by Judith James
He questioned his own experience for the first time. It had taken strength and courage to survive, to endure, and to protect Jamie. Moreover, he had accomplished things, things to be proud of. He’d educated himself, learned to play music, and he’d taught Jamie, as well. As he tried to see himself through Sarah’s eyes, he realized that at least in part, he was the man she described.
The day was unseasonably warm for April, and he found himself a sheltered cove. Lying blissful in the sun, feeling it caressing his body, he imagined he could feel the earth spinning beneath him. Lost in the sounds of surf, seabirds, and the distant voices of men, he felt a moment’s regret that he was hardly doing his duty to Ross, by the estate, or by his sister. He would make both things right, somehow. He’d often thought of himself as unlucky, but that was starting to change. It seemed he’d been offered a chance to make a life, and given an opportunity to prove himself. What would a gentleman do in this kind of situation? Marry the girl, of course!
Jolted upright with a sudden thrill of alarm, he realized he’d not taken any precautions with Sarah, and he’d been so drunk with love and lust, that he’d not thought to withdraw. She was a lady. She couldn’t be expected to know about such things. He might have left her with child! Hastening back to the manor house, he took the stairs to her room two at a time, and pounded on the door. “Sarah! Open the door.”
She opened the door, astonished. He looked extremely agitated. “Come inside, Gabriel. What’s wrong?”
“I … Sarah, I must tell you that in all the excitement, last night, this morning … I failed to take any precautions. I fear I might have left you with child.”
She blushed crimson. “You needn’t concern yourself, Gabriel. That is most unlikely. I have only just finished my courses.” He looked at her, puzzled. “It is the wrong time of the month,” she explained.
“Ah,” he said, comprehension dawning, “but if we mean to, that is to say, if we happen to do it again, I will try to remember and you must remind me to use more caution.” He thought a moment. “You said it was unlikely, Sarah, but it’s still possible, isn’t it? What if you are with child? My child?”
“Why then I suppose you’d have to marry me,” she said with a teasing smile.
He gave her a boyish grin. “The idea holds a great deal of charm, mignonne. Would you? If I asked?”
“If I found myself with child, you mean?”
“No, if I asked you now, today, would you marry me?”
“If you asked me today, I would tell you to ask me again in a month, when you weren’t so alarmed at the thought of little Gabriel, or Gabrielle, tottering about the halls.”
“And suppose there was no child, a month from now, and still I asked?”
“Then I would tell you yes,” she said without hesitation.
Elated, he picked her up and whirled her around the room before depositing her, laughing, on the bed. He had some doubts. Huntington would be unlikely to grant his permission, and he had no idea how he would support her. He had money, but it was money Ross had given him. It hardly seemed right to use it when he was practically stealing the man’s sister. Sarah had money, but he couldn’t accept that, either.
But there was Davey. His share of the profits from his adventures with Davey was the first money he’d earned doing something he was proud of. Davey had been growing bored lately. He was gripped by wanderlust every spring, and it was past time for him to be on his way. The trade had become so ubiquitous that every man in Cornwall, from the preacher on down, was involved to some extent. Davey spoke often of venturing forth in search of plump and juicy merchant vessels, French ones, overflowing with bounty from Egypt and the Orient. A few such prizes and Gabriel would be able to support Sarah comfortably. Resolutely, pushing all such thoughts aside, he dropped down onto the bed and wrapped her in his arms.
He stopped struggling after that. It was clear that Sarah not only accepted him, she welcomed him in her bed. She’d seen his scars, knew better than most who and what he was, and had decided that he was what she wanted. He had almost proposed, she had almost accepted, and he had every reason to expect that in a month from now, when her pride assured her he acted under no constraint, she would agree to become his wife. They made love often during the soft spring nights, sometimes warm and close in her bed as the breeze fluttered the curtains, sometimes laughing and breathless in hidden coves, and sometimes on her balcony, rocking together on her swing, hands, lips, and hips joining in a mating dance of lust and love.
The next month was idyllic. Ross’s bailiff had things well in hand, and there were no pressing matters with the estate. Released from the restrictions of routine and duty, free to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather, free to enjoy each other, they were inseparable. Sarah watched Gabriel practice, naked to the waist except for his wrist guards, admiring his toned and lithe grace as he practiced with rapier, cutlass, and Spanish steel. They went for picnics, thundered down the beach on horseback, played music, and sang.
Gabriel slept in her bed, deep and sound, for the first time in years, eight, sometimes ten hours a night, as if making up for lost time. When Davey returned, they went to see him, dancing and playing around the campfire on the shore with him and his crew, whirling and twirling and reeling under the stars, like happy children. They didn’t announce their future plans to Davey, having decided to wait and tell Ross first, as was proper, but their intimacy and excitement were obvious, and if Davey had any misgivings, he didn’t let on.
CHAPTER
19
Wearing the shirt she’d claimed from Gabriel, Sarah sat at her desk, trying to gather her thoughts. It was almost June, and the night was fragrant and sultry. Ross would be home soon, bringing Jamie with him. Gabriel seemed to have shaken free from his haunted past, and the last several weeks had been a carefree time in which they’d enjoyed, explored, and delighted one another. They would have to deal with harsh reality soon enough. She loved both her brothers dearly, and didn’t want to see them upset, but Gabriel was her future, and she was not prepared to give him up.
She went looking for him late the next morning, to ask if he wished to accompany her on a picnic to a local ruin. She found him in the library, sitting barefoot, with his shirt open and his feet on the desk. He greeted her with a dazzling smile. Tanned and fit, dark hair tangled about his shoulders, he looked every bit the disreputable pirate. Her pirate, she thought with a grin of satisfaction
He held out his arms and she went to him, allowing him to pull her into his lap. She was wearing a skirt and petticoats today. She had discovered there were unexpected advantages to such garb when one had a lusty lover. She bounced her bottom until she found the most comfortable position, causing him to groan and harden beneath her skirts. As he wrapped his arms around her, she folded hers about his neck, and they joined in a languid kiss. She forgot why she’d come, as he deepened his kiss, drawing her tongue into his mouth. She kissed him back enthusiastically, making soft sounds of satisfaction as her hands roaming happily across his broad chest.
“What the hell!”
Oh, Christ, not like this! Gabriel prayed, as Huntington stalked into the library, rigid and bristling, cold with fury.
“Get out of my chair. Move away from my desk. Get your hands off my sister! NOW, St. Croix!”
Gabriel flushed and stiffened, helping Sarah as she struggled to her feet, before rising himself, taking the time to tuck in his shirt and give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He stepped in front of her, giving her a little privacy to rearrange her hair and clothes. “I apologize, Huntington. I had not meant you to find out this way.” His eyes, wary and guarded, never left Ross’s.
“You apologize for what, St. Croix?” the earl snarled, shaking with anger. “Abusing my trust? Lying to me? Disrespecting my home and my family and treating my sister like a whore? You gave me your word!”
“Ross! That’s not fair! It’s not what you think.”
“Quiet, Sarah! I will deal with you later.”
“I didn’t lie to you, Huntington. What I told you was true at the time, and it’s you who disrespect your sister by speaking that way. If you were any other man, I would kill you for it.”
“And if you haven’t left my home within the hour, I may well kill you.”
Stepping forward, Sarah took Gabriel’s arm and pulled him back before things went too far. “Enough, Ross! Gabriel is my fiancé. We are in love, we wish to be married, and I can assure you that we will be, so you had better get used to it. I will remind you that I am of age, a widow, and a countess in my own right, and I don’t need your, or anyone else’s, permission! If Gabriel leaves here within the hour, be assured that I shall be going with him.”
The room subsided into a stunned silence. Gabriel was as shocked as anyone, but pleased, as well. She’d sprung instantly to his defense, casting her lot irrevocably with his in front of her brother, challenging him to make of it what he would. His troubles might be far from over, but he wasn’t alone with them anymore.
Ross spoke first. “You are being ridiculous, Sarah! How can he marry you? He’s a … well, you know what he is. He has no family and no fortune other than the one I gave him, and believe me, that can be taken away. He doesn’t even have a real name. He’s named after the street that houses the brothel he grew up in, for God’s sake! Remember his background, Sarah. Can you not see he’s cozening you? Marry him and you’ll lose your fortune and your self-respect.”
Gabriel had heard enough. He understood the older man’s anger, but he had a temper of his own, and if he listened to Huntington’s abuse much longer he was likely to say, or do, something that he’d later regret. Tight-lipped and silent, he pulled free of Sarah’s grasp and stalked to the door.
Stricken, Sarah watched him go. Things had been going so well between them, and now this! She turned on her brother in fury. “Ross, you’re a powerful man. I’ve never known you to be vicious before. How could you throw his background, his lack of family or money, in his face like that? It’s appalling! When did you start thinking that such things measured a man’s worth? I’m deeply ashamed of you. I’m going to find him now and I’m going to apologize on behalf of my family, and if you wish us gone from here, tell Simmons to ready my carriage. It is my carriage, you know.” That being said, she stormed from the room.
Sarah had a fair idea of where to find Gabriel. She saddled her black and made her way down the path to the beach, following his trail to the north. He was sitting, hunched on a rock, looking out to sea. Walking up behind him, she squeezed his shoulder and ran her fingers through his hair.
He leaned back into her, and cocked his head sideways. “That went well, don’t you think?” he said, looking up with a grin.
Laughing, she kissed him, relieved and surprised he was taking it so well. “Ross didn’t mean what he said, Gabe. He just needs some time to adjust.”
“Oh, yes, he did,” Gabriel said, with a chuckle. “He meant every word.”
“I confess, I thought you’d be more upset.” She was amazed at his playful mood. It was most unexpected, given the circumstances.
Leaning his head back to rest against her hip, he closed his eyes and turned his face into the sun. “Mmm, I suppose I was upset for a moment or two, but I find myself in too great charity with the world to sustain it. After all”—he opened his eyes, bright with love and laughter, and hauled her down into his lap—”it’s not every day a man gets a proposal of marriage from a desperate, lovesick young lass.”
She giggled and pushed his face away. “Ack! You need to shave.”
He rubbed his nose between her breasts, taking in her scent. Hugging her tight, he kissed her throat and whispered urgently in her ear, “Tell me you meant it, love.”
A huge smile lit her face. “Yes, I meant it.” She kissed his nose. “I meant it.” His eyes. “I meant it.” His lips.
“I won’t let you change your mind, mignonne.”
“I take it then, your answer is yes?”
“I love you dearly, Sarah. I only want what’s best for you, and I’m not at all sure that would be me, but I’m a bloody selfish bastard where you’re concerned, and if you’ll have me, I’ll move heaven and earth to be the man you deserve.”
She laughed with joy. “Well, I feel certain I deserve to keep you after putting up with your foul temper, and fouler language,” she said, giggling as he tickled her with the rough stubble on his chin. “And with your leaving sand and crumbs in my bed, and … mmphhh”—he kissed her soundly—”your stealing my telescope and not putting it away.” He slid down into the sand, tugging her, tripping her, and catching her in his arms as they subsided into a tangle of petticoats and kisses. “Oh, Gabriel, I love you. I love you so much.”
‘’Je t’aime, je t’adore, ma vie, mon âme, mon cœur. He took her there, on the sand, in the lea of the rock, to the sounds of seabirds and the rolling surf breaking against the shore. With the sea lifting her skirts and tugging at his breeches, he entered her, gently, lovingly, moving with the motion of the swell as it rocked and lifted them. Nothing existed but the sun, the surf, and each other.
Much later, they sat in the hot sun, trying to dry their clothing. Gabriel leaned against the big rock, his legs cradling Sarah’s waist, his chest supporting her back, his arms wound tight around her. They delayed their return, enjoying the peace and quiet a while longer, but both of them knew that eventually they had to face the future. Resting his chin on her head, Gabriel finally spoke. “It’s been well over an hour, mignonne. How will your brother kill me, do you think? With a pistol, I expect. I imagine you’d be terribly vexed if I killed him.”
“That’s not funny, Gabriel.”
“No, chère, but it is a problem. You can’t say that he took to the notion very well. I expect I’ll have to leave, and soon.”
“Then I’ll go with you. London, Paris, anywhere, it doesn’t matter.”
He kissed the top of her head and hugged her. “I can’t imagine what I ever did to deserve you, Sarah. You make everything worthwhile. But Ross is right, you know.”
“About what?”
“I have no name to give you, and no fortune beyond what he’s given me.”
“Take one of my names, I have several.”
He smiled. “Ah, well, I’ll not refuse you for lack of a suitable name, but I won’t have you support me.”
“You’re sounding missish again, Gabriel. It doesn’t matter. Why should it?”
“It matters to me, Sarah. I want to support you, to take care of you. I … it’s important to me. I respect your brother and if possible, I want his approval. I don’t want to split you from your family.”
“So … You don’t want to marry me anymore? I’m thoroughly compromised, you know.”
“Of course, I want to marry you, but—”
“But what?” She was beginning to feel annoyed.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Sarah. I want to do it properly. I want to give your brother his money back. I want to prove to him I can take care of you, and I don’t want you to have to choose between us.”
“It’s your money, Gabriel, you’ve earned it.”
“No, Sarah, it’s not, and I didn’t. I never wanted or expected to be paid for helping Jamie. I only accepted because it gave me a reason to leave Madame’s, a reason to go with you. It was an excuse. You know it as well as I. I used to pretend Jamie was my family. When I marry you, he really will be. I can’t accept payment for helping him. It’s never sat well with me … I can’t keep the money, mignonne.”
“Then forget the damn money. I’ve more than enough for both of us. We’ll go somewhere close, Scotland perhaps. Ross will cool down eventually.”
“If we do that, he’ll never believe I didn’t marry you for your fortune. He’ll never accept me. I want to be part of your family, Sarah. I don’t want to destroy it.”
“I see,” she said, and she did. He was a proud man. He didn’t want to be beholden, and he di
dn’t want her life to be diminished in anyway by joining it with his. She thought it a particularly irrational and peculiarly male conceit, but it was common to all the best men she knew. “So what do you have in mind then, Gabe?”
“I’ve been talking to Davey, Sarah. He’s been restless lately. He says the profits he’s making aren’t worth the risks now, with all the customs agents about. He intends to do some privateering. He’s been talking about setting sail for the Mediterranean.”
The excitement in his voice was unmistakable, and her heart seized and stuttered, in her chest. Privateering in the Mediterranean! It was dangerous and he’d be gone a long time, if he made it back at all. Damn Davey to hell, and back!
“He’s offered me lieutenant, Sarah, and a healthy share of any prize we take. A few good prizes, and I’ll be able to take care of you properly, love. I can build you a home with a fine observatory, return your brother his money, and maybe start a small shipping business of my own.”
“It’s a dangerous business, Gabe,” she said, knowing she’d already lost him.
“No, it’s not, chère. These big merchant ships are poorly armed and slow to maneuver. They rarely put up a fight.”
“And they rarely travel unescorted,” she observed dryly.
“You know how careful Davey is, and you’ve traveled aboard L’Espérance. Nothing can catch her.”
“How long have you known about this, Gabriel? Why haven’t you told me before?”
“I’m not telling you about it, I am discussing it with you,” he said carefully. “I’ve made no decision. Davey mentioned it to me weeks ago and I turned him down, but things are different now, mignonne.”
“When will you leave?” she asked dully.
“Sarah, please … I don’t want to upset you. This is only one possible solution to our troubles. If it grieves you this much, I won’t go. We’ll think of some other way.”