“Ten’s good for me.”
I nodded, “me too.”
Shooting Griffin another smile I slipped out the door and back into the hallway. It was nice to know amidst all this, when most people were happy to keep their own heads down and stay out of everything, I had one person willing to be my friend; even if it was the called Prince of Darkness.
There was a voice in the back of my head that was still worried. I couldn’t truly trust Hades not when he was characterized by myth for hating Zeus and everything that was to do with him – including his wife. But I had little options when it came to allies, especially with Charlotte’s latest plot.
I needed to figure out a way to get back at Charlotte for the things she’d said earlier. I also wanted to knock her down a few pegs to remind everyone exactly who was and was not the rightful Queen around here. Charlotte especially had to learn the difference between these two things in the most effective way possible.
But before I got to dealing with and worrying about Charlotte and Hunter I needed to find Aidan. My pride alone desired I tell him what everyone was saying wasn’t true. I also wanted to thank him for standing up for me. It wasn’t much but it was a start, considering he had been adamant from the beginning that he too didn’t like the idea of being told we were supposed to be married now that we were Godly soul mates.
I think a part of me as well wanted to show him who exactly his called girlfriend was, because breaking them up would only be the icing on the cake in my evil plan to bring down Charlotte.
Like a sixth sense my conscience led me back to the penthouse and before long I found myself outside his door, resolution steeling my posture as I knocked. I was still sure this was all a good idea, how wrong I was about to be proven.
Chapter 10
I could tell he had been drinking upon opening the door and smelling the alcohol rolling off him. My eyes ran up the length of his body taking in his unusually disheveled appearance before my eyes settled on his deep blue ones.
For a moment, we stared at each other and it felt almost as though I was having a conversation without him even saying anything. After a moment he stepped back, opening the door for me and I let myself in, taking the door from him as he walked away, and shut it behind us.
“You know, if you go off and sulk like this every time someone threatens to steal your throne you’re probably going to be wasted out of your mind for the rest of eternity.”
“Har har, you’re funny. What do you want?” His tone was cold but it lacked the anger that it had previously bore in the room with Lincoln and Hunter.
I followed him over to the couch and sat down on the arm, looking at him as he took another swig of some caramel colored liquid in his glass. In that precise moment, he looked vulnerable. He was small and defeated; worry creating fine lines in his otherwise perfect skin. Aidan was the kind of man who didn’t like anything to get under his skin. He liked being in control and having the power over situations. Earlier today the startling realization that he didn’t in fact control anything had been made clear to him; this was the consequence.
“Thanks, for earlier.” I finally said with a soft sigh, feeling the resonating sting in my pride. He turned to look at me, his eyes finally taking me in as he usually did before he looked away again.
“That had nothing to do with you, but I can see why you’d think it did. You do tend to think the world revolves around you.” I felt my body tense, ready to react as I usually did when I felt I needed to defend myself. My jaw tightened, as did my fists. I shoved them between my legs to hide them as I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was probably a bit drunk.
“Right… And the whole discussion of the prize had nothing to do with the fact that I’d be the Queen the King would get.”
“You’re not Hera though.”
He said simply, reiterating the words I passionately threw at him many times.
“We both know that’s not true… I might have denied her but she’s always been there… That’s why we have trouble getting along for any longer than ten minutes.”
“Well, if you’re Hera or not,” Aidan said carefully as he rose from his seat, his eyes dragging over me once more, “that doesn’t automatically make you my Queen. I still get to choose who gets the crown on their head and why would I want an attention whore like you?”
The emphasis on the word whore threw me off and I realized then that all the things he’d said in front of people hadn’t been to my defense. He thought they were true. He wanted to defend his own honor because everyone still thought I would be Queen if he were King. My actions were simply a poor reflection on him and he was trying to clear his own name. It had nothing to do with feelings, or caring about me…
I could feel the burn of tears behind my eyes. I felt stupid for not having seen it sooner. But I had resolved to come here and tell him the truth that was what I was going to do.
“You know that’s a lie.”
“I heard it from Hunter himself.” He shrugged, grabbing his bottle and pouring another generous helping into the glass. “Why should I believe you over him? He was detailed…” His eyes fell on me again, scrutinizing my ability to do whatever Hunter had said I’d done. “It was convincing…” He took a deep swig of the alcohol before setting the bottle down and walking past me to his bedroom.
“What did he say I did?” I followed him, the need to know outweighing the need to get out of there and save myself while I still could.
“Some things I have no interest in repeating for you but there were no doubt a candid reflection of all your pent-up daddy issues.” My jaw slacked as I watched him pull his shirt off, working to get his pants off next.
What did he know about my father and any issues I may or may not have with him? He had no right to bring those things up or speculate on them and he certainly had no reason to say something harsh to me.
“I came to say thank you and this is how you react… I can’t imagine what you’re like when someone does something nice for you.” I struggled to remain calm and collected, my voice wavering as something inside of me tried to break free. I didn’t want to give him the pleasure of knowing he had gotten to me but the more he spoke the more I wanted to react.
“I don’t expect anyone will do anything nice for me there’s no need for me to prepare myself for that reaction. Besides, I didn’t do anything you should be thanking me for. No one called you a whore for sleeping with Hunter. And if they did it probably has more to do with how you act. The moment rumors start to spread about you and me? Well, I won’t be swift to defend your honor. I’m not that nice of a guy, even if we don’t sleep together I have a reputation to uphold. I’m not going to stop anyone from thinking I haven’t had a piece of what’s rightfully mine.”
I stared at him in horror, my stomach curling into a tight ball as I began to seethe. What made him think I was “rightfully his”? Even if I was Hera and he was Zeus we were still living in the 21st century and Greek politics aside, I still had the right to choose for myself. He grabbed a new pair of jeans and slipped them on before reaching for a nice dress shirt. He only looked up at me as his hands worked their way upwards along the buttons.
“Why are you still here Savannah?”
It was a good question but I couldn’t move, let alone process anything correctly as his words played on repeat in my head. Every syllable echoing and taunting me, making each time hurt worse than the last. It took more courage than I knew I had to gather myself, preparing to defend myself.
“You know, because someone tells us we’re supposed to be husband and wife someday doesn’t mean you have to let history repeat itself. We didn’t have to play along but we could’ve at least got along. Instead you’d rather be a prick with his head too far up his ass to spot an ally when there was one. But if you feel better off being alone Aidan then good luck. When everyone stabs you in the back I hope you look back on this moment and regret everything.”
It wasn’t the fatal blow I was hopi
ng for, something to make him hurt the way he hurt me, but it was something. I hoped it would be good enough to maybe make him realize that pushing me away wouldn’t be the answer to his problems. Of course, I didn’t exactly know what those problems were.
I knew at the least they had something to do with being here and being told he was now a God whose throne was constantly going to be challenged; that he had a wife he was meant to contend with and be with; that life as he knew it had been predetermined for him. But I also could guess that there was something under the surface that made him deliberately push me away. As if I alone held all the power in the world to hurt him.
I didn’t want to make excuses for him though, because he had chosen to say the things he had and that certainly didn’t make it okay nor did it help to make it hurt less. I’d known all along that he’d hurt me, even if he hadn’t done it in the way I expected.
I turned; ready to leave. I had a date tonight with Griffin who was going to take things like Aidan off my mind, if only for the night. I didn’t need to be here to endure any more abuse from a self-destructive man. He could go down but he wasn’t going to take me with him.
I had stood my ground and not given in when I could of. I hadn’t let myself fall in love with him, had I? But as I made my way to the adjoining door I realized that somehow, in some way, I had fallen for him.
It was stupid. When had he ever given me hope that there might be something between us? Never, was the answer. He only saw me, as he saw every woman in this place, as a conquest. He berated me and embarrassed me more times than Charlotte probably had and yet still I cared for him.
Maybe it was because I’d always been desperate to believe that somewhere out there someone would fall in truly, deeply, madly in love with me the way I would him. And by being Hera and Zeus this might be my chance to have true love. It was a sick, romanticizing of a historically abusive relationship but hadn’t they also loved each other in some way? Couldn’t Aidan and I build from that and have a real relationship?
I shook my head, stopping myself from delving into this any further. Of course not: this wasn’t love, nor was it history repeating itself.
because they had been together in a former life didn’t mean they had to be together in this life. As attracted to him as I was, she was also repulsed by the idea that two thousand years still hadn’t changed him.
Maybe it was best he was pushing us away before we got in too deep. Maybe this would save us the inevitable pain we both expected. “If that little lecture was supposed to scare me and make me rethink my ways, sorry Queenie it didn’t work. I like being alone and having to rely on no one else but myself. It got me far in my old life and it’ll do me fine in this one. No. I won’t be looking back and going ‘gee golly gosh, I should have listened to Savannah she was right after all.’ Besides, why would I want an ally in a woman who can’t even defend herself?”
I stopped in my step, my body tense as though someone were shooting at me.
Turning in place I faced him as he continued, “I fight your battles for you because you’re the one with her head up her ass who can’t even see no one likes her. She’s pathetic and desperate for attention that no one wants to be around her. You’re useless; don’t you know that? Even your Goddess is useless. What is childbirth going to do in a war? Are you going to summon your menstrual cycle to wash out the evil in the world? Hera’s perfect for you because you’re both spineless, obsolete and petulant.”
I tried to tell myself he was drunk, he didn’t know what he was saying. But to prove me wrong he continued viciously and unnecessarily.
“You might not see it but history is repeating itself. Zeus was stuck once with a wife who forced him into marriage when she knew he couldn’t commit. Even now you try to guilt me into befriending you as though that’s going to help your social standing. You’re always needy and desperate for attention. You hate not getting your way, which is no doubt why you crawled here hoping for an ally. Well guess what Savannah, I’m not your friend and I never will be. Stop deluding yourself and open your eyes, Queenie… If you’re the Queen of the Gods start acting like it and stop being the pathetic waste of space you are.”
The words felt like they were never going to stop. Even by the time they did, the tears were steadily flowing down my cheeks. He picked apart my every flaw and laid them out on the table for examination before putting it all back together in the wrong place. I wanted to run, hide and cry until I couldn’t anymore but something inside of me told me to fight back, prove to him I wasn’t spineless and stand up for myself.
I didn’t need him to defend my honor and I didn’t need his partnership. I could do this on my own, I was a Queen in my own right and I had as much claim to that throne as he did.
Sniffing I wiped my cheeks, brushing away the teary trails before staring up at him and steeling my spine.
“Maybe I am desperate for attention sometimes; maybe I do need someone to look at me and tell me I’m beautiful but I do not go out and sleep around with anyone for the sake of that reinforcement. At least I know the value in loyalty instead of leading someone on and letting them trust you while you walk all over them behind their backs. You’re the coward here Aidan, you can’t even be real to a single person and let them in because you have a ‘reputation’ to uphold.
You’re a washed-up twentysomething year old man who did nothing with his life and is painfully aware of it. He buries himself in sex and booze because he thinks he can still get away with it because he’s ‘hot’. But I see you for what you are, you’re the pathetic piece of scum who will never amount to being anything more than what his own father was.”
I didn’t get much chance to say anything after that because something in him snapped and his hand lashed out, grabbing me around the neck and slamming my back into the wall hard stars drifted behind my eyes.
“Don’t you dare tell me I’m like my father. I am nothing like that useless, lecherous waste of space.” My hands clawed at his as I looked up at his face, but the eyes staring back at me no longer belonged to Aidan, the blue was more unnaturally blue than usual and there was a storm in them.
This was Zeus.
And he did not like being put in his place by his wife or by anyone. Something in me told me two could play that game and I suddenly grabbed the hand closed around my throat and twisted it like an expert. He released me with a start and I used the moment of surprise to throw him away like a rag doll across the room.
“But that’s exactly what you’ve become. It’s the tragic Oedipus story starring Aidan Cartwright. You tried hard to fight fate and in the end, it caught up with you, making you exactly what you tried hard not to become. You’re no better than the pathetic man who spawned you and you know it. It’s the only thing you have left driving you to be better but you never will be. You’ll always be a sad little boy who will never, ever be loved.” This time it was me towering over him, a shiver of pleasure coursed through me at the feeling of utter control I was wielding.
“And if you ever touch me like that again I’ll cut both your hands off.”
If he was going to say anything else to me he didn’t get the chance as I turned and made my way to the adjoining door, letting myself back into my own apartment. I slammed the door shut behind me for good measure before all the adrenaline suddenly wore off.
I became distinctly aware of how badly I was shaking and the guilt of all the mean things I’d said swept over me. I couldn’t believe what had come out of my mouth but I could remember saying them all without even the slightest concern for the effect they would have on him.
I touched my mouth in surprise, replaying the moment over again in my head. All I could remember was how much I wanted to make him hurt for all the times he had hurt me. Why had I needed retribution bad? Had that been Hera controlling me?
Sinking to the ground I pressed my back against the wall. Only then could I feel how badly my heart was racing now, how my hands were shaking and my stomach had been reduce
d to nothing but a bundle of nerves. I didn’t mean half the things she had forced me to say, let alone bear any knowledge toward their accuracy.
There was a crash from behind the door and I heard something shatter but I didn’t move, fear gripped me. Obviously wherever Hera had managed to draw those words from they had been the right thing to say, as what Aidan – or was it Zeus – had said to me had had the same reaction. Had we both lost ourselves to our passionate Gods? I could only hope he regretted the things he had said as much as I did.
Pushing myself back onto my feet I went into the kitchen and leant over the counter, bracing myself on its edge while my body continued to convulse lightly. I needed something to steady my nerves if I was going to still go out and meet Griffin tonight. But suddenly it didn’t seem like such a good idea.
As much as I wanted to put all this behind me for one night and forget about it, I was too worked up. I needed to get a grip on myself first before I went out and acted like everything in the last 12 hours hadn’t affected me as much as it had.
Besides, could I see Aidan after everything I had said? I didn’t know if I could face the guilt of it all.
I didn’t even know anything about his father or his family life but something in me had told me to say those things and they had worked. I wasn’t the only one with daddy issues it would appear but I knew how bad it felt to have someone else stir up those feelings. To do that to someone else was cruel and manipulative.
I think Hera knew that. I shuddered to think how she could easily be that way toward someone she was supposed to love.
Thinking about my favorite wine I opened the fridge, which revealed to me an endless supply of bottles. It was exactly the right thing I needed to dive into right now to get myself together and push the events of the last 24 hours away out of my mind completely.
Chapter 11
A couple bottles had turned out to not be enough. By the seventh bottle I wasn’t feeling any pain. I also couldn’t explain to anyone why it had taken seven bottles to get to this point when my normal limit was a bottle and a half on a good night.
Grace of Gods Boxset: Reincarnated Greek Gods YA/NA Series Page 10