She tried not to think how stressed out she felt during what should have been such a joyful occasion. She vowed she would not ruin Raenell's wedding no matter what. Her friend was already upset about the break up. Like most brides, she wanted everyone around her to be in love and find true happiness with their very own soul mates. Unfortunately, real life didn't always work out that way.
Tori's cheeks hurt from smiling whenever Raenell looked her way; her brain hurt with always trying to act cheerful.
The wedding was scheduled to take place in an older church with a beautiful interior, with the reception hall situated next door. At the wedding rehearsal, Tori braced herself for her first glimpse of Sam since the night he'd kissed her goodbye forever. Entering the church, she quickly scanned the group of people gathered around the minister, noting with relief that Sam hadn't arrived yet. The short respite gave her time to dredge up a little courage for the moment she would see him again.
She set her bag on the back pew and made her way down the aisle toward the minister. Raenell smiled and motioned her over. The side door of the vestibule opened and Joe walked in with Sam by his side. Tori's breath stalled in her lungs and she almost stumbled, but caught herself before falling flat on her face in the middle of the aisle.
Sam's head shot her way and his eyes lasered in on her. For a frozen moment in time, it seemed all the others receded to the background, leaving only Tori and Sam alone, standing across from each other in the wide-open space inside the church.
She grabbed hold of the back of one of the pews to steady herself. Her heartbeat echoed in her head; her surroundings blurred around the edge of her peripheral vision. Was she going to faint? She'd never fainted before in her life. But then again, she'd never loved . . . or lost anyone, either.
Bravely, she continued down the aisle to stand near Raenell. Sam stood with Joe on the bride's other side. Tori angled herself beside her friend so she could steal a glance at Sam. Searing pain sliced through her midsection when she saw the grim look in those dark brown eyes. She quickly stepped back and when Raenell looked at her, Tori shook her head and forced a smile.
How foolish to think she'd adequately prepared herself to see Sam again. Gone were the heat and desire she was accustomed to seeing directed her way; instead, his eyes were cold and withdrawn, flat and impersonal. What had she expected? She'd thrown his love and proposal in his face. She'd broken it off with him; terminated the relationship.
Her choice. Her decision. Had she been insane?
Tori drew in a tremulous breath. The minister's calm voice contrasted with the turbulent thoughts and emotions spinning round and round in her head. Now more than ever, here in this church, she wondered if she'd made the right choice, done the right thing. Would she ever feel normal again?
"Tori? Are you okay?" Raenell took her elbow and walked to the back of the church so they could rehearse the wedding march and ceremony.
"I'm fine," she lied, trying desperately to get hold of her riotous emotions. "Don't worry about me. I'll be all right."
"Okay. If you're sure . . ." Raenell broke away to stand with her father near the back of the church.
No, she wasn't sure at all, Tori thought. How in the world would she manage to get through the whole wedding day tomorrow without succumbing to the surge of emotions roiling inside? Just thinking about it made her heart pound and her stomach tumble.
Thank God, the bachelorette party had been last weekend. No way could Tori have faced the stress and strain of the big day had she been recovering from a hangover and trying to function on only a few hours of sleep.
It would all be stressful enough as it was. Tori prayed she'd have the strength to endure.
***
Saturday dawned sunny and hot. June in Dallas was always a scorcher. Tori showered, dressed and carefully applied makeup. She grabbed her bridesmaid's dress and was out the door in record time. She'd arranged to meet Raenell at the church and help her dress and get ready.
Pure chaos reigned in the bride's dressing room with all of the bridesmaids, Raenell and her mother, her sister and Tori, too. The laughter and excitement of the women proved contagious and went a long way in soothing Tori's nervous jitters about having to be in close proximity to Sam all day.
Finally, the big moment came when they all entered the church and took their assigned places. When it came Tori's turn to walk down the aisle, she gave Raenell one last hug then slowly made her way to the front of the church in time to the organ music. She avoided looking directly at Sam. She couldn't face the cold distance in his eyes again. Not yet.
When she reached the altar, she turned to face the congregation and watched Raenell float up the aisle toward her husband-to-be and a bright happy future. Her friend's beautiful face held such a glow of love and happiness that Tori felt a little stab of jealousy and envy. Once again, the thought that she'd made the wrong decision about Sam surged through her mind.
She couldn't stand it any longer and slanted a glance over at him where he stood next to Joe straight and tall in his black tuxedo. He was so handsome, her heart hurt with her loss. He caught her gaze for a fleeting moment with narrowed eyes and clamped his jaw tight, but he quickly regained his poise and smiled at the bride as she came to stand beside the groom.
The ceremony wasn't long, yet it was moving and powerful. Tori cried a little in happiness for her best friend and a little bit in sorrow for herself and what might have been with Sam.
She braced herself for the walk down the aisle, placing trembling fingers on Sam's arm. When they reached the doors of the church, he couldn't let go of her quickly enough. His rejection almost made her sick to her stomach. Silently, she stood beside him outside the church with the rest of the wedding party, waiting for the bride and groom to emerge.
The doors flew open and the newly married couple burst outside to be greeted with cheers and hugs from the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Sam left Tori's side to offer his congratulations to Joe and Raenell. Tori held back and watched as he slapped his friend on the back and kissed the bride's cheek. He grinned at something Joe said, and she caught a glimpse of the Sam she knew and loved so well. The contrast of moods chilled her to the bone.
She slipped away from the crowd, intent on finding the restroom where she could get hold of her emotions and give herself a pep talk. She'd known the day was going to be tough. She'd thought she'd prepared herself. But her mental preparations were laughable compared to the harsh reality of facing Sam's cold impersonal presence.
Tears welled up in her eyes, and Tori let them fall unheeded. Luckily, the restroom was empty when she pushed through the door. Maybe if she had a good cry, it would relieve some of the stress and pain engulfing her. Her thoughts were so jumbled and confused. All her life she'd known exactly what she wanted. She'd carefully planned how she'd go about making it happen. She'd been focused and on track.
All that had changed when Sam Garza had turned her world upside down.
Had she made the right choice when she'd broken up with him? Was she a fool to choose school and career over the man she loved? And did she really have to choose? If she changed her mind and Sam still wanted her, could she succeed in pursuing her degree while married? Her brain said one thing, her heart another.
Once again, Tori thought how the timing of it all sucked.
She sniffed back the tears and looked in the mirror above the sink. Oh God. She really needed to get her act together. She couldn't have puffy red eyes for Raenell's wedding pictures.
She washed her hands, letting the cool water run through her fingers while she tried to compose herself. No matter what, she had to get through this day. No way could she let Raenell down.
Drying her hands, Tori took a deep breath for courage. She could do this. She only had to be strong for six or seven more hours. When she got home, she could fall to pieces, but for now, she would act her part with a smile for Raenell's sake.
Tossing the paper towel in the garbage, she exited the lavatory on
ly to run smack dab into Sam. She swallowed hard and made as if to walk around him with no more acknowledgement other than a small smile.
"Oh, no you don't. We need to talk." Sam grabbed her elbow and propelled her down the hallway, pushing her into an empty room and closing the door behind them.
Tori jerked her elbow free, trying desperately to still the trembling in her body and the palpitations hammering in her heart. Her courage was hanging by a thread, unraveling at an alarming rate. She would not cry. Not in front of him. Not again.
"I really don't think this is the time or place for us to talk. Now, if you'll excuse me, we have pictures to take." She made for the door.
Sam blocked the way. "At least have the decency to hear me out." He stood like an angry conquistador, tall and dark and deadly. He clasped his arms across his chest, silent for a moment, his teeth clenched, his eyes now burning with fury . . . and desire.
How could she ever have thought them cold?
Tori's traitorous body readily responded to the sexual tension emanating from him. She felt helpless in the face of his potent masculinity.
Oh God. Why did she have to love him so much? Why couldn't she have met him after she'd graduated from A&M? After she'd become a veterinarian?
She couldn't afford to get swept away in the tsunami of emotions she felt for Sam. She was afraid if she gave into temptation, her whole soul and being would be swallowed up and consumed.
Resolutely, she stuffed her feelings and hormones away and lifted her chin. "I don't think there's any more to say." She watched in fascination as his jaw worked and a muscle ticked in his cheek. Adrenalin pumped in her bloodstream like she was facing a dangerous predator. She'd felt this way when she'd first started dating Sam. He was older, more confident, intimidating and big.
Tori licked her dry lips and stood her ground.
Sam closed his eyes on a groan. "Goddamn it, Tori. Don't do that." He pulled her into a rough embrace and kissed her ruthlessly, almost brutally.
Dear God, how she'd missed him. A thrill shot down her spine as he gripped her nape with one hand and splayed the other on her bottom, pushing her body against the rigid length of his. He plunged his tongue into her mouth and ground his arousal against her stomach. Tori's body instinctively readied itself, dampening her panties, begging for fulfillment. She clung to Sam's shoulders, tiptoeing and wiggling, seeking his heat, his touch, his everything.
A rapid knock on the door and a discreet cough drifted through the sensual haze clouding Tori's mind. Her eyes popped open and she peeked around Sam. One of Joe's brothers stood on the threshold.
"Sorry to intrude," he said, "but they're waiting to take pictures. Everyone's looking for you two."
Sam gripped Tori's shoulders and held her gaze. "Thanks, Dominic," he said over his shoulder. "We'll be there in a minute."
"Everything's cool, dude. I wouldn't take much longer than necessary though. Joe's chomping at the bit. He's not real crazy about photo shoots. See you in a few." He withdrew and closed the door softly behind him.
Tori pushed away from Sam, her cheeks burning, her hand automatically smoothing her hair, tamping down any wayward curls. She sucked air into her seriously depleted lungs.
Sam caught hold of her wrist and dragged her close again. He searched her eyes. "We still need to talk and settle a few things."
Tori put her hands on his chest as if to ward him off. "Let's focus on getting through the rest of this day first. We don't want to spoil it for Joe and Raenell."
Sam's expression grew more serious, more intense. "Then let's set aside our differences and spend the time together like we used to . . . as a couple."
Tori shook her head. ""Oh, Sam. I don't know about that."
"For Joe and Raenell. It'll be our special gift to them."
She hesitated. Would it be so terrible to pretend they were still together just for tonight? She searched Sam's face, looking for what, she didn't know. "Okay, we'll do it for Joe and Raenell."
And please God, help her . . . because she was desperately going to need it.
***
Sam hadn't counted on his duties as best man keeping him away from Tori during the first half of the reception. He had to help set up the bar, make sure the band had what they needed, make toasts and mingle with the guests.
It wasn't until they sat down to eat that he could finally be close to her. He couldn't get the kiss they'd shared earlier out of his mind. Although it was a relief to find her as responsive as always, it confused the hell out of him. How could she so lightly dismiss what they had together? How they felt about each other?
A molten anger warred with the heat of desire inside of him. Tori knew he was going through hell with his mom. She'd said she loved him, so why had she abandoned him in his time of need? With Tori by his side, he'd been better able to cope with his mom's illness. With Tori gone, he felt he had no one in the world to help him get through this difficult time.
He still loved her, damnit. He still hungered for her. And that only added fuel to his anger.
He wanted her so badly he ached with it. Crazy thoughts jostled each other in his brain. Maybe if he wooed her back into bed, he could convince her to rethink her decision. Make her admit they belonged together. Make her realize she was his and his alone.
The band began tuning up and one of Raenell's aunts came by the table to remind the bridal party they were expected to dance the opening number. Sam turned to Tori. She sat there looking at him out of those baby blues with a mixture of longing and apprehension.
"It's only a dance, babe. What can it hurt?" It could hurt a lot, Sam thought. Yet he couldn't resist the opportunity to hold the woman he loved in his arms again.
Tori blinked. What could it hurt indeed? She let Sam escort her to the dance floor, where they waited while the bride danced with her father, and the groom danced with his mother.
Why couldn't her relationship with Sam be as simple and straightforward as Raenell and Joe's? The two of them had met, dated, fallen in love and now they were married and beginning their new life together.
When the couples on the floor changed partners, the entire bridal party joined in the dance. Tori couldn't help letting out a sigh of contentment. It was so good to feel Sam's arms around her once more. She loved him so much. She was being torn in two with doubt and the fear that she wouldn't be able to keep to her decision.
Did she have enough willpower to withstand being apart from Sam forever? Did she have the grit, the endurance, to stay the course? And would it really be worth it? She was so miserable. She felt only half-alive without Sam in her life. She knew she'd feel the same if she failed to go to vet school and get her degree. She was being torn in two with her heart and brain clashing in such tormented conflict.
Glancing up, Tori caught Sam's eyes in an all-consuming gaze. He tightened his hold on her as he led them gracefully over the dance floor. "Hey, babe."
His deep warm voice washed over her, making her heart flutter with a longing so intense she trembled in his arms. How she wished they could go back to the way things used to be.
Be strong, Tori. "Hey, yourself," she said softly.
The pupils in his chocolate brown eyes dilated, and he clamped his big hand on the back of her neck, pulling her head close to his chest. His familiar touch shot tingles of awareness through her system. His heart beat strong and steady in her ear. Exhaling a deep breath, Tori gave herself up to the pleasure of dancing with Sam.
Joe and Raenell danced nearby, and Raenell caught Tori's eye, giving her a thumbs up. Tori smiled for her friend. Just for tonight, she would pretend she and Sam were still a happy couple and everything would work out between them. She swallowed painfully and tried not to cry.
Tomorrow would be soon enough to face reality. The reality of leaving Sam behind while she pushed on with her plans and her life.
***
Sam stood next to Tori as the crowd of wedding guests waved goodbye to Joe and Raenell. The happy couple was
on their way to catch a plane to Hawaii where they would spend their honeymoon. The jangle of beer cans tied to the back bumper echoed against the pavement. The fading taillights of Joe's truck disappeared into the dark night.
The last of the guests filed back into the church hall to gather their belongings and head for home. The band had already packed up and left. The overhead lights had been switched on and clean-up duty had begun.
Sam caught Tori's elbow before she reached the door. "We still need to talk, babe. Let's stay out here where we can have a little privacy."
Tori crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself tight. The temperature was in the high eighties, yet she felt chilled and apprehensive of being alone with Sam in the quiet night; afraid she'd lose her resolve and give into the temptation of getting back together with him. She'd tried to enjoy the reception and the pretense of being a loving couple again, but deep in the pit of her stomach, trepidation coiled like a rattlesnake. She didn't know what they'd accomplished with the charade. It had only made everything more difficult, more painful.
And was she a horrible human being, or what? All day long, she'd been almost sick with envy for what Raenell had found with Joe. Her best friend deserved her happiness, but it only emphasized what Tori had lost.
Sam grabbed one of her hands and pulled her to the side of the building. The area was shrouded in darkness; the full moon cast its shimmering light from above.
"I don't think this is a good idea," Tori said. In fact, it had catastrophe written all over it.
"Don't think. Just feel." He pushed her against the wall and covered her mouth with his, plastering his big hard body against her. He ravaged her lips, her cheeks, the hollow of her neck, the sensitive skin behind her ear. Tori felt her nipples bead against the silky fabric of her bridesmaid's dress, as he kissed his way back to her mouth.
The Cowgirl's Secret (The Diamondback Ranch Series #) Page 13