“Elle.” My hand reached over and took hers. It was hard to open myself up to her after all the blame I’d held for her only hours ago, but I did. “Talk to me. Don’t shut down now.”
Her hand twitched in mine and I held on, just in case she was thinking of pulling away. Her rejection might have hurt even more than worrying about how I’d done something unforgivable. Jesus, I’d fucked the love of my brother’s life and I didn’t even have the decency to make it good for her. Not really. She may have come, but that was probably more from the remaining drugs that were in her system than anything.
“Do you think your mom would let me stay with her for a while? Until I can get on my feet, that is?”
One breath. Two. I blinked, processing how she wanted to escape me. It drove home, right into the deep black void in my heart. To the space that I reserved for no one. If I had thought I didn’t want her to leave me before, now the decision was cemented in my mind for good. Elle wouldn’t escape my side. I wouldn’t allow it. Not only because of the danger I knew her to be in, but because I’d had her now. I’d crossed the line between what I knew to be decent and what the bastard in me craved. Me, Gaige Sullivan, was slipping back into his dark ways and the lie on the tip of my tongue proved it.
“I’m ordered to protect you, Elle. That’s what my boss and I were discussing earlier when I told him we needed to meet. You’re my responsibility now. Until this matter is resolved, you can’t leave my house.”
“What? But…” Her hand moved a little in mine, but I held on. “How long could that take?”
I licked my lips, keeping my eyes on the road. “A few months. Maybe a year. Maybe longer. It depends.”
“A year?” She did try to pull out then. “I can’t stay with you for a year,” she snapped. “You have your life and I need to start trying to figure out mine.”
I shrugged. “Those are my orders. Sorry, nothing we can do about them. Plus, that’s what the therapist is for. She’ll help you and maybe by the time you’re free, you’ll know what direction you’re headed in.”
The resistance died out and her hand went lax again. “You don’t want this, Gaige. Truthfully, I’m not so sure I do either.”
There it was again. Rejection. I let it sink in and fester around, stinging my insides. The traffic came to a standstill and I let go of our connection as my mind became consumed. This plan was just as wrong as the fucking I’d given her. If she ever found out there was other choices than me, I may have more to lose than a woman I’d only just found again.
Chapter 10
Elle
The walk to the pier wasn’t very long, but my lungs burned from the effort. I hadn’t been out into the public in as long as I could remember and I sure as hell hadn’t walked as far. My side cramped and I held to it, more from the previous beating from Marco, although it wasn’t as bad as the last time.
People were out in droves and I actually took comfort in Gaige’s arm around me. It was all too much and my anxiety was peaking. As long as I kept my focus down and in front of me, I was okay. The hood that rested over my head helped shield me too, and for that I was thankful.
“Almost there, Elle. Just a little further.”
We rounded the corner and passed a few shops. My eyes scanned the large groups, most looking like tourists; others, couples who skimmed through the barrels at the candy store we walked by. As we neared the end, dark curly hair blowing caught my attention. My steps faltered and Gaige slowed for me. Although my eyes were mainly set on Maggie, I saw Stephen notice us first. His focus was on Gaige and he tapped his wife, who turned to look at her son worriedly.
“Mom. Dad.” Gaige let go and hugged them, only to step back.
“What’s going on? His mom glanced down to me, but turned her attention back to Gaige. Then, she did a double take. A gasp was followed by a heart wrenching sound that brought tears to my eyes.
“Oh, Stephen.” Her hand went out to clasp to her husband’s sleeve, but he looked lost as he moved to comfort her. Maggie stepped to the side, her hand reaching toward me. Their distance was obvious. They didn’t appear to be the loving couple I’d remembered. Gaige’s father had deep lines set on his face, his hair now gray. And Maggie…even she looked worn down by the events and time.
“Elle? Is it really you?”
Stephen’s head titled and he shook it as his hand came to his mouth. “Oh, sweet lord. It can’t be.”
Every bit of preparedness couldn’t keep me strong as I looked at them. I’d done this. Maybe not me alone, but I couldn’t stop the guilt that took over every part of me. “I’m so sorry.” I pushed back against Gaige’s arm, even though I didn’t want to leave. He pulled me in closer.
“I’d be in a lot of trouble if anyone knew I brought her to see you, but I had to. You deserve to know she’s alive. What I need to ask both of you is important. I need you to do something for me.”
“Anything,” his mom replied. “But what happened? Elle, where have you been?”
Before I could answer, Gaige beat me to it. “She’s been in Mexico. The man who took her is associated with a long list of crimes, one that happens to be human trafficking. We were lucky to find her.”
“We?” His dad’s eyebrows drew in. “I thought you were an analyst for some firm in Chicago? What is going on?”
“Human trafficking?” his mother whispered. “Oh…Elle.” I was pulled into her arms and Gaige let me go. His voice was deep as he talked to his father, but I knew nothing but the sweet smell of Maggie’s perfume. It reminded me of home. The only home I’d ever really let myself become a part of.
Gaige’s voice rose as he stepped closer to me. “It’s a cover, Dad. That’s all that’s important. Elle knows too much and the man who took her might come back or send someone in his stead. I need you and mom to pack and be at the airport tonight. I’ll call with the details later. You’re going to have to leave for a while. It’s not safe for you to stay at home.”
Maggie held to me tighter, crying even harder. The tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t unlock my arms from around her waist. Even at twenty-six, I still felt just as young as when I’d been taken. The strength from her arms were the only thing keeping me standing.
“I’m so sorry.” The words kept coming and I was powerless at stopping the repeating apology.
“Shh. It’s not your fault.” Her head lifted from my neck. Even slightly shorter than me, she made me feel small.
“We can’t leave,” Stephen said, aghast. “I have to work. Your mother has a job. What are we supposed to do?”
Gaige looked over at me and Maggie and turned back to his dad. “I’ll take care of it. You won’t lose your jobs. They’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”
“And the mortgage?” he asked. “That’s not going to pay itself.”
“Stephen,” Maggie snapped. “Listen to your son. We’re going. End of discussion.”
She turned back to me, her blue eyes bloodshot and pained. The dark curls blew from the gust of wind and she pulled the light brown suede jacket closed. “Did Gaige tell you about your father?”
I nodded, wiping the tears away. “I suspected as much. I think I was shocked more over what happened to Carson.” My throat began to close again making my voice go out toward the end. “I wouldn’t let myself believe. I couldn’t.” The sobs that followed brought me back into Maggie’s arms. She held me until I didn’t think I could cry anymore.
“We all miss him,” she whispered, “but he’s still here in his own way. The fact that you were even found proves that. He’s been watching out for you, Elle, and he brought Gaige in to see you back to us.”
I cautiously looked toward Gaige and the guilt on his face only made me cry harder. There was too much pain…within me and on his face. On his father’s. Even from Maggie, although I couldn’t see it.
“We have to go,” Gaige said, walking over. ‘She’s been out for too long. I just wanted you to know she was okay and things are goin
g to get really bad before they get better, so,” he looked at his dad, “pack up and be on that flight tonight.”
Gaige put his hand out and I turned back to Maggie, throwing my arms around her. “I’ve missed you.”
The embrace was just as tight as the first. “I’ve missed you, too. When this is over, you’ll come back to the house. I have all of your stuff in Carson’s room. It only seemed fitting after your father’s passing. You can come go through it.”
I wiped the tears, pulling back and taking Gaige’s hand. “I will. I promise.” His mom looked up, her eyes welling with tears all over again. “Carson would have wanted you watching out for her. He always did look up to you, Gaige.”
The grip on my hand tightened. “He said as much not long before he passed. But we’ll talk about this another time. We have to go.”
A kiss was placed against my cheek and then Gaige’s and we were suddenly leaving. I didn’t want to go. Didn’t want to leave the pureness of Maggie. Carson held so much of that. It was what drew me to him to begin with.
“Hey.” Gaige’s arm came around me and he leaned his head down to look past the hood. “It’s going to be okay.”
How could he say that after what had happened? I nodded, not wanting to argue. Hell, I’d just had sex with him and regardless of my crying and thoughts of Carson, my body felt ready to go again. What kind of person was I? I hated this—hated how my life had turned out.
The truck was suddenly before us and I climbed in, buckling up. As Gaige got in the driver’s seat, I drifted off into my own thoughts. The city blurred into freeway and then into country. Visions of me and Gaige had me pulling at the jacket and I knew I should have just removed it, but that was one less article of clothing and I couldn’t afford to even attempt the thought. I was done with any sexual feelings toward Gaige. No more.
A beep sounded in the truck and we pulled into the garage. I reached for the clothes, brushing against Gaige’s fingers in the process. As if he burned me, I jerked my hand back.
“Jesus, Elle.” His eyes narrowed, a mix of confusion and concern shadowing his features.
“Thank you for these. I’ll just take them to the room.” I grabbed the bags, fleeing from the truck. The humming was getting worse and I wanted to scream. Why in the hell was this drug lasting so long? Shouldn’t it be out of my system by now? The effects were obviously going away. They were a lot weaker and the timing was spaced out, but still. I wanted this over already.
Cool air hit my face as I burst through the door and headed to my room. The moment I breached the entrance, I dropped the bags on the floor and began stripping off my clothes. I was only able to remove the jacket and shirt before knocking had me pausing.
“Yes?”
“We need to talk about earlier.”
Impatience had me shifting my feet. “Can we do that later? Now’s not a good time.”
The door opened and I froze as his eyes raked over my body.
“Jesus!” I threw up my hands to cover my breasts. “Gaige, I need to be left alone for a little while.”
He shook his head. “If you’re that upset, you need to talk about it. Being alone isn’t going to help anything.”
An aggravated sound pushed past my lips. “No. I just need to be alone. I’m better now. Just…” My hand shooed him away.
“Again?” His head tilted and he was suddenly gone. I blinked hard, wondering if I was missing something.
“Okay,” I said, under my breath. I walked forward, shutting the door. It didn’t take me long to get undressed and I was barely in bed before my door burst open and Gaige was tearing off his shirt.
“Whoa, what the hell are you doing?” I jerked the blanket up, covering myself, but Gaige didn’t seem to notice my uneasiness.
“I had to get these.” Four condom packages fell to the mattress and my eyes jerked up to his. Before I could say anything, his head shook, cutting me off, and he climbed into bed. The warmth of his body enveloped mine and I couldn’t stop myself from shaking. My hand came up and pressed against his chest just as he was leaning forward to kiss me. “You have to go.”
The words were drowned out from his lips. What started out slow and soft, quickly became fevered. Air would barely come and I sucked in deep as he lowered and made a path down the side of my neck. At the graze of his teeth, I moaned, digging my nails into his back. The weight of his cock rubbed along my slit and I couldn’t help but move against the underside of it.
“Gaige, really, we shouldn’t be doing this.”
His head came up. “You’re clear minded even if your body isn’t. Tell me, Elle, if you were to take everyone out of the equation but me and you, would you still want this to happen?”
Was that how he was dealing with this? Ignoring the facts? “Obviously,” I said, “but we both know this isn’t right.”
“You didn’t seem to mind the first time.” His eyes narrowed and his anger filtered through his expression. But even with his tightened jaw, there was something more. Sorrow? Pain? Perhaps both of us longed for some sort of closure or at least comfort from what we’d gone through. I know I did. Imaging him as Carson or even associating the two was hard not to do, but somehow I’d managed.
The rotation of his hips had my eyes growing heavy.
“I want you, Elle, and I know you want me. Let’s leave it at that for now. Looking deeper isn’t going to accomplish anything. Not right now.” His lips brushed against mine and he came up, his eyes searching for my answer. I gave it by arching my hips. The gestured had him moving back to my neck. Down he nibbled, until he was sucking my nipple into his mouth. My cry was met by a small bite into the fleshy part, right next to where he’d just brought me pleasure. Just when I thought he’d move on, his teeth sunk in a little harder. My nails dug into his shoulder and he came up, gasping for air.
Conflict played across his face and I could tell he was holding back. Or at least trying to. He’d said he was going to hurt me the first time and although there was slight pain while he gripped my hair, the experience wasn’t what I had expected. Especially after what he’d done with the crop and flogger.
“Shit.” His hand hovered just to the outside of my face and our eyes never left each other. The touch eased to my cheek and travelled down over my jaw. As it caressed down my neck, I tensed at the slight increase of pressure from his fingers. “Elle?” More uncertainty. What was he looking to do? Choke me? I didn’t understand, but I wanted to.
His grip disappeared and he moved it to my breast, but I didn’t miss his stare going back to my throat. Who was Gaige? My head turned toward the closet where he’d gotten out the X. I’d seen more stuff in there, but I didn’t know what it was Yes, that had to be the real him. The one he was trying to push away. But, what did that entail? I knew some, but was there more?
“Eyes on me. Always on me.” My nipple was rolled between his finger and I arched, pushing down. Small currents of pain appeared from his squeeze and just when I thought it was going to be too much, he eased up. “You’re so beautiful. Do you know that?”
My mouth opened and I suddenly felt like this was going deeper than I was prepared for. Sex was…well, for me, it was sex. But words that stirred emotion during the act? The top of my body shifted on the bed not sure what to say,
“I asked you a question. Do you know how beautiful you are? Really?” At my silence his hand traveled up my thigh, toward my pussy. “God, Elle, I can hardly breathe around you.”
Had Carson seen this? Was that why the popular football player settled for the quiet, geeky girl who lived down the street? Did Marco see it back then, too? Of course he did.
“Off.” I shoved him as hard as I could and managed to slip through and scramble from the bed. He could have stopped me, but he didn’t. “I’m putting my foot down. You won’t have consent from me anymore, so don’t go searching somewhere where it doesn’t lie. I said this was wrong and I mean it. No more, Gaige.” My clothes were at my feet and I reached down, pulling
them on.
“Elle,” he sighed and sat up, reaching for his clothes. “I don’t know what about that upsets you, but—
“Out!” Every fear I had came pouring out with my order and from the flare of his eyes, I knew he picked up on it. I walked backwards, wishing more than anything I had my old room back. Safe. Alone. Yes, I needed that right now. Not this mess I was in.
Gaige pulled on his pants and narrowed his eyes before walking out of the door. Mad, confused, I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to know. The moment I was shut inside, I grabbed the blanket and threw the closet door open. The tiny room was cluttered with benches of all shapes and sizes. Cuffs attached to all of them. I grew wet and couldn’t stand it. A table sat at the back wall and it couldn’t have been more perfect. I weaved through the toys that turned me on and crawled on top, covering up and closing my eyes. The tears came and I openly let them. This was my space now. This little room, just like my old one. No one was going to take it away from me. Not even Gaige.
****
“So he threw you in the back of the van, and then what happened?”
The brunette in front of me lowered her head, continuing to write off and on. It didn’t matter whether I was speaking or not. She was always scribbling with her pen and it made me nervous.
“I fought,” I said, all the emotion gone from my voice. I’d told this story to her so many times since I’d been rescued by Gaige that it felt routine. Five weeks had gone by and my hair was just as dark as the therapist in front of me. Where my eyes were light, hers were a deep brown. She was beautiful and it didn’t surprise me one bit that he somehow knew her.
With doctor visits, bloodwork, dentist appointments, birth control, and even an online college class scheduled for the next few weeks, I’d stayed busy. But not at any of my own doing. Gaige had taken care of it all. And with his boss’s help, Mr. Viceroy, they got me all squared away with a complete make-over. In exchange for my complete story, of course, which supposedly was more than even they knew. Marco still wasn’t in custody, though. With no real evidence aside from my word, no proof had been uncovered. It baffled me, but I didn’t doubt all of that was the first thing he’d taken care of when I disappeared.
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