Shannon couldn’t help but smile at his boyish question. “I think it was a draw. Cameron, I realize you’re upset with what happened here, but would you please go downstairs and make some coffee while I have a talk with your father.”
Cameron looked from his mother to Cole then to the bathroom door. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure Mom.”
Cole moved to leave with Cameron, but Shannon reached out her arm and stopped him. “Please stay.”
***
How could he resist the pleading in her eyes and in her voice? He would stay and confront John reasonably this time with words instead of fists. Of course, that all depended on John and if he was capable of being reasonable. Cole didn’t think he could be when it came to Shannon.
Cole finished dressing and sat down in a chair while Shannon dressed quickly before John came out of the bathroom. She sat, back straight as an arrow on the bench at the foot of the bed and waited. When John finally came out of the bathroom, he didn’t look any better than Cole did. In fact he looked worse. Good she thought. John deserved it the way he came barreling in here like a madman. Cole didn’t deserve it though. Anger twisted around inside her stomach, causing it to ache. She reached out and patted the bench beside her. “Come, sit down John and we can talk like the adults we are,” she said as calmly as she could because she refused to have a repeat of what just happened.
John sat down next to her on the bench and exhaled loudly. “I’m sorry I came in here like that. It wasn’t my intentions for things to become physical. But I have something to say to you, and I will only say it once. If you continue seeing…” He glanced in Cole’s direction. “…that man, I will fight for Cameron. I will not tolerate him being around my son.” When Shannon tried to interrupt, he put up his hand. “I told you once before I didn’t want him near Cameron and you ignored me like I had no say, well guess what?” His voice became low, deep and menacing. “I do have a say. A huge say in my son’s life, and you can choose either…” He pointed across the room. “…that man or Cameron.”
Shannon, too shocked to answer right away, sat on the bench while a battle raged out of control inside her. Her throat burned, and tears, against her will, leaked out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks onto her lap. Her trembling hands clasped together and her insides shook like California experiencing an earthquake. A catastrophic earthquake. When had John become such a tyrant? He used to be a practical man and so considerate of others. Oh yeah right, he used to be, about a million years ago during a previous life. Now he was nasty and mean and trying to control her life and make her choose between her son and the man she had come to love. A love that went beyond any other she had ever felt and she would surely wither and die without it. But she would die an even more slow, painful and horrendous death without her son.
She never would have thought John was capable of being so cruel as to try and take Cameron away from her. But she wasn’t so sure anymore. This was a side of him that frightened her. He could persuade a judge to see his side. He had connections with everyone because of his job. She hunched her shoulders in defeat and sobbed into her hands, hoping John suffered tremendously for putting her through this torture.
After a time of complete silence, except for the sound of her crying, Shannon finally looked up to Cole and saw by the expression on his face he knew what her decision was and he understood. He closed his eyes and nodded slightly then got up and went into the bathroom.
***
Once inside the bathroom, Cole slammed the toilet seat closed, sank down on it and breathed deeply, fighting the pain in his chest and the lump in his throat. John was a son of a bitch. How could he treat Shannon like that? How could he play their son against her? Didn’t he know she would choose her son over him? Cole snorted. Yeah, he knew. And that’s why he gave her the ultimatum.
John only saw what he wanted to see when it came to him. He saw in black and white only. What he saw was Cole, a convicted killer and ex-con, on parole for the murder of his wife. And there was nothing gray about it. Shannon, his heart constricted when he thought of her, saw all shades of gray. She saw the good in him and she knew he wasn’t capable of killing anyone. She loved him as he loved her, but he wouldn’t put her in the position of losing her son. He wasn’t a quitter, definitely a fighter, but sometimes the stakes were too damn high. For now, he would step aside. But there would come a time when he and John would have it out, and he would come out the victor then. Shannon was worth too much to him to lose her. His heart was worth too much to be broken for a lifetime. Her heart deserved to be whole. She deserved her lover and her son.
Cole leaned over the sink and splashed icy cold water on his face, wincing at the stinging of his lip, and then stepped out of the bathroom to find Shannon alone, looking out the French doors to the ocean beyond. Her arms were tightly wrapped around herself and she looked defeated. His chest constricted and his legs appeared suddenly void of all strength as he walked up behind her, enveloping her into his arms and burying his head into her hair. He cleared his throat to enable himself to speak. “I’m leaving now,” he said with a quiver to his suddenly hoarse voice. “I love you.”
She pivoted around, put her unsteady hand on his cheek and looked at him with all the anguish of a thousand souls riding on her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she said in a defeated whisper.
He took her hand and kissed the palm. “Don’t be. Your son should be the most important person in your life. I just wish John didn’t see in black and white only.”
She broke down then, clinging to him, sobbing and shaking. He held her until she quieted down, and then he walked out the door with one last look back as he picked up his bag. His insides burned from the spears of a hundred flaming arrows. He ran down the stairs and glanced once at Cameron who sat at the kitchen counter looking stiff and uncomfortable. Cole forced a smile and a wink and he mouthed, “See ya kid.”
He found John standing outside by his rent-a-car. No big surprise there.
“Don’t get your piss in an uproar. I’m leaving.”
John looked at him with eyes blazing. “Stay away from my family.”
Cole couldn’t help the snide remark that came out. “Last I checked, you gave up the right to call Shannon family after your divorce. And by the way, does your current wife know you’re still in love with your ex?”
Before he heard John’s reply, Cole climbed in the car, turned the key and hit the gas. As he headed in the direction of the highway, he decided to drive all the way to Pittsburgh. He needed the feel of the open road to soothe and lick his wounds.
***
After John watched Cole drive away, he reentered Shannon’s house in hopes of making peace with her and his son, whom he knew would also be pissed off at him. But nothing prepared him for Shannon’s words. She stood there, looking like the wrath of hell herself, her hand held out.
“Hand it over.”
John tilted his head as he had no idea what she wanted him to hand over.
“My house key,” she said. “Hand it over.”
“Shannon that’s ridiculous, I’ve always had one of your house keys.”
***
She wasn’t caving on this. She didn’t start the war, he did, and she meant to finish it. “You’re no longer welcome in my home. When you come to pick up Cameron, you will stay outside and beep the horn. I don’t ever want to speak to you or see you again unless it has to do with our son. You ruined our friendship when you barged in here this morning interfering with my life and my happiness.” She tried to keep her voice calm, but it got harder by the second.
“You had no right to do what you did. Cameron and I are perfectly safe with Cole. That’s right. I said his name! Cole Jackson is more of a man than you’ll ever be. He has suffered more than you will ever know because of narrow-minded, self-centered people like yourself and I personally don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I loved you once and continued to love you long after our divorce.” She saw the confusion on h
is face so she clarified. “I loved you as a friend, but it’s over and done with. I’ll never forgive you for making me choose my son over the man I love. How would you feel if I suddenly felt Cheryl wasn’t fit to be around Cameron and made you choose?”
“It’s not the same?” he snapped out.
“The hell it isn’t,” she yelled. “In my eyes and in my heart, Cole has done nothing wrong. So it is the same. Now, I will say it once more. Give me my house key.”
***
Damn her to hell and back for this. John fumbled with his suddenly trembling hands to remove the key from his key ring and reluctantly handed it over. It was not a sign of defeat. He would not give up the battle yet, just put it on hold for now. He stormed out of the house and sat inside his car shaking at the words she’d spoken to him and at the words he remembered Jackson had spoken just as he left.
He scrubbed his hands down his face. Jesus, was Jackson right? Was he still in love with Shannon? Was it okay that he’d gone on with his life, but he didn’t want Shannon to go on with hers? Couldn’t bear to see her in love with someone else? Damn them to hell and back for putting thoughts in his head. He loved his wife, Cheryl, not Shannon. And to prove it he drove home, stopping along the way for flowers, and the minute he stepped inside the door he swept Cheryl off her feet, brought her to their bedroom and locked the door. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her senselessly.
“John, the children,” she reminded him.
“They can wait. I need you.”
***
AJ awoke in a cold sweat from a deep sleep. He rolled over and looked at the clock, four in the morning. He didn’t often dream about Lindsey anymore, but with Cole out of prison and the band back together, AJ’s guilty conscience was getting the best of him. Every time he looked at Cole, guilt and shame churned inside him. Maybe if he’d spoken up about Lindsey’s infidelities with him and the many other lovers she’d had, he could have kept his best friend out of prison.
But he’d been too ashamed to have fallen in love with his best friend’s wife. He and Lindsey had spent two years together, steeling moments of pure carnal pleasure whenever the opportunity presented itself. And it presented itself often, with Cole seemingly uninterested in his own wife. But that didn’t make what he’d done right. What he’d done with Lindsey would never be justified. He’d coveted another man’s wife.
He wanted to tell Cole about his relationship with her. He needed to clear his conscience. He supposed it was selfishness on his part in telling him now, but he had to.
AJ had already checked in at the hotel in Pittsburgh where the band would be staying during their concert tour. He came early. He hadn’t wanted to go home. He had a small condo in Los Angeles but he hadn’t felt like going there, and besides, his real home was in Scotland with his wife Elizabeth and their three children. After Lindsey’s death and Cole had gone to prison, AJ, brokenhearted and dejected went back to his homeland to make a new life for himself. He’d set himself up on a horse farm. Breeding and raising horses had become his life. He’d married Elizabeth Walsh, whom he’d known most of his life. He didn’t truly love her, not with all his heart, but he did love her as much as he was capable of loving anyone after Lindsey.
Elizabeth was kind and she truly loved him. She was easy to be with. He missed her terribly, and he couldn’t wait for the concert tour to end so he could go home to her, his children and their horses. He loved the quiet, hard, busy life of the farm. He had loved the life of a rock-n-roller when he’d been younger, and he was by no means ready to give it up, but he needed his downtime and his family. But before AJ could truly be happy and completely content with his life, he needed to speak with Cole. There were so many things that needed to be said and should have been said ages ago.
***
Cole drove straight through to Pittsburgh from Shannon’s house. And as he drove, his mind engaged in a constant battle with itself about how things were left. He’d let John simmer down a bit, but he had no intentions of letting Shannon slip through his fingers. His heart and soul and every other part of him was now a part of her too. It hurt too damn much to contemplate life without her.
Christ, what had John been thinking barging in on them like a crazed lunatic? He’d upset Shannon and Cameron. Didn’t he care the two of them probably hated his guts right now? Hell, he did. Shannon was an adult, she could handle it, but he didn’t need to alienate his son. Cole ran one hand through his unruly hair, frustrated beyond belief with worry about his life and Shannon’s. Add to that he now worried about John and his relationship with Cameron. John, who didn’t deserve a thought in his head, but somewhere in the back of Cole’s mind, he truly believed John was a decent guy led astray by his emotions.
And since Cole never knew his real father, he hated to see any man, even John, mess up a relationship with his son.
Okay, now that he’d worried about John and Cameron’s problems, he needed to think about his own.
He planned on calling every private detective in the New York area the minute he arrived in Pittsburgh. There had to be something or someone who could help him dig up the past. He realized a lot of time had gone by, but there had to be someone at the hotel who saw something. They probably didn’t even know what they saw was important at the time, but it could lead to Lindsey’s killer without tarnishing her reputation. Even after all this time he still didn’t want her parents and her siblings to know what Lindsey had turned into.
Yeah right, he was desperate and grasping for any tiny crumb. Crumbs that had been examined time and time again and led nowhere. Jesus, he was screwed. And really, why had he kept silent about Lindsey’s affairs? Because his lawyer advised him the prosecution would use the information as motive, which could have led to premeditated murder and a murder one conviction.
His mind drifted back to Cameron. What talent. He wanted to help him and work with him. He believed he needed someone because he could see John being the type of father who built life on reality, not dreams. And it would be a crying shame if he killed Cameron’s dream. Some musicians had the voice, some had the song writing ability and no voice, some wrote the melody and not the words, others wrote the words and nothing else. Cameron had it all and then some. He fit right in the musical world. He had fit right in with BlackJack when he was on stage with them at the Fleet Center.
He had such incredible talent, stage presence and style enough to go a long way in this business. And it would please Cole to no end if he could be a part of his life while it happened. They had clicked which wasn’t easy. Cole didn’t connect with just anyone. In fact, during his whole life there had been few people he could think of he’d connected with enough to call them friends. He’d had Lindsey, AJ, Ted and Brad.
He’d clicked with Jerome. An old man who’d spent most of his life in prison for killing a couple during a home invasion. Cole had looked past his guilt and found a lonely, old man who regretted that one terrible act. They’d bonded during the first six years Cole had spent in prison. Jerome was an uneducated man who had grown up on the streets of Harlem. At the tender young age of eighteen he’d committed such a heinous and unspeakable act of violence, he landed himself in prison for life. He was fifty-two when Cole met him, but he looked about eighty. He’d died during Cole’s seventh year in prison from lung cancer, and Cole missed him terribly during the rest of his time spent behind those concrete walls.
Cole pulled up to the hotel and the first thing he did was hit the suite and play his guitar, which thanks to the equipment manager always arrived before he did. Playing was his life, his love, but it also served as his therapy. And if he ever needed a little therapy, it was now. He was playing and singing the song he and Cameron had written together when AJ came into the suite, took a seat and listened.
When Cole finished playing, AJ spoke, “Wow, it’s great. When did ye write it?”
“Actually, Cameron and I worked on it together. We wrote a few others as well.”
“Aye, it’s good.�
�� AJ smiled. “That kid is something else. He reminds me of ye when ah first met ye.”
AJ got up and walked to the door and locked it. Cole watched with curiosity, wondering what was up. On close inspection, his friend looked restless and tired as though something weighed heavily on his mind.
AJ sat back down again and said, “Cole, there’s something ah want tae tell ye. Way back when Lindsey was alive. “He paused, cleared his throat and lowered his gaze toward the ground. “Ah...um...we...Ah mean Lindsey and me. I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
AJ’s head snapped up, and he looked Cole in the eye inquisitively. After several moments he replied, “Aye, ye knew.”
“Yes, I knew. I was drunk and high a lot but not blind or stupid. I know it went on for over a year.”
“Ah dinnae understand? Why didn’t ye say anything? Did Lindsey know ye knew?”
Cole rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. He was tired and didn’t feel like getting into this now, but he supposed it was long overdue.
“I didn’t say anything because Lindsey and I were...I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Things were weird. When I did find out she was sleeping around, I never touched her again. She must have known I knew, how else to explain my never wanting her.”
“Ah’m sorry,” AJ said softly.
Cole studied his friend. He looked awfully pale and he felt sorry for him. “I know you loved her, but I’m not sure she was capable of love. Maybe she was, but she didn’t know how to be faithful.” Cole’s voice lowered. “Did you know there were others?”
AJ groaned. “Aye, only ah dinnae ken who they were. Well, not entirely true. Ah had my suspicions. What ah dinnae understand is if ye knew she was having affairs, why didn’t ye say something during the trial?”
There were many days when rotting in jail he’d asked himself the same question. “Since the prosecution had no knowledge of it, my lawyer thought it could possibly give them more ammunition to use against me. It could really have gone either way. The jury could’ve sympathized with me for having a cheating wife or they could have condemned me because they finally had their motive and would possibly put me away for murder one. Put me away for life without parole. In the end, however, they hated me anyway and I believe it would have hurt my case even more. Either way, I was doomed.”
BlackJack (A Standish Bay Romance Book 1) Page 12