An Ideal Wife

by Sanjay Grover

  I was calmly hearing everything.

  ‘Earlier it used to be people in my apartment complex. Now even everyone in the shoot was doing the same. Honestly I am getting jealous,’ Sameer continued.

  I just couldn’t control myself any longer.

  ‘Wow man, I am amazed at your double standards.’

  ‘Double standards, what do you mean?’

  ‘Oh wonderful, now it’s my job to remind you that as well.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Think buddy, think,’ I knocked on Sameer’s left temple.

  Sameer kept thinking, looking at the setting Sun and he once again went back into flashback.

  A setting sun painting adorned one of the walls of Sameer’s living room where Sameer and I were talking to each other.

  ‘My second condition is…My wife should not feel jealous of my girl colleagues.’

  ‘It’s a short pitch bouncer for me and all I can do is duck,’ I expressed my helplessness.

  ‘See, in my office there are lot of beautiful girls and I spend lot of time with them till late in the night …… so my wife should not feel jealous about them.’

  ‘Girl without jealousy! I know miracles do happen but here you are asking for much more than a miracle.’

  ‘What are you here for?’ Sameer winked at me.

  I started thinking.

  ‘What happened?’ Sameer inquired curiously.

  ‘I think I need to find someone with a programming error or with a bug which kills the jealousy,’ I spoke innocently and we both started laughing.

  Sameer and I were sitting on a bench near the beach on Sameer’s return from the flashback. Sameer was extremely worried whereas I had a cunning smile on my face.

  ‘You are enjoying my situation, aren’t you?’

  ‘Don’t pin it on me. You got what you wanted,’ I replied in a flash.

  Sameer didn’t like this and just stared at the setting sun.

  ‘Do you know people spend all their lives to find something which they want? And here just look at yourself, you got exactly what you wanted and still you are not happy,’ I tried to console him.

  ‘Stop lecturing me.’

  ‘Okay, as you wish. Just give me 1000 rupees.’

  Sameer looked at me with a ‘what the heck?’ kind of a look.

  ‘I haven’t got even a single passenger all day and then on top of it your constant whining brought me here. How am I going to pay my cab owner? I need to pay 500 rupees to the cab owner and other 500 rupees for this paapi pate. Man, now I understand why you people commit crimes?’ I patted my stomach with a sad face.

  Sameer shook his head in disbelief, took out his wallet from the back pocket of jeans and gave 1000 rupees to me.

  ‘Thanks, I’ll return this money on my next visit.’

  ‘Next visit?’

  ‘Seeing your situation, I am sure I am in Mrityulok for a long haul,’ I winked and left.

  Sameer once again kept looking at the setting sun and sat there for another two hours till he got a call from Payal.

  He picked Payal up from the studio and both went for a nice dinner at the JW Marriott, Juhu. Sameer initially wasn’t very happy about the whole episode but slowly started enjoying Payal’s company. After dinner, both went for a long walk on the beach and this time Sameer found lot more solace. They came back to their apartment around 1am. Payal had a morning shoot so she went to sleep whereas a much-relaxed Sameer decided to spend some time in front of the TV.

  14

  Cheers and cocktails

  Payal got up early in the morning and was pleasantly surprised to see Sameer up too and reading the newspaper. She went up to him and kissed his forehead. Sameer smiled and continued to read the newspaper. Payal brewed two cups of Sameer’s favourite coffee and sat down beside him on the couch.

  ‘Wanna come along for the shoot?’

  ‘Nope, but you get ready, I’ll come down to see you off,’ Sameer replied with a smile.

  After finishing her coffee, Payal went to her bedroom to get ready to leave for the shoot whereas Sameer continued to enjoy the coffee while reading the newspaper. It was all very calm and companionable in the house.

  Payal got ready in an hour and both went down. As they were coming out of the lift Sameer’s cellphone rang. It was Jimmy.

  ‘Yeah Jimmy, just wait a sec.’

  ‘You go ahead, I’ll be right with you,’ Sameer said to Payal and she walked on towards the parking lot.

  ‘Yeah, what were you saying?’ Sameer continued on the phone.

  ‘I hope you remember about Friday’s party?

  ‘Oh shoot.’

  ‘Not again!’

  ‘Chal phone rakh, I’ll ask Payal about it and call you back in 5 minutes to confirm the time for our arrival.’

  ‘Are you sure she’ll be able to come on such a short notice?’

  ‘Are you challenging me?’

  ‘No, was just checking as she is India’s hottest and busiest model.’

  ‘Don’t you know she is my Ideal? You just wait and watch.’

  Sameer disconnected the phone and moved swiftly towards Payal. On the way he saw Sachin (the same kid who wanted to play cricket on his terms) talking to the other kids.

  ‘So, who’s going to bowl at me?’ Sachin asked.

  ‘No one.’

  Sachin was extremely surprised at the answer and so was Sameer.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Sachin asked authoritatively.

  ‘Yes, we are damn sure,’ one of kids replied with greater authority in his voice.

  ‘You know that you guys are not going to get this, right?’ Sachin flashed his cricket kit.

  All kids standing in front of him smiled and parted their ranks to reveal something hidden behind them. It was a cricket kit! Sachin was shocked to say the least.

  ‘We collected pocket money and bought this secondhand kit,’ explained one of the kids.

  Sachin didn’t know how to react to this and just kept looking at them.

  ‘But for old times’ sake, we can allow you to play with us only if you decide to field first and take your batting in the end,’ another kid decided to put the past behind and start afresh.

  Sameer was a little confused to see all this and slowly moved towards Payal.

  ‘Sameer, please hurry, I am getting late for the shoot!’ Payal almost shouted.

  As he reached her side, he was still thinking about Sachin.

  ‘What happened?’

  Sameer came out of his reverie.

  ‘Payal, the office guys have arranged a party for us on this Friday.’

  ‘But I have an important shoot on Friday.’

  Sameer just could not believe his ears.

  ‘They really worked hard for it, can you please adjust?’ Sameer pleaded.

  ‘It’s not possible Sameer.’

  Sameer just kept looking at her.

  ‘Hmmmmmmmmm…………How about next to next Friday?’ she said, checking her schedule on her iPad.

  ‘I have promised them.’

  ‘Sorry darling, I had given these dates a long time ago and you know we both can’t compromise on our careers, right?’

  Sameer wasn’t happy about it but he was as helpless as the kid.

  ‘Sameer, just a request — please check with me before you finalise any other date for the party.’

  Payal kissed Sameer lightly and left. Sameer just kept staring at her car leave. After a while he turned to go back and saw Sachin was sitting on the side, watching the other kids play. Sameer couldn’t comprehend what had hit him and the kid as they both wanted to get things on their terms but just like sand things were slipping from their hands.

  The next few days passed without any more drastic situations in Sameer’s life and he was back at work. Many of his colleagues asked him about his honeymoon but he avoided giving answers by just smiling. This didn’t go down too well with his colleagues but they decided not to dig any further for the time being. Sameer would stra
tegically come in late to work and leave early to avoid any non-work discussions with his colleagues.

  One day, while Sameer was giving the final touches to his presentation for a new client, Jimmy came over to his cabin, pulled up a chair and sat right opposite him. Without uttering a word he just kept looking, which made Sameer quite nervous as he expected a beamer from Jimmy. There was an eerie silence, which was finally broken by Jimmy.

  ‘Didn’t I tell you, you were going to lose the bet?’

  ‘What? I haven’t waged any bet,’ Sameer replied true to his forgetfulness in the face of tension.

  ‘Awesome, now you don’t even remember it!’

  ‘I have a lot to finish today so please don’t beat around the bush and come straight to the point.’

  ‘I am talking about the Ideal Wife bet.’

  ‘Oh that,’ Sameer tried to play it down.

  ‘Haanji sirji.’

  ‘But when did I lose it?’ surprised, Sameer inquired.

  ‘Bhai sahib, when Payal doesn’t even listen to you, then how can she be your ideal wife?’

  ‘Has he spoken to Payal?’ Sameer muttered but quickly recovered.

  ‘Don’t make up stories, Jimmy,’ Sameer hardened his voice.

  ‘I am not making up any stories buddy but aren’t you guys cancelling parties after parties?’

  ‘So?’

  ‘It never happened before your marriage. In fact you were the one who arranged most of the parties,’ Jimmy responded with solid logic on his side.

  ‘Arre, it’s just that we are too tired,’ Sameer tried to cover up.

  ‘It’s been over a month since you returned from your honeymoon,’ Jimmy continued his jibe.

  ‘Let’s cut to the chase, tell me what can I do to prove that she is my ideal wife?’ Sameer was fed up with the discussion, so he wanted to come straight to the point.

  ‘Come for this Friday’s party then.’

  ‘It’s just, it’s just…’ Sameer fumbled.

  ‘Accept your defeat bro; I’ll let you go lightly.’

  Sameer got agitated and picked up his phone to hide his frustration.

  ‘Wait, I’ll just call Payal and make sure we attend Friday’s party.’

  Sameer dialled Payal’s number. She picked up the phone and started talking even before Sameer could say anything to her.

  ‘Glad you called; I was just about to call you. My Friday shoot has been postponed. If you haven’t cancelled then we can certainly attend the party this Friday.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Just gotta run for the next shot, will call later, bye.’

  Payal disconnected the phone. Sameer looked at Jimmy who had no idea that she had already disconnected. Sameer quickly came up with a plan and pretended to speak to Payal.

  ‘No, no, nothing doing…this time you will have to cancel your shoot. I have promised that we are attending Friday’s party, period. We are going and that is that.’

  Sameer banged his phone and looked at Jimmy.

  ‘Friday party is ON.’

  ‘Damn man, my wife would eat me alive if I ever spoke to her like that,’ Jimmy was astonished.

  ‘Just make sure the bet money is ready, buddy,’ Sameer carried on the charade, like this had been a piece of cake, easy-peasy.

  ‘Chal, I will inform everyone that the party is on.’

  Jimmy left Sameer’s cabin shaking his head in disbelief. As soon as he left, Sameer’s cellphone rang and screen displayed ‘Revolver Rani’, his contact name for Payal.

  ‘Oh God, I hope she doesn’t go back on her words,’ Sameer mumbled.

  Sameer looked around to make sure that no one was around him and then he picked up the phone.

  ‘Haanji sarkar, hukum.’

  ‘Make sure you come early today, it’s been few days we haven’t…’ she took a pause.

  ‘What?’ Sameer asked politely.

  ‘You know what!’

  Sameer’s face turned red thinking about the lovemaking ordeal.

  On Friday, Sameer’s colleagues were gathered in a party hall, which was next to their office in Andheri West. Just one look at the guests was enough to convince anyone that Bollywood was the theme of the party. Everyone was dressed depending on the era they chose to represent. No prizes for guessing, Sameer’s fatty boss was in Gabbar Singh attire.

  The DJ was playing songs of different eras to set the mood of the party.

  Gabbar Singh was in full flow and asked Jimmy:

  ‘Arre oh Kaliya, did you remind Sameer to come on time?’

  ‘Jee jee Gabbar, I just spoke to them and they will be here any moment,’ Jimmy replied mimicking Kaliya.

  Gabbar started laughing and everyone joined in the chorus. Right then all the lights of the hall went off except a spotlight at the entry door. After a few seconds, Sameer holding Payal’s hand entered the hall through the same door. Huge cheers and claps welcomed them and the spotlight followed them till they reached the centre of the hall.

  They both were dressed like the mid sixty’s filmy couple of Sunil Dutt and Sadhana. Payal was looking absolutely stunning in Sadhana’s famous hairdo.

  ‘Wow, now I know why you were postponing parties.’ Remarked one of the male colleagues.

  ‘What do you mean?’ inquired a female colleague.

  ‘Man, if had a wife like her, I would never leave my bed.’

  He replied without blinking his eyes, which were fixed on Payal.

  Everyone started laughing including Payal but Sameer reacted as if he hadn’t heard anything.

  Sensing the mood, the DJ played ‘Arri oh jumma, aaj kaa wada hai’ from the film ‘Hum’. Everyone thronged the dancing floor and dragged Payal along. Sameer was amazed to see that the same people, who once forced him to dance, didn’t even bother to ask him today.

  One after another, the DJ continued to play songs on the requests of the guests and it was no surprise that most of the songs were dedicated to Payal. As the party continued, people started getting tired and crashing on the couches lined in the hall.

  After sometime Gabbar Singh, encouraged by the response his office mates were getting from Payal’s friendliness, tried to flirt with her. His wife who was looking at him from a fair distance, signalled him (using her Index finger) to come to her. Like an obedient husband (I guess, Gabbar can’t be an exception either) he walked up to his wife.

  ‘Yes ma’am, what happened?’ he asked even though he knew the answer.

  She just kept looking at him.

  ‘Do you need anything?’ he braved a smile in the face of imminent danger.

  ‘Nothing, was just checking the power of my fingers to see if they still work like they used to work 20 years ago or not.’

  ‘They sure do,’ Gabbar Singh mocked.

  ‘But what were you doing there?’

  ‘I was also just checking my powers, not of my fingers but of something else,’ he winked his left eye and started laughing madly.

  In another section of the party, a waiter came up to Sameer and Payal with drinks on the tray. Sameer picked up his favourite beer (Amstel Light) and asked Payal to pick up whatever she preferred.

  ‘I have never tried hard drinks before,’ Payal explained

  ‘There is always a first time,’ Sameer put his Amstel Light back on the tray and picked up a Scotch for himself. ‘Come on, you can also try something new today.’

  ‘It might not suit me,’ Payal made another attempt at convincing Sameer.

  ‘Don’t worry I am right here with you, jaan. It’s going to be just good fun,’ Sameer didn’t let it go.

  ‘I am not comfortable,’ Payal clearly was uncomfortable with all this pushing.

  Sameer tried to convince her to take just one drink but she didn’t relent. As Sameer looked up he realised Jimmy had overheard their discussion. To make matters worse, Jimmy gave him a thumbs down.

  Sameer’s male ego took over and dictated all his actions at the party thus forward. After a lot of persuasion he fi
nally managed to convince Payal to try at least one drink for his sake. Payal agreed on the condition that Sameer would stay close to her all the time as she was not sure how it was going to affect her. Excited Sameer was too lost in happiness to even pay attention to her condition and just nodded without even hearing.

  Sameer looked around but couldn’t find Jimmy anywhere so he decided to wait for some time. Payal was getting confused as he had literally pleaded with her to take a drink and now he was not even going to the bar counter to get her a drink! After a few minutes, Sameer’s eyes lit up as he saw Jimmy coming to the bar counter.

  Sameer moved with the speed of a hare and reached the bar counter in a flash. On the way to the bar he didn’t even bother to listen to any of his colleagues who were trying to talk to him.

  ‘One mojito, please?’ Sameer made sure to speak a little louder so Jimmy could hear him.

  Jimmy who was looking the other side recognised his voice and turned towards him.

  ‘Mojito!! Are you okay?’ Jimmy’s left hand went over Sameer’s forehead.

  ‘Kyon mujhe kya hua?’

  ‘You and mojito?’

  ‘It’s for Payal, buddy,’ he said with arrogance and a sense of pride in his voice.

  Jimmy couldn’t believe his ears but before he could say anything Sameer took the drink and left with a huge smile on his face thinking about Jimmy’s reaction.

  Contrary to his hare-like speed earlier, he slowly ambled towards Payal to make sure that he spoke with everyone on the way to tacitly convey that Payal was going to drink this mojito.

  Sameer handed the drink to Payal and she took a small sip quite hesitantly. Sameer gestured to her to drink it without any fear and assured her to leave everything to him. After a few sips, Payal started enjoying the drink and asked Sameer to get another one. Sameer was too happy to do it as many times because with every drink he was getting a sadistic pleasure out of Jimmy’s reaction.

  After a few drinks, Payal walked up to the DJ and asked him to play ‘Chikni Chameli, paooa chada ke aaye’. The DJ was more than happy to oblige the guest of honor.

  Payal let her hair loose on the dance floor and danced as if there was no tomorrow. Her dance moves could put Katrina Kaif to shame.