of the house.”
“Probably. What do you think?”
“We don’t need another bedroom. We have three.”
“But they are small. I was thinking about a master suite.”
Tory’s eyes widened. Her hand shook as she reached for her mug and brought it to her lips.
“I’m being optimistic, Tory. When we share a bedroom, the one you are in now is way too small. And I do believe the day will come when that will happen.” After the kiss they shared, he knew it was only a matter of time. She responded to him. That had to mean something.
“I must admit the house is small. Better suited for one or two people, not three.”
“Or, we could build a new house and leave this one for guests.”
“A new house?” She pondered the concept, her brow creasing. “That might be better than trying to add on to this one.”
“Think about it. In a few months I’ll have more time and could help oversee its construction.”
“Until the indoor riding ring is finished, I wouldn’t want to take on another project.”
“Mom—Dad-dy.”
Mindy’s voice sounded in the house, causing both of them to turn toward the back door. She rushed out onto the deck, dirt smudges on her cheeks, hay in her pigtails and something Slade didn’t even want to know, on her tennis shoes.
“Is it time to go to school?” Mindy came to a halt in front of them.
“If it was, we’d have to wait until you took a shower. No way, young lady, will you go to school looking like that.” Tory’s nose wrinkled. “And smelling like that. What have you been doing? Rolling around in the hay?”
“Help-ing, Gus.”
“I know, but—oh, never mind. Just go in and take a shower. Our appointment is at eight-thirty.”
“Mom—I have—plenty—of time.”
“Scoot.” Tory waved her hands toward the door.
With a pout on her face, Mindy trudged back into the house.
“I’ve noticed she calls you Mom a lot.”
Tory blushed. “I think she’s just trying to get used to it.”
“I don’t think that’s why.”
She slanted a glance toward him, one brow quirked.
“She feels you’re like a mother to her.”
Tory beamed, her dark eyes shining. “And I feel like she’s my daughter.”
“We haven’t talked about having more children. How do you feel about that?”
“I—I—” she swallowed several times “—I’ve always wanted a large family.”
“So have I. Carol couldn’t have any more children after Mindy was born. We wanted more and were thinking of adopting when the accident occurred.”
The color drained from Tory’s face. She twisted away and walked past him to the railing to stare in the distance. When Slade came up to her side, he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was wrestling with something. He waited, wondering if she would trust him with whatever was bothering her. Since she’d told him about the rape, she had opened up more to him. But there was still part of her held in reserve.
“I want children of my own. I just don’t know how long I have. A few years ago the doctor said I would probably have to have a hysterectomy in my not-too-distant future. I have endometriosis and every year it gets worse.”
“I see.”
She spun about. “Do you really understand?”
“I think so. We both want a family, and if we are gonna have that family, it needs to be soon. But you don’t totally trust me yet. You’re still not hundred percent sure about this marriage. Does that about sum it up?”
Tory nodded. “I’m trying. Really, I am.”
The heavy thickness to her voice attested to the truth behind her words. Slade knew when it came to emotions a person couldn’t always control things. He was still working through his own problems concerning the accident and Carol’s death. How could he expect Tory to be over her ordeal and ready to settle down to be his wife in every sense of the word? No matter how much he wished she could get over what happened to her four years ago, it wasn’t going to occur on his timetable, but on hers.
“I know you are, Tory.” He took her hand. “You don’t flinch from my touch or run from me. I believe that’s a good sign.” He forced a lightness into his
voice that he wished he felt.
“It was my lucky day when you brought Mindy out for her riding lesson.” She inched closer, her face tilted up toward his.
Their gaze connected and everything around Slade faded from his awareness except the vibrant woman in front of him. His fingers delved into the rich thickness of her hair, for once loose about her shoulders.
“We—need—to leave.”
Tory jumped back as though caught doing something she shouldn’t have. Her face became scarlet red and she busied herself by gathering up the two mugs and starting for the kitchen. “I need to change shoes and get my purse.”
Slade looked at his daughter. He needed to talk to her about her timing.
* * *
“What are we going to do? We have a whole afternoon to ourselves.” Slade switched on the engine to his car and pulled out of the church’s parking lot.
“And you were worried about Mindy with the other kids.”
“I guess I’ll always worry about her. That’s part of being a father.”
“I have an idea what we can do.”
“Nothing?”
“Nope. That does sound tempting, but I thought we might go for a ride.”
“In the car?”
“No, you know very well I’m talking about riding a horse.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
The laughter in his voice belied his words. She gave him an exasperated look. “I want to ride the new mare on the trail to the pond. Get her used to the terrain.”
“Sure. You just want to see me ride again in all my glory.” Slade came to a four-way stop sign and braked.
“You aren’t bad.”
“Yeah, I guess not. I can stay on the horse—as long as it goes at a sedate pace.”
“So no racing across the meadow?”
“No way. Definitely out of my comfort zone.”
“You know that needs to change. After all, I own a riding stable and you are my husband. People will expect you to know how to ride well.”
His laughter rang in the car. “I hate to be a disappointment to all those people.”
He started to ease out into the intersection when a car to his right sailed through the stop sign without coming to a halt. Slade slammed on his brakes, his eyes round as he watched the young teenager barrel down the road, not pausing in his haste to get wherever he was going.
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