Gaige

by Alaska Angelini

  “You say fought. Can you elaborate?”

  My finger’s pushed back my dark, shoulder length hair. “Like anyone fights. I did everything I could.”

  Gaige emerged from his room, pausing, half asleep. I knew he tried to stay out of the sessions as much as possible, but apparently he didn’t remember today’s. Not that I expected him to. We hardly ever talked anymore, and it killed me. He gave me my space. Hadn’t even mentioned the closet I had claimed as mine, and I knew he had to have known.

  “How so?”

  “What?” I looked back at her and she peered up from the paper.

  “How did you fight?”

  “Jesus!” I exploded. “I fucking hit, kicked, scratched, tried to claw out his God damn eyes. How does one fight when they’re being kidnapped for fuck’s sake?”

  Gaige’s glass fell from his hand, banging into the bottom of the sink. “Whoa,” he said, turning around. “There’s no reason to get so upset with Patricia. She’s only trying to help.”

  “I’m done with this. I’ve already answered these questions before. Multiple times. I’m fine now.”

  “Elle,” she stood as I did. “You’ve come so far. You really have, but I feel like you’re holding something back.” She looked at Gaige, but came to settle on me. “How are things between the two of you?” Her voice was quiet and she moved over closer. “Is everything okay with your living situation here?”

  “Sure,” I said, shrugging. “It’s just like living alone. I have all the privacy I need. Living as a captive, though, is something I thought I was done with.”

  “A captive?” She began writing again and I clenched my jaw against the action.

  “Yes. I want a normal life. To go back into society. Shop for groceries, go to college. A real college, not online. I want to meet people and—”

  “Out of the question.” Gaige leaned against the counter, drinking out of his new glass of water as he stared in our direction.

  Patricia’s head turned, and her eyes drew in as she only just seemed to realize he was still there. “You’re not supposed to interrupt. You need to leave.”

  I stood straighter at her demand.

  “This is my house,” he said, lowly.

  “And this is my patient. One you asked me to help with. You leave or I will.”

  My head turned back and forth as they threw back jibes. The familiarity was obvious. They not only knew each other, but in my opinion, a little too well.

  “All I was saying was that she couldn’t do it. She’s under protective custody. By me. It’s too dangerous for her to go gallivanting around town so she can have friends.”

  “I could have explained that to her without you butting in.”

  He shrugged and took another drink. “I wanted her to hear it from me.”

  A smile began to form on Patricia’s face, but she stopped it. “You’re trying to get a rise out of her intentionally.” She walked forward. “Tell me, Mr. Sullivan, when was the last time you had a decent conversation with Ms. Tanner?”

  “Cut the last name, bullshit, Patricia. We talked fine at dinner last night.”

  My eyes widened in disbelief. “Don’t lie to her. You told me to pass the salt. I don’t think that counts for conversation.”

  “I do believe I asked for the pepper, too. It was very polite, if you ask me.”

  Patricia laid her clipboard on the bar and turned to the side, looking between us. I felt like I was in a battle of wits contest and I couldn’t stand it. The shrink, the hardass, and the captive. Yes, that’s what it boiled down to. And here we all were, battling each other in a game of who was right and who was wrong.

  “So besides last night, when was the last time either of you engaged the other?”

  I looked over at Gaige and he lowered his head. When it rose, there was that look he wore so well. “I asked her to the movies last week. She declined,” he gritted out. “I thought maybe she’d like to get out of the house, I guess she just doesn’t want to go out with me.”

  Patricia’s attention came back in my direction and I felt put on the spot. She didn’t need to know how much I fought to keep my distance from the one person I craved more than anyone else.

  “I’m done here.” I headed toward my room, shutting the door behind me. Furniture now littered the unused space. A dresser rested to the side and a computer desk along the back wall. I barely used it and my clothes took up space in the dresser, but I hadn’t slept on the bed since Gaige and I had almost had sex again.

  The closet door stood opened and I headed inside, weaving through as I made it to my bed. Books were fitted at the back top shelf and I grabbed one of the novels I’d taken from the bookshelf in the living room. As I flipped it open to the page I’d stopped at, I couldn’t get lost in the worlds I used to escape my reality. The yearning to go back and see Gaige, to talk to him, tell him I was sorry, ate at me. Just like it always did when we crossed paths. I wanted him. But more than that, I missed him.

  Chapter 11

  Gaige

  “Admit it. You’ve fallen for her.”

  Patricia tapped her pen against the counter and I grabbed it, placing it on top of the clipboard.

  “You always did analyze me. Are you done yet?”

  A smile came to her face. “No. Admit it.”

  “You should know better than that. I don’t fall for anyone. I’m…what did you say? Afraid of commitment?”

  “Doesn’t mean you haven’t fallen for Ms. Tanner. I see the way you look at her. Such yearning in your eyes.”

  My face hardened. “Enough, Patricia. I’m really not in the mood.”

  “You’re never in the mood for truths, Gaige. No worries, though. All you have is time.” She looked at her watch. “Speaking of which, I’m running late.” The clipboard was picked up from the bar and she paused in turning around. “Be persistent. She misses you, whether she’ll admit it or not, and she really needs someone. She’s come a long way. Don’t let her progress slip now.”

  I walked her to the door, waving her out. As I sat the alarm, I battled with her words. Elle obviously didn’t want me around. She’d made that perfectly clear weeks ago. Everything was one dismissal after the next. I couldn’t take it. My restraint was constantly tested and I was at my breaking point.

  “Be persistent,” I mocked, as I walked back to the kitchen. “Right. A lot of good that’ll get me.” Hell, if I didn’t think she’d break into a million pieces, I would have snatched her out of that closet and tore into her ass for all the hell she’d put me through. I wanted to, but not in her state of mind. If I so much as complimented her, she exploded or burst into tears. Patricia said she was getting stronger, but how? I sure didn’t see it.

  Again, I repeated the phrase. Patricia was the professional. Did she know something I didn’t?

  “Persistent.” Fuck. I walked to Elle’s room, stopping myself right before I knocked. This was insane. If anything, getting her to spend time with me would make her worse. That was opposite of what I wanted. I turned to head back to the kitchen and stopped at seeing the picture of Carson.

  “He’d want you to take care of her.” My mother’s words echoed in my ears. Yeah, right. He was probably pissed at the damage I’d caused. Nothing about what I’d planned for Elle had come close to happening, which was probably a good thing for her. And for Carson. She wasn’t tortured mentally or physically, like I had intended. Wasn’t falling for me, like I had secretly hoped. Hell, through the midst of it all, I’d turned into some pussy who waited around for her to emerge whenever she felt like it. What the hell had happened to me?

  “Be persistent.”

  I growled and stomped back down the hallway, throwing open the door before I could talk myself out of it. “Elle. Out of the closet and come here.”

  If I saw her on that table one more time, I was going to strap her onto it. The first time I’d discovered where she’d been was the night I’d left the room. I thought she’d somehow escaped outside. I l
ooked everywhere in the house. The closet was the last place. So many emotions hit me at seeing her tiny frame curled into itself, right there of all places. I’d almost woken her up and projected my anger at Marco toward her, but I hadn’t. I left. For the first two weeks, I came back every night just to see that she’d slept in there, too. To say I hated it was an understatement, but she felt safe and that was the important thing,

  “Elle. Out.”

  “I’m reading, Gaige. What is it?”

  “We’re going out. Get dressed.”

  Stirring sounded, followed by her saying, “Ow.”

  “Where are we going?” Her head popped out, but she didn’t move any closer.

  I collapsed to the bed, looking down at it, ideas swarming through my mind. When my eyes rose to meet hers, my darkness had all but taken me over. “I was going to take you to the mall so you could walk around. Socialize with me trailing behind, but if you want to stay here, that’s fine, too.” I laid back, straightening out.

  “What are you doing?”

  She looked at me cautiously as I rolled onto my side. “Nothing, resting in my new bed. I mean, if you’re not going to use, I gladly will. It’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than my own. Plus, I’ll be closer which means you’ll be even safer. It works out perfectly.”

  Elle stepped out, but remained at the far end of the room. “You can’t sleep in here. This is my room.”

  “No, that’s your room. This, is now mine.”

  “Bullshit. You can’t claim my room as yours.”

  Her arms crossed over her chest stubbornly and my eyebrows rose, surprised. Her outbursts were getting out of hand and I was about to put a stop to it.

  “I do believe this is my house. I’ll sleep wherever I damn well please. And, truthfully, if I want you out of that closet, I can make that happen too. You can’t go in there if you can’t get in. So watch the attitude with me.”

  Frustration flashed, but quickly disappeared. “Fine. Sleep there. Doesn’t bother me at all. And yes, I’d like to go to the mall and look around. There are some things I need while I’m out. Thank you for offering.”

  She disappeared again and when she emerged, she had on a jean jacket that fit over the red sundress she wore. With the dark hair it looked great, but I still couldn’t get over the fact that the blonde was gone, or the length. I missed both, but this style was growing on her. And me.

  “That was fast.” I pushed up, following her into the living area. She waited while I slipped on my sneakers and grabbed my flannel and ball cap. As we piled into the truck and headed down the road, I stared into the distance, always anticipating the spot where I’d first had her. Right there on the side of the road. Not the memory I would have chosen, but it had happened and I liked thinking back on it. Elle never seemed to enjoy making the turn just around the bend. She always shifted and would never look over at me. It had hurt the first few times and still did just as much.

  “What do you need to get at the mall?”

  She glanced over, her eyes leaving me just as fast. “The computer you gave me doesn’t have a webcam. I need to get one.”

  “For what?” I snapped.

  Elle continued to stare out the window. “School, it’s a requirement.”

  “Oh.”

  “What did you think I needed it for? To talk to some guy?”

  Well, I had, but she didn’t need to know that. “Of course not. I was just curious.”

  “I met one online, you know. On a reading site. We chat sometimes. He seems like an okay person.”

  My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn’t stop from gripping the steering wheel with everything I had. “You’re talking to someone?” The shock couldn’t be concealed and I ached to pull the truck over and really talk this out.

  She shrugged, her head never moving. “Mostly about books. Sometimes about other things. He asked if I had a picture, but I told him no. He has one on his profile. It seems almost everyone does.”

  “Do you like him? I mean, in any sort of way more than you would like a friend?” Did I want to know the answer? Probably not. I might just fucking lose it if she said the wrong thing. But I pressed on, giving her as much attention as I could while driving.

  Elle’s finger traced along the door, right where the window met. “I’m not sure. I don’t think so. He’s just a friend. Someone to discuss things with. He’s attractive in his own way, I guess, but...” she turned to look at me. Really, turned in her seat and faced in my direction. “Gaige, I…” her hand pushed back her bangs and something I wasn’t sure of made my stomach knot up. She wanted to say something, but what?

  “Tell me, Elle.” I didn’t care if she got upset. I pulled the truck over, not able to break my focus on her. “Don’t stop,” I urged. “Just tell me.” God, if she shut down again, it would kill me.

  “We should keep going.”

  I knew what she was nervous of. Knew what she was fucking pushing away from and I was tired of it.

  “This truck isn’t moving until we have this out. Talk, dammit. Tell me what is wrong with you. Why don’t you talk to me? Why hide in your room? I wanted to be there for you. God, I’ve come to you how many times already? What else do you need from me? Is it that you’re not attracted to me, physically? Sexually? Talk, for fuck’s sake!” My voice roared through, so different than the way I’d started out. But I couldn’t help it. I was lost, being sucked in the undertow of the beauty of Elle. I wanted her in every way there was and she didn’t see that. Or didn’t care, which hurt worse.

  “Is it that I’m not Carson? Is that it? You used me because I was the closest thing you could get to my brother?”

  The slap stung a lot worse than I would have thought coming from someone so small, but I didn’t move. Couldn’t stop the molten lava pouring from my chest as my very soul pleaded for something I couldn’t put into words.

  “How dare you,” she breathed out. “I can’t believe you’d even say something like that.” She flung off her seatbelt and was out the door before I could unbuckle my own. The long golden grass clung to her dress as she walked in the direction of town. It didn’t take long for me to catch up to her.

  “Elle, I’m sorry. I don’t really think that. I’m not sure why I said it.”

  “Because you’re an asshole, that’s why.”

  She kept going and I cut in front of her, stopping her progress.

  “I am. Fuck, I admit it. I’m an asshole and I treated you like shit in the beginning, but I’m over it. I understand now. Come back to the truck with me.”

  Slowly, she shook her head. “Not good enough.”

  My hands itched to grab her and shake the answers out. “Tell me what I need to do. Just,” I clenched my jaw, looking around at the rolling hills as if they held the outcome I wanted, “say what it is that will right this wrong. What can I do to build a friendship with you? To have you sit with me and at least watch TV or discuss your books? Fuck, I’ll take anything if you just give me something to work with.”

  Elle took a step back and to the side, starting to walk again. “We can’t be friends, Gaige. We both know that’s not going to work.”

  I was done being the nice guy. It obviously wasn’t working or getting me any closer to the answers. “Tell me why it won’t.” I spun her around, locking my hands around her biceps. She tried to jerk free, but I didn’t loosen my grip. “Speak,” I yelled, shaking her. “Fucking just say it, Elle. You’re driving me crazy.”

  Those big teal orbs blinked in surprise and when she didn’t say a word, I stole what I wanted. My lips crushed into hers, the fullness urging me to continue. I was met with resistance, her hands pushing into my chest, but I massaged into her harder, trying to get her to submit to me. I felt her walls begin to crumble with a sigh. One of my hands moved from her arm, into her hair, and I clutched to it, giving a hard tug that had her mouth opening with a cry. I took advantage, thrusting my tongue inside. The moan she expelled was so deep that my other hand moved
to the back of the dress. I twisted the material in my hand, bringing her closer. Our tongues met and I felt the ground give way under my feet. Everything vanished except for her taste. The feel of her body against mine.

  I barely remembered walking us back to the passenger side of the truck. The door was open and I laid her on the seat with her dress hiked up to her hips and me fitted between them. Fuck, I couldn’t do her like this again. She deserved better than to get fucked in my truck again. Shit.

  “Let’s go home,” I said, against her lips. “Let’s make this right.”

  She blinked, her eyes going big as she looked up at me. In that moment, I knew the spell was broken. This wouldn’t continue on her part.

  “Elle, don’t.” But she was already pushing back, scrambling out from underneath me. I growled, climbing out and slamming the door. As I walked around and got in the driver’s side, she was already back in her seat. It took everything I had not to slam my fist down on the damn dash. “Where are we going?” The tone couldn’t be hidden. I was pissed. Worn down. Rejected for the trillionth time in a matter of weeks.

  “To the mall,” she said, quietly.

  I threw the truck in drive and fought to keep quiet. She may not want to give in to what she wanted, but it was clear where her feelings rested—with me. So what was keeping her from going after them? Carson? Just the thought had some of my aggravation melting away. Although it was a possibility, I wasn’t so sure.

  The parking lot was crowded and after a few minutes, I managed to find a spot. My gun rested under the seat and I took it out, sliding it in the back of my jeans. Elle waited, knowing the routine. As we got out, I let her walk ahead of me so she felt like she was alone. I’d give her space. It was bad enough she couldn’t leave on her own. This was her chance to pretend, yet I doubted she got much satisfaction from it.